Les Trois Nuits (a.k.a. Philip's Adventures in French)
Well, I had to do it, Jan dared me. And so, here it is, a very small short story regarding the perfume mentioned in the Episode "A Relative Situation", done in Twisted Sister style.
As usual, you all know the copyright mumbo-jumbo, so I'll skip it.
Enjoy!
Surprisingly, when Lee pulled the Corvette up along the sidewalk to drop her off, Amanda saw that every one of the lights were ablaze in the cozy little white Cape Cod that she called home.
She had thanked Lee for a wonderful evening and he, in turn, had thanked her for accompanying him to dinner with his uncle, not once, but twice.
Then, before she had slipped from his car, he had pressed a small wrapped box into her hand, telling her that it was nothing much, just a small token for her assistance in making the past few days with the Colonel bearable.
Then he'd driven off into the night and she made her way inside, praying that she could still salvage the electric bill for the month.
She was greeted to the loud sounds of the television and both her sons and her mother laughing hysterically over something even before she got through the door.
Deciding that she'd lecture them on cutting costs and monthly budgets later, she headed towards the ruckus.
"Hey Mom," greeted Philip, his eyes never leaving the screen.
"Hi Mom," echoed Jamie, a wide smile on his face.
"Hello darling," added her mother, who appeared to be wiping tears from her eyes.
"That funny?" Amanda asked.
"Oh, I wish you could have watched this with us," Dotty chuckled, "but I know how you are with work. By the way, how was your dinner?"
"Oh, you know, business as usual," Amanda said.
Leaving the threesome to watch the television, Amanda went to the kitchen and placed her purse and the small box down upon the counter and poured herself a glass of milk.
Then, as had become habit of late, she sort of became lost in thought as she reflected back on this evening's dinner. As usual, the subject of these little quiet moments centered himself exactly where she wasn't sure that she wanted him to be. Right smack dab in the middle, center stage, and wearing that melt 'em and conquer 'em Stetson smile.
Well, he had melted her, that much was true. Conquered? Well, that was still to be seen and still dependent upon so many things.
And, while she stood there sipping her milk and fantasizing about the conquest, she didn't hear her family join her until Philip's voice broke through the illusions.
"Wow, Mom, what's this?"
It was only then that Amanda realized that she should have tucked the small box into her purse, instead of leaving it out in the open where spying eyes were sure to find it and then inquisition and drill her about it.
"Oh, that was a gift, from my boss," she mumbled.
Before she could even begin to head off the drill team, Dotty had picked it up and admired it.
"Beautiful gold wrapping, expensive?" she asked.
Amanda shrugged.
"I really don't know, I didn't open it."
"Why did your boss give you a gift, it isn't your birthday and it isn't Christmas?" Philip asked.
"Goofus," Jamie poked him. "Is that all your meathead brain can think about is getting gifts?"
"Wormhead dorkaramos," Philip retaliated.
"Wormbrain, dorkamegas," Jamie volleyed.
"Boys," Amanda warned.
Both boys lowered their heads slightly, then looked back up at their mother.
An duet of sorry instantly filled the room.
"If you're done watching television, then I suggest you shut it off, and head up to bed. And, make sure that you turn off some of the lights as you go," Amanda told them.
"But you didn't answer my question," Philip told her.
Oh, he was getting almost as bad as her mother.
"We've been really busy and he wanted to thank me for helping out so much, that's all."
"That's some boss," Philip said. "Are you going to open it?"
"Yes, darling, open it," Dotty said, her eager dark eyes revealing the dying curiosity to know what was in the box.
"Well," Amanda began, wondering if she should or shouldn't.
She didn't get the chance to weigh the decision as Philip picked it up and quite quickly yanked off the gold wrapping before handing it to her, wearing that childish grin that prevented her from scolding him.
"Here, now you can see what it is," he said with a smile.
Amanda looked at the small box and realized that it was perfume.
"Oh, now that's some boss dear," Dotty smiled. "Just exactly what did you do to help him out?"
Amanda looked at her with a slightly shocked expression.
Philip took the box and attempted to read the wording on it. Of course, Philip had never studied French and had no mastery over the pronunciation or translation.
So when he spoke, it sounded like this.
"Lee's troys nuts," he mumbled, wrinkling his nose up as he tried to figure that out.
"I think trois means three," Jamie said.
"Lee's three nuts," Philip shook his head. "Huh?"
Both boys shook their heads, while Dotty stifled back her laughter and Amanda simply tried to keep her expression as neutral as possible.
"Beats me, they never make a woman's perfume that I can pronounce," Philip said. "Dorky name."
"That's because you are a dork," Jamie whispered.
"That's enough," Dotty interrupted. "Bed time, now."
"Yes ma'am," both of them said, the box of perfume being forgotten as they trudged up the steps.
"Very nice gift darling," Dotty said as she headed out of the kitchen to follow the boys upstairs.
"Very expensive, very nice scent, VERY nice boss. I just hope he doesn't really have three nuts."
"Mother!" Amanda shrieked.
Amanda looked down at the box and couldn't help but smile. She could only hope that somewhere in her future she might actually be able to wear it for him and only him.
And, although she didn't know from first hand experience and she might never really know, she was pretty certain that Lee did not have three nuts.
The End