I was hanging out with Ashley. She was pretty. I thought about when I asked her out and she said yes and Jimmy fucked it up. We were hanging out at a park, sitting on the swings, swinging a little. We were both thinking of the same thing. Craig.
"His dad seems nice," she said, kicking her feet in the sandy spot beneath the swing. I shook my head.
"You don't think so?" she said.
"I don't know. Does he seem nice? Yeah, when he wants to get Craig back in his life, sure, he seems nice. But he's not. He's a jerk,"
"How do you know?" she said, trying to peer into my face.
"Because I know," I said, holding onto the chains of the swing, listening to the creak of metal as I twisted it.
"He should give him a chance. People can change," she said, and I was quiet. I didn't know about that. My parents were bums, alcoholics, they hadn't changed, even though me and Tracker took off. All the jerks I've ever known hadn't changed.
"Look, I don't know, Ashley. You didn't know him at the beginning of the year. He was one fucked up kid. We were playing basketball this one time, right? And I just kind of banged into him a little bit, not on purpose or anything, and he freaks out on me. But the thing was, I hurt him because his dad had beat him. Not just hit or slapped or shit like that, beat, and when I banged into him like that it was against his already broken ribs or some shit like that. I mean, you should have seen him that night in the cemetery. No, even before that. He stood on those train tracks and he was gonna let that train hit him. If I hadn't been there…"
I looked down, remembering. I'd never forget. He had scared me. My instinct is to save people, and I guess I saved him. But it was only by luck, sheer luck, that I was there at all.
"That night in the cemetery, when me and Joey went searching for him, he was so screwed up. Talking to his mother's grave, looking like some hunted wild animal. He jumped out of his skin when he saw Joey. You don't know. His dad, I mean, how can you excuse behavior like that? He was chasing after him with a golf club. I heard it on the phone, I heard the panic in his voice. How do you get over that? Did he change? I doubt it. You think it's a good idea for Craig to go back to him? I don't,"
Ashley was thoughtful, I could see the wheels turning. I knew she was lucky. I knew she had parents that kids like me and Craig envied. Parents who had their shit together. Parents who could look beyond themselves and give a shit about you. Parents who didn't drink away and gamble away every paycheck. Parents who didn't hit you with a belt because the dishes weren't done or you were late. So I didn't know who it was that wasn't seeing this clearly. Maybe me, since I had a similar situation to Craig. My parents never hit me, but that hardly mattered. They still let me down. His parents, or his dad I guess, had plenty of money and material things but he let Craig down. So maybe I was biased. Maybe Ashley was because she never had to deal with this in her life.
"Sean, I get that. I know he was hurt, I know he doesn't exactly trust his father. But that doesn't mean he doesn't love him, that doesn't mean his dad can't try to change, to become more of what he should be for Craig. I mean, Craig hasn't lived with him for this whole school year. That's gotta be enough time for him to figure things out, to realize that he'll lose Craig for good if he keeps going on like he had been. Don't you think people can realize things like that?"
She makes a good case, but I didn't know. I supposed it was possible. Not likely, though. Old behaviors are strong, they're like ingrained. A lizard can't change its scales. A skunk can't change its stripe.
This discussion would be coming to an end, since I saw Craig coming toward us. You'd never know his dad had practically tried to kill him, that he'd tried to kill himself. You'd never know. He was cheerful, funny, outgoing, personable. I sometimes wondered how much of it was an act, even now? But I knew he was happier. I knew things were better at Joey's. That was another reason I thought he shouldn't go back. But oh well. Whatever. It wasn't my life. My opinion didn't really matter. All I could do was sit back and watch the play unfold.
"Hey, guys, what's up?" Craig said, and I saw Ashley's eyes light up when he looked at her. They seemed kind of good for each other, actually. It would never work with me and Ash. I don't know if I could go out with such an unbridled optimist. Maybe Craig could, since he liked to pretend everything was okay.