A/N: One of my most well-recieved works, a story with the kids as adults based on my favorite dramatic episode of Family Guy. An important note - yes, it is incredibly unrealistic for all of the kids to grow up and marry within their fourth grade class. The alternative is cheaply introducing a bunch of OC's and God knows I'd be better off blowing my brains out than trying to include OC's in a South Park fanfic. It's also ridiculously heteronormative, but back in 2011 I was a homophobic bastard. If I wrote this today, I promise you it would be much more balanced. It's basically unedited except changing Terrance Mephesto's name to Terrence. Try to enjoy the garbage for what it is~
"And Then There Were Less"
by JVM-SP150
Dearest Friend,
It has been quite a while since I have seen any of you. It is nearly impossible to believe the fourth grade was twenty years ago now... I have seen a few of you since then and rarely on the best of terms. As school and life passed by I allowed myself to be blinded and betrayed the trust of many of you. I've stepped on a lot of people to keep my family on top around here. I have no excuse for such outrageous behavior besides simply that I was young and stupid. I did not understand how much control money has on people's lives when they do not have it. I did not understand what it was like to be of a lower class. I thought all that mattered was money and that money lead to happiness. Needless to say, I was incorrect.
This letter would be too long if I listed all of my offenses, or my actions, but what lead to my reformation was three years ago when I ran into my ex-girlfriend Heidi Elizabeth Turner. We dated for a brief period at the end of High School, but our relationship died young. Although I was not troubled - alas, I was perfectly fine with the outcome, when we met again I noticed how she had changed. No longer was she the arrogant, selfish girl I had known - no she had fallen into hard times and reformed her ways. She was kind, and sweet. To my surprise as I pursued her, she changed me as well and lead me to become better. And that, friends, is why I would like to attone for my sins toward all of you over the years.
I own a rather luxurious mansion located on a small island off the coast of California, with more than enough rooms to house each of you. I would like to invite each and everyone of you and your families to this mansion for the weekend of March 25-27th, 2011 to attend a banquet dinner in the honor of each of you. It's the least I can do with my wealth to make up to each of you the ways I've nearly ruined and destroyed your lives.
Your's Truly,
Token Richard Black