Author's note: I know I'm sorry I haven't updated Litchfield's Market in a (long) while, and I'm sorry! I've honestly been busy, and going through some tough times. And I got the idea of this story and I just had to write it out. It's going to be a rather dark, angsty one shot based on Alex's POV. Not really Vauseman, but more on Alex's feelings on her dad and meeting him. I will updated Litchfield's market soon though.
DIsclaimer: I don't own any of the characters of this story.
Italics are also flashbacks if you get confused...
One Cold Night.
Alex sat there on her porch, cigarette in one hand, and a glass of whiskey on the rocks in the other. She couldn't tell if it was smoke leaving her lungs, or her breathe in the freezing temperatures. She takes a drink, letting the bitter taste burn her throat as she sipped on it. Another drag of a cigarette follows shortly after.
Sitting quietly, she is trying to decide if the stuff she's pushed for the last 5 years onto the unsuspecting populace is worth leaving her peaceful state. Of course, it offers a completely different peaceful state. It's a go.
Alex grabs the prescription bottle that doesn't ahve her name on it, or anyone's name at all, and opens it. The baggy inside contains her hidden stash of her product she uses for personal use. It isn't very often. Well, it didn't used to be. Now it's an alsmot every day occurance. Taking out the baggy, she boils it on a spoon and ties her arm just above the elbow with a rubber band like tie. The vein starts to show.
At first the needles used to scare her, so she would stick with the original route through the nasal passages. But it didn't hit her as hard after awhile. Clarissa, a mule she recruited shortly after the hardest time in her life, had shown her the bliss of the needle method.
Once she filled her vein until she thought it would burst, she withdrew the needle slowly and put it on the coffee table. She lights another cigarette and takes another sip and waits for bliss to take her away again. And slowly, oh so lovingly slow, she can feel the weight of her pain and thoughts being lifted off of her shoulders. She closes her eyes jsut for a second.
At five years old, she understands how hard her mom has to work just to take care of her. The biggest reason being she was at work all the times. She was asleep whenever she was at home. She knows how much her mom loves her. She wouldn't work this hard if she didn't, she was sure. Still, she would gladly give up the single doll her mom have gotten her for christmas, or " Santa" had gotten her as her mom told her, for a full single day with her mother. Alex knew the truth though. She had snooped around and gotten into the closet her mother absolutley banned her from. Under the care of her Aunt, her mom's eldest sister, she was still basically on her own. Aunt Delilah was usually drinking, or drunk already, so it wasn't like she noticed.
Sometimes her Aunt Deliliah brought over her cousins when she had them on her weekends they were with her. They were a few years older than Alex, and spent most of the time with thier dad. Something they loved to point out. Whenever they played "House" she always had to be the kid, becuase according to them, that was the only time she had a "dad." She preferred her books over her cousins after awhile.
Opening her eyes again, she looks at her burnt out cigarette. She can feel the full affect of the drug hitting her head. She lights another and takes a drag and another drink. Smoke leaves her nostrils and she blows the rest out of her mouth. The clock rings eight times. Yet, there's nowhere she'd rather be at the moment. And it's not like anyone is going to call unless it pertained to work. Alex inhales once more and her eyes droop off again.
She's nine when she throws the Bobo's out the window, after Jessica wedge had made fun of them. Her mom is still working three jobs, but at the moment she doesn't care. All she wants is to be is like the other girls. If her mom is working all these hours, shouldn't they have more money? Tears fill her green eyes and guilt fills her heart when her mom watches in horror when she throw's the Bobo's out the window. Never had she ever been so ungrateful.
Remember who your dad is! Her mom tells her. Tell them your dad is a rock god of one of the greatest rock bands that ever existed! Her mom reminds her. But if he's so great, why aren't they rich like the rockstars on MTV? Why isn't he here to help her prove her lineage? Always the same questions, and never any answers. She'll have her answers one day she vows then and there.
Hearing the clock ringing, nine times this time, her eyes once again flutter open. She looks at her position on the couchand vageuly wonders how she had switched ends. She could have sworn she had been laying on the opposite arm rest.
Alex sits up and take the rubber band, needle and spoon again. It's worn off already and already she misses it's bliss. It's not like she can't get more. Plus she's off tomorrow. A little more won't hurt. It will help her sleep better if anything. So she repeats the ritual to rediscover that temporary bliss once again.
She starts to read the book she's been trying to read for months now. Which is proving hard when she usually passes out after just a bit. The dedication just isn't there anymore. Is there any dedication to anything in her life anymore besides her job? Not really. There's not really any point to be after SHE had left. After they both had left. She reads through the the first paragraphs just fine. And as expected, her eyes fall closed and her head to the side.
It's her first day of middle school, and already at 11, Alex is taller than most of the girls and boys at her school. Which of course doesn't help her form being bullied. Her height doesn't scare away anyone besides boys. Which for some reason she isn't really caring about. Alex just doesn't see what's so great about them. Her mom told her to wait a few years, and then she wouldn't be able to shut up about boys. Somehow, she doubted that.
Adjusting her glasses, Alex opens her locker to get out her geology book for her next period class. And before she can comprehend what is going on, she's being shoved inside said locker, and her world is dark. Outside she can hear the laughter of her classmates. Even freakishly tall, she can still fit inside these damn things. One day she'll be too big to be able to fit. She hoped. Tears stream down her face because she knows there's nothing she can do. If she tells a teacher, they'll tell her mom. And she really doesn't want to switch schools yet again. Moving is too hard on her mom. And she actually made one friend here at this school.
Maybe if she had had a dad, this would stop. Maybe that's what dad's did. Stopped people from hurting their little girl's. Maybe, just maybe, she could be happy, and not feel this torment anymore. She hopes she can meet her dad to find out one day.
Alex jumps awake at the sound of an engine backfiring in the alley behind her apartment complex. Or maybe it was down the street. She's too groggy to tell. The clock rings twelve times this time. She gets up and goes to the backdoor, opening it. A breeze hits her cheek, and it points out that it is a little damp. Bringing her hand up to her right cheek, she indeed finds it to be wet.
Moving to her kitchen, she grabs the bottle of Jameson and opens it, not even bothering to pour it into a glass. She brings it to her lips and downs half of it in three gulps. The burn is almost pleasureable. It still makes her wince though. Slamming the bottle on the counter, Alex retreats back to the couch and grabs the spoon and syringe once again. She's never done it three times in one night, but tonight she just needs to forget. Tonight she needs not to feel. Tonight, it's colder in more ways than one.
Almost immediately after the routine ritual, she lays back and lights another cigarette. Even inhaling nicotine helps calm her nerves and makes her forget just a little bit more. This, plus the alcohol and drugs in her system, bliss quickly takes the place of the pain. Oh how sweet it is. She puts the cigarette in her lips again and her face falls to the side.
At 18, she's finally ready. She's finally found an excuse and an opportunity to turn a legend into a reality. Her walls have adourned Death Maiden's poster's, and her walkman thier albums she always plays on repeat. After years of her mom telling her to be proud of where she came from, it finally got into her head. She was the daughter of a rock legend. She was about to make that rock legend proud. She was about to see her dad for the first time in her life.
When she shows up to the venure, she surely expected a much better turn out then the 50 or so people. And she definitley didn't think they woujld be playing in a basement. Maybe this was some kind of underground concert nobody really knew about. It was her first concert after all.
She didn't tell her mom where she was going. Her mom was working anyway, so it's not like she could really stop Alex. Long gone were the years of abuse form her peers. Long gone were the years of fear. She had just graduated, and and fully come into herself. THe boys AND girls had wanted her. Wanted to BE her. Oh, the irony. And finally she was going to meet the reason she had the pride and couldn't wait. Tonight her life would turn around.
The show had been rather sad, but that still didn't deter her from her mission. After explaining who she was to the manager, he had let her back stage. His face was almost empathetic, for a reason that she couldn't figure out. Oh well, she had more important matters to attend to. This was the moment she had been preparing herself for the last nine years for.
When she opened the door, she saw a group of people who obviously had no idea what was going on around them, just what was goign on inside them. Needles, ashtrays, beer bottles and cans littered the entire room. And an elderly gentleman looked up in slight horror like he had been caught.
She quickly asked for Lee Burley, who turned out to be the old man, and explained who she was. The next few minutes went from heaven to hell in a matter of a few words. Her rack. Of all the god damn things he could have said, he commented on her rack. Her world, her dreams, and everything she had worked so hard for, falls apart. She quickly learns not all Dad's protect their daughters. She quickly runs to the nearest bathroom, trying not to cry while she hears his cohorts laughing at his stupidity.
Someone follows her to the restroom, and she finds him waiting outside when she exits the room. He looks concerned, and asks if she was okay. She tells him no. He offers her drugs. Yeah right, her mom would kill her. He tells her why he is with this crowd. And suddenly the future gets a bit brighter.
But still the only thing she can think is how her mom had lied to her about her dad's existance and truth. The only thing she can feel is the pain of betryal from the very ones that were supposed to protect her. She loves her mom, but she wished she had known the truth. Then maybe she wouldn't be feeling what she was feeling right this minute. It gets colder, and she lights a cigarette still fighting the tears while this guy, Fahri, tells her of a possible future.
Piper is racking her brain on why this is such a stupid idea. It had been 8 months to the day since she had left. 8 months since she brought her own world crashing down. She had legit reasons to do what she did, but the way it happened was too much. And the last 8 months had been nothing but hell.
Piper grabs a taxi and tells the driver her old address she shared with the women she loved and left. She is almost sure Alex still lives there. SHe bought the place with cash, so the liekly hood of her moving was slim. The drive seems to take forever. THe driver is talking to her, and she never responds. Only continues to not talk herself out of this. She had to see if Alex still loved her. Or at least get closure before Polly dragged her ass back to that therapist.
Turning the corner onto the familiar corner on the street she'd once resided on, she noticed a ton of fire trucks, blinding red and blue lights, and a blaze comsuming her old building. The world suddenly slows down. Piper jumps from the cab before the cab has a chance to fully stop, and she runs towards to burning building. Two officers grab her, yelling something at her she can't understand right now. The only thing she can see is firefighters bringing out a single body underneath a white sheet. Long black hair with blue tips fall out of the white sheet, and Piper's world stops.
The officers threaten her with arrest if she didn't cooperate, but all she can do is yell for Alex. But Alex cannot hear her. Alex cannot hear anything anymore. Not even the one thing she had come to tell her. That she loved her.
Piper was too late.
"It looks like the cause of the fire was a cigarette..." A fireman told another.
Author's note: Okay, so that got a little darker than I orignally planned... but it's what it is. I had the Song "Disgrace" by Sevendust (acoustic version) on repeat the entire time because it fit the mood and setting I guess of the flash backs and Alex's frame of mind. If you want to hear it, it's on their CD Southside Double Wide Acoustic. LIsten. Great ALbum. Hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did writing it! And the other story ill be up in the next few days.