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This is meant to be funny so please let me know what you thought. If at the end you have questions than hopefully taking a look at my profile will help because it's not really about me it's about...well you can just look it up :P I'm mean I know! But seriously let me know what you think, enjoy!
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Director Fury got up early as usual, showered, dressed, ate, then went to his office. He was going over some 'official letters' sent to him by the FBI, Homeland Security, CIA, D.O.D., and Congress, he felt like lighting them all on fire, when there was a knock on the door.
"Come in." He said gruffly looking up.
It was Maria, she stepped in half-way. "Sir," She looked uncertain. "There's a package here for you." He set the papers down and immediately a list of names and motives ran threw his mind about all his enemies who would try and attack him by sending a package to the heli-carrier. He sighed. "Alright, take me to it."
Maria led him outside to where the quin-jets were. There, sitting in the middle of the space, was a 3 by 3 foot brown box, not only that, but a Liberty Bell stamp was placed and it was literally addresses to a Nick Fury. SHEILD agents in radio-active suits were doing several scans on it. Director Fury stared for a moment before looking at Maria. She took her cue, "When the pilots came out they found it and sent the alert. We triple checked all security systems and the cameras. Nothing showed up."
"So a package, materialized out of nowhere. Stamped. And addressed to me, and we have no idea how it got here?"
She steeled herself before saying "It appears so, we'll take it to a laboratory so more tests can be run on it and we'll be able to get an X-ray."
"I should hope so." Fury said as he turned and left, followed by Maria and the agents gingerly carrying the box. They went threw some passageways and down some stairs, before entering into a corridor surrounding a small white room. The agents went directly into the room and set the box down in the middle of the floor. More tests were in progress.
"Has anything new shown up?" Fury asked several minutes later watching the agents write down some notes.
"No." Maria said. "This is the fourth round of scans and still nothing has shown up. Nothing radio-active, explosive,chemical, biological, anthrax, or pathogenic readings. Everything you could think of has been tested and turned out negative."
"Did you X-ray it?"
She showed him the picture, but all what they could see is the faint outline of a square. "The box must be lined with lead."
"But all tests results came back negative."
"Yes, sir. The box seems perfectly safe."
"Well, then," He turned and looked at her. "Let's open it."
He walked into the lab and Maria quickly followed. "Sir, are you sure that's safe because it could contain-"
"We've tested that thing for everything, taking up my valuable time. So the only way now to know if it's safe or not is to open it." He was facing the front of the box, and turned to the last agent in the radio-active suit in the room. "Would you do the honors?" The agent nodded, unsure, and began to open the box from the back. He was only half-way done when it fell apart.
A cake was in it, and a colorful card tumbled out. The cake had three layers with a picture of Director Fury's face ,off centered to the right, printed on it. The cake was covered in tiny SHEILD agents, and the Avengers were at the very bottom. The words HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIRECTOR FURY covered the front. At the very top, was the same picture of Fury, and standing on top of it was a miniature Fury, a little behind and to the left of that was a tiny Maria Hill, and on the right was Phil Coulson. Behind them, was a new eye-paych, with the SHIELD logo, and a red dot right in the middle.
Director Fury bent down and picked up the card. On the cover was a pink cat and a green bunny looking thing. He opened and the room was instantly filled with the annoying voices of Hoops and Yo-yo. The card was a pop-up, showing a thrown and sitting on it was Fury with a red cape and crown. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Was written all over the card. He shut it, silencing the infuriating sound of a Hallmark creation telling him this was his big day.
"I think I know who the exact immature, hyperactive, to-much-time-on-their-hands-punk did this." He said as he turned away from the cake and walked out. Maria was close at his heels. "Tony Stark, sir?" She asked.
"No." He walked back threw the corridors and up some flights of stairs. "The Sisterhood of Mutant Defenders. Get them on the phone!"
"Right away, sir." She went to go contact them. An hour later, they were still getting the same voice mail.
(Sunshine) Hi, you've reached the SMD voice-mail sorry we can't come the phone right now-
(Drina) Ya, we're probably to busy kicking but-!
(Alejandra) Or getting a pizza-!
(Sunshine) Anyways...try calling again later-
(Aiyana) Or leave a voice-message-!
(Cat) Or don't bother calling at all-!
(Carmen) Guys! I've read the definition, this is not the way a voice-mail is supposed to sound!
(Sunshine) We'll will do our up-most best to call you back-
(Drina) Ya, it's going to be on the top of our priority list-
(Aiyana) Will you shut up!
(Drina) I'd like to see you-!
(Shadow) We'll just call you back, bye!
(Chamele) WAIT!
(Cat) Oh, right.
(Drina) And if this just so happens to be Director Fury for some reason-
(Aiyana) We heard threw the grapevine that's it's a very special day for you so-
(Everyone) HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIRECTOR FURY!
There was laughter before it ended with a click!