It took her a few moments to recognize where she was. As she did so, something at the back of her mind started tugging at her, trying to tell her something.
She was in Lothering. Home. Outside the kitchen window she could see Carver fixing the fence, and walking up to their house was Mother and Bethany. They were talking and laughing relaxedly.
Bethany?
Hawke could suddenly hear what the voice was saying: something was wrong. She was not supposed to be here, and Bethany... Well, she couldn't be here.
She was dead. Her baby sister had never reached Kirkwall. Not breathed the air of the Free Marches. Her breathing had stopped entirely a long time ago.
Was this a dream?
She remembered then. The demon in the Deep Roads had trapped them. But who were they? She thought hard, and terror enveloped her as she could not remember the names of the people who had trusted her enough to follow her deep underground. When at last she could envision their faces – the warrior elf, Fenris, the fellow mage, Anders, and the dwarf, Varric – the door smashed open. Bethany walked in with a bright smile on her face.
"Hello, dear sister. Look what Mother and I found in the field." She showed her a basket filled with vibrantly green herbs. Her voice had been just as Hawke remembered it. Just as soft and sweet and kind as Bethany herself. But this was not her sister, and she needed to get out of here before she would forget the real world and be stuck here forever.
It would break her heart to say farewell once again.
"You are not my sister and this is not where I am supposed to be. Leave, spirit, or I will make you," she said as forcefully as she could. Bethany's eyes saddened.
"Sister, do you not wish my company? I have missed you so."
"You are not my sister!" cried Hawke, refusing to look at the projection of what once was her sister. Bethany took a step forward and reached out a hand, but before she could touch her Hawke ran for the door and slammed it open. She did not look back as she flew deeper into the land of dreams.
She ran until the familiar surroundings of Lothering disappeared and the true nature of the Fade replaced it. A vast, unreal road wound into the nothingness, and far above, shrouded in mist, was the Black City, dark and unwelcoming.
Empty door frames lined the path she was on and she went to one of them. Thinking hard of her elven companion, she walked through.
To her surprise it worked. That is to say, she had managed to travel to another section of the Fade. But this was no dream of a happy past. Instead, the sky was an unnatural steel grey, almost black, and the ground was empty of any semblance of life. It was soft to the touch, like a luxury carpet, but it had a strange feeling to it. Almost like liquid.
Perched on top of a lone hill was a slender figure she recognized immediately. She hurried towards him, relief welling over her; she was no longer alone in this nightmare.
She slowed to a stop a few metres from him. Something about his cool calm was new to her. He seemed so... at peace.
Just as she was about to alert him of her presence, Fenris said to her, without any inflection in his voice and without turning to look at her, "Is it time to leave?"
"Yes," she answered, perplexed. "This is the Fade."
"I figured."
"You were trapped in a dream too?"
"A dream? No. I have been here all the time." He turned to face her. His eyes bored into hers.
"Oh... I just thought the demon would tempt you to stay. I wonder why it would make it so easy for you."
"I don't have any dreams, nor do I have any past to cling onto. I am familiar with the Fade. No tricks of a petty demon can fool me."
"You must have something?"
"My memories were erased, and if I have learnt anything from being a fugitive it is that nothing is ever worth desiring. The only thing that matters is the present."
"Oh, yes. I forgot. This place, it does things to your mind."
"I'm surprised a mage would think so."
"Being a mage does not make me immune to the evils of demons."
"Still..." he said and began walking down the hill. She followed. He sighed heavily. "You had a dream, I take it?" Hawke slowed and felt something tearing at her chest. A feeling she had become familiar with a year ago.
"Yes."
"Care to entertain me on what it involved?"
"Not really." Fenris did not press the subject further and continued silently towards another door, which she had not seen before. Slowly, as the silence forced her to remember what had happened, her heart grew heavier, until she could manage it no more. "I met my sister," she confessed. Fenris did not bother to look at her.
"I did not know you had a sister," he said in his indifferent tone.
"She died. When we fled from Lothering." Memories flashed before her eyes, the fright, sorrow and stress that had weighed down on her during their escape to Kirkwall. Her throat tightened and she had to fight the urge to gasp for air. She was thankful the stoic elf still refused to give her any attention.
"I am sorry," he stated calmly. Maybe he did mean it, but she could never tell with him. "Where to?" he asked when they reached the portal. Finally, he let his eyes scrutinize her face. She quickly removed the single tear in the corner of her eye and cleared her throat.
"Let me." She closed her eyes, fighting hard to clear her thoughts and think of Varric. The image she was able to conjure of him was blurry and distant, but she managed.
Just as she was about to walk through a hand was lain on her shoulder. She half jumped and opened her eyes. Fenris was looking with her with suspicion in his frown.
"You look... sick. Is something the matter?" He was probably thinking the demon had poisoned her or something, but somehow she was unsure whether that was the only reason he asked.
"I'm fine, thank you," she began, and then her voice broke. She looked away when she no longer could stop the tears from filling up her eyes. She despised herself for showing her week side to the powerful warrior, but she could not subdue the river of hollow pain rushing through her.
Then the elf did something she had never witnessed him do before; he let her lean in against him, finding comfort in his warm embrace. It almost made made her forget about the growing cavity.
"Thank you," she whispered as she let herself go of him to stand alone in the chilly air. Fenris looked untouched.
"We should move on," he said, and when he said it, she could her something else in that hard voice of his. As if somehow something had began melting his icy façade.
But she was probably imagining things. After all, she was in the Fade.
Together, they walked through the portal.