A/N: Hi all! This is my first story in the VM fandom. I've written in many others, but starting fresh with this fandom. I have a bunch of fics on my computer - six at the moment - that I'm working on in shifts, but this story has been the kind that snuck up on me and demanded to be written, and I just wanted to get it out there first. No idea how long it will be, and it may be a while between chapters (other stories have more written than this one). I'll probably start posting other fics while posting this one, but my life is pretty crazy and hectic, so if I disappear, it doesn't mean it's been abandoned!

Warnings: This story is DARK. I don't want to give too much away, but it's not a happy tale. It's a lot of sensitive subject matter and bad things happening to kids. Please, PLEASE don't read if it will trigger you in any way, or if you just really want a happy story. I hope there will be more to this story than just sadness and angst, but there is a LOT of angst. So, proceed with caution.

Pairings: L/V all the way, always and forever :)

Spoilers: This story assumes ALL of VM canon, including the movie and the book. If you haven't read the book, it's probably not going to ruin much for you, but I have read it, and so it's likely incorporated into my storyline in some small ways.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in the VM universe. The OCs are mine, but that's it! Story title is taken from The Glass Pears "My Ghost."

Chapter One

"Shh, shhh," Veronica murmured soothingly, bouncing fourteen pounds of inconsolable baby in her arms and just praying something, anything would work. Her little girl was red in the face and kept rubbing at her eyes in exhaustion even as she continued to wail. Lottie had finally, finally fallen asleep an hour ago after a night full of screaming, but the pain in her ear woke her again a mere thirty minutes later. It was too soon for more medicine and Veronica was at her wit's end trying to calm her youngest. The poor thing was probably starving, too, but she was crying too much to take the bottle, and if this kept up much longer, Veronica was taking her to the hospital. They had seen the paediatrician yesterday and gotten antibiotics to clear up the infection, but things had only gotten worse since then.

Veronica checked Lottie's right ear for any signs of discharge, and finding none, carried her into the bathroom where the dropper and a bottle of olive oil were still sitting out. It was a struggle to get the little girl still enough for the dropper, but Veronica was a veritable expert at this point and did it quickly and efficiently. Lottie's howling dulled a little as the oil offered some mild relief, and she let her weary little head drop against Veronica's chest and hiccupped softly as she regained her breath. A fraction of the frustration dissipated as little baby breaths warmed Veronica's skin. She sighed in exhaustion and dropped a kiss to her baby's crown of wispy blonde hair.

Leave it to an Echolls to take her from exasperation to pity to absolutely heart-melting love in less than sixty seconds. "Is that better, Sweetheart?" Veronica asked her miserable girl. She could feel Lottie relaxing and going limp, and even though Veronica desperately wanted to put her down and have coffee and something to eat, she didn't dare just yet. Keeping her upright seemed to help with the pain, and until she was totally sound asleep, she would want her mother's touch.

Charlotte "Lottie" Echolls was, ironically, the one they planned. Their first baby had been a mistake, a total fluke of bad timing and lack of self-control. She was a beautiful, beloved mistake, but a mistake nonetheless. Logan had been on his second and final deployment, and Veronica had decided to switch her birth control. The day she was supposed to see her doctor, the case she was working on got really interesting and required her utmost attention. She cancelled the appointment, and by the time she got around to making a new one, her old prescription had expired. With Logan on the other side of the world, missing a month of birth control hardly seemed like a big deal. She scheduled the new appointment and she would start her pill again as soon as her next period came around.

Unbeknownst to her, however, Logan was presented with the opportunity to come home early. It was rare to be able to surprise Veronica with anything, so he jumped at the offer. They had been renting a house by the beach together, and she came home one night to flowers on the kitchen table. She had stared at them for a full minute, bewildered how they might have gotten there, and then Logan stepped out of the bedroom.

In the thrill of the completely unexpected reunion and the absolute relief of having him home safe for good, Veronica forgot about her little birth control dilemma. She forgot right up until the day her period was due. She'd been regular for so many years, and when the date on the calendar finally struck her, she already knew what had happened.

There had been a surprising lack of shouting that night. Veronica expected Logan to flip out when she told him she might be pregnant. Renting the house together had been the most serious step they felt ready to take, and suddenly all those talks about the future – the ones they'd been avoiding – would have to be fast-tracked. They were still living in the happy glow of their reunion, and suddenly they had to get very serious, very fast. Logan didn't have a plan yet, no idea what he was doing with his post-Navy life, but he only nodded calmly when she explained everything in a frantic, desperate rush. He kissed her once on the forehead, grabbed his keys, and picked up a test from the drug store.

An hour and three pregnancy tests later, he held her in their bed while she cried. After that, they took a long walk along the beach and talked about their options. He didn't once try to bolt or yell or ask her how she could let this happen. She could see the thinly veiled fear behind his eyes, but he kept his voice calm and level, and he held her hand the whole time.

Nine months later, Evelyn Mae Echolls was born. They knew from the start who she would look like, her brown hair a dead giveaway, and it felt right to name her in honour of Lynn. Her name had quickly been shortened to Evie by her adoring family, and really, it was funny how quickly and how naturally they went from a pseudo family of two to a real family of three. For two people who hadn't ever even talked about kids, they took to parenting quite easily and naturally. They both had plenty of examples of what not to do, and Evie was just exceptionally easy to love. They had always made a formidable team when they had the same objectives, and parenting Evie was no exception. They were good at it, they liked it, and they found a natural rhythm to it in those first few months.

Before Evie came along, Veronica had insisted she and Logan weren't ever getting married. She planned to stay with him forever and that was enough for him. They rented the house and took things a day at a time, committed to one another but still with that safety that Veronica needed. It was silly, really. She was in love with him, completely and forever. Losing him would gut her whether they were married or not. But there was just something about the institution that frightened her, like it was cursed or something, like saying those words and wearing those rings meant they one day would fall apart just as she had seen so many times.

Those arguments started to matter less and less once they had Evie. Some nights Veronica would watch him rocking their daughter to sleep and just know that he couldn't leave them. And one day she was just ready. They didn't throw the big party and she didn't wear a poufy white dress, but the day was perfect and beautiful and everything she ever could have wanted. They wed on the beach in a small ceremony with only the people they loved most around them, and then they went home.

Eventually, Logan took a job flying private charter flights around the area, and it worked perfectly for scheduling. With both of them able to pick and choose their hours, someone could always be with Evie and it could be a true partnership in parenting. Neither of them ever had to completely stay home and Evie could still be with a parent almost all the time. It was easy. It was right. Veronica was happier than she had ever been in her life. Then suddenly, one day, she wanted more.

"Evie, look at the camera. Look at Daddy, Evie," Logan coaxed as his daughter giggled happily and completely ignored him with the camera. She had bright blue icing on her lips – and on her dress – and Veronica had spent almost an hour trying to get her soft hair in curls, and her hard work had been completely demolished by all the spinning and jumping. Still, she was the most beautiful sight Veronica had ever seen, all happiness and light and sunshine. "Evie!" Logan tried once more, and just then, Evie flashed him her most dazzling of smiles. Logan laughed and snapped the shutter, and Veronica couldn't wait to see what he'd captured later. Though she was still the designated photographer for the family, he was trying to learn, too, always wanting to preserve these most precious moments of their little girl's life.

A moment later, Logan abandoned his camera, placing it carefully on the table and scooping up his laughing daughter. Now there was blue icing on Logan, too, but Veronica didn't care. How could she, when Logan was twirling Evie and they were both so amazingly beautiful? How had they ever managed to get so lucky?

"Now that is a happy kid," Wallace noted as he stepped to her side and took a sip of his beer.

"Which one?" she quipped.

"If you had told me ten years ago Logan Echolls was going to be a good dad…"

"Always bet on a long shot, Wallace," she grinned. "The payout really is the best."

"Always knew you were a marshmallow," he teased, and she slapped him playfully and stole his beer, taking a long swig before handing it back. "For that, you owe me those snickerdoodles I know you hid somewhere."

"In the kitchen," she sighed. "The jar on the island. Are you sure you need more sugar?" she called after him even as he bolted away from her.

Alone again, Veronica turned her attention back to her husband and daughter. She could hardly believe her little girl was three already, and suddenly, Veronica felt a strange wave of sadness. At two, she was still a baby. At three, she was becoming a little person. A little person who was growing up so quickly. And suddenly Veronica missed that, having a warm baby snuggled against her chest. The longing hit her so swiftly and with so much intensity it nearly knocked her off her feet. It wasn't something she'd thought about before, and suddenly she craved it with every fibre of her being.

The party wrapped up, their friends went home, and the wrapping paper and leftover food was discarded. They made love that night, and Veronica curled up next to Logan's side and rested her head on his bare chest. "I want another one," she told him quietly, plainly.

"You have another round in you after that party today? Gee, Veronica, I don't-"

"No, perv," she cut him off, slapping him lightly on the stomach. "Another baby."

"Yeah?" he asked, sounding only mildly surprised.

"Yeah, I really do. Is that weird? I was looking at her today and suddenly I just missed having a baby."

He was quiet for a moment, and she wondered if this conversation maybe should have waited. She had no clue if Logan ever thought about another kid, and they were already so happy. Why mess with a good thing? She was about to say as much when he kissed her on the temple. "Let's do it," he agreed.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. We already know we make perfect kids. Let's do it again."

And just like that, they had. A month later, Veronica was pregnant. They were both delighted to find out it was another girl, thrilled to give Evie the little sister she was hoping for. When Lottie was born, it felt like their little family was complete.

Having two certainly changed the game, Veronica mused now. With Lottie still clutched to her chest, she made her way to the kitchen and set about making coffee as quietly as possible with only one free hand. Sometimes, on days like this, she thought back on that day and wondered if she had been crazy to one another one. Even as she hated herself a little for even thinking that while holding this tiny person she loved so completely, days like this were a challenge. She and Logan tried so hard not to yell at or in front of Evie, and she'd let herself get to that point today. She missed the days of two parents and one child; even when she and Logan were both home, it seemed like one of them was always on point. For the last eight months since they brought Lottie home, their relationship had lost a little of its steam and magic. Lottie was so much more demanding and so clingy, always wanting her mom, and by the time both she and Evie were down for the night, the last thing Veronica wanted was someone else touching her. It had been weeks since she and Logan made love, and that was unusual for them, even three years into their marriage.

As the melancholy rippled through her, Lottie let out a little snore as only a baby could. Veronica allowed herself a tiny laugh and kissed her daughter's blonde head again, abandoning the coffee just long enough to go put her daughter down in her crib. Lottie stretched herself out and continued to doze, and Veronica shook away the lingering sadness and doubt as she gazed down at her sleeping infant. Hard as this was, she couldn't truly bring herself to regret anything. These long, long days were going to pass, and deep down, she knew the distance between her and Logan was temporary. They'd made it through enough now to know that for sure. Lottie would grow out of the fussiness and become a little person with her own unique personality, and no doubt she would be as charming and hilarious as Evie but with her own special twist on the Mars-Echolls genes. They'd gotten so incredibly lucky with one near-perfect baby, so it was only fair they struggle with the second like most normal parents.

In the meantime, Veronica debated a touch of something extra in her coffee to take the edge off. And hell, maybe the little bit that might eventually make it through to Lottie would mellow her out a little. With the Mars and Echolls genes, she'd probably handle it like a champ.

In the kitchen, Veronica picked up her coffee and a banana and sat down at the table with her phone. It was flashing with a message from Logan asking after Lottie, and she smiled a little at his tender concern as she fired off a text assuring him that their youngest was settling down okay.

She hadn't even had a chance to bite into the banana before their house phone began to ring. "Dammit!" Veronica cursed aloud, slamming the coffee down on the table as she rushed to grab it before the sound woke Lottie. She didn't make it, though, and Lottie was wailing again by the time Veronica answered. "Dad?" she asked in exasperation after seeing his number on the caller ID. "Dad, please, I thought you knew not to call! You woke Lottie and I just-"

"Veronica, Honey," her dad cut her off, "I need you to come down to the police station."

Many years ago, when Keith was relatively new to the position of Sheriff of Neptune, there had been a fatal car accident that took the life of a young mother and her six-year old son. It had been a terrible thing, one of those accidents that seemed to come out of nowhere. It was a bright and sunny afternoon when it happened. Neither driver was drinking or driving or recklessly. One miscalculation, and Keith and his deputies were taping off the scene and trying not to cry. The scene wasn't one Keith would easily forget, but it wasn't the scene that bothered him most about that accident.

It was the phone call.

He couldn't ask one of his deputies to do it. It just didn't seem right. They were all shaken by the scene, and he felt it was his responsibility to take the lead. Oh, he hadn't told the man his family was dead over the phone, of course. That part came later, at the hospital, but at least by then at least there was some preparation for terrible news. It was the phone call that shook Keith the most about that experience. It was picking up the phone and calling this husband and father to let him know the people he loved most in the world were hurt.

Later, that phone call had haunted him. He couldn't sleep for imagining what that man had felt like when he got the call. Coming home to his own wife and child had been bittersweet that night, filling him with both the desperate relief that it hadn't been him and the terrible fear that one day it would be him. It wasn't his first tragedy on the job, wasn't his first death. But it was his first child fatality. And despite the fact that he was in law enforcement and knew very well all the terrible things that happened to people, he had somehow felt invincible. When he looked at Veronica, he just truly believed nothing bad could happen to her. The world just wasn't supposed to be that cruel. Dads weren't supposed to lose cute little girls. Parents weren't supposed to bury their children.

Once he'd made the phone call, though, he knew better. He knew how it happened now. He knew one day he might be sitting on the couch watching a football game or reading the paper when the world crashed in around him. He knew the words that might be spoken to him if that day ever came. "Mr. Mars, we need you to come down to the hospital. It's about Veronica," some anonymous voice would say. And his world would be over, just like that.

The agony of that phone call paled in comparison to the one Keith was about to make to his daughter. He knew exactly where she was and exactly what she was doing, and it was about to be her moment, the moment she would forever remember. No matter the outcome of this, she would never be able to forget the day her dad called and brought her world down around her.

He picked up the phone but didn't dial yet. Instead, he thought of her, how she had looked this morning. His usually calm, put-together daughter looked wild-eyed and teary, big bags under her eyes like she hadn't slept in weeks. His youngest grandbaby was wriggling and wailing in her arms, the ugly cries distorting her otherwise adorable little face. If he reached way back, he could remember those days, the days your little one was sick and there was so little you could do to calm them. Veronica had been a little drama queen herself as a baby, her lungs disturbingly powerful as she let everyone know exactly how unhappy she was. Lottie had gotten that from her, but despite having been there and done that, Keith couldn't have wished this on his overwhelmed daughter. Besides, she had another little person to keep happy, and though Evie had skipped to the door all smiles and excitement, he could also see the relief on her little face when she escaped the noisy chaos of home with him.

She had no idea what the day held in store for her. None of them did.

He set the phone back down, finding himself not yet brave enough to do it. Because after this call, he had another one to make, another life to shatter. He'd always been so hard on his son-in-law, always just a little afraid of the power he held over Veronica. He had always felt for the kid, but he'd been the Sheriff when Logan was nearing the height of his delinquency. It was hard to see his own daughter falling in love with that troubled boy. Even later, after the two of them had spent nine years apart, he had been disappointed that Veronica returned to him. He just wanted his daughter to have all the happiness in the world, and though he knew Logan had the potential to give that to her, he also had the potential to ruin her.

Logan joining the Navy had done wonders for changing Keith's perspective, but it was Logan becoming a father that truly brought Keith around. Whatever shortcomings he'd exhibited in the past, he was making up for them tenfold in the way he loved his daughters. It was hard to believe that the troublemaker Keith had put in the back of a squad car on several occasions was now a dad who read storybooks with funny voices and tamed hair into neat little pigtails.

His son-in-law was in San Diego today recruiting other young people to make a difference with their lives by joining the Navy. He didn't like those events, but the Navy loved having him. His continued celebrity drew people in, and his natural charisma kept them hanging on his every word.

Logan would get the phone call while he was over an hour's drive from his family. He'd be on his own the whole way back to Neptune. He had lost so many people to tragedy, but this? This would destroy him. Keith was hurting, and he was terrified, but he still had to admit he was just the grandfather. Logan was her dad, the dad whose sun rose and set on that little girl.

"Keith? I'm sorry, but did you still want me to go pick up Veronica?" Deputy Clayton asked as he stepped over to the desk where Keith was sitting.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Yeah, sorry, I just…need to make the call."

"The sooner we can get this out there, the better," the young deputy reminded him solemnly.

"I know," Keith agreed. "I'll give her a call. You head on over. Thanks, Deputy." Norris just nodded, and Keith watched him go before picking up the phone and dialling his daughter's number. "Hi Honey, it's me. Yeah, I know, I'm sorry. I…I have something I have to tell you."

Logan was bored. He really hated these events, dressing up in his old Navy getup and sitting at a table for hours, passing out information to disinterested passers-by and then inevitably being spotted by people who knew who he was. It had been years now since he was last in the news, but plenty of people still liked to gawk at Aaron Echolls' son and Bonnie DeVille's former lover. His career as a pilot was secondary to most of these people, but he did manage to hook a few sometimes. It was when he could talk about the flying that he remembered why he always agreed to help out with these events. Seeing another young man or woman light up at the thought of flying those planes? That made it all worth it. When he could transcend his celebrity and just talk to some kid who needed a little guidance, who needed purpose and discipline the way he had…well, then he was in his element.

But today wasn't one of those days. There wasn't much of a crowd, and the people trickling through didn't seem to be stopping at his table. He entertained himself by scrolling through old photos on his phone, checking his e-mail, and eventually texting Veronica to make sure she hadn't gone insane with Lottie yet. He felt bad leaving her this morning with Lottie suffering so badly with her ear infection, but he couldn't help feeling a little relieved to get out of the house. Yesterday had been his day home with the girls, but Veronica had come early when Lottie's temperature rose and the crying got worse. While Evie had always been content with whichever parent could get to her first, Lottie seemed to only be truly soothed if it was Veronica who was holding her. It didn't make sense, really, since Logan was around almost as much as Veronica, and it made him feel strangely jealous. He took great pride in his relationship with Evie and the fact that he was so good with her, so having his second child so unhappy until her mom came and saved the day…well, it stung. He knew it was silly, babies were babies and it wasn't that Lottie actually loved him any less. But being a dad was far more frightening than flying a jet over a war zone, and he lived in near-constant terror that he was going to mess it up. Having a few hours away from his unhappy infant was just what he needed right now.

"Echolls?" a familiar voice asked, startling Logan away from the screen of his phone. He looked up and spotted an old friend from one of his first times serving abroad.

"Hunt!" he said happily, quickly rising out of his chair to embrace his friend. Sam Huntington was a hell of a pilot and a damn good friend to Logan when they first served together, and they had exchanged a few e-mails and calls over the years, but it had been a long time since they'd actually seen each other. Last Logan heard, he was still stationed in Norfolk. "What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in Virginia?"

"On vacation, if you can believe it. I met up with another buddy and he told me you were here," Sam explained. "I couldn't pass up the opportunity to drop by and see you in the flesh! Jesus, can't believe it's been so long."

"Yeah, no kidding," Logan agreed.

"Man, last I heard from you, I'm pretty sure it was right before that whole murder rap thing."

"I think you're probably right," he laughed shortly. "Things uh, got a bit hectic after that."

"Well, I have some time. Want some coffee? I'll grab it and come join you back here."

Logan enthusiastically agreed, and he spent the next hour swapping stories with Sam. His friend wanted all the details of Carrie's case, of course, and he remembered Veronica from a few of Logan's stories back when they first worked together. It didn't take long for Logan to bring out his phone and scroll through the pictures on his phone, even as he wondered how he'd gotten to the point that he was that dad. He used to have maybe three photos on his phone, all inappropriate, and now he had over a thousand of silly things like finger paintings and close-up shots his daughter had accidentally taken of herself.

"Those are some seriously cute kids, man," Sam laughed as he handed back the phone. "Bad break, though. Two girls? My oldest just turned eight, and she's already got the worst attitude," he shook his head. "I feel lucky my youngest two are boys."

"Nah, I wouldn't know what to do with a boy," Logan admitted. "I'd be too worried he'd turn out just like me. Although now I guess I have to worry the girls will turn out just like Veronica. I'll probably be giving them tasers by the time they're your daughter's age."

They talked a little longer, and then Sam needed to go back and join his family. Logan extended an invitation for the whole family to come join them up in Neptune for a day, promising they would have a little cookout on the beach. Logan didn't have many opportunities to socialize with other guys from the Navy, and it would be nice to actually get to introduce someone to Veronica. He always loved to show her off a little, and if he could off the girls as well, he'd be a happy man.

They were just about to swap phone numbers when Logan saw his phone light up with Keith's name. "Do you need to get that?" Sam asked.

"That's my father-in-law," he frowned. "I better take it. I think he's watching Evie today. Lottie's had an ear infection and we pretty much got no sleep last night. I'll be right back," he promised. He stepped just out of range and answered the phone just before it went to voice mail.

"Logan, it's Keith," his father-in-law greeted unnecessarily. Something about the

tone of his voice sent a chill down Logan's spine.

"Keith?" he asked nervously. "What is it? What's going on?"

"Logan, you need to come home."

"What? Why?" he asked, his heart beginning to race.

"We can talk when you get here. I need you to just be safe and drive home. Can

you do that?"

"No, I can't do that. What the hell is going on?"

"Logan…"

"Dammit, Keith, just tell me what the fuck is going on before I lose my mind here. Just tell me they're okay, please," he begged.

"Logan, Evie's missing."

TBC