So much I can't say

Hey,

This is my first Bella and Alice story and only my second fanfiction ever written. Please let me know what you think, constructive criticism is appreciated :). Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, Twilight or the song.

Song: Jesse McCartney – Just so you know

(I left the chorus out a couple of times because it doesn't read as well when you have to reread the chorus ten times in a row)

She was sitting on the sofa, his arm around her shoulder and she leaning lovingly into his embrace. I was sitting opposite them, watching them, or rather watching her. Bella's attention on the other hand was completely focused on him, her eyes full of love and admiration and I was fervently hoping that one day she would look at me with those loving, deep brown eyes. It was wishful thinking, though. I knew I shouldn't love her the way I did because she was his and I was pretty sure she didn't have any feelings for me.

I shouldn't love you but I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

Every time she walked in the room, I couldn't help staring at her. I just couldn't look away, she was too mesmerizing and her delicious blood singing out to me didn't help either with hiding the longing expression that appeared on my face whenever I saw her. I don't know how to stop these feelings, they are taking control of me and every single day it becomes harder to not walk right up to her and kiss those full lips.

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around; I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just got to say it all
Before I go
Just so you know

My thoughts were drifting away, thinking about how wonderful it would feel to have her lips against mine. I felt a tingling sensation go through my body and when I looked up I saw her watching me closely, a questioning look on her face. I noticed Edward wasn't here anymore, it was just her and me in the room. She was openly staring at me and I was having a hard time controlling myself. I just wanted to tell her. I wanted so desperately for her to know how I felt about her, but I know that it wouldn't go down well. So I bit down on my lip and swallowed hard trying to push down everything I felt for her. I couldn't hold her gaze anymore and so I looked away in the hope I could get a hold of my emotions before I said something I would regret.

It's getting hard to be around you
There's so much I can't say
Do you want me to hide the feelings
And look the other way

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

It was hard to hide my feelings, considering I was a very affectionate and outspoken person. And deep down I knew that one day I would have to tell her or otherwise things could end badly. Every day I saw her with him and every time I had to swallow down the 'I love you' that threatened to get out whenever she came close to me, it killed me inside. It felt like every time I did this a small piece of my heart was ripped off. When I looked back at her, I saw her questioning look had disappeared and a strange knowing look had formed in her eyes. She didn't look shocked or surprised, she just gave me a knowing smile. God, I knew she could read me well and apparently my facial expressions hadn't been very subtle. But why is she not angry or upset with me? She is such a strange girl, but that is one of the things I love about her. I love how she is always so understanding and never one to judge. I looked her in the eyes and we held each other's gaze for a couple of minutes, the tension between us palpable. I was just about to say something, when Edward chose that moment to come back into the room. Damn it! Bella is still watching me though and just before she returns her attention to him, she winks at me. What the hell? Did she feel it too? I'm so confused right now. Maybe I should wait and just see what happens, let things run their course for a while. In the meantime I could keep admiring her from a distance, while I plucked up the courage to tell her about my unspoken feelings.

This emptiness is killing me
And I'm wondering why I've waited so long
Looking back I realize
It was always there just never spoken
I'm waiting here...Been waiting here