Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.
A/N: This story, it's about sadness. There are things in life that make us sad. There are things that make me sad. We need to do something with that sadness, I think. What I do with it is ... write. Always wishing I could, I would do more for myself and others, you guys. Always hoping what I do is something ..., is worth something, is ... worth your time. Thank you, a big thank you to all of you who use fanfiction to share love and the hope for love, I know I do. This story is for all of you guys especially.
Something Somehow
It feels like drowning.
He feels like he is drowning. The way the air pushes heavy back out of his chest every time he tries to keep it down, like food choked down too quickly after half a day of forgetting to eat because the mind is too heavy, his mind is too heavy with grief.
Kurt is right there with him, is sitting right behind him against the headboard of Kurt's own bed, holding Blaine tight, warm.
Blaine has spent last night and all of today here, has spent it crying ... for hours on end, over ... and over.
Kurt does not have to see Blaine's eyes to know they are not only red-rimmed but bright red through and through, the hazel dull, the boy aching ... all over.
Blaine cannot be around people right now. Last night when he had first shown up on the Hummels' doorstep he had even pushed away Kurt, shaking his head to himself, muttering ... things, things Kurt could not make out then, is still afraid to ask now what they were, what they are.
They had spent the last night just lying there, side by side in boxer-shorts and t-shirts in Kurt's bed. Hours had passed before Blaine had moved closer, had, his own arms crossed hugging his own chest, scooted closer, wanting to be held, unable to reach out himself.
Kurt, today, is still a little scared of moving too much, of scaring Blaine back into retreat.
"Honey, would you like to try again to eat something?"
Kurt just sees the back of Blaine's head as he shakes it, moving the tense muscles in his neck from side to side, hears a murmured, " ...throw up again." Blaine has not been able to keep anything down since his arrival last night.
Kurt bends forward a bit, places a lingering kiss onto Blaine's cardigan clad left shoulder.
Even with the soft material and Kurt's body warming him Blaine is shaking.
"Blaine? Honey?"
Powerless, at an utter loss what more to do, Kurt slowly gets up from behind Blaine, surprised, but also hopeful when Blaine does not instantly crumble in on himself, like he had last night over and over while trying to sit and change out of his clothes and into Kurt's fresh shirt and boxers.
The sleeves of Kurt's cerulean cardigan are too long on Blaine, or maybe just right for today, for Blaine, for anyone wishing to ball up the material in his hands and not let go of the soft, if lifeless warmth in between his fingers ever again – '... no one to hurt.' No one to hurt him.
Kurt moves to sit down again, cross-legged, as Blaine has now shifted into sitting, with Blaine on the bed, reaches to gently run his hands along Blaine's lower arms, being unable to take his hands, hidden away in the blue still, wanting to leave Blaine able to pull away always easily if he needs to.
Blaine's eyes have been glued to the bedcovers all along, when he looks up, at feeling Kurt's touch there are tears already streaming down his face. Blaine brings out with a choked whisper, watery and so sad, "Make it go away. Please! Kurt, please make that pain leave. I can't ..."
And then Kurt sees it in Blaine's eyes, sudden, harsh, ... Blaine is drowning again, like he had been last night standing on that doorstep Burt had called him to urgently.
"Please," it is another choked whisper. And it is the first time since Blaine came here that he reaches out, physically reaches out.
Kurt's arms are already open wide as Blaine falls into them, fingertips digging into Kurt's shoulder blades, searching for hold, as Blaine winds his arms around Kurt's shoulders, clings, crying anew, breathing still choked and uneven, slowing only after Kurt is hugging back already for minutes.
Kurt hears Blaine's tearful whimpers - words missed by lips numbed by a waterfall of tears - only as Blaine moves his head back from where it has been resting on Kurt's left shoulder.
"Sweety, I love you so much. I am so happy you are here. I am so happy you came here."
"Like ... like this?" Blaine sobs out.
"It's you." It's not a question. "I love you."
Lost for control Blaine lets out another whimper then scrambles closer, tries to pull himself closer to Kurt with all of his body, while he, still crying hard, moves to cup Kurt's cheeks with both his hands, his lips finding Kurt's blindly a moment later. Blaine's eyes close as skin meets skin, and Blaine tries so hard to allow himself to not think of anything else for now but the soft touch of Kurt's lips on his, murmuring something unintelligible again as he pulls apart to rest their foreheads together.
Kurt breaths back softly, loud enough for Blaine to hear strong and clear, "It's you, always you."