1Title: Back to the Old Me
Summary: Post-Ep for the Finale, what Summer felt over the summer when Seth was gone.
Disclaimer: As always, I own nothing
A/N: the first two chapters are sorta leading up to the real story part that I have written, and I promise that part is really good, please wait for those before you bash the story, these first few chapters aren't the best.
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I've been waiting for him
Waiting for that ass for 2 months, 3 days, and 6 hours
At first, I understood that he would need to get away after Chino left, I knew that he just needed time
But, when one day became a week, and a week became 3, I realized that I might be waiting for a while.
Realistically, I was pissed. I mean, what makes Cohen think that he can just leave and I'll just wait around forever?
But, I know I would wait, forever if I have to.
I know I shouldn't say or admit that, I mean before this year I didn't even know that he existed, never mind cared about him. But, now that I know him, I realize how much I need him and if I''m really honest, how much I love him and how much I do need him in my life.
I mean, before Cohen, I was a Newspie in training. I was shallow, I pretended to be dumb, and easy, just so boys would like me. I never had to pretend with Cohen, I mean, he even liked me when I was a bitch to him, when I ignored him, and made fun of him like everyone else.
And I've told Cohen things that I've never told anyone else about, not even Coop.
It's not like we talk all serious all the time; we joke and have fun, and I am so comfortable around him. Like I can really be Summer, the girl who wants a boyfriend who likes he because of her, not because of her boobs. I want that boyfriend that "sweeps me off my feet" and is corny and cheesy sometimes. I want Cohen.
If he doesn't come home, I don't have a choice though, I have to go back to being the old Summer, the Summer who was drunk at parties, the Summer who was a tease, and wanted to marry and investment banker.
I have to pretend that I never really liked him, that I was just pretending to like him, and assume my title as the bitchiest girl in Newport.
I have to go back to life I had before Seth Cohen, before I was really me.
Seth's POV
So I knew that when I got home, I wouldn't exactly be greeted like nothing had happened. I knew my parents would be mad at me, furious even.
And Summer, well I knew Summer might greet me in the midst of a rage blackout and threaten to never speak to me again. I thought that would be an idle threat and after I had begged for her forgiveness she would start calling me "Cohen" and complain about me playing ninja games.
Well, I was wrong.
Instead of a rage blackout I met Summer with a hangover. And hanging onto a guy. And not just any guy, a water polo player.
And when I tried to talk to her, he showed me away, "Get outta here, geek."
As used to that same comment, the Summer that I left in June might have come to my defense, but this Summer, she just looked up at the polo player, "Brad, can we leave please?"
Giving myself the benefit of the doubt, I chalked Summer's indifference up to her hangover and went to her house later that night with flowers.
A perky girl who looked like my girlfriend answered the door, "What do you want? She asked as she proceeded to tap her foot impatiently.
"These are for you." I said as I handed her the bouquet of white roses, peonies, lilies of the valley and every other flower I remembered her liking.
With not so much of a glance she threw the flowers to the ground and made a move to shut the door in my face.
"Summer, wait! Please, I need to talk to you!"
"What?"
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left, I should have asked you to come with me, I... I should have done something, anything else. Please, Summer, give me a chance, let me make it up to you."
"You're too late, Cohen."
She said as she shut her front door.
I yelled her name as I pounded on her door.
Finally after 20 minutes I gave up, I sat with my head in my hands and told myself what an ass I am. I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me.
She was better than when Ryan came. Sure, he made me fit in. Protected me from the polo jocks. And all around was my best friend. But her...God, she was everything.
I mean, sure she was a pain in the ass sometimes, and shallow. But that was the Summer she showed the outside world. My Summer, the side of herself that she only showed to me, that was the most amazing person I ever met in my life.
She was shy, not the loud and opinionated Summer you saw at school, but a quiet girl who was scared of the future.
Sure, she had her dad, but he wasn't always there. He loved her, gave her everything she wanted, but where was he at night when she was scared of the dark. She was lonely in that big house.
She was insecure about herself , Marissa was her best friend, but Marissa was always so involved with herself. Summer felt inferior next to the tall and thin Marissa. Marissa had dated the captain of every team, she was the most popular, and even though her home life was supremely messed up she had two parents who really did love her. Summer only had her dad, who as hard as he tried was never really there for her.
These are things she only told me. Told me, the only guy she ever trusted and cared about enough to sleep with. To trust to take care of her and to love her despite her insecurities, doubts, and fears.
And I blew it.
And now she's the old Summer, the one who hates me. Who ignores me, who wants nothing to do with the emo geek. She wants to be the Summer who wen to parties, the Summer who lived only to tan, and go to Fashion Island.
I guess I have to go back to the old Seth Cohen. Lonely loser with no friends, and certainly without a girl friend.
And I don't think I can forgive myself for losing the one person that I have truly been me with, the first person I could look at and say to myself "I love her." and not feel stupid about it, because I really do love her. And I guess I forgot to tell her, and now I've lost her forever.