"Did you know there was such thing as banana chapstick?"
This was the question posed to Rose Tyler at 1:42 AM.
Because apperantly, normal human sleeping hours didn't apply to best friends and companions of time-traveling 900-year-old toddlers.
The blonde woman slowly cracked an eye open, looking first at the wide-eyed, maniac alien hovering over her then at the alarm clock glowing on the side table. She groaned.
"Blimey, you humans sleep a lot. Especially you Rose, I swear. Ten full hours cannot be normal."
"You won't be normal if you don't let me go back to sleep."
He grinned and snapped his fingers, making all the lights in the room flicker on. A pillow hit him squarely in the face. "Oi! Watch the face, Tyler! I just got this face and I've grown rather attached to it. Don't want to mess it up already. It's one of the nicest I've had."
Rose, in her half-asleep state, mumbled her agreement.
The Doctor gave a whoop of joy, bouncing off the bed and spinning like a five-year-old, "So I am sexy, then! Rose Tyler thinks I'm sexy, she said so herself!"
Another pillow hit his head, knocking his glasses off. He looked up to see Rose rolling her eyes, face beet red. Smirking slightly, he plopped down next to her on the bed.
"So, Miss Tyler. You are now wide awake, which is good because I was a bit worried considering how long your sleep cycle is. Now, because I know it is difficult for humans to fall asleep once woken, what do you say to an adventure to find this elusive banana-flavored chapstick I mentioned?" he pushed her shoulder with his and grinned widely at her.
She looked at him with first an I'll-kill-you scowl and then a affectionate smile, "Fine, I suppose that would be alright. But chips must be involved."
He grinned even wider and with a nod and dramatic bow, the Doctor rushed out of the room to set the coordinates for London.
–
Thirty minutes later, Rose and the Doctor found themselves faced with a shelf of every type of chapstick possible. Rose munched on her hot chips, which were emitting a tantalizing smell that was making other customers look at her with envy.
"Doctor, if you don't hurry up, somebody is going to jump me for these."
He glanced at her than resumed scanning the small tubes deliberately, "this is a very delicate process, Rose that requires much thought and consideration."
She rolled her eyes for the millionth time that night (something he thought she probably picked up from his past self). "It's not like you are actually going to wear it. You'll end up licking it all off in a few seconds if it's banana-flavored."
At first he looked scandalized, but his face quickly morphed into agreement as he considered it. "I suppose the best option then is to pick the one that tastes the most like banana, then."
"There you go. Just pick the strongest-flavored one and let's go home."
"But how do I know, Rose? I could be missing out on so much if I pick just one."
She sighed, "Then get a bunch and try them out."
The Doctor nodded at this wisdom and grabbed a handful of the packages. After she paid (he, as usual, had no 21st century money), they made their way back to the TARDIS, with him ranting the whole way about the pros and cons of each product.
In the console room, they sat on the small bench-seat as he carefully soniced open a plastic package and extracted the tube inside like it was made of pure gold. With Rose as his very amused audience, he carefully applied the banana-flavored chapstick to his lips.
For a second, he looked in pure, unadulterated paradise.
Then a look of absolute horror crossed his face.
"Doctor, what's wrong?" asked Rose, "Are you alright? What is it?"
"Something has gone horribly wrong, Rose. Horribly. A big mistake. End of the Universe and Time itself. Boom. Something-"
He stopped talking and stared at her with this horrified and fearful expression on his face that was starting to really scare her.
"What is it?"she asked again, "How can I help, Doctor? Please tell me."
He looked at her for a second, then, without warning, crashed his lips against hers, kissing her fervently. Shocked beyond belief, Rose sat there for a moment, not responding or moving, like someone gone completely brain-dead. Breathing capability was also likely limited, but she couldn't tell from the situation. Eventually, though, her mind kicked back into gear and she threw her arms around him and focused on being a slightly better kissing partner.
They kissed like they had been lovers for years, very familiar with eachother in a way that they shouldn't be. He deepened the kiss at exactly the moment she started thinking about it and she ran her fingers through his hair like she had done it a million times before. Had she not been better occupied, Rose would have noted that of course it would be like that for them. So familiar with eachother, closer than any couple, so much better than best friends.
As it was, she was more focused on the flavors of tea, time, and fruit currently bombarding her mouth. Rose could taste the flavored chapstick that had, by this point, almost completely transferred mouths. It was sweet and a bit sharp, dancing across their lips, almost perfectly replicating the taste of a-
Wait a minute.
She pulled back quickly and watched him quickly bring up a jacket sleeve to wipe the rest of the vile stuff off his lips, grinning down at her. "Rose Tyler, you have performed a valiant service to save me from the evilness of rampant mislabeling in your world. I would have doubtlessly died if you had not and I must thank you from the bottom of my heart."
His eyes twinkled in amusement at her flabbergasted look. She spluttered, trying to say something, "You-you-what? The-what? You did-You-Your lips tasted like pear."
"Yes, and thanks to you, I can no longer taste that in my mouth. I only taste Rose."
If possible, her eyes grew even wider, and her jaw dropped slightly. "You kissed me to stop tasting pear?"
"Well..." he scratched the back of his neck, glancing away. "I may have had some other, minor motives, but that was the main one, yeah."
"To stop tasting pear?"
"Yeah. And to get Rose flavor instead. Much more enjoyable."
"Is it?" she asked, a bit faintly.
"Yep! And now that that the pear is gone, we can move on, because I need to find an actual banana-flavored chapstick tube."
"Oh, okay," Rose said, snapping her jaw closed and turning away. Though she would never admit it in a million years, she was a bit hurt by how he had brushed off them kissing like it was nothing. Because it was certainly something. "What's the plan then?"
He grinned and soniced open another package, completely oblivious to the tension and awkwardness that should be between them right now. Typical.
Rose watched as he carefully examined the tube's wrapper, then sniffed the contents, trying to pick up anything even remotely pear-related. Then, tentatively, he smeared the stuff across his lips once more. She just sighed and started wrapping up her chips to throw away. Might as well go back to bed. She would rather not deal with this awkwardness they they were pretending not to notice all night.
When she turned to tell him goodnight, however, she saw that something was up. He was frowning, slowly licked his lips, and looking generally unhappy with something.
"What's the matter? Wrong flavour again?" she asked, handing him a napkin from the console. He stared at her unblinkingly and waved away her offer.
"No...no, that's not it."
The Doctor walked over to where she was standing by the room's bin and leaned forward to peered at Rose curiously. He shook his head lightly. "I think I know what the problem is, but I have no idea how to solve it."
She expected him to elaborate, but he fell into silence, still examining her. Rose squirmed a bit under his scrutiny and tried to get him to focus again. "What's the problem, then?"
"Problem? Oh, yes. Yeah. I've just decided that I don't like bananas as much as I thought I did." he said, almost offhandedly as he stared at her.
Her eyebrows shot up and she bit her lip. "Really? Why not?"
He had leaned even closer without her realizing, and they were now inches apart. She was going cross-eyed trying to keep him in view. His dark eyes were shining and she could see a slight half-grin on his lips.
"Rose flavor is so much better," he said simply. As if he was stating the weather.
She stared at him. "What?"
"Over bananas, my previous favorite, I prefer the taste of my best friend in the entire world who I happen to be in love with and am 99% sure that she loves me too, but we both refuse to admit it to eachother because we're stupid idiots."
"Did you just admit that you lo-did you just call me a stupid idiot?"
"You are a human, Rose. Descendant from the primal ape. As a Time Lord, my intellect greatly surpasses that of most lower species like yours. It's nothing personal. In fact, my neural capacity-"
It was on this date and time that Rose Tyler discovered an excellent way of shutting the Doctor up.
Not to mention how honestly amazing banana-flavored chapstick did taste.
Thank you for reading, I love you all so much! My tumblr is theravenclawgirl if you want to like there.