A Lefthand Christmas Carol
By: NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!!
Note: There is more added to this. This is not the same again, it has a little more to it. I had to finish this chapter. So here.
Leftie: sniffles with red marker in hand darn straight!!! Cause I'm not the owner of the Christmas Carol. I've read it once, seen it a billion times, wrote it…….. no.
Josh, Figment Man: She's delusional forgive her.
Leftie: Oh well. ON WITH THE STORY!!!!!
Disclaimer: I ALREADY TOLD YOU I DON'T OWN THE CHRISTMAS CAROL OR ANYTHING ELSE EXCEPT FOR THIS LOVELY PEANUT!!!! munch
It was a cold day in London town. The wind blew so fierce almost anything that dared walked outside of there cozy house was blown off into desolation. It was crazy, saddening, and despicable.
But were not in London. So who cares?
Josh a.k.a. the Figment Man, walked the littered pavement of Spooner St. It was known by all in the town that he was a cold hearted, desolated, mean old spirit who had no love for any of his fellow human beings and spared no remorse for even the littlest of creatures.
Josh, Figment Man: That's not very nice
I know but that's who you are so act the part ok?
Josh, Figment Man: Whatever
Anyway, as he strolled down the streets he couldn't help but notice all the merriment and happiness around him.
It was god awful sickening.
Random Pedestrian: Merry Christmas Mr. Figment Man!!
Josh, Figment Man: Thank you.
NO, NO!!!! YOU'RE MEAN AND EVIL!!!
Josh, Figment Man: Oh yea…… punches pedestrian Bah Humbug….. or whatever.
Horrible isn't he? Continuing down the street, he made his way to his office of big business and money making. He removed his coat as he entered the building, hanging it on the rack, and sitting down at his desk, taking out his pencil and working on his ledgers. His meager employee, Seto Plushie, sat across from him, working his little plushie heart out.
Seto Plushie: Why am I poor in this story? My real self is a billionaire!!!
Shut up. As I was saying, he was working very hard at his little bity desk, in the cold air of the office. Blowing on his fingers to find them still numb, Seto Plushie dreamt of at least one more piece of coal to the fire. That way, he's little plushie body may not freeze to a little bity ending.
Seto Plushie: Damn its cold!
Getting up quietly, he slipped a cross the room to the fireplace, lifting the lid gently to the iron coal holder…. Thing.
CRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Josh the Figment Man's head jerked up at the noise, nearly ruining all his calculations by having a nervous fidget, with his pen still in hand. He glared icily at Seto Plushie, who was frozen to the spot, staring back at the cold cruel eyes of the Figment Man.
Josh, Figment Man: What do you think you're doing?
Seto Plushie: staring every which way ….getting some coal?
Josh, Figment Man: …ah I see….slowly gets up and walks over to Seto Plushie And do you have no idea on how much money this will take out of our profit?
Seto Plushie: Well, seeing as how we're one of the richest people around, not much sir.
Josh, Figment Man: beats Seto Plushie with book That is what happens when you SEE!!! We have no time to waste pennies on such silly things as being cold. You're a man…sort of…. Suck it up and stoke the fire!!
Proud to see his measly employee on the floor, probably sustaining minimal brain damage from the book beating, Figment Man turned around and headed back to his books and ledgers. It really irked him when silly things interrupted his business, distracting him at the task at hand, money making.
Which of course became the perfect entrance for-
LefthandedFreak: HELLLOOOOOOO COUSIN!!!!!!! kicks the door open
The snowy wind blew into the tiny office, adding onto the already below any recognizable temperature room. A young woman stood in the door, her brown hair pulled into a braid, a hat on top that matched her really cool looking coat/dress thing. Doing a few acrobatic moves, such as cartwheels and tumbles, she quickly made her way across the room and gave Josh, the Figment Man a warm kindhearted hug. This would not-
Josh, Figment Man: I thought I was her uncle?
What?
Josh, Figment Man: In the original story, Fred is Ebenezer's nephew, so Leftie would have to be my niece.
Oh, well I figured you were too young for that. Drops vase on his head
Josh, Figment Man: OWWW!!! What was that for?!
For ruining the story halfway through and questioning my authority. Now, would you like to continue to tempt me in erasing you for good?
Josh, Figment Man: Cousin it is!
Good. As I was saying, this would not do.
Josh, Figment Man: pushes her off Your gallivanting and merriment is intolerable.
Leftie: Oh come on cousin, its Christmas, a lovely most warm feeling time of the year!!! A time for happiness and joy, for sweetness and love, for yuletide carols and-
Josh, Figment Man: trivial things. Not important to those who wish to make an opportune life for themselves. I say Christmas is a humbug.
Seto Plushie: Here, Here!!!
You don't say that line yet!!!!
Seto Plushie: Yes I do
No you don't and I have the script so there!!!
Seto Plushie: Yes I do because I'm Seto Kaiba and I don't care what you have to say.
You're a plushie half his size, which I can easily turn into a flaming ball of stuffing that used to look like Seto Kaiba but will be so revolting, and too unrecognizable that even the dogs wouldn't know which end to sniff and all creatures wouldn't dare touch it afraid that such a horrible twisted bit of ash could exist!!!!
Seto Plushie: ……..shutting up now.
Leftie: good……. to JFM Well I enjoy Christmas and will continue to speak highly of its name. And I say to you, Merry Christmas Cousin Figment Man!
Josh, Figment Man: What right do you have to be merry? You're poor and wearing a very tacky coat.
Leftie: sniffling no need to rub it in. jeeze. Still, I do wish you a Merry Christmas and would like to invite to my annual Christmas part. There will be pudding, and ham, and cake, and ice cream, and dance, dance revolution!!….. Hey wait my coats not tacky!!!
Josh, Figment Man: It is but your attention spane is too short to notice my insults…..will there be Guitar Hero?
Leftie: Of course
Josh, Figment Man: count me in!
raises eraser evilly
Josh, Figment Man: -the not coming category cousin. looks downhearted for a second Those things are silly. I haven't gone in the past and still will not admit myself such reckless merriment.
Leftie: smiles Well, just so you know the offer will still be open if you should change your mind. Dang, its colder in here than it is outside kicks the weird metal thing, knocking a whole bunch of coal into the fire, setting it ablaze, icicles melting off the candle holders
Seto Plushie: jumps for joy YEA WARMTH!!!
Everyone even the reader's stare at him.
Seto Plushie: back to mean demeanor That'll never happen again.
Leftie: makes her way awkwardly to the door Merry Christmas Seto Plushie, and a very Merry Christmas to you cousin!
Josh, Figment Man: OUT!!!!
Pushing her out into the cold, Josh slammed the door into her face, turning to go back to his desk. Hopefully no one else would interrupt his soulful cries for the money to pay for all the darn coal wasted away into the fire, in which Seto Plushie had fashioned himself a lawn chair, a cooler with some miniature soda's, and some hot dogs on a stick in front of. Glaring, he made his way to his desk and had barely sat down when suddenly-
I said when suddenly-
I SAID WHEN SUDDENLY TWO MEN CAME INTO THE SCENE WHICH THEY'RE SUPPOSE TO BE IN RIGHT NOW!!!
Tristan: slides in Sorry. I was trying to prevent the annihilation of the monkey people.
And what's your excuse Mr. Wheeler?
Joey: My foot smells like pine sole!!!
Damn, he ran into the idiot fairy again didn't he?
Tristan: Yeap…dumb as a doornail now.
Oh well, it'll have to do. Josh, the Figment Man glared at the intruders with such fierce it could cause women, men, infants, cars, ducks, computers, pencils, stretchy underwear, soda cans, telephone operators, bell hops, student teachers, Barry Maniloe, and the whole sea to catch fire under its mighty… whatever.
Tristan: You sound kind of mean.
Josh, Figment Man: That's just who I am. What do you unsuspecting guests want other than a fist down you pitiful throats!!
Joey: PIE!!!!
Josh, Figment Man: to Seto Plushie Do we even have pie?
Seto Plushie: lifts sunglasses up a bit and shrugs Don't think so.
Tristan: That's not what we're here for! We're here to collect money for the poor defenseless people who are dying in the streets, living heartbreaking poor unselfish lives as they are beaten down by the everyday, god awful terror of the world during this time of giving.
Josh, Figment Man:…….. let me guess, you guys ran out of money at the local China Buffet and now are trying to con people into giving you the last few nickels and dimes you need to pay off your bill?
Joey: COOOLLLLL A PHYSIC!!!!
Tristan: Dangit Joey, you weren't suppose to tell
Joey: messing with JFM's hair He looks like a giant picture of plaque infested mice eating away at the statue of liberty which is in a bowl of soup….and that's pretty ugly.
Outside, a teen girl ran through the streets, her short brown hair bounced in the air as she cut through alley's to get to her final destination. She needed to be there soon, she could not be late for this…this wonderful event!!! Tea Gardner had a mission, and she wasn't about to blow it. In and out, faster and faster, she sped until-
THUNK!!!
Tristan and Joey landed on top of her, squashing her dreams of being in the latest whack a mole tournament. She turned, waiting for an apologetic response from the sensible and nice looking young men.
Joey: Something smells like turtle soup!!!
That wasn't the exact thing she wanted to hear
Ignoring the demise of the two penniless idiots outside, Josh, the Figment Man, slowly made his way back to his desk and began to pack. It had only been a couple of minutes, he darned well owned the place and could show up at closing if he wanted to. Seto Plushie was already set to go, having developed a very nice subtle tan from the sunny glow of the fireplace.
Josh, Figment Man: I suppose you'd like a day off tomorrow hmmm?
Seto Plushie: I don't believe in Christmas either so no.
drops a blender on his head, threatening to turn it on
Seto Plushie: But now since I hear the angels and glory of god calling to me, I may have a change of heart and yes….yes I would like the day off tomorrow so I can spend it with my family!
That's better.
Josh, Figment Man: All right, but I expect you bright an early the following morning.
Seto Plushie: Whatever, I just want out of this scene before it becomes my demise!! Merry Christmas Mr.….. Figment Man.
Josh, Figment Man: thank you!
EVILLLL!!!!!
Josh, Figment Man: Oh right …..shoves Seto Plushie into a blender and makeshifts it into a rocket, setting it ablaze, and shooting Seto Plushie out through the ceiling. Bah Humbug
Leftie: Yea I know it's kinda late. I just got real sick and didn't feel like working on it, shame on me. BUT I AM FINISHING IT SO THAT'S WHAT COUNTS!!!
Josh,Figment Man: You're a dork.
Leftie: Anyways, Sorry it took me so long to finish the first chapter. Read and Review. And to previous readers, I am working on Robotic Illusions as you read this...if you have read this... I promise I will finish that story.
Josh,Figment Man: Beat her up if she doesn't.
Leftie: cries Read and Review!!!