Laura had knelt before many crosses but it had never hurt before now. Not even when she had gone to the convent as penance for New Orleans. And those had been some bad sins. But this? This hurt right down to her soul.
"Rachel," she greeted as she heard footsteps behind her. "Come to gloat?"
"Gloat?" Rachel repeated.
"You must think we're even now. I had to bury my son just like you had to bury yours."
"I know we've had tension," Rachel agreed. "But the death of a child is a horrible thing. And I would never take delight in something so morbid."
"He was my little boy and you saw him more than I did," Laura said. Tears pricked at her eyes. They were always close now.
Rachel put a hand on her shoulder. "Lucas thought the world of you and Miles. He was so proud to have you as his parents."
Laura's shoulders began to shake. "He was twelve years old."
"And Danny was 18. It's hard to lose a child no matter what the age. But having family helps." Rachel squeezed her shoulder in sympathy. "Where's Miles?"
"Where is Miles always? Drinking of course. Whiskey is the only god he worships."
Rachel winced at the bitterness in Laura's tone. She couldn't blame the other woman. Miles was a hard man to live with. "Maybe you should be with him. Miles doesn't make the best decisions when he's drunk."
"No, he doesn't," Laura agreed. She leaned over to kiss the cross that marked her son's grave. "Mommy loves you," she whispered. She turned to Rachel as she wiped her tears away. "Thank you."
"Let me know if there's anything I can do to help."
"I will."
Laura made her way to the ten she and Miles called home. There was very little light inside. Laura ducked through the flap to see Miles slouched in his chair, one bottle in hand and others scattered around. There were only four candles lit. "Laura?"
"I think you've had more than enough," Laura declared softly, taking the bottle from him.
"More than enough was two hours ago," Miles replied. "This is probably the most honest I'll ever be."
"Well isn't that wonderful," she sighed as she tried to straighten up.
Miles rolled his head to look at her. "Laura, you believe in god right?"
Laura paused in her straightening. "Yes."
"Do you think god did this to us?"
"What?"
"Come on. You and I haven't lived exemplary lives. Maybe…maybe god took Lucas as punishment."
"Miles Matheson don't you dare blaspheme like that."
"Then tell me why Lucas is gone!" Miles snapped. "You tell me why my sonis DEAD!"
"I don't know!" Laura shrieked. She took a deep breath. "I don't know," she repeated in a quiet voice. "But I don't' think I should sleep here tonight."
"No." Miles drunkenly got to his feet and stumbled towards her. "No, please don't." He caught her arm and pulled her close. "Please, Laura, don't leave. You can't leave me, angel. I…I got nothing without you. Don't leave me, I'm begging you."
"You've got Charlie," she argued.
"Charlie's got her own family. She doesn't' need to deal with my drunk ass."
"Rachel."
"Rachel hates me. And I deserve it after all I did to her in the Republic."
"Bass."
Miles' laugh was filled with so much self-loathing it made Laura want to shudder. "I have screwed up Sebastian Monroe enough for twelve lifetimes. You're it, babe. You're all I have."
"Oh honey," Laura sighed.
Miles swallowed. "I am a washed up drunk whose only talent is killing people. And I will never deserve you. But I am begging you not to leave me. Laura, I will do anything."
Laura wrapped her arms around him and held tight. "I'm not going anywhere," she promised. "You're all I got too, you know." She kissed his cheek. "Let's get into bed. You can barely stand in this state."
"Only if you promise to stay." Laura made a noise that sounded like approval so Miles let her lead him to the bed. As soon as he was horizontal she started to pull away. Miles grabbed her arm. "Please, Laura, don't leave."
Laura toed off her shoes and curled up next to him. "I'm staying," she whispered. "I love you, you idiot."
"I love you too, angel."