A/N – So this is my first OUAT fanfiction attempt so please be kind! I confess I always thought I was a Captain Swan shipper but then as I delved into this world of fanfiction I found myself far more interested by the Swan Queen stories. As a result I wanted to write my own and I wanted to explore Regina and Emma's love for each other in a way that didn't diminish their love for Robin and Hook.

So this story begins the day of Robin's funeral and is canon up until that point. The only difference is that Killian was never returned to Emma and it is assumed that he moved on and found a better place. It will be a slow burn Swan Queen story full of angst, some magic and intrigue and a lot of love.

Please let me know what you think and if I should continue this story or stick to Harry Potter fan fic… (for those who follow my Harry fics please note that I am NOT going to abandon The Only Way Out Is Through again I promise, I will be continuing to update that as often as possible.)

Chapter one – Draw another line

Emma stepped out of the shower, letting the steam rise off her body in waves before wrapping herself in a towel. She faced the mirror but couldn't bring herself to look up into it just yet; instead she just took a deep breath and tightened her grip on the white ceramic basin she was leaning on for support.

When she did look up she almost laughed because of course the mirror was all steamed up and her reflection was nothing but a foggy blurred image. She sighed and swiped her hand across the mirror forcing herself to look at her reflection… She didn't like what she saw. She looked old and tired and just more than a little ill, dark shadows underneath her eyes and sunken cheeks. Her blonde hair wet and plastered to her cheeks, unkempt and almost dirty looking.

She turned her back on her reflection and wandered into her bedroom, quickly towelling herself off and dressing in the first thing she could find, jeans and a white sweater picked up from her bedroom floor. She then slumped to the floor against her bed and just sat there. She couldn't believe he was gone. Honestly what was the point of trying anymore? And now she had ruined not just her own happiness and Killian's life through her own selfishness but she had ruined Regina's too, and Robin's.

She hadn't gone to Granny's after Robin's funeral.

In truth she just hadn't known what to say to Regina, she didn't know how she could face her or the rest of the town. She was supposed to be the saviour, she was supposed to bring the happy endings and all she had brought was pain and death to all that she loved. And Killian…. Killian who was strong and kind and full of life and love was gone. He'd survived more than 200 years before meeting her and his love for her had destroyed him in what felt like mere months. And Regina and Robin had been caught in the crossfire. Why did everything she touch turn to shit?

When Emma thought of Regina at the funeral, her strength holding her up and holding her together as she tried to be there for Roland, for Zelena, for Henry (and even Emma herself) she found she couldn't breathe for the sorrow and guilt that built up inside her and she dropped to the floor further and sobbed until there were no more tears left in her and there was no more feeling.

She wasn't sure how long she lay there. It could have been minutes or even hours. She knew she had to get up and move but she really didn't think she had the strength. Her mind just kept going to back to the image of Regina at the funeral and how she clutched to Zelena's arm and refused to let people see the pain in her eyes and in her whole body. Emma knew she had failed her completely and that this time there would be no forgiveness for her. She had not only lost the love of her life but her best friend, in truth her only friend.

Eventually she told herself in a stern voice that this was her fault, that the situation was of her own making and she could either sit here and continue to cry or she could get up and draw another line for herself in the sand of life's experience and vow never again to let the people she loved fall victim to the dangers of her own selfishness and ego. She managed to pull herself back into a sitting position and told herself that this was it, that was all the wallowing she could get and that now she had to be strong. She had to make some hard choices.

She didn't want to be the saviour anymore. Not that she ever had in the first place, and while right now she wanted nothing more than to run away she knew she couldn't do that to Henry if he still wanted her, and she couldn't do that to her parents.

So instead she just sat where she was slumped over leaning against the foot of her bed and decided that until she had a better idea maybe she would just stay there. Where she couldn't do anymore damage. She wrapped both her arms around her legs and squeezed her eyes shut.

…

Regina wasn't at all focussed on the conversation Snow was trying to have with her. She barely registered when David pushed a plate of food into her hands and Snow insisted that they were both there for her if she wanted to talk or if there was anything they could do. Regina didn't even properly hear Zelena's snippy comment in return, something about being sisters and having all they needed in each other and they didn't need anything from two people who always got their hearts desires.

No Regina was focussed solely on the door to Granny's diner, and every time it opened with a jingle of that stupid bell hope rose in her stomach for a moment that it would be Emma walking in. But it never was.

Regina had only glimpsed her at the funeral, her long blonde hair standing out like a shining beacon of light against the black of her clothes and the dreariness of the grey background. She had wanted so desperately to find her and stand near her and let her know that she was there and that she understood what Emma was going through. After all Emma was the only one who knew how Regina felt. Sure Zelena said she knew, said she understood and Regina was ever thankful for the bond she had formed with her sister but Zelena wasn't Emma. Zelena's love hadn't been real, no matter what she thought. Hades was insane (as was Zelena if truth be told), and love borne from insanity wasn't real. Regina should know since she herself had once been completely insane.

No in this moment Regina just wanted Emma. She too had lost the love of her life, and even if she hadn't she always understood Regina she sure as hell did now. She wanted Emma's warmth, her light, her comfort. She wanted the fucking saviour.

Who was nowhere to be found apparently.

Regina began to feel restless and impatient. 'Where's Emma?' She interrupted Snow's latest ramble.

Snow's perfect eyebrows rose delicately. 'I don't think she's coming Regina.' She said softly.

Regina felt herself sag inside. 'Why not?' She demanded. 'It's not like she has anything better to be doing.'

'She blames herself.' Snow said. 'I tried to tell her that this wasn't her fault but I don't think she even heard me.'

'It is her fault.' Regina said abruptly. And surprisingly she meant it in that moment. It WAS Emma's fault, in so far as she had led them to the underworld in search of her pathetic pirate and in return brought back Hades who… who… Regina couldn't finish that thought.

'Regina that's not true, you know it isn't.' Snow said gently.

'It is true.' Zelena interrupted. 'None of this would have happened if Emma – '

Regina glared at Zelena with such a fury that she was surprised Zelena didn't actually melt on the spot like the wicked witch she was.

'I'm just agreeing with you…' Zelena murmured.

Regina ignored her but couldn't help the anger she felt at anyone but her blaming Emma for what had happened. She turned back to Snow instead. 'It IS true Snow and you're a fool if you try and convince Emma otherwise. However if Emma is responsible then so am I.'

'Regina. The only person responsible is Hades.' Snow said.

'If only the world was as black and white as you actually see it Snow.' Regina stated flatly. 'That kind of argument is not going to work on Emma.'

'Well I do know that Emma is hurting and she needs our kindness and support. She just lost the love of her life.' Snow said.

'So did I.' Regina snapped. 'She should be here anyway.' She stood quickly, smoothing non-existent wrinkles out of her skirt. 'I have to go, where's Henry?'

'Regina…' Snow touched her arm gently. 'Are you sure you should be alone right now?'

For some reason this only made Regina angrier. 'I can see right through you Snow so please save your breath. I'm not going to go and kill anyone in a fit of rage and I'm not going to hunt Emma down and make her pay for Robin's death and I'm not going to cast anymore curses .I just want to go home.'

With that she pushed past Snow and made her way towards where Henry was sitting with Violet.

Henry looked up at her and for a moment all she could see was the Emma in him.

'You wanna go home?' He asked quietly.

'Yes Henry I do.' She said softly. 'Do you want to come with me or would you prefer to stay the night with Emma?' She tried hard to keep the pain out of her voice as she spoke. She wanted him to make his own decision but she really needed her son. If Emma had abandoned her she needed Henry not to, and she didn't want to be alone despite what she had said to Snow.

'Where is Emma?' Henry asked, looking around for her.

'I don't know.' Regina said. 'She clearly didn't want to come and pay her respects.'

Henry looked at Regina and frowned. 'You know that's not true Mom.'

'Then where is she?'

'She blames herself.' Henry said. 'She probably can't face you.'

'I doubt that Henry.' She said with conviction. 'So what do you want to do?'

Henry jumped out of his seat and waved goodbye to Violet. 'I wanna come home with you.' He said quickly, linking his arm with Regina. 'You're my first Mom and you need me tonight. I can tell.' He said with a smile.

Regina didn't bother correcting Henry by stating that in fact Emma was his first mom as she was the one to give birth to him. In truth it warmed her heart to hear Henry call her that and she certainly needed some heart-warming tonight, especially since she had apparently been abandoned by her best friend.

Her only friend…

Instead Regina pulled Henry into a quick hug and the two of them headed home, talking about ice cream and what movie they were going to watch when they got home, and for a second Regina felt like she might be able to pull herself back once again from this awful feeling of loss and grief if only Emma could wake up to herself and be there too.

…

When Emma finally opened her eyes again there was bright sunlight streaming in through her bedroom window. Sometime during the night she must have fallen asleep as she was scrunched up on the hard wood of her bedroom floor, her head pooled on her arm which was protesting painfully.

She sighed and rolled over on her back letting her eyes wander to the sunlit window. It was a beautiful day outside, as if the rain had washed away all of the darkness from the day before. Emma wished that the rain had also washed away her grief; better yet that it had returned Killian and Robin to Storybrooke. What was the point of all this sunlight anyway when there was nobody to share it with?

At this point Emma knew she was on dangerous ground, she couldn't give into this feeling or she really would never get up of this floor and she never would pull her shit together enough to be a good mother to Henry or a good daughter, sister, friend. She knew Killian would be so angry at her for behaving like this, she made him promise to move on and find a better place and she needed to do the same. She just didn't want to, not just yet. Just a few more minutes that's all, she would just lie here a few more minutes and then she would get up and go and find Henry, and try to face Regina.

Just thinking of Regina made her heart hurt as the weight of all her broken promises crushed down on her and she covered her face with both arms and began to cry.

She didn't even hear the furious knocking on her front door.

…

Regina was thankful that Henry had stayed with her last night, not just for the fact that he was a beautiful distraction from the grief that was crushing her but also because it had seemed like years since they had woken up in the same house and done something as normal as cooking breakfast together. As she moved around the kitchen she found her mind drifting towards Emma as she last saw her at Robin's funeral, rain pouring down soaking her through, and the lost heartbroken look on her face. She fervently hoped that wherever Emma was she wasn't alone.

Last night her and Henry had eaten ice cream and watched movies all night before eventually falling asleep on the couch together. They had so far avoided the subject of Robin and Killian's deaths but Regina knew that wouldn't last. Sure enough it was while Henry was scrambling eggs and Regina was cooking bacon that he turned to her with a sorrowful look in his eyes.

'I failed you didn't I mom?' He asked pitifully his voice cracking slightly.

'Henry what are you talking about?' Regina said quickly as she stopped cooking the bacon and came to his side. 'How can you have failed me?'

'Operation Mongoose.' Henry said softly. 'I was supposed to find the author to give you a happy ending, and then I thought I had and I thought Robin was the happy ending for you and then I broke the quill and I ruined everything.'

'Henry you can't blame yourself for this.' Regina stated firmly, running her hands through his hair even though he was way too old for that now. 'Operation Mongoose was a success. Robin and I were together and happy. But happiness isn't a destination dear; life doesn't let you stay there forever. Sometimes happiness is only fleeting.'

'I just wanted you to find your happy ending.' Henry said sadly.

'I know you did honey but maybe Robin wasn't it. Yes he was my soulmate and the love of my life but he wasn't my first love and I'm sure he won't be the last. Maybe he was just a wonderful chapter in my story and not my happy ending. Maybe I'll get another one?' Regina could hear the false note in her tone as she fully believed that Robin was it for her. She wasn't going to get another chance.

'Nice try mom, but I know you don't believe that.' Henry said softly.

'Well maybe if I keep telling myself that I might believe it eventually.' She said, wiping her own tears away.

'I'll believe it for you.' Henry said firmly.

Regina just smiled sadly at him, amazed that nothing seemed to be able to break her son's spirit.

'I miss them.' Henry said simply. 'Robin and Hook. I miss them.'

'Me too.' Regina said softly and pulled Henry into a hug.

'Do you think Emma is okay?' Henry asked against her shoulder before pulling away.

'Probably not dear.' She said sadly. 'Maybe you should call her and see about spending today with her. I'm sure she needs you right now.'

Henry nodded. 'Maybe you can come too?' He asked hopefully. 'I don't want you to be alone.'

Regina smiled softly. She wanted more than anything to see Emma as well, her heart reached out to the other woman for comfort despite still being angry at her for not being there last night. If she had been there when and where she should have been then Regina had no doubt that it would be the three of them sitting here about to have breakfast together and she wouldn't have this sick feeling in the pit of her stomach that the world would never be right again.

'Call her.' She said to Henry, and felt her heart start to thump a little more loudly.

Henry pulled out his phone and dialled Emma's number. 'She's not answering.' He said with a frown after a few moments. 'She always answers.'

'Try again later. She might just be in the shower.' Regina reassured him, although she wasn't sure if she was reassuring Henry or herself.

When Emma didn't answer the next time Henry called or the time after Regina started to feel worried. 'Call your grandmother.' She said. 'Maybe she's with them.'

As she was speaking her own phone lit up with Snow's name. Regina answered, feeling her stomach tighten further.

'Is Emma with you?' She snapped into the phone, not even bothering to say hello.

'No we were just calling to see if she was with you?' Snow asked a note of distress in her voice.

'No she isn't. Henry has been trying to reach her all morning but she won't pick up the phone.' Regina said. 'Has anyone seen her?'

'No not since the funeral.' Snow said. 'Also we went to her house this morning and she didn't answer and we tried to get in but there's some kind of magical barrier surrounding it. We couldn't even get to the front door. We called out to her but it was as if the house was empty.'

'Jesus Christ what has that idiot saviour done now.' Regina sighed. Trust Emma to be as dramatic as possible and make everything about her.

'She's hurting Regina.' Snow said, allowing a touch of judgement into her tone. 'I don't know what to do to help her.'

Of course you don't because you don't really know her. Regina thought to herself, but instead of voicing that as she once would have, she said instead 'I'll check on her. '

'You will?' Snow asked.

'Of course I will.' Regina snapped. 'We can't have the saviour going off the deep end again now can we?'

'Thank you Regina.'

Regina hung up without answering and turned to face Henry. 'I want you to head over to your grandparents place okay?'

'If Emma's in trouble I want to be there with you.' Henry said stubbornly. 'I can help her.'

'I know you can but I need you to be safe right now. Can you understand that?' Regina asked. 'You're all I have left.'

'Emma would never hurt me.' Henry said stubbornly. 'She's my mom.'

'I know, but she's hurting right now and she still isn't as in control of her magic as she could be. I'd prefer it if you would wait with your grandparents until I know what's wrong.' Regina didn't say it out loud but she had a horrible feeling that Emma had reached the end of her rope and simply couldn't take any more pain. A magical barrier erected around her house was deeply concerning.

'Are you angry with her?' Henry asked suddenly.

Regina didn't want to lie. 'Yes honey I am, but probably not for the reason you think.'

'Just don't hurt her okay? It really wasn't her fault this happened.' Henry said stubbornly.

Regina closed her eyes and sighed. No matter how hard she tried she would never get away from her actions as the Evil Queen. It was hideously ironic that now it appeared as though she was coping with the loss of her soulmate far better than Emma was with the loss of her pirate. Still it was the assumption that Regina might hurt Emma and not the other way around that would always be foremost in Henry's mind.

She supposed she deserved it after all she had done, especially considering that deep down she knew she was barely keeping it together. Especially with Emma losing her shit like this when she was the one person Regina knew believed in her. Without Emma to ground her she had no idea what she would become in the future.

'I'm not going to hurt her Henry. I promise. Now do as you're told and go to your grandparents. I'm done discussing this.' Regina said firmly. If Emma was spiralling downwards there really wasn't any time to waste.

Thankfully Henry finally relented and went to Snow and Charming's loft and Regina soon found herself on the edge of Emma's property.

Snow was right, there was a magical barrier around the house but it felt off to Regina, like it wasn't supposed to be there. And for some reason Regina seemed to be exempt from it as she easily crossed the threshold and headed for the front door. She didn't dwell on what that meant. Most likely her magic was just stronger than Emma's.

She took a deep breath and knocked on Emma's front door.

…

Emma still hadn't moved from the foot of her bed.

She'd tried, but she couldn't seem to stay sitting up for more than a few minutes, and she couldn't really stop crying either. She had no idea that there were so many tears inside her and wondered briefly if she was on her way to dehydration given the rate they seemed to be falling out.

She knew she had to get up and go on with things, and she knew she couldn't run from this like she had so many other times in her life. She knew she had to find Regina and apologise yet again for ruining her happiness but she just couldn't seem to make herself move from her spot on the floor. She was completely falling apart.

That is until Regina appeared in front of her in a cloud of purple smoke.

Emma sat up so quickly that she became dizzy. 'Regina?' she mumbled. 'What are you doing here?'

Regina's first instinct had been to yell at Emma and let her anger speak for itself, especially considering that Emma appeared to be fine (If fine meant that she looked a mess with hair tangled and blotchy eyes and looking like her life was over). But something in Emma's expression of pain and bewilderment stopped her. 'Emma? Are you alright?' She asked softly as if speaking to a small child or a wounded animal.

Emma wiped a hand across her face wearily. 'Uh huh.' She said in a dead voice. 'I just uh can't seem to get moving.'

Regina sighed and sat down next to her. 'Didn't you hear me knocking?'

Emma shook her head.

'Or Henry's phone calls? Or your parents?' Regina pressed.

'No I didn't hear anything.' Emma said slowly, still shaking her head. 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry anyone.'

'Well you did.' Regina snapped, unable to help herself. 'Emma are you aware that there's a magical barrier around your house right now?'

'There is?' She asked.

'Yes no one can get past your front gate. Your idiotic parents tried all morning before they called me.' Regina said.

'Then how did you get in?' Emma asked.

'I just did. It didn't seem to affect me.' Regina stated.

'Oh. I guess that makes sense.' Emma said softly, wiping another tear from her cheek.

Regina wanted so very much to wipe it away for her but instead she remained still. 'Why does that make sense exactly?' She asked.

Emma didn't answer.

'Emma this isn't you.' Regina said after a moment. 'You have to get up. This isn't healthy.'

Emma nodded. 'I know. I just can't right now.'

'Why can't you?' Regina asked, finding herself frustrated with this strange weak Emma who was so broken.

'Because I don't know how to get up from this.' Emma said with a sob that hitched itself up her chest and out in an ugly hiccup. 'It was my fault you know it was. Even if no one else will admit it, it was my fault and now Killian is gone and so is Robin and I destroyed everyone's happiness this time. Especially yours, again. I can't be the saviour anymore Regina. I don't know how to fix this!' She cried.

Regina didn't really know what to say given that she had just last night stated that it was Emma's fault. She took a breath and just told her the truth.

'Emma you can't fix it.' She said firmly. 'You know you can't. But that doesn't mean you can't move on from it. Get up and draw a line through this story because it's done. We both lost, we lost big time and you know what? We'll probably lose again. But you can't just give up because you don't want to be the saviour anymore. It doesn't work that way. We need you. Henry needs you.'

'Henry needs you.' Emma said petulantly. 'He doesn't need me anymore.'

'I need you.' Regina said quietly. 'I need you Emma. I looked for you yesterday and you weren't there. You're the only one who knows, really knows how I'm feeling and what I lost and you weren't there. How could you leave me alone like that?' She said harshly.

'I couldn't face you.' Emma said. 'I didn't think you would forgive me this time.'

'Emma you've never been a coward or a fool before don't start now.' Regina said.

Emma nodded. 'I'm sorry I wasn't there.'

'I'm sorry I wasn't here.' Regina said. 'Clearly you needed me just as much as I needed you. You're a mess.'

'We have to start again now don't we?' Emma asked in a very small voice.

'Yes we do.' Regina agreed. 'But we can do it together this time. We'll find a way forward, both of us. As long as you get up off this floor and try.' She said firmly, taking Emma's hand and lacing their fingers together.

Emma laughed through her tears and Regina gave an internal sigh of relief.

'Oh Regina I miss him.' She said sadly, allowing fresh tears to fall over her cheeks, as she rested her head against Regina's shoulder.

'I know sweetheart, me too.' She said softly, knowing that they both knew they were talking about different people.

Emma nodded again and then as more tears fell Regina wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close and they both cried together.