Author Note: Hello! I know this show has been over for a while now and the fandom is likely dwindling down, but in an effort to procrastinate (because who wants to be productive, right?), I've begun re-watching all of CSI. I've never seen every single episode and I certainly haven't seen them all in order, so it's a fun project for me. I'm currently only on season two, but without a doubt Greg & Nick are my favorites so here's an episode tag for 2x5: Scuba Doobie-Doo. It's friendship, possibly pre-slash - let's just say it's whatever you want it to be. I write for myself, but if there's anyone around reading this, feedback would be beyond lovely :)
Greg Sanders loves his job.
Being a lab tech makes for a fascinating work experience. He often feels like he's solving a puzzle and he's always loved puzzles. Running tests, studying samples, comparing data - it's grueling and tedious according to most of his fellow lab techs but Greg doesn't mind. He suspects they don't possess the same passion and excitement for the work like does; it's likely long since faded for them and they just can't remember how to appreciate a solid challenge.
But for Greg, it's different. He still finds it wildly intriguing.
Especially when he looks beyond the evidence and considers how it applies to the actual cases. He knows his job ends the moment he hands results over to the CSIs, but sometimes he can't help but make inferences of his own.
He likes to see the science come alive, he likes to contribute to something larger than himself - and sometimes that comes in the form of hovering over Nick Stoke's shoulder and offering theories or cornering Grissom in the break room with a sunny smile and a potential suspect name.
He hasn't been with the Las Vegas Crime Lab for very long, but he's learned more in the last couple of years than he has in any other previous job - not that he's had very many of those considering his age. He's young and he knows it.
What he didn't really realize until tonight is that everyone else knows it too. And not in a good way.
Sure he's used to the confused looks when his jokes fall flat, the fond exasperation when he blasts his music too loud, the snipping tones and impatient glares when he's backlogged and can't deliver information quickly enough.
But he's always assumed his presence was a welcomed and helpful one. He's capable, helpful, and endearing...a solid nine times out of ten. Is he not?
He always thought so, anyways. But he knows what they say about assuming and some nights it doesn't feel like he means very much to his co-workers at all, the same people he considers his friends.
Like tonight, for example.
Grissom took his frustration out on him when his evidence didn't match his theories (not unusual, but still vaguely hurtful), Catherine snapped at him and made it abundantly clear that any input from Greg that extends beyond his job description isn't welcome, and then there was Nick's comment too.
Of course, Nick doesn't know that Greg had heard him, that he'd been passing the lab when he heard his name and had paused in the doorway hoping for a fun exchange of words the way they sometimes do.
Leggo my Greggo. He's a CSI wannabe. Please.
The "leggo my greggo" part was sort of clever, sort of adorable; Greg didn't mind that. Liked it, even. The CSI wannabe part though...it made his smile fade and his chest ache. When Nick had said please, he had shot Catherine a long look of indignation and wry derision, a look that said: I could never take Greg seriously, come on. You know that.
And that stung.
Because the thing is, Greg loved hanging out with the CSIs in the break room - far more than he liked spending time with his closer co-workers within the lab. He always thought he was sort of their friend, that he meant something to the team.
But nights like tonight reminds him that he's on the outside looking in.
He's not a fellow CSI and he's not really respected. He's just goofy, carefree Greg with the eclectic taste of music and colorful wardrobe.
And he knows he's feeling sorry for himself, and that it's not actually that serious. But it's been a long, exhausting shift and somehow, his train of thought has rapidly manifested into an admittedly unwarranted pity party.
But he doesn't really care, because he can't be happy all the time. Some nights, this is how it is. He sulks, wishes for something more, plays softer than usual music on the ride home, and then crashes for hours until it's time to come into work again.
And generally speaking, he tends to feel better afterwards - refreshed and optimistic once more. It doesn't take much for Greg to bounce back, to set aside the periodic hurt of not being taken seriously, of not being respected. Because there's no point in dwelling on something he can't change and he knows that.
But tonight, he's in rare form and therefore hasn't made it off the locker room bench he's been occupying for the last twenty minutes.
He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He just needs one more minute maybe.
Nick's humming underneath his breath, feeling tired but accomplished. He's grateful that the Scuba Diver case has been resolved and he's looking forward to a nice team breakfast (minus Grissom) before it's time to go home and sleep.
He enters the locker and pauses, frowning at the sight before him.
Greg Sanders, the lab tech is sitting on the edge of a bench, his head leaning against his locker, eyes closed. He's changed out of his lab gear and is wearing a muted navy blue t-shirt as opposed to his typical gaudy, patterned shirts.
Nick's not sure why he notices that, but he does. It's just a shirt, but somehow it feels like a red flag.
If Nick didn't know better, he'd guess that Greg is asleep, but it's clear that he's not. His breathing is sort of shallow, his face pale and drawn, and there's a definitive frown on his face.
It's strange, Nick muses, as he eventually forces his feet to move and darts forward, but he's never seen Greg look this...forlorn, this exhausted.
"Greg!"
He drops to one knee in front of the lab tech and places what he hopes is a calming hand on his shoulder.
Greg's eyes fly open, register Nick's presence, and he stumbles to his feet, a rueful grin slipping onto his face.
"Nick," he replies, forcing himself to hold his smile in place. His jaw aches from the effort. "Sorry, man."
The smile doesn't reach his eyes, Nick notes. He's surprised by how much that disturbs him.
"What exactly are you apologizing for, Greg?" Because from where Nick is standing, Greg doesn't have anything to apologize for and he doesn't understand the lab tech's skittish reaction.
Greg blinks at him slowly, still looking a little dazed. "Um. I don't actually know," he admits.
"Eloquent," Nick drawls, amusement coloring his tone.
"Yeah." Greg reaches for his duffel bag and hauls it over his shoulder, hoping he doesn't look too flushed. He hadn't been expecting Nick to catch him like that, in the midst of one of his weird moods. "Anyways, I'll see you tomorrow night, Nick. Have a good one."
Greg's out the door before Nick registers that he's left and it takes Nick a minute to catch up. "Hang on. I'm heading out too, we can walk out together."
Greg tosses him a cursory glance over his shoulder and clenches his jaw before shrugging and turning around. "Yeah, okay."
Nick blinks with uncertainty and is once again surprised by how unsettled he feels. The one thing he can always count on in this job is a warm reception from the brilliant, younger lab tech and he doesn't understand what's happening now. It occurs to him that he's never seen Greg unhappy. Only teasing and amused or maybe lost in concentration. But never unhappy. There's no in between, there's no depth when it comes to Greg Sanders.
Except apparently there very much is.
Nick steps in front of Greg and corners him in front of his car. "Hey man, hold on a second. What's up with you? Something seems wrong." Nick isn't one for confrontation when it comes to feelings but something is telling him he needs to have this conversation.
Greg runs a tired hand across his face and sighs, a ghost of a bitter smile flitting across his face. "Please move, Nick." His voice is tired. "I'm fine."
"You're not though, Greggo," he mutters, hoping he's able to hide the hurt. Doesn't Greg trust him? Why won't he tell him?
"Greggo," the lab tech echos, scowling a little. "Haven't heard that one before. Except, yeah, actually I think I have. Leggo my Greggo. He's a CSI wannabe. Please. That little incident comes to mind."
Nick swears then because suddenly it's all making a little more sense. "Is that what this is about? I was just kidding, G. I wasn't...I didn't mean it."
Greg sighs then and nods. "I know. I'm sorry, forget it. I didn't mean to - I don't even know. Just forget it, okay? It's just been a long shift. I'm in a weird mood and I don't mean to take it out on you."
Nick doesn't move from his place in front of the car and shakes his head firmly. "Not a chance. Come have breakfast with the team. I'll give you a ride, we can chat on the way over. I bet some pancakes would cheer you up. I've never seen you like this, man. It's kind of...I don't like it. But I'm positive breakfast will fix it."
Greg stares at Nick like he's got three heads before shaking his head and transferring his gaze to the ground. "Not a good idea, Nick."
Nick has to remind himself he doesn't necessarily have the right to be angry, but this is the first time Greg hasn't indicated interest in spending time with the CSIs...with him, and he doesn't like that.
"Why not?"
He's aware of how desperate he likely sounds, but at this point, he doesn't care. He feels like he's on the brink of losing something he can't afford to lose.
"You're going to make me say it, I guess," Greg mutters. "I'm not a part of the team, Nick. I know that. Sometimes I get caught up and I forget. But then I get shouted at for being backlogged, I get ridiculed for having a non DNA related opinion, I get mocked and then I remember how it is. I know where I stand. I'm just the lab rat and you're the hero - that's how it works, right? And I promise I'm mostly okay with it. But some days, I can't keep it together and being treated like a joke or like a punching bag just doesn't settle right with me. So just let me go. Give me a day. I just need to eat, sleep, sulk, and then I'll be fine. I'm always fine."
Nick's heart sinks because he's never really considered the consequences of his actions and he hates that he's contributed to making Greg feel like this. He hates that Greg has had days like this before and that he can cite the routine of getting his feelings back in check to Nick like it's a regular thing.
Because it shouldn't be.
Sometimes the CSIs are a little harsh and Nick can see that now. It never occurred to Nick that it impacted Greg in any sort of negative way, but of course it does. How could it not?
He realizes he hasn't said anything and that Greg is studying him now, a resigned look on his face. "You think I have too many feelings and that I'm out of line," Greg guesses. "And you're probably right. It's just a bad day and I shouldn't have said anything. Please, let's just forget about it. Cool?"
"Not cool," Nick finally answers. "What we did, I mean," he clarifies. "Listen, G. I didn't realize that I needed to say this but I see now that I do and that this is clearly overdue. You're a valued member of the team and when we tease you, it's meant to be...affectionate. Yeah, sometimes we're apparently a little careless with your feelings but honestly? It's because we didn't think you had any, beyond a point. I've never seen you anything but...energetic and bright. And it's stupid that we didn't realize you're a lot deeper than that, but we the fact of the matter is we didn't, and we...I'm really sorry. I don't really mean the things I say, it's not meant to be malicious. I want...I hoped. We're friends, right? I'm sorry."
And now it's Greg's turn to be speechless. "I've never heard you say that many words in one go since I started working here," he finally says. "I didn't even know you knew that many." But when he meets Nick's gaze, he's sincerely grinning, though there's a hint of wariness in his eyes.
"Shut up," Nick responds, incredibly relieved that his stumbled apology had some sort of impact. There's no heat in his words, only fondness. They've still got a ways to go but for the first time tonight, Nick feels like they're headed in the right direction.
He slings an arm around Greg's shoulder and steers him towards his own car. "I'm going to ask one more time, G. Wanna get breakfast with the team? I don't know if you've heard, but word on the street is you're a part of it."
"If you're buying, sure. I can be persuaded with pancakes. I'm weak."
Nick just laughs because they both know it's not true. Greg is entirely too strong most of the time and his minor slip in control is what lead to their heart to heart in the first place. However awkward the conversation was, Nick is still glad it happened.
He prides himself on being a good person, a fair person. And it hurt him to admit he hasn't always been fair to Greg. It's not really about today's comment or Catherine's attitude, it's about two years worth of Greg being taken granted for and shoved aside like he's expendable when he's absolutely not.
"You're not weak," Nick finally retorts as he carefully backs out of the parking lot. "You're one of us and we're strong."
Greg swallows and nods, looking hopeful, grateful, and floored all at once and Nick has to look away because there's so much raw emotion on the younger man's face that Nick literally can't stand it, it's so overwhelming.
"Please don't cry," he mutters.
"I'm not going to cry!" Greg straightens in his seat, glaring at him. Nick would guess that he'd offended him, except for the fact that Greg's laughing now, saying something about how Nick shouldn't flatter himself and just for that comment Greg is going to control the music.
Nick merely shrugs and smiles, deciding to let it go. He knows that Greg's mask will likely slip back into place, but hopefully Greg has a new understanding of what he means to Nick.
An actual friendship is being forged and it makes Nick feel warm and full of promise.
So when Greg turns up the music and starts bobbing his head to sounds that can only be described as noise, Nick remains silent and keeps driving, one arm still resting around Greg's shoulders.