~For Jane~

Kendall bowed along with his bandmates, knowing it was only a few more minutes before he was able to go back to his tour bus and take a much needed break. The fans were shouting, whistling, clapping and yelling compliments at them, he was grateful for each rusher that had come out this night but his heart was too sad to really pay attention to them. This had to have been one of their hardest performances ever.

He stood up and raised his hand in appreciation before quickly walking off the stage, not waiting for his friends. As he walked down the narrow corridor, he heard someone call his name but Kendall kept walking, he couldn't stop now, he'd fall apart if he did. Making a quick turn, he opened the first door that wasn't locked and rushed inside before locking the door; turning around, he realized he'd walked into a supply closet. Slowly he walked towards several stacked boxes and sat down on one after making sure it wouldn't fall under his weight, then, he just stared at the empty wall across from him.

Tears began to stream down his face, not being able to hold back any longer, he finally broke down. Covering his face, he tried to quiet down his sobs, not wanting anyone to hear him. He'd disappointed a little girl, all she'd wanted was to meet him and the band but they'd let her down. Now, she was gone. Kendall felt sick, a little girl was dead and her final wish hadn't been granted and Kendall felt it had been their fault. If only they'd logged into tweeper more, paid more attention to the tweeps of people asking them to meet Jane Fiemeyer, maybe they would have made it in time.

He'd spoken with his mom and she had tried telling him there was nothing he could have done differently but he couldn't believe it, there must have been something that would have given Jane her final wish. Sure, they'd sent her a video telling her how much they loved her, how much they admired her strength and how they couldn't wait to chat with her but was that really enough? He didn't think so, Jane had deserved so much more. Kendall gave a slight jump when he heard the door knob turn, they guys were obviously looking for him but he needed a few minutes alone.

"Kendall, are you in there?" Logan asked after a soft knock on the door. Kendall shook his head but kept quiet, just a few minutes alone, why was that so hard for them to understand? "Somebody saw you going inside, can you open the door, please?"

"Then why the hell would you ask if I'm here knowing the answer?" He snapped. He hadn't meant to lose control but he suddenly felt like punching something or someone and Logan was looking like that someone. Kendall heard some whispering, more than likely Carlos and James joining Logan.

"I don't care! He's not the only one that's hurting!" Kendall looked towards the door, he knew they must be feeling the same but right now he could only concentrate on himself, he had to fix himself. He heard someone pound on the door then hurried footsteps leaving.

"I'll go after him." He heard James say before another set of footsteps were heard walking away.

"Kendall, can you let me in?" Kendall wasn't sure if his friend meant let him in the supply closet or in on what he was feeling. Kendall couldn't help but feel guilty then, Carlos sounded just as bad as he did, like he was barely keeping his emotions in check. Maybe he should have made sure the guys were fine before dealing with his own grief. Taking a deep breath, Kendall walked towards the door and unlocked it after a slight hesitation before going back to his box.

"Is Logan okay?" Kendall asked wiping at his eyes, Carlos nodded as he closed the door behind him. Neither said anything for a few minutes, they just stood in silence, thinking, feeling, grieving.

"He's right, you know, we're hurting too." Carlos softly said. Kendall could hear his voice breaking at each word. Looking at his friend, Kendall noticed how lost Carlos looked, how could he not have noticed it sooner? "We didn't get to grant Jane's wish.." He managed to say before practically dropping to the floor as sobs shook his body. Kendall instinctively pushed his own grieve aside and immediately followed his friend to the floor, wrapping the smaller boy in his arms.

"Shh, it's okay, just let it out." Kendall whispered as his own tears continued to fall. Even though they hadn't met Jane personally, she'd taken a piece of their hearts with her, Kendall could only hope she knew that. "We tried, Carlos, we tried and she watched the video we sent her, I'm sure she knew we were thinking about her."

"She was just eight years old, it's not fair." Kendall held unto him tighter, he agreed with Carlos, it hadn't been fair.

"I know but she's not hurting anymore. And I don't think she would want us to be hurting for her, she'd want us to keep making people happy with our music." Carlos nodded but didn't say anything, they just sat there holding each other.

They weren't sure how much time had passed when they heard the door open and their remaining brothers joined them. No words were needed as they held each other and cried together, they knew what the others were feeling and they knew the pain was something that would lessen over time. Little Jane Fiemeyer had changed something in them, given them someone to look to for strength; she had given them strength to deal with their petty problems by showing them what real strength was. Through her pain she had managed to do something positive, she'd created wallets to receive donations for cancer research, she was an amazing person whom had lived so little but had inspired many for years to come.

"I love you guys." Kendall said between tears. Even though they'd heard it before, Jane reminded them just how short life could be and to value each moment they had with their loved ones.

It was in that supply closet, after their hardest performance, that Big Time Rush promised their angel, Jane Fiemeyer, that they would never forget her and that they would live their lives to the fullest until that one day, they would finally...get to meet.

RIP Jane, even though you never got to meet with the guys, they'll never forget you and neither will we.

This was just something that I wrote while crying for Jane, I imagined the guys must have felt some sort of guilt even though there was nothing else they could have done. I'm proud of them, for everything it's worth, there will never be another band like Big Time Rush.

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush.