Hmm...I don't like this first chapter too much, but I thought I'd post it and see if anyone thinks the story worth continuing. I know the idea of another Invader being sent to Earth is cliched, but hopefully this story will have some unique points - and Mir's not a Mary Sue. Anyway, please R&R - your feedback will determine if I finish the story or not.
"My Tallest! My Tallest!"
A small Irken advisor burst into the display room on the Massive, panting heavily. The two identical figures watching the screen turned irritably in unison. "What is it?" asked the crimson-eyed ruler. "And why haven't you brought me my nachos yet?" he added angrily, as an afterthought.
"Well, sir, I don't know about any nachos..." began the advisor in a confused manner, but, noting his superior's dangerous stare, he lied smoothly, "There was a slight problem in the storage area...a door was stuck, or something...the nachos will be here any second."
"Good," said Tallest Red happily, abandoning all thoughts of lazy advisors and open airlocks. The smaller Irken turned to go, but then stopped suddenly and turned back.
"Wait! I came to tell you that there's been a new food discovery!"
"A new discovery?" Tallest Purple suddenly took interest. "But...we've already conquered all the planets with good snacks."
"Apparently not, sir," the advisor stammered. "This discovery has been brought to our attention by top-secret Navi'ir scouts. It hails from the far reaches of the universe, beyond the domain of the Irken Empire."
"Go on," said Red, with a slightly skeptical expression. Beyond the Irken Empire?
"The item is known as 'weffil', and it hails from a planet known as"...he consulted his notes..."Earth."
The advisor looked pleased as the two Tallest stared at him for a split second, then looked confused as they both hit their heads with their gauntlets in perfect unison. "My Tallest? Is there...a problem?"
Both Tallest looked shocked, and then Red replied, "Look, there's no way we're going anywhere near Earth. Besides, haven't we been informed that Earthenoid food is toxic to the superior Irken body?"
"I don't think so, sir..." said the little advisor, getting over the shock of Earth already being familiar to his leaders. "Many tests have been performed, and apparently these weffils have no adverse side effects. Please, at least come take a look at them...they're quite interesting."
The Tallests sat at a huge table, staring at the small items before them. They were flat, but with a strange, symmetrical pattern of indents arranged on either side. Finally, the purple Tallest picked one up gingerly. "It's...beautiful. What do you suppose it tastes like?" he asked his co-ruler.
Red rolled his eyes, as much as an Irken could. "Why don't you taste one and find out?"
Purple frowned for a second, but then shrugged it off and popped the entire weffil into his mouth. "Hmm..." he said as he swallowed, "I think maybe you should try one."
His counterpart complied, a bit hesitantly. After consuming the small weffil, he said with slight surprise, "It's good...very good. But with all our technology, couldn't we just have the recipe formulated ourselves? I mean, it'd be really nice if we could avoid Earth..."
A scientist spoke up. "No luck, sir. We've been trying for hours, and it never comes out right. These 'weffils' can only be made using substances found on Earth."
"Nonsense!" yelled the red Tallest. "You! Make me a weffil!" He pointed at a female food scientist with long antennae. She squirmed uncomfortably as she threw together her latest formula, hoping against hope that it would turn out well. As she handed the finished product to Red, Purple yelled, "It doesn't even smell right! Throw her out the airlock!" he commanded a guard, who promptly obeyed. Red dropped the miserable excuse for a weffil on the table dejectedly.
"It looks like we have no choice," he told his partner. "This Earth must be conquered, and all of these so-called 'humans' made to toast weffils endlessly! In fact, the planet should be renamed to...to...Weffiltoastia!"
"Yeah!" Purple enthusiastically agreed, while eating more of the original weffils.
"So all we have to do now is find a real Invader worthy of such a mission."
"Mir." The tallest advisor stated. "She has conquered two planets for the Empire already - an ideal choice."
"Mir?" Red wore a look of slight distaste on his features. "She's pretty short...almost as short as Skoodge. Isn't there anyone...taller?"
"None with her record, sir..."
"Fine. Contact Invader Mir immediately."
"Right away, sir!" The advisor hurried off, glad to have survived the conversation with his Tallest. Even though his height was great, there was no reason why Almighty Tallest Red couldn't just have him used for target practice, if the idea happened to strike his fancy.
Tallest Red took one of the last weffils and chewed it contemplatively.
"Hey!" Purple called suddenly. "What about Zim? He'll ruin the whole thing!"
"What about Zim?" Red smirked. "We won't tell him what's going on. Let Mir deal with him - I never liked her much anyway - and when the Armada comes to take over the planet, we can send Zim somewhere even farther away." A sudden deviousness crossed his face. "Or...we can just have him executed for incompetence...I actually like that plan better."
"Ha! Perfect. You know, Red, you're not as stupid as you look." Purple dodged a laser shot, which hit the wall behind him.
"Sirs?" The tall advisor tentatively interrupted the almost-fight, much to Purple's relief. "Invader Mir is ready for her mission-briefing."
The Tallests followed the advisor without a word, shooting a glare at each other.
"Invader Mir, you have proven yourself a worthy Invader in all respects."
The small Irken before them inclined her head in acknowledgement.
"Your new mission will be a planet known as 'Earth'. Your job is to prepare the world for the coming Armada, while finding all the information you possibly can on a food item called...weffil. Is this understood?"
The female bowed her head in respect and submission.
"Yes, my Tallest. I will obey."