Hello hello hello!

How's everyone doing? Good? Great! Welcome, I'm absolutely thrilled to be here with this new story, though it feels sort of surreal after working on it solidly for four months. I owe so much to so many people for helping me actually pull this off. Firstly a HUGE thank you to my beta reader, she's been an absolute godsend. Second to my dear friends on Tumblr (you know who you are!) you guys are the best motivation ever, seriously. Third, to my amazing friend who wrote my summary for me because I'm hopeless at them! Lastly, my boyfriend has been wonderful throughout this process, letting me vent and scream at all hours of the night.

You are all amazing, and I'm so grateful. This wouldn't be possible without your support and encouragement.

Anyway! A few words of explanation: The idea for this started off as a total joke between one of my friends and me. That scene in the X anime where Kamui and Fuuma walk past each other totally looks like a drug hand off, and as my friend and I were laughing about it my brain started going, "oh man that's an AU if ever I heard one..." I love absurd trash, I do.

All right let me shut up. Enjoy chapter 1!

Another day, another disagreement.

Subaru Sumeragi wasn't looking where he was going. Not that it mattered: the Financial District was a total maze at the best of times, but in the middle of the night after a fight with your boyfriend, it was especially impenetrable. "Are you intentionally stressing me out?" Seishiro had asked, eyebrows raised.

"No! I just…" but Subaru lost his words and looked away, angry with himself.

He lit a new cigarette, turned a corner and suddenly knew where he was. Zuccotti Park stretched down ahead of him, a sheet of concrete with strips of light sown throughout like luminous scars. Trees stuck out here and there, lonely and skinny and pale. The term "park" had rather a looser definition in New York, but it was at least quiet. Subaru chose a bench and sat down on it, shivering slightly in the early spring cold. He stared blankly at the ground, watching his cigarette smolder, its glowing end the only natural light. It was always too cloudy for stars, but would you be able to see them anyway? Not that Tokyo had been any different, but…

"Where are you going?"

"Out for more cigarettes." Subaru had left their apartment, knowing full well that no stores around here would be open this late. He assumed Seishiro knew that too, but he didn't try to dissuade him. He'd watched Subaru leave in silence, his head tilted to the side. Subaru threw the butt of his cigarette onto the ground and immediately lit another.

"You'll get a fine if you get caught with that in here." Subaru jumped and looked around. A young man in a suit with shiny black hair was perched on the bench next to him.

"I'm sorry?" The young man eyed his cigarette.

"If you get caught smoking in a park you get a fine," he said, matter-of-factly.

"Oh, right, I'm sorry," Subaru began, but the young man shook his head.

"No cops will be in this area now, and I won't tell anyone." Subaru snorted and took a defiant pull on his cigarette.

"What's your name?" The other asked, smiling.

"Subaru," he replied, taken aback.

"Su-ba-ru, like The Pleiades!" Subaru narrowed his eyes.

"Um, yes, exactly."

"I'm Kamui." He held out his hand, smiling, and Subaru shook it.

"I don't mean to be rude," he began, slowly, "but why-" Kamui shrugged.

"I just got off work and it seemed like you needed to talk to someone." Subaru snorted again.

"I suppose." He turned and looked Kamui in the face, which he realized suddenly, was beautiful. He felt suspicious, but, was there harm in telling this random, compassionate stranger anything when it was odds on they'd never see each other again? It wasn't like he had anyone else. Besides, Subaru did this for other people all the time. He sighed heavily. "Nothing's really wrong, just, relationship stuff," he said, evasively. Kamui nodded.

"Getting air?" Subaru shrugged.

"Not that he cares, he knows I'll come back." Subaru blushed at the self-disgust in his voice. He also felt self-conscious about already revealing he was in a relationship with another man. Kamui nodded, seeming not to care. "I do love him," Subaru continued, trying to reassure himself as much as Kamui, though why should he care what he thought at all?

"Well, yeah, otherwise you wouldn't be thinking about it so much," Kamui replied, his tone kind rather than judgmental. Subaru smiled sadly back at him.

"I guess if I didn't I'd have just left?" Kamui shrugged.

"I don't know, I just met you, but I doubt you'd be doing this." Subaru appreciated the honesty.

"Where do you work that you're out this late?" He asked, finishing his cigarette and weighing the pros and cons of smoking another. Kamui waited, and Subaru felt he was being sized up.

"I was working at a party down by Battery Park," Kamui replied, in the same evasive tone as Subaru. "But it just ended and it's sort of okay out, so I figured I'd walk home. This area is so depressing though," he added, sadly.

"Really," Subaru agreed at once.

"Do you live around here?"

"Yes."

"That sucks." Subaru laughed.

"What do you do for work at parties?" He asked, appreciating the distraction of the conversation. Kamui looked him right in the face, again, sizing him up, before finally answering.

"I sell drugs."

"What?!" Kamui smiled, seemingly prepared for that reaction.

"Yeah, it's really not that interesting," Kamui assured him, and Subaru had no idea what to say to that. "What do you do?" Kamui asked, but was immediately distracted by his phone ringing. "I'm so sorry!" He exclaimed, exasperatedly, taking his phone from his pocket. "What's good?" He said into the phone, his voice deepening. "Yeah I've still got." Subaru's eyes widened as he watched. "Uh huh. No problem, see you soon!" Kamui ended the call and shoved his phone back in his pocket, rolling his eyes. "I've gotta go," he said, regretfully, before standing up and stretching. Subaru stood up too, still unable to say anything. "It was nice meeting you, Subaru," Kamui said, extending his hand.

"Likewise," Subaru replied, shaking it.

"Good luck with everything," Kamui continued, giving Subaru's hand a slight squeeze. Subaru's face grew warm.

"Thank you," he said, and he meant it. Kamui smiled, turned and hurried away. Subaru watched him until he turned a corner and was swallowed by a tiny, winding side street. 'Well, yeah, otherwise you wouldn't be thinking about it so much.' He was right, Subaru supposed, deciding it was okay to go home. He retraced his steps. Fortunately he hadn't actually strayed that far from his apartment. He entered his unnaturally bright lobby and nodded at the doorman, who was distracted by a group of young woman in tight dresses and heels, all of whom seemed to be trying to get upstairs. They all seemed rather agitated by the whole thing, and Subaru wondered, absurdly, if they had been at Kamui's party.

He shook his head and walked to the end of the lobby to take an elevator up to the 15th floor. His insides clenched nervously as he stepped out into his hallway. It was quiet and rather eerie, his footsteps on the carpeted floor the only noise. His insides continued to squirm; it seemed whenever he was somewhere loud, he craved peace, and when he was somewhere quiet he craved noise and activity. 'No wonder Seishiro finds me so frustrating,' he thought, self-disgust filling his chest. He dug in the pocket of his coat for his keys and opened the door, feeling nervous. "I'm home," he called, cautiously, toeing his shoes off. He headed down the long, dark hallway to the living room and found Seishiro almost exactly where he'd left him, sitting on the couch, staring at his computer screen. Subaru stared at the back of Seishiro's head, waiting.

"Welcome back," he replied without turning around. "Did you get what you wanted?"

"Nowhere was open."

"Ahh." Seishiro continued to type on his keyboard and Subaru winced slightly. The seconds dragged by. "Go draw a bath," Seishiro said, finally. "I'll be there soon." Subaru waited a split second longer, his heart pounding, but nothing came, so he hurried through their bedroom into the bathroom. He flipped on the light, shut the door as quietly as possible and started to fill the tub, his mouth dry. Seishiro never got angry or showed overt aggression, but his cold indifference was worse. Subaru couldn't even remember what he'd done to set the original disagreement in motion, but he knew they'd ultimately just forget about it. Nothing ever got resolved, just ignored. Subaru disrobed, folding his clothes neatly before turning on the separate shower and stepping into it. He always felt so empty after disagreeing with Seishiro: all the guilt and anxiety about everything he'd done wrong ate away at him, and his anger at himself would burn shameful holes in his chest. All Subaru wanted was for Seishiro to refill that space, but lately…

Subaru grabbed the soap and began scrubbing himself clean, wishing he hadn't even bothered leaving. What was the point? He was rinsing himself off when he heard the door open, and his chest tightened painfully. Seishiro entered the room, bringing with him the same tension that had been so thick in the living room. Subaru held his breath and listened, hearing every single sound as Seishiro undressed and stepped into the shower behind him. "You're not upset at me, are you, Subaru?" He asked, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his chin on his shoulder. Subaru swallowed. "You know I hate when you're angry with me." Subaru shut his eyes.

"I'm not," he said, hating himself.

"I'm glad. I don't even know what that was all about, that's what hurts the most."

"I'm sorry!" Subaru exclaimed at once, feeling utterly horrible. He tried to turn around, but Seishiro held him firmly in place.

"I know," he breathed. "Go get in the bath." He let go of Subaru, who got out of the shower at once, an angry flush in his face. He turned off the water and slid into the bath, his hands shaking in anxiety. Minutes dragged by, then finally Seishiro shut off the shower. Out of the corner of his eye, Subaru watched Seishiro get into the bath. He slid up on top of him, hands gripping the edges of the tub, and Subaru finally looked him in the face.

"I love you," Seishiro said, quietly. It sounded like a threat, but Subaru felt the fear gripping his body loosen its hold.

"I love you too," Subaru replied, his mouth very dry. Seishiro just smiled impassively down at him.

"I know." He kissed Subaru, who responded at once, the anxiety draining out of him as he wrapped his arms around Seishiro's neck, drawing enormous comfort from the contact. His mind was still racing, and out of nowhere he saw Kamui in front of him, squeezing his hand, eyes shining in the darkness, wishing him luck. Subaru couldn't help but feel enormously grateful to him as he and Seishiro got out of their bath to move to their bed. They ended the night making love, and Subaru fell asleep on his side, Seishiro's arm curled protectively around him.

'Good luck with everything!'

"Who's texting you?"

"Huh? I don't care." Kamui rolled over onto his side and stretched like a sleepy cat. He looked up at Fuuma reclining against his pillows, smoking and radiating a cool satisfaction. Kamui's phone buzzed on the bedside table again, but he continued to ignore it. Fuuma looked down at him, the corner of his mouth lifting teasingly. A flush crept up Kamui's chest, neck and face; it was like Fuuma could force blood to the surface of his skin.

"You're so fucking cute sometimes," Fuuma told him, and Kamui's blush deepened. Fuuma took one last drag on his cigarette before putting it out. "I need you uptown this weekend," he said. Kamui rolled his eyes: he hated when Fuuma brought up work in these situations.

"Where?" He asked, his tone sulky. Fuuma raised his eyebrows and Kamui backed down at once. "Where?" He asked again, sounding curious this time. Fuuma smiled.

"96th and Riverside Drive. A CTO I know is having a work party at his apartment, so think coked out businessmen and their Xanax popping wives." Like a doctor reviewing an intake form, Kamui considered the information.

"Won't they already be doped up?" He asked, slowly.

"Probably, but that's not my fucking problem," Fuuma replied simply. "Come here before and I'll load you up." Kamui nodded, his insides twisting nervously. Fuuma placed his fingers under Kamui's chin, lifting his gaze up. "Good?" He asked, smiling. Kamui blushed, feeling that pull, and nodded. "Good." Fuuma kissed him and climbed back on top of him. Kamui moaned softly and wrapped his arms around Fuuma's neck, his head spinning…

"I'll see you Saturday," Kamui told Fuuma some time later. He was standing in front of Fuuma's elevator, which opened right into his apartment. Fuuma was leaning against his kitchen counter, dressed only in a pair of sweatpants, watching Kamui carefully tuck the neat packages of weed into his bag.

"Mmm." Kamui kept his eyes averted as he pressed the down button, a faint blush in his face and neck. He extricated his headphones from his bag, plugged them into his cellphone and tucked them behind his ears, still feeling Fuuma's eyes on him. The elevator chimed its arrival and the door slid open. Kamui stepped into it, but quick as a flash, Fuuma appeared on the threshold, one strong arm holding the door open. He grabbed the back of Kamui's head with his other hand and pulled him into one last, heavy kiss. Kamui gasped in surprise, then groaned softly as Fuuma thrust his tongue into his mouth. After a few seconds, or maybe minutes? Hours? Fuuma pulled away, still cupping the back of Kamui's head. "See you Saturday," he breathed, and all Kamui could do was moan. Fuuma withdrew and the elevator door closed, leaving Kamui to stare at his flushed, spent reflection. He swallowed, put on his headphones and chose a song without paying much attention. The elevator descended slowly and opened into the tiny lobby. Kamui nodded at the doorman and exited the building, emerging onto a very busy 14th St.

Kamui turned to walk back east, but paused, looking up at the floor to ceiling windows of Fuuma's apartment. His lights were off. Kamui sighed heavily and started walking, shivering slightly. It was that time in early spring where you could feel the weather wanting to be warm, but it was still cold enough that you needed more than the hoodie he was wearing. It was nearly dark; the sun had almost set over the Hudson behind him, covering the city in a blue-black half-light.

Kamui weaved in and out of the swarming crowds. Everyone was enjoying one of the first sort of nice days after a very cold winter, seemingly untroubled, with normal jobs and normal problems. Again, Kamui sighed heavily as he turned right on 8th Avenue, deciding he didn't feel like dealing with the L train. He had been feeling so safe and satisfied, lying next to Fuuma in his comfortable bed in his luxurious apartment. Until, of course, he'd started talking business. Kamui shoved his hands in his pockets, emptiness spreading in his chest as he headed down Greenwich Avenue. He supposed he had no right to expect anything different; this was what he got hooking up with his… boss? Drug supplier? Whatever.

The restaurants on Greenwich Avenue were crowded and even more people were outside waiting to get in. Kamui checked his phone, trying not to look. A message from a customer, but, his heart leapt, one from Sorata, his best friend. "What are you doing Saturday, dude?"The emptiness in his chest ached as he replied.

"Working :( I'm free Friday, though!" He changed the song he was listening to as he turned left onto Waverly Place and headed into Washington Square Park, taking a path lined with tables painted like chessboards. Kamui passed a pair of older men arguing at one of these, heading towards the empty fountain in the very center of the park. The central area was full of people: tourists taking selfies with the Arch, NYU kids hanging out in large chattering groups, elderly people on benches and a hoard of crusties with their pitbulls monopolizing an entire corner. Kamui felt his phone go off and paused to read Sorata's response.

"Shit man I can't. Next weekend instead?"

"Fuck yes! Friday?" He returned his phone to his pocket, his spirits lifting, but then jumped at a tap on his shoulder.

"Relax, it's me!"

"Holy shit, dude, you scared me!" Kamui exclaimed, turning to face his friend, Yuzuriha, and hugging her awkwardly. She giggled.

"Sorry!" They broke apart. "What's up, how are you?" She asked, beaming.

"Same shit, dude," Kamui replied, tucking his headphones behind his ears. "What's up with you?" Yuzuriha mimed shooting herself in the face.

"Midterms are all due next week, it's terrible!" Kamui groaned sympathetically, and she sighed theatrically. "It's what I signed up for! I just wish I had more time to see you guys!" Her eyes shown sadly and Kamui nodded in agreement.

"Could you take a break and come hang out Friday after next? Sorata was texting me with tentative plans." Yuzuriha's expression brightened.

"Yeah probably, as long as I don't have to work!" Kamui's spirits soared. "Anyway I need to go to Bobst, I'm sorry, I just wanted to say hi!"

"No doubt." They exchanged another hug and Yuzuriha hurried towards the library on the other side of the park. Kamui smiled as he watched her go, returning his headphones to his ears. He retrieved his phone to find another text from Sorata.

"Sounds good! Come through early, I'll text you before with details and stuff" Kamui's smile widened. He felt in much better spirits: the prospect of seeing his friends made the upcoming weekend less repellent. He continued on his way, feeling the noise and energy of the crowds wash over him, urban ocean waves, but he resisted their pull. He could get washed away another day.

He left the park and headed south, then further and further east. The buildings became smaller, more old fashioned and far less luxurious, but much more comfortable. He thought of his job this weekend, 96th and Riverside Drive, probably even nicer than Fuuma's apartment, which took up the entire floor and of the building. Even after all this time, Kamui still found it intimidating. Not that he let people see him intimidated: he wasn't scared of people, just places. He always thought it was weird, but Fuuma said it made him good at his job.

"You have to be whatever or whoever your customer needs you to be," Fuuma had said, seriously. Kamui swallowed, but Fuuma had smiled his enigmatic smile. "I want to make you my protégé," he'd said, caressing the side of Kamui's face. Kamui had flushed with pleasure, and Fuuma continued, "You're so pretty…"

A car horn sounded suddenly right next to Kamui, wrenching him back to the present. He was on his street already with no idea when it had happened. He pushed his bangs out of his eyes, noticing how warm his face was, and doing his utmost to stay focused. He crossed the street and dug his keys out of his bag to open the grimy door between a bodega and a liquor store. He climbed the stairs to the fifth floor and opened the door to his apartment, the small two bedroom he'd once lived in with his mother. He kicked off his shoes and bolted the door before throwing his bag on the floor of his living room and flopping down onto his couch. He kept his headphones on and cellphone clutched in his hand, but didn't bother to turn on the light.

Although Kamui had seen Yuzuriha and made plans with Sorata, at that moment he felt so lonely. He tried to recall his afternoon with Fuuma, his warm weight, strong arms around him, soft kisses and sharp bite… Kamui groaned and rolled over onto his side, curling up into a ball. He wondered what Fuuma was up to; whether he was seeing other employees or doing more mysterious work he refused to talk about. Kamui often wondered if Fuuma ever thought about him this way, and then hated himself for how much he hoped he did. Not that his feelings for Fuuma went beyond anything physical. They couldn't! But, what if he wasn't his boss?

Kamui stared unseeingly across the room, remembering that guy, Subaru, he'd met in Zuccotti Park the night before. Would he and Fuuma argue that way? Forcing him to get air and calm down? He shouldn't even be thinking about it. Righteous anger surged suddenly and unexpectedly in Kamui's chest. Why hadn't Subaru's boyfriend chased after him? Kamui liked to think that Fuuma would chase him, but who the fuck knew. "I do love him," Subaru had said, and Kamui had waited for the "…but," but none came. Sighing, Kamui opened an app on his phone to order dinner, hoping Subaru was okay.

And so ends chapter 1! I hope you liked it! New chapters every week, see you in a few days!

I think of reviews when I summon my kekkai, leave me some!