Posted this on tumblr on Christmas Eve and forgot to post here as well, so, about six months too late here it is.
It's a companion to my other story vanished, it probably makes sense as a stand alone as well, but if not, just head over there and give it a read first.
Owen had no idea how this had come to be. He knew the facts, but when he stopped to think about it his head would threaten to burst every single time. He was walking through JFK, carrying two heavy carry ons and dragging behind him two equally challenging suitcases. It had been Amelia's idea to spend Christmas with family and, since his family amounted to his mother, he'd been reluctant, being so used to spending it with the hospital family. This year, though, the hospital family was all broken up into little pieces, Derek dead, Meredith gone, April gone, Callie and Arizona not able to be in the same room at the same time. When Amelia clarified that she'd meant her family, it made a lot more sense. She stubbornly insisted until he finally gave in, left with no choice but to follow orders silently. That, however, was before they found out their mothers had already organized the whole thing, plane tickets and everything. That's when Amelia said that they were going to LA.
Of course. Why freaking not? Spending their break all over the country seemed so nice and dynamic and fun. Especially when Amelia was thirty six weeks pregnant. Owen was going out of his mind as it was, in Seattle, every single day, but this would be a real challenge. Forget the desert, forget the war, forget complicated life-on-the-line procedures. They were set for disaster. Not wanting to spend both their rare two weeks off in New York – at Amelia's childish insistence – they would travel to LA for New Year's and then right back up to Seattle. The request had come with plenty of reassurance that Addison was more than qualified at delivering babies, should the need arise and her sister Nancy was an OB, but Amelia wouldn't recognize any baby of hers that decided to be born by her hand. Nancy wasn't to touch her.
Owen sighed and slowed his pace, knowing these would be the last few moments of peace he would get before he'd be completely surrounded by people he didn't know, while all he wanted was to be at home with Amelia. Actually, all he wanted was to fix them before the baby would come, but that was wishful thinking. Maybe this crazy trip would help. Maybe it would drive him completely bat shit crazy. Stopping entirely in his walk he stood watching from afar Amelia and his mother sitting on a bench. His mother and Mrs. Shepherd got on like a house on fire. They had so much in common, he was pretty sure he and Amelia would feel left out. Owen was anticipating what today would be like, because to his calculations it was oscillating between awkward and downright uncomfortable. Amelia's sister Kate was coming to pick them up from the airport to drive them home, which would have been nice enough, if Amelia hadn't been so quick to add that it was because her kids were spending Christmas Eve with her ex-husband and she was alone. What Amelia had forgotten to add and conveniently remembered as they were boarding the plane at SeaTac, was that she hadn't seen Kate in almost ten years.
Amelia drove him mad on a good day, pregnant Amelia was even worse, but antsy, pregnant Amelia was wearing him down so fast by this rate there would be nothing left of him before Christmas day. And that was tomorrow. He could see she was tired, exhausted and not feeling too well, yet she'd insisted until they were buckled in on the plane that she wanted to come and embark in what was a normally stressful holiday plan. Never mind carrying around a baby that could potentially decide to come out any second. As he looked from afar, he let his eyes linger on her, the way she looked slumped on the bench, wearing yoga pants and his Harvard sweatshirt, bundled in an oversized scarf. His mother was patting her belly gently, while talking about something Amelia was desperately trying to listen to as her eyes kept falling shut. Owen smiled at the sight. They still weren't living together, thanks to Amelia's hard head, and he missed her like crazy when he'd find himself staring at the ceiling of the trailer.
Owen was still living in the trailer, but he'd bought a house. Secretly, he'd bought a house not far from the dream house, closer to the hospital, but still half buried in the woods, overlooking a nice enough lake. He'd bought it a few months before, knowing the trailer wasn't a place to raise a baby and Amelia and he should probably think of taking the next step, but then she'd revealed – while unaware of his intentions – that she wasn't going to leave the house until Meredith was back. He'd seen her eyes as she'd spoken the words and that had halted his plans for the time being. Also, they were not together. They weren't a couple, they were acting as if for the baby's benefit, but neither had pushed in that direction with the same fear of ruining everything. Owen was dying inside. The more he looked at her, the more he wanted to get down on one knee and propose, marry her and raise their baby in the beautiful house he'd just finished remodelling.
Amelia looked entirely oblivious to it and it hurt him so, so much. She never considered him her friend, she had called him her family more than once, but that still was nowhere close to what he wanted.
When he made his way over, Amelia had spotted her sister who had run over and hugged Amelia, much to her dismay. "Oh my god, look at you!" she exclaimed with a smile way too wide and pearly. "You looked just fantastic, you're positively glowing Amy."
"No, I'm not." Amelia snorted. "I look fat. Like a swallowed a watermelon whole."
Owen's eyebrows rose at Amelia's comment, ready to elbow her – delicately – in the ribs, but from the look on Kate's face, it seemed like she wasn't new to Amelia's dry remarks and lack of filter. "Oh, shut it. How far along are you? Mom wasn't sure."
Amelia narrowed her eyes at the blatant lie, knowing her mother had her due date triple circled on her calendar, knowing Kate knew this as well. Letting her sister off the hook, not even all that interested in why she would bother to lie after all the years they had comfortably spent apart, Amelia shrugged. "Thirty six weeks tomorrow."
The look of surprise on Kate's face at her answer was one Owen and her were quite used to. "Wow, you don't look it, you're so lucky. Guess it's normal, though, first baby and all, right?"
"Right." Amelia cut her off before the conversation could go on any further.
Owen introduced himself and his mother, who reminded him she needed no help being introduced or carrying her things, he'd better think of the mother of his baby or his baby would have no father. He couldn't help but notice how Kate resembled Derek. Not at all physically, in fact, she was a carbon copy of the other sister he'd met, the one that donated the nerve, who looked nothing like Derek or Amelia – it was her smile and gentle ways that reminded him of his friend. She was nothing like Amelia. Put together, nice and easy going, making everyone in the room comfortable and at ease. She's a shrink, of course she's like that or else she wouldn't have any patients, he could hear Amelia's snarky voice in his head. God, he had it bad.
The drive to the Shepherd brownstone was uneventful and filled with quiet chatter as his mom and Kate, while he and Amelia sat in the backseat of Kate's minivan. Amelia was leaning heavily on him, he knew she was dead tired, but she insisted she was just fine, a little drowsy from the long flight, but she was fine. She was so fine that she was dozing off against him, sitting straighter every single time she realized she'd closed her eyes for more than a second. Amelia was busying herself playing with Owen's finger, from his hand splayed on her belly, inside the kangaroo pocket of her – his – sweatshirt. The baby was asleep, worn out by the excitement of the plane ride, it was blissfully still and quiet. Despite Amelia not showing all that much and their baby being a little on the small side, if Owen put his hand on her belly he covered up almost half of it. It was the best feeling in the world and on odd days he needed a pinch to make sure it wasn't all a dream – Amelia was only happy to give into his request.
As they walked into the house, he let Amelia walk right into her mother's arms while he handled all the stuff. After she'd told her about the baby, their relationship had changed completely, after the distance and avoidance Amelia had finally let herself need her mom. When the realization had sunk in that she was going to have a baby and – this time – go home with said baby, she'd positively freaked out. She'd been all about knowing what she was doing because she had had a baby before, but this time would be different and she still hadn't a decent sized grasp on just how different. Her mom hugged her as tight as she could and Amelia let her until she decided it was enough. "Mom you're going to squeeze it out of me."
With a snort that matched Amelia's perfectly, Carolyn shook her head at her daughter. "No way, it's still up so high." She said smugly, patting the top of Amelia's belly – she hated when people touched it, only very few had permission. "You still have a long way to go, dear."
"That's what I keep telling her." added Evelyn.
As their mothers hugged and started with the never ending mom talk, now tainted by the imminent birth of their grandchild talk, Owen curled his arm around Amelia, feeling her instantly lean back, eyes dropping shut. Smiling sweetly down as he knew she was pressing her back into him, hoping to ease her pain a little, Owen bent down to place a kiss on her head, enjoying the moan that came with the smile he wasn't able to see, but still knew it was there.
"Wormie is tired." Mumbled Amelia turning her head up to look at him through half lidded eyes.
Wormie was a sweeter version of Worm. During one of the earlier ultrasounds Amelia had firmly stated that their offspring looked like a worm with arms and legs – his fault, obviously – and the name stuck, despite his tries to change it or retire it entirely. It didn't help that they had decided not to know the sex, wanting the surprise. Owen wanted the surprise and Amelia wanted to know, but when Arizona had asked and got both answers at the same time, Amelia had turned and before Owen could say anything, she'd grabbed his hand and smiled, turning back to Arizona assuring that they both wanted to be surprised. However, Owen refused to call his baby-to-be Wormie.
With a smile from ear to ear, Owen placed another kiss on her forehead, now that he could reach it. "Me thinks Amelia is tired."
Stubbornly, she shook her head. "No, no. Amelia is wide awake, but Wormie needs a nap-" As a yawn ended her sentence, she quickly added. "Yep, definitely nap time."
"Let's go then, I'll help you settle in." he nudged her towards the stairs. Carolyn had already explained the intricate sleeping arrangements for their stay. He and Amelia would be in her old room, while Evelyn was set to sleep in Lizzie's room and for tonight Kate would sleep in her room. There was a switch up and some other changes for the next day, when all the grandkids and daughters would come over as well. They were still in Amelia's room, so he'd conveniently forgotten about that.
Amelia's room wasn't really how he'd pictured it. From what he'd heard of Amelia at the time she'd last lived here, he expected posters ripped on the wall and typical rebellious teenage girl stuff, ever though he wasn't really sure what that was. Instead, there was a double bed pushed against a wall, a couple of bookcases filled to the brim and a desk. The walls were bare except for a few framed pictures and awards and graduation papers her mother had framed for her.
Noticing Owen's surprised look, Amelia looked up at him, after sitting down heavily on the bed. "Didn't spend all that much time at home. This was mostly a deposit for stuff even when I did live here."
Owen nodded his head, satisfied for now with her explanation and proceeded to tuck her in, placing a kiss on her forehead, before heading back down. Amelia stared at his retreating form feeling something heavy in her chest. She felt like she was trapping this perfect man and with every passing day the feeling got worse. On a good day she felt like a burden, she knew how to take care of herself, but he had made it his mission to care for her and the hormones cursing through her wanted to let him. He was a good man, doing the honourable thing of sticking around after he had accidentally knocked her up, but Amelia still felt guilty. She would crack jokes and act like she could so without him, as a way of making sure he knew he didn't have to do this and as a way of getting used to the fact that one day she might have to.
As soon as Owen set foot back down, though, his mother and Amelia's mother kicked him back up to rest as well, repeating in sync that he needed to get all the sleep he could before he'd have someone keeping him up at night. Sighing to himself, he complied, not having the energy to argue with anyone, making his way back to Amelia. Terrified of waking her, he was quiet and sluggish in his movements, changing into sweatpants and a t-shirt, before pulling back the covers and laying down next to her.
"You're tired too, I gather?" Amelia's voice made him jump three feet into the air. "Turns out Wormie realized kicking my kidney is loads more fun than napping." She said with a wince.
Owen frowned at her, she could barely keep her eyes open, but she'd periodically opened them up, hissing in pain. Scooting a little closer – not too close – he let is hand wander on her belly, feeling the baby move inside. Apparently, he or she wasn't happy that Amelia was finally laying down and resting.
"No, no, don't do that." Muttered Amelia taking his hand off. "You're just enticing it." she looked up at Owen with droopy eyelids and glassy eyes. "It hurts."
Unable to resist, but knowing not to listen to her, Owen sat up, untangling from the sheets, laying down sideway on the bed, with his head on her legs right next to the baby bump. It was at times like these that anyone none the wiser would just assume they were a happy couple having their first child, Owen was laying on Amelia's thighs, pulling up her sweatshirt revealing the growing belly, his face a hair's width away from her skin. Instead, this was Owen carrying out his fatherly duties even before there was an actual baby to father. Amelia insisted the baby couldn't stand her and she couldn't get it to stop kicking, so he wound sit with her – or lie with her – and calm the baby down.
Feeling Owen's warm breath on her skin as he talked to the baby, Amelia had to stop the butterflies that would fill up the little space available in her stomach. She'd automatically tangled a hand into his hair, as if to keep him right there on her. as Owen started to talk to their baby, she felt the kicks swiftly stop, in favour of a few nudges where his face was, but that was manageable on the pain scale. While the baby wasn't big, the space was less and less everyday and it was growing stronger, resulting in harder kicks and elbows in her stomach.
Amelia was asleep within minutes of his talk with Worm– his baby. Owen felt the hand scratching gently the skin of his scalp go limp and he just knew, because he'd been in this exact same spot about a million times before. Just as well, he knew that if he didn't keep on the talk with their excited baby, it would wake and want to wake its mom before she could actually have a chance to rest. He told his child about today, how they had flown on a plane and they were going to spend Christmas with family, something he wasn't sure would happen again so soon after it was born. Owen explained Christmas as well as he could to a thirty five week old fetus and he was boring enough with his explanation that it fell right back asleep.
Turns out, though, Owen needed the nap as well. After laying back down in his spot, kissing Amelia on the cheek now that she wouldn't even notice, he closed his eyes keeping a hand on her belly, under the sweatshirt he'd dutifully pulled back down. When he woke Amelia was still lying next to him, wide awake.
"Hey." She muttered in the dark room, illuminated only by some of the lights from the street coming in through the window.
Owen, still a bit disoriented, turned on his side to face her. "Hey. What time is it?"
Amelia groaned, knowing Owen was adult and responsible and keen on making the best impression on the entire Shepherd family, no matter how little Amelia cared of their opinion of him. "Almost time for Lizzie to show up for dinner."
"We should make ourselves presentable then." He said without moving a muscle. He needed everyone to think he was right for Amelia. He was the man who had accidentally got her pregnant after their brother died and they weren't living together or anywhere near talking marriage. Any family would have a distinct series of words to describe him, but not the Shepherds. His mother had pressed a little, but after showing her the house, she'd relaxed and let them handle their lives as they preferred. Carolyn Shepherd assured him she knew her youngest daughter and he shouldn't worry, ending the shot and concise speech with a knowing wink.
Owen, though, needed to feel accepted. In a somewhat twisted way he wanted them to accept him so Amelia would have to as well. They were doing it all backwards, but as long as they made it all they way he didn't care, Owen just wished she wouldn't as well.
"Five more minutes." Mumbled Amelia scooting closer until her head was resting on his chest, bay bump leaning against his side. Owen's arm flew immediately around her, keeping her close. Amelia felt her eyes fall shut in bliss. If only every single day could feel like this. Mostly it was the hormones talking, but they way her heart swelled in happiness whenever he touched her or kissed her or looked at her melting her insides had to be more.
Owen nodded against her, pulling her closer. "Okay."
The dinner went well. Better than he'd been expecting from the way Amelia had been complaining all of last week and better than he thought family dinners with this much family could go. Carolyn had revealed, though, while he was helping her drying the dishes, that the real feat would be lunch tomorrow, with husbands and kids and older kids and Nancy. Tonight was an everyday dinner, tomorrow would be the classical, end in disaster, family reunion kind of lunch. Also, she offered a little piece of advice, Amelia was very pregnant and any stress was detrimental for her, so if things went south he should just use that excuse and take her upstairs, saving himself, Amelia and their unborn baby from the unnecessary drama.
He turned and stopped in his tracks as he caught sight of Amelia sitting on the couch right in between her sisters, letting them feel the kicks of the youngest Shepherd, smiling and laughing. It warmed him from deep inside to see her like this. Losing their brother had to have brought them a lot closer than ever, especially Amelia with the rest of them. Owen couldn't help but smile at Lizzie and Amelia's interactions, noticing how the only difference between the two was Amelia's childish stubbornness and brash humor. While Kate was more demure and had an air of comfort and calm to her, the other two were two balls of energy, laughing and pushing each other's buttons at every chance.
When the time came to head to church, it was Owen that stood first. He couldn't call himself religious, he went with his mother the few times they spent Christmas together and he used to go as a kid, but there was nothing there for him. That was what he'd said to excuse himself, adding too, that Amelia was tired and he preferred to spend time with her rather than leave her alone at home. It was a nice save, considering Amelia's choice of words in respect to god where not as detached and respectful. They'd had the conversation before. With understanding nods all around everyone got dressed minus him and Amelia, who were standing in the foyer, seeing their mothers and her sisters off. With a kiss on the cheek the moms left, followed by Kate, who came back in twice as she'd forgotten the car keys and later her gloves, eyeing Amelia and Owen anxiously while Lizzie got dressed.
"You know," Lizzie turned to Amelia, with one foot out the door. "If you wanted some alone time you should have just said so. You're lucky enough not to be too big, you should enjoy him."
With a wink that was the perfect copy of Carolyn Shepherd's, Lizzie nodded to Owen, who was secretly blushing all the way to his knees. Amelia, though, knew to read through her sister's taunts, she stepped up to him, running a hand down his chest. "Oh, but Liz, I was waiting for you to leave, your room always had the bounciest bed of all."
The two burst out laughing, while Owen stood awkwardly in the middle, not able to do much more than that with Amelia's hand brushing up and down his chest. He knew it was a game, all for show, but he couldn't help it.
"Gross, Amy." Lizzie said, attempting to keep her face straight. "I'll see you both tomorrow, my room better be as I left it or I'll take out the baby pictures."
With a strangled laugh Amelia let her out and finally closed the door. She turned to Owen and gave him a smile, as the words were stuck in her throat. She figured this was as good a time as any to let him in on how she felt, still able to blame the excess emotion on the hormones. With a tug on his hand she grabbed a fluffy blanket from the couch passing by and led him to the back porch, the only part of the house he still hadn't seen. It opened on the smallest back yard, with carefully kept English lawn and a few chairs around a stony fireplace that looked like it hadn't been used in the longest time. As he felt his hand being pulled to the side he saw Amelia heading to a small padded swing in the corner and he followed mutely.
They sat down, sharing the fluffy blanket that was not even close to warm enough to brave the cold New York winter, but allowed a chance to snuggle up and share some of their body heat. Amelia looked up, leaning her head a little on his shoulder, willing the words to come out of her mouth before she lost her nerve, but the loud pop of a firework interrupted her and broke the moment. Owen checked his watch swiftly and turned back, cupping her cheek and pressing a delicate kiss between her eyes. "Merry Christmas, Amelia."
She smiled sweetly, hiding the disappointment as best as she could, kissing his cheek gently and resting her head against his neck. "Merry Christmas, Owen." Rubbing a hand on her belly she looked down at the bulge on her stomach. "Merry Christmas, Wormie."
Owen didn't add his own wishes to Worm-the baby, damn it Amelia, but interlaced his fingers with hers, resting his hand on top of Amelia's on her belly, on their baby, leaning his head against hers, knowing there wasn't a single place he'd rather be then on an old porch swing, in New York, feeling his almost baby kick his head excitedly.