Dirt clung to him, forming an almost warm blanket from the cold winds that blew upon his nude body. His eyes were still closed, his hands curled around his knees, huddling into a fetal position. He felt safe like this, he knew that once he opened his eyes, the battle would begin. He wasn't ready for it to begin, he wanted the world he lived in to go back to being safe.
I still remember the world
From the eyes of a child
Life has been so much simpler when he was younger. He knew he was adopted, but he never questioned why or how that came to be. He had a family who loved him and protected him from anything that could bring harm to him. He could tell them everything about his days and they would just laugh at his goofy antics, and love him. He had been just like everyone else…
Slowly those feelings
Were clouded by what I know now
Then a silver Porsche had to come barreling into him, and everything changed. He saw his life being destroyed then being recreated in front of his eyes. He always knew he was different, but to know that there was no one at all like him in the world, that frightened him. He wasn't human…his parents weren't human either, and they had died. He had killed off thousands of people with his coming. He had killed off loved ones of the people he cared about the most, and he couldn't say a single thing to them to make them feel any better. And if they knew the truth, they would hate him. Everyone would hate him if they knew what he had done.
"Kal'el, look at me…"
He didn't want to look, if he looked, he had to acknowledge that he was different. It would be verifying that he was an alien, and that the person calling his name in the clouds was his father.
"Come to me…"
He knew all those things were true, but he had survived on the knowledge that he was raised as a human being, he felt like a human being, and thus he must be a human being. But now, he had just proved he wasn't. The language he heard in his ears was of no natural language on Earth, he had no knowledge of its meaning but he understood every word of it.
"You can't hide from who you are!"
Clark didn't want to hide who he was forever either, and he opened his eyes to look at the dark sky above him. They gazed into the nothingness, and for once, he did not feel the usual peace he felt when he looked at them. He felt fear, and he sighed, trying to relieve the pounding of his heart in his mind.
"That is better. Have you come to accept your destiny?"
The voice roared with parental pride, and it suffocated all of the teenager's reasoning skills. He just felt like fighting, and killing the voice. It was a return to the primal instincts he felt in his blood at times when he felt the red kryptonite infusing in his system.
His form was shaking, scared, but he stood tall, looking into the vacant landscape of dirt and the bare sky ahead. He opened his mouth to speak, and spoke what he had come to say, " I will not accept a destiny that involves me using my skills to dominate the world."
"Then all the people you love will suffer from your unwillingness."
Where has my heart gone?
An uneven trade for the real world
I want to go back to
Believing in everything
No matter what he decided, others would get hurt. He could hurt people he had never met or hurt people that he loved merely to prevent the deaths of half the world. For almost a second, he was seriously considering the offer, to keep his family and friends safe, then his father's voice had came to him. He was born with a gift, he was to use it for good and not for personal advantage.
" I don't want you to hurt the people I love!" his voice echoed as he hissed out his statement, and it seemed to have been whispered thousands of times before he got the reply from his angry alien father.
" I am your father. You will obey me."
"You are not my father, my father is the one who took me in and cared for me. Jonathon, the man you tried to black-mail me with, is my father." Clark stated and a bellowing laugh answered him, and he slapped his hands over his ears, the noise was horrible, drilling a hole into the center of his heart.
" I made sure you would when we died…"
" If it was chance that I landed where I was or if it was planned, I don't know. But my family did help you, my family has done so much for me and they owe you nothing in return for raising me, only love and approval from you." Clark shouted, and his eyes closed, as he felt the air rush by him.
He could hear screaming off in the distance of his father, and he smiled serenely, hopefully this would get him out of his desolate land.
I still remember the sun
Always warm on my back
Somehow it feels colder now
It was the scent he smelled when he had first came to Earth, and again the same smell was to greet him when he landed from his ordeal. He opened his eyes to find himself lying between the rows of corn, having made himself a little nest of plowed over corn stalks for his bed.
The sun was shining above him, and it looked like a huge orb of fire from his angle. Another reminder of the past, and he struggled to his feet. He felt out of it, and he tried to concentrate on the last thing he remembered, trying to find the empty hole in his body that seemed to be now gaping and oozing.
Pete and Lana, they had both left home yesterday. He had blew it with both of them…they probably hated him, and he never got to say good-bye to Lana.
He fell on the ground, catching himself with the palms of his hands, and he let the waves of dizziness flush their way out of his system. He never got sick and there was no meteor rocks around, so he seemed he had sun poisoning. It was likely, he wasn't sure how long he had been lying in the full sun.
He trudged his way back to the house, not daring to use his super speed, in fear of passing out, until he got to the house to collapse on the couch.
That was what his parents found when they returned home with errands.
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His mind was anywhere but on the things he was typing up. After awhile, he just gave up on it, and just stared at the computer screen blankly. He was aware he had stopped typing but it wasn't bothering him. There had been a picture set up next to the printer, and it had caught his eye. It was new there, and he knew it was probably to do just what it had achieved, getting Lex to stop working and drown in his past sorrows.
It was a picture of his father, with his hair slicked back, and a menacing look within his celadon eyes. He wore the same cocky smirk he had worn the majority of his life, and Lex reached over to bat the picture off the table. It hit the ground with a soft crash, and the glass that made up its frame and cover shattered everywhere.
Lex looked at it warily, and swiveled his chair to face the computer again. He put his hands on the keyboard, but he didn't type. He just focused on his thoughts.
He knew why the picture was there, it was for guilt among his servants who always did like Lionel better then him. He wasn't going to feel that way, his father had it coming…mine as well, have better Lionel then himself. It was his father's fault, he had gotten sloppy. He kept reminding of himself of that but it didn't help.
It wasn't that he felt guilt, it was more along the lines of he felt he had committed a sin. Luthor's had always stuck together, and thus they had survived. He had broken that cardinal rule, though it was in the fine print, they stuck together only when they couldn't get the other person down and dead.
His father had protected him many times against the media, and made sure he didn't go to jail the few times he was capable of. He thanked his father for that mentally, though he knew it was because there was no heir besides him to take over when Lionel died. His father had no love for him, he blamed the death of the baby on his oldest son and made his son a homicidal schizophrenic psycho. It was his father that had killed his mother in the end. He wished he could say he had his father's love, but it was all about the money in the end. It always was…
A door slammed shut and Lex's head bolted away from the computer screen to look at the visitor.
Where has my heart gone?
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger
Hazel eyes looked at him innocently, the full smile of the lips, made Lex feel relieved as Clark went to sit down on one of the couches in Lex's office. They seemed to radiate happiness at just seeing his face; it would scare him if anyone else but Clark wore that expression. He could feel the tugging at the corners of his mouth, as he sat down, and he gave in, smiling at the farm boy.
"Any reason for your sudden visit?"
Clark shrugged, and Lex couldn't help but laugh. Only Clark would come over for no apparent reason, and would think of one halfway into the conversation.
"Were you missing Lana?"
Clark shook his head no to that question and grabbed a pillow from the end of the sofa, cuddling next to it. Lex looked at him, worried.
"What's wrong?" was the next question and Clark lowered his eyes, giving away that there was something bothering the teen.
"Lex, have you ever wondered if it is better to just stop being friends with people when all you know is that you are going to hurt them in the end, " Clark blurted out, after an interval of silence.
"No, everyone hurts each other in the end, that's human nature. We need other people as much as we need water or food."
"Is it intentional that we hurt people or could it just be an accident?"
"Everything we do that we believe in that can hurt someone is intentional. We can claim it isn't to hurt them, but never less we did it to save yourselves. Do you do that, Clark?"
Clark suddenly looked up, and his eyes were scattered, looking like a deer in the headlights, scared to move and too scared to just stay still. Lex had trapped him in the bait.
Suddenly Clark's expression turned to a lazy smile. " What bout' you?"
"Too many people have hurt me to trust them…thus I will keep hurting them as long as I don't get hurt as well…"
"I've been lucky, I never been hurt by anyone." Clark smiled and Lex returned it, both of them were aware of each other's lies, and their eyes secretly danced at the game they had played for the past three years.
Silence was abundant as they just sat there, neither feeling a need to talk and say meaningless words to heal the lack of fillings of space.
"Do you believe in destiny?" Lex's head shot up to look at Clark, who had just spoke. The question had come out of nowhere.
"No."
"Why not?"
Lex chuckled to himself before he answered. " I believe a man makes his own destiny, Clark."
"But what if we are destined to do something?"
"Unless you decide to do it, it doesn't matter if it is destiny or not."
The smile on Clark's face answered all the questions Lex had for him. He had given the right answer, it made him proud.
"So you are saying your destiny to is to inherit Luthorcorp and become a clone of your father, but unless you want to be that sort of person, you aren't going to become that?"
"Exactly."
"Is it destiny that I am here talking to you about this?"
"Are you flirting with me, Clark?"
"No…" a tinge of pink began to swallow the tan skin on his cheek.
Lex decided to give him a break from his torture, he already had his next line prepared to keep it going but he'd be nice for once. " Is it destiny that you are talking with me? Yes…the day I drove the car into the railing, I was destined to die. Everything said I was going to die. But I didn't…because of you, I defied destiny, and I decided I would do it again with my father."
He gave Clark a few minutes to absorb what he was saying, seeing the wheels in Clark's mind turning. "Is this friendship destined to happen?"
"I wouldn't want it any other way."
Clark gave him the bright radiant smile that Lex swore could make the sun begin to shine in the middle of the darkest night, and he smiled back lazily.
"Destiny is what should happen, it isn't what will happen. Your destiny changes every time you make a choice…"
"…Because the battles of today form the battles of tomorrow." Clark interrupted, using one of the wise sayings he had heard Lex use before.
Lex nodded at him in approval, and Clark beamed again. It was only in Lex's mansion did he feel like a normal person who felt fear. It was the allure of the blue eyes, he had concluded, they scruntized everything he did. It made him feel like an equal.
"Remember Cassandra, that lady at the nursing home?" Lex waited for Clark to nod in remembrance, and he continued. " She died when she read my fortune. She never had a chance to tell me it, but I saw it. I was sitting in the White House, I was president of the United States. I went outside into a field of sunflowers, and I sniffed one of them. As I touched them, they all began to die, and then the blood fell from the sky and it rained on me. Everything….around me…had died because…of me."
He hadn't realized that Clark had moved, and he felt the rough hand lightly stroking his hairless head. Normally he hated people touching it, but with Clark, it felt almost natural, and he sighed, relaxing in the gentle touch.
"It doesn't mean that will happen…" he opened his eyes to see Clark smiling at him, his childish innocence and naïve almost convincing him it was true.
"You saw her first, what did you see?"
Clark couldn't tell him the truth that they weren't supposed to see the visions. A spear of fear had traveled through his lungs when he had heard that Lex has seen the vision as well. That wasn't meant to happen, it had only been an accident with him, but Lex too? He didn't want to lie to Lex, but he didn't want to get caught either.
Lex was giving him a look of complete trust, his metallic eyes seeming to dare him to lie. Clark always knew that Lex knew that he was lying, but he accepted it because he trusted him. He wanted to trust the billionaire but he couldn't hurt anyone else because of his secret.
"There were graves surrounding me, and I was in the center of them in a thunderstorm. I looked at every name and they were people that I loved. They had all died, the only name that hadn't been engraved yet was yours, Lex." He decided to tell the truth and Lex's eyes thanked him silently.
"So is that our future, Clark? To out-live all other things in the world that we love?" Lex puzzled out-loud and Clark closed his eyes. He would do that, and now that he thought about it, why hadn't Lex been dead in the vision?
"I guess so…"
Lex let out a girlish giggle, as he stood up, getting himself a cup of scotch from his private bar in the corner of his office. He filled a glass with water and ice for Clark, and sat down next to the taller man. He handed the water to Clark, and held out his glass of scotch.
"Here's to being alone!" he roared, smiling and they clinked glasses. Clark could see his pain reflected in Lex's eyes, and reflected back again. They both took a sip, and set their glasses down on the coffee table.
"So how is your father holding up?" Clark asked, and a groan was his response as Lex looked off into the distance, away from him.
"Being himself. Tomorrow I have to move his files out of his headquarters, so I can begin running the business."
"Do you need any help moving them?"
Lex shook his head and thanked him under his breath. He leaned his head back against the top of the sofa, and sighed.
"This is going to kill you, you know that." Clark commented, looking at the distressed features of his friend. He looked as if he had been burdened with all the worlds' problem.
"Business doesn't care who it kills."
"It should!"
Lex snorted at the conviction in Clark's comment, and it took him several minutes to stop laughing long enough to rebut Clark's statement.
"When you become the leader of the world, and make them possible, let me know."
"Okay, I'll go do that." Clark smiled and looked down on his watch. It was dawning on seven, and he swore.
Lex looked up at his friend, and Clark smiled at him. " Parents need me home now. Call me if you need any help with the moving."
Lex nodded as Clark scooted out of the room, sliding on his shoes as he trampled down the stairs. It was an amazing feat that he hadn't just fell down the stairs.
Oh I, I, want to go back to
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all
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Lex grunted as he began to move the next round of boxes from the front stoop of the LuthorCorp Headquarters building to the moving van that he had hired for just today. He had three or four heavy boxes, and he could just barely see above them as he threw them into the back of the truck.
He gasped for air, and took a look at his handy work. Every square ounce of the moving van was filled with boxes and boxes of files that would need sorting into his section of LuthorCorp. He was glad his father was very tedious and had everything filed perfectly. It would take less time for him to sort them all out.
He pulled the door down and latched it, giving the driver the thumbs up to tell him to get going back to Smallville. He took a breath and he began his way back to the looming building. All he had to do is look around and make sure everything was cleared out, and then he could leave.
Knowing his father, he would hide things on the higher floors because fewer people went in them. Lionel had an obsession for heights, he always wanted to be dangling in the sky. Lex was reminded of how his father had told him that the ultimate goal of a conqueror was to be able to fly among the clouds, and know you were above them all.
He took the elevator to the highest floor that it allowed, and shuffled among the hallway, hands in his pocket. He was paranoid that his father would jump out at him anytime to laugh at him, and he kept an eye out though he knew his father was very safe in maximum-security prison.
There was nothing in the hallway and Lex felt along the wall to see if there was some switch to open the doors. It was twisted and very like his father.
His hand connected with a hard ball, bruising his knuckle and he twisted it, backing up to see what happened.
It turned out to be a section of the wall on the other side spun around to revel a brass door with a lion on the knob, teeth bared. How appropriate…
The office was dark and damp, with papers scattered everywhere, and lead boxes lining the walls, thrown in a chaotic jumble, with a safe cuddled in the corner. It looked to be fire-resistant, and Lex could see it was took five combinations to open it, so basically there was almost a one in million chance it could be opened.
He first took a look at the lead boxes, and the green glow that was suddenly emitted, frightened him and excited him.
Clark dangling from the cross, a green stone around his neck, withering
Lex pulling him off the cross, and took the necklace off him
Clark was back at full strength suddenly…
It was the same rock that seemed to bother Clark so many countless times, and he hissed in annoyance. The nagging in his mind was forming again, he knew something about it but he couldn't remember it. He couldn't remember how he knew it or what it was, but he knew he had once known it.
He went to look at the papers scattered around the office, and gathered them into a pile. They were lab tests on the green minerals, files on the Kent Farm, a huge stack of stuff on Clark, all the accidents going on in Smallville, and other various things that involved Clark in some way.
Lex felt sick to his stomach as he realized this area was created to be a shrine to the mystery of Clark Kent and he began to pack it up into piles. He picked up the safe, sliding it onto the desk. He was amazed at how little it weighed, and he sat down in the chair that had been in the office.
Where has my heart gone?
An uneven trade for the real world
This was the data he was looking for on Clark Kent, and how he had survived that day the car hit him. He didn't want to pry into Clark's life, but it was driving into him, the power he held in his hands. He wanted to know everything about his enigma.
What he would do would hurt Clark. But he came first in life before Clark…Clark would never have to know about this. He could feel it…the suppressed memories he had forgotten. They had to do with Clark Kent…he was sure of that.
Oh I, I want to go back to
Believing in everything
He wanted to just pretend Clark was a normal boy, but they both he wasn't. He didn't want to lose his best friend, the only person who meant anything to him. But he was so close to the truth.
Lionel wouldn't have an entire office devoted to a boy if he weren't special…His father wouldn't be curious in anything that wouldn't benefit him in some way.
"Is this destiny, Clark? Is it my destiny to know the truth about how we meet? Is it my destiny not to know? Is it our destiny to be friends? Or will destiny supposed to hurt us?" he whispered as he began to drag the stuff into the elevator to load into his own car.
"Forgive me, Clark, for I have sinned."
---------------------------------------------------
"Are you still lying around in the dumps over Lana?" a female voice spoke, awaking Clark from his peaceful nap on the bale of hay.
"Nope, just sleeping. I didn't sleep too well last night, " he yawned lazily, turning over on his stomach to look at Chloe who was staring at him in mild amusement.
"Because of Lana leaving?"
"No…not everything involves Lana in the world."
"Is that a tone of bitterness I hear in your voice?" she smirked at him, and he had to resist the urge to growl. She was way reading into his moods…he didn't sleep because he had a dream about Jor'el. It also didn't help that Lex's conversation with him about destiny made him think the entire night that wasn't occupied by an angry alien parent.
"She didn't want to leave, Clark. You know that as well as I do."
"Then why'd she leave then?" Clark couldn't hide the anger in his voice. He didn't want to talk about Lana.
"Because you couldn't tell her the truth."
"Ignorance is bliss…" was his answer, before rolling over on the hay and curling up to go back to sleep. Chloe was annoying him and he wanted her to get away from him.
"Stop throwing yourself a pity party and do something about, before you screw up again!" was her last words to him as she finally got annoyed enough to storm away. All he could give off was bitter laughter.
Where has my heart gone?
Lost in the eyes of a stranger
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The door swung closed with a large noise, and Lex took his seat at the table, across from the smirking man.
"So nice of you to finally see me, Alexander…"
Oh I, I want to go back to
Believing in everything
And knowing nothing at all