Torn
They lay there in post-cataclysmic bliss, but there was something that just wasn't right. She wasn't his. It was always in the back of Cody's mind, it ate at him constantly, yet he couldn't help but take anything she would give him. God, why couldn't she see how much he loved her?
They remained silent, each burdened once again with the knowledge of what they were doing. Cody couldn't help but remember the moments that had started it all.
He had knocked on her hotel room door one Tuesday night, ready to watch a movie with his best friend. His best friend, Becky, who was now lying so silent in his arms. She had answered readily, cheerfully, with "Oh cool, you're here! We've got about 20 minutes before it starts again on Pay Per View, so I'm going to call Adam really quick and ask him how tonight went. Did you bring snacks?"
He raised the plastic bag filled with junk food and stepped into the room. He sat in the armchair, watching her get out her Blackberry. Of course, she had to check in with Adam, her boyfriend of what seemed like an eternity to Cody. Unfortunately for Becky, Adam was on Smackdown and she was on Raw with him. While the two shows were usually only a few towns apart, it seemed like Adam had been spending less and less time with her. And, as twisted as it sounds, Cody couldn't help but hope that this was the end for the couple.
Unbeknownst to Cody, Becky's mind had also wandered back to that fateful night, remembering her phone call to Adam.
She hit SEND twice, knowing his number was the last one she had dialed, as usual. It rang, and she smiled at the thought that it was probably playing Cherry Pie by Warrant loudly on the nightstand.
"Hey babe, what's up?" he answered after 3 long rings. God, she loved hearing him speak; his voice so husky, growling, roughly seductive. But her smile fell as she heard a distinctly female voice very close to the phone, "Who is it Edge?"
Adam responded quickly, almost rudely in fact, "I don't think that's any of your damn business. Didn't I ask you to leave already?" followed by a loud rustling. Becky sighed. Another night, another ring rat.
There was an unwritten rule amongst the men of wrestling, "The Naitch Clause" I suppose you could call it. Essentially it said "As a professional athlete with physical needs, who is on constant tour of duty, the fulfillment of those needs by discreet and willing fans, henceforth known as ring rats, is not to be considered breaking the bonds of an established relationship and should be duly accepted by the spouse of said wrestler."
That was the world Adam was a part of, a world where men could become gods with enough luck, hard work, and broken bones. She had known that going into the relationship. She knew he thought nothing of the pretty bodies that passed through his bed. But it didn't make it easy. Perhaps if she was on the same show he wouldn't need those girls, but even when she knew he had the opportunity to be with her, he sometimes chose to remain at his own hotel and spend time with one of the nameless. It was getting more and more painful for her each day.
She felt tears welling up in her eyes, and she struggled to stop her voice from shaking. "It sounds like you're pretty busy Adam. I guess you can call me later…when you have time." She paused, wanting to still be that sweet, supportive woman that he needed despite how false it seemed. "I love you Adam" she said softly before hanging up the phone, not wanting to hear anything he had to say.
With Adam no longer able to hear, Becky broke down. Cody was quick to stand up, rushing to embrace his tormented friend. She pounded his chest in frustration, crying, her breasts heaving in anger. Cody pulled her close, stroking her hair to calm her down, "Shhh Beck…it's ok, it's ok" he murmured over and over as he felt her relax.
They sunk to the bed, Cody still holding her close against his body as she sobbed to him "God Cody, why is it so hard? I knew it would be like this, but it still hurts so badly." Then she sat up, angrier, and looked him straight in the eyes. "It's not fair! Why is it okay for him to treat me like this? It's like I don't even matter to him anymore! I'm just one of a thousand…" And then the sobs took over again, unable to contain her grief.
She slowly quieted and finally raised her eyes again to meet Cody's. "Do you know how scared it makes me Cody? I'm always afraid."
He looked at her in confusion, full of sympathy. "Of what Beck? You know he doesn't care about them." He wanted so badly to ease her fears, to stop the tears from pouring down her cheeks.
"What if one of them has an STD? You know how much some of those ring rats sleep around. Then he could get it, and I could get it. What if one of them accidentally gets pregnant? I know he's careful, but you never know what could happen. But worst of all Cody, what if he finds one he falls in love with? What if one treats him better, makes him feel better? I don't know what I'd do without him Cody…I don't know why I love him."
Now Cody understood her constant need to act like the good housewife, why she would forgive Adam anything. He couldn't help but hate him. How could he treat her like this? Cody couldn't imagine wanting to sleep with any other woman when he had her. Cody had eyes for no one else but Becky, and could never understand how Adam could do anything but worship at her feet.
He had denied it for so long, they were best friends after all, but he had fallen in love with every little thing about her. He softly wiped the tears from her cheeks. And before he could stop himself, Cody leaned in and reverently placed a kiss on her quivering lips.
She gasped in shock as he pulled away. "I'm…I'm sorry Beck, I don't know what I was thinking…I'm sorry…" he stammered. Oh God, what had he done? He thought he had found peace with being only her friend, but now he'd blown it.
To his surprise, she ferociously returned his kiss, clinging to him as if she was clinging to life itself. It left Cody no time to think about what he was doing, to realize that maybe she was just using him to fill that void that Adam was leaving wide open. Truthfully, he didn't care why she wanted him.
And it didn't stop there, as she pulled his shirt over his head and swung her leg over to straddle him. She pressed her entire body against him, and he nearly lost it when she moaned faintly in his ear. It degenerated from there as they tore off their remaining clothes. He couldn't contain his lust for her, and she welcomed it eagerly, pulling him on top of her and spreading her legs even wider to allow him to thrust deeply in and out of her body.
But it was afterwards that nearly killed him. She saw the love shine in his eyes, but she couldn't recognize it for what it was. He adoringly pushed the sweat-drenched hair from her forehead and placed another kiss on her temple.
But the tears were back in her eyes. "Please go Cody" she whispered hoarsely as she moved to wrap the cool white sheet tightly against her naked body. Cody reluctantly stood and slowly put his clothes back on, still unable to take his eyes off of her. By then she had stopped acknowledging his presence, wracked with guilt, drowning in her own personal torment. He could do nothing but leave her alone.
And it didn't end there. For the most part she acted as if everything was normal. They went back to their usual routine, riding from city to city together when Adam wasn't available, eating dinner together every once and awhile, hanging out backstage. But every so often, for months now, she would appear at his door late at night. Or she would call him up, usually slightly drunk, and tease and torment him over the phone until he made the treacherous journey down the hall to her hotel room.
It was usually times when Adam had done something to upset her. After all, Cody was the perfect revenge: young, talented, and darkly handsome, and, as much as he tried to hide it, everyone could see how in love with Becky he was.
When Becky and Adam did stop to spend time together, it seemed to end more and more frequently in anger or tears. Cody's flame of hope continued to flicker, fed each time she let him stay longer, each time she fell asleep in his arms. He could only hope that one of these mornings she would wake up and love him too. Until that day, if it ever came, he would wait and take whatever he could get.
So Cody lay there, breathing that scent he adored, his hand resting softly on her silky hip. Her head rested on his left shoulder as she contemplatively stroked his right bicep. How the smallest touch from her could drive him crazy! How had she turned him into such a love-struck idiot?
Suddenly, he was startled by the sound of the door opening. He was unable to move as heavy footsteps approached the bed. Two large suitcases hit the floor and a loud voice boomed angrily "What the FUCK!"
"Oh shit! Oh my God…Adam" came the velvety voice of the beauty next to him, who had sat straight up in shock. Without taking her eyes from Adam, she coldly ordered Cody "Get up idiot. Go."
He scrambled to do as she said, throwing on his boxers and stumbling toward the door. But he couldn't escape Adam, who grabbed the smaller man and slammed him hard against the wall. Cody had never seen a face like that, so full of rage.
"Who the fuck do you think you are Runnels? How dare you touch her. That is mine! Do you hear me Runnels?!"
"Stop Adam! It's not his fault" came her voice from the other side of the room. It was enough to distract Adam and remove a little of his attention, and Cody felt his grip on his shoulders loosen slightly.
"If I EVER see you come near her again, I'll kill you. I'll strangle you with my own hands, got it?" he snarled through gritted teeth. Cody nodded his head fervently and threw himself out the door, pausing only to take a quick glance at the lone figure on the bed.
He slumped on the other side of the door, out of breath. More than that, he was worried about her. If Adam was that angry at him, he couldn't imagine how he felt about Becky. He could only hope that he wouldn't hurt her. Cody didn't know how he could live with himself if something happened to her, especially if it was his fault.
Adam stepped over his bags and made his way to the bed. They locked eyes, green on green, as Becky stood to face him, the sheet held close to cover her nude body. "Adam…" she began, but she was unable to continue when her voice choked with tears.
"Don't. I don't want to hear it. Just go take a shower. I can't even look at you right now" he spat at her.
She couldn't help but snap back "At least now you know what it feels like, I can hardly ever look at you anymore." She made her way into the shower, and Adam slumped into the armchair. Why today of all days? What had he done?
She emerged from the bathroom, and he couldn't help but realize how beautiful she looked, her hair wet, her face clean and natural, her nipples slightly visible through the simple white t-shirt. He should have been angry with her, but she couldn't help but notice that he sat quietly, not yelling, not punching the wall. She approached him cautiously, barely able to will herself to look him in the face.
"Adam, I'm so sorry. It wasn't supposed to be like this…" God, she couldn't stop crying. Adam saw her reddened eyes, aching from the tears she had shed in the shower. How many tears had she cried over him?
"Shhh, Becky, it's kind of my fault. I've been too stupid to realize what I've been doing to you." She smiled faintly, standing within his grasp.
"Look, I wanted to ask you something." He couldn't believe he was going through with this after what he had just seen. But he was more than guilty of the same thing, he guessed, and Adam knew this was the only way he could ever fix this whole mess. He reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out a small black box. There were no words as he placed the box in her delicate open palm.
She could barely contain her shaking as she opened the box, revealing one of the largest diamonds she had ever seen in her life. "Adam? Really?" finally escaped her bow-shaped lips.
"Yeah" he nodded. He had lied to himself for months, denying his love for her. He had long doubted the existence of love, doubted the need for it in his life, but no matter what had happened he couldn't doubt that his best chance at it was staring him in the face.
Her smile grew even wider, and he pulled her into his lap. Holding her close, he slipped the ring onto her left hand. A perfect fit.
"I got you moved to Smackdown too. If you want, I mean. I just don't want to be away from you anymore. I need you" he whispered. She turned to him and placed the sweetest kiss on his lips, and they stared into each other's eyes, foreheads touching. They grinned, the memories of the recent past melting away.
Hours later, Cody heard a knock on his door. He had been pacing nonstop since he had left her hotel room earlier that night. He opened it nervously to see her standing there. He knew she must love him. She had come to him, run back to him.
She stepped into the room, daring to look up at him, her nerves apparent. "Cody, ummm…I'm moving to Smackdown" was all she could say.
He panicked. "What? Please don't go. Look, I'll never touch you again if you don't want me to, just please don't go…" but before he could continue he saw it, the diamond winking at him in the dim light, taunting him on her ring finger.
It was as if someone had kicked him in the gut. The wind was forced from his lungs as he stood stunned. "How could you? Why?" he finally got out, gripping the incriminating left hand in his own.
"Cody, I…I didn't want you to find out like this. It just happened…" she trailed off, unable to explain to the man she considered her best friend.
"Don't you get it? Becky, I love you." The weight in his chest lifted slightly as he finally let out the words he had hidden for so long. "I love you more than I ever thought possible. Adam doesn't love you like I do, he can't. He treats you like shit Becky, but I could never treat you like that. God, why can't you see how much I love you?" he poured out.
"Don't say that Cody. Please don't say that" she sighed, shaking her head.
"And why not? It's true! I love you Becky!" Cody cried passionately.
She smiled sadly. "Because I love Adam." And then she turned and left Cody standing alone.
That was nearly six months ago. He never saw her anymore. When passing by her backstage at Pay Per Views, she would nod and scurry along, usually to join Adam somewhere. They were inseparable these days, and, from what he had heard, the wedding would be sometime next month. There were even rumors that she might be pregnant.
He had lost her. She would never be his. But God, why did he have to love her?