It was a sunny day, so sunny in fact that several cats went blind because it was just so fox-dungingly perfect.
Three kits (yes, three, not four, not two, not two and a half) sat excitedly by their mother as she groomed their untidy pelts. Today was the day that they would become none other than cats a little bit older than yesterday. In other words, they were about to be apprenticed.
Their names were Daisykit, Nightkit, and Alderkit.
Daisykit is the super excitable, super cute, super beautiful she-cat of the litter. Her eyes were the color of sparkling emeralds just like the kind you pay fifty mouse-tails to see in a British museum. Her fur was a pale creamy brown like someone had taken a jar of nutella and mixed it in with a giant glob of whipped cream. Pure beauty.
The second kit, who is second favored, second born, second to last born, second to first born, was named Nightkit. He was nothing like Daisykit. He was drab and logical and ultimately balanced out his sister's bouncy nature. He had a dark gray pelt. That's it.
The third kit, who is actually the oldest in the litter, is Alderkit. He is quite the handsome tabby tom if I do say so myself. His body ripples when he walks because he is an oh so muscular kit barely out of the nursery who'd been doing nothing but drink milk, eat prey, and tumble around in the elder's den for half a year. Yep, that's some real cardio right there.
Who cares though, right? This isn't about Alderkit or his littermates. This is completely and utterly all about his path and journey and quest to leadership. You could have stuck any ol' cat in his place because it's not about him. There will be no character development whatsoever here.
"All cats who copy and paste their ceremonies from the Warriors wikia page, gather beneath the Highrock for a Clan meeting." Whitestar, the ThunderClan leader who is not Whitestorm by the way, meowed. That's it. He meowed.
All of the cats in the Clan rushed out of their dens, practically tripping over each other, and eagerly returned to camp mid-hunt because they knew what today was... Taco Tuesday!
Or, for a more sensible reason to be called for a Clan meeting, it was the day three kits would become apprentices and three warriors would become mentors.
Now we all know this story is about Alderkit right? More exact, this story is about Alderkit's journey (not him). We can skip Daisykit becoming Daisypaw and getting her dream mentor Hazelstripe. We can also just glide right over Nightkit being renamed as Nightpaw and getting the great warrior Foxfoot because, come on, who cares?
Finally it was Alderkit's turn. He was very excited. I mean very excited. You could practically see his body vibrate with excitement.
Whitestar proudly began the third and final ceremony. "Alder(kit), you have reached the age of six moons, and it is time for you to be apprenticed. From this day on, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as (new name, ending with "paw") Alderpaw. Your mentor will be (name of warrior or medicine cat) Stormclaw. I hope (name of warrior or medicine cat) Stormclaw will pass down all he/she knows on to you.[3]"
You can practically smell the author pressing CTRL + V.
Alderpaw was disappointed. He had really wanted his mentor to be the leader, Whitestar, or at least the deputy! Instead he got a young warrior named Stormclaw. Sure, Stormclaw was only the strongest of the young cats in ThunderClan, but he was no deputy. At least he was the leader's son.
Whitestar: "Stormclaw, you are ready to take on an apprentice. You had received excellent training from Birchshade, and you have shown yourself to be really strong and really brave. You will be the mentor of Alderpaw, and I expect you to pass on all you know to Alderpaw."
The mentor touches noses with the apprentice, and the Clan greets the new apprentice by calling out his/her name.
"Alderpaw! Alderpaw!"
After this, the apprentice will usually go greet their family, or go see to their mentor.
Alderpaw went to go see his mentor. His littermates and their mentors joined him.
"Let's go explore the whole entire forest!1!" Daisypaw meowed.
"No, we definetly should not explore the whole entire forest." Nightpaw argued.
"Lighten up," Alderpaw told him. "We're apprentices now! And in three moons I'm going to warn the Clan about a ShadowClan raid and then I'll fight and protect the queens from the enemy warriors and then Whitestar'll make a warrior earlier than you. After that I'll get my own apprentice and suddenly a couple seasons will pass and then I'll be a warrior and then the deputy mysteriously dies and then I become deputy and then Whitestar is suddenly super old and gross and then he dies and then I become leader and then I die for a noble cause while you sleep in the elder's den like a fat fart."
"Oh okay," Nightpaw nodded. He turned to Daisypaw. "Let's go."
Their mentors led them out of camp to begin their first official tour of the territory. Adventure!
Author's Note:
Everyone, this is a new type of fanfction that I am presenting to you... A mockfic. It's kind of like mary-sue trollfic, but it's made to mock you, me, them, us. Be offended and leave a flame, or leave a nice review, or just click away and never come back. Ever. Have a nice day! Meow.