Disclaimer: I own nothing, no characters, no places, no books, no titles, nothing. Stephanie Meyer owns it all.

A/N

So, this is my first attempt at writing a fanfic. Hope it lives up to your expectations. I guess this takes place sometime during Eclipse, since she's graduating and the battle with Victoria is yet to happen, but certain things have already happened (you'll have to read to find out). My timeline may be a little messed up but it needed to be to make my story work. Hey, it's fanfiction, I figured I could be a little less technical. lol

Summary: Bella loses it and can't help but feel like some part of her has died, and to survive she needs to let go of the one thing she thought she couldn't survive without. Follow her as she lets go and just lives. There will be Edward, the Pack, the Cullens, and the Volturi. Rated M for future language and possible lemons.

Chapter 1: Anger, Demise, Hope

Edward, ugh, pacing the floor and pinching the bridge of his nose. I swear, if he doesn't stop I'm going to throw something right at that perfect nose, with those perfect fingers pinching, and knock him right between the eyes. So what if it won't hurt him. Sometimes insult is worse than injury. With him being a vampire, I had no way to take out my frustrations on him. Slapping him would only cause me pain and probably break a bone or two. I realized then that if I hit him I would miss the bonfire anyway for x-rays and god knows what treatment Carlisle would need to perform to fix my injuries.

"Bella, it's out of the question. I refuse to allow you to endanger yourself by spending the evening with a bunch of volatile, teen-age werewolves! I have sworn to myself that I would protect you at all costs and that is just what I intend to do. There is too much that could harm you there and I just won't take that risk." His voice lowered to a more gentle tone near the end. God, does he realize it's not his risk to take? I'm a grown woman for crying out loud! Edward had stopped right in front of me and put his hands on my shoulders, staring into my eyes. Oh jeez, he's trying to "dazzle" me again. The family had moved to the outskirts of the room, trying to give the illusion of privacy, but who are we kidding. This is a train wreck, and they were just glued to the scene, knowing they shouldn't be watching, but not wanting to miss a minute of it.

"Edward, you are being ridiculous. It's a BONFIRE! And I'm the guest of honor! They are doing this as a graduation celebration for me! They're not going to eat me, they're not going to use me for some wierd ritual werewolf sacrifice. We are going to sit around, tell stories and eat hotdogs. I spent months in La Push while you were gone and I'm fine! My god, can you just give it a rest for just one night!" Edward began pacing again. I, on the other hand, stood completely still, seething, taking stock of the room, still looking for something to throw at him. I could see Jasper across the room, a look of complete concentration on his face. He's probably trying to calm me down, but I am too furious, too enraged for his gift to even touch me. Where is this fury, this rage even coming from? But I realized I already knew. Ever since we returned from Voltera, Edward had turned the protectiveness up about 5000 notches. I was just like a china doll to him. Too fragile, too breakable, too valuable to risk any threat of injury. Oh my god, I was... was... like... his PET, his CHILD! Oh no, Oh no no no.

"Bella, it is simply not possible for you to go to La Push. Let us leave out the fact that there is the threat of highly skilled vampire coming to take my love away from me, or the possibility of the Volturi arriving at any time to see if you have been changed. Do you know what sort of things could happen to you at a bonfire? My love, you know how clumsy you are, we wouldn't want you falling into the fire, now would we?" Then he smirked, looking at me like I was a five year old who got caught scribbling on the walls. Ugh, he was so condescending I wanted to throw up. How could I have been so stupid not to see it before? "Now Bella, you know that Alice had a whole evening planned for the two of you. You wouldn't want to hurt your sister would you?" I spun my head to look at Alice. She opened her mouth as if to say something. Jasper shot her a look and she clamped her jaws shut with a loud clack. If she was human, I swear her perfect teeth would have cracked.

It was my turn to start pacing. My adrenaline was pumping furiously through my veins. I felt like I was seeing red. He was killing me, slowing but surely part of me was dying. And I could no longer let that happen. "Edward, how dare you treat me like a child! For your information I survived for 17 years before I even met you and 6 months while you were off with your 'distractions.' And lets not leave out the fact that during that time I managed to survive meeting up with a sadistic vampire in the woods by myself, slapping a werewolf, learning how to ride a motorcycle, and diving off a cliff! Contrary to what you may believe, I think I can handle myself!" Ok, I knew the comment about his "distractions" was hitting below the belt. The pain that flashed on his face told me that, but I didn't care. I was too far gone.

Edward sighed and I'll be damned if he didn't pinch the bridge of his freakin nose again. "Bella love, almost all those things happened to you in La Push, while you were with Jacob. Surely, you understand my concern. I cannot allow you to associate with anyone who would allow you to take such risks so freely. They have no concern for your safety, for your life." I couldn't believe he had the audacity to accuse Jacob and the pack of such a thing. Not when they had allied with the Cullens to defend me and my life against whatever violence Victoria had planned for me. I knew that he was playing dirty with Jacob in order to keep me. Well, now it was my turn to play dirty. "Edward, at least I have an actual life! You know, a living, breathing, heart-beating LIFE and trust me, I plan on keeping it!" I noticed out of the corner of my eye, that Jasper was holding onto Alice with a death grip. Her eyes were blank and she was staring into space. Great, another damn vision that we'll all have to bow to. Edward collapsed to his knees, holding his head in his hands. He must have read her thoughts and seen whatever vision she was having. The sight did nothing to quell my anger. Up until now, I'd never had to worry about being angry with him. In the beginning I was so happy to have him back that I let him get away with making all the choices, hanging on to me every moment because he had convinced me it was "for my own good." It was only recently that I began to realize that he had no idea what was good for me and I had started to realize that, well, that he was not good for me. I hated to use the same words that he broke me with so many months ago, but it was the truth. And I was done hiding behind the fantasy of a perfect romance with a being that I once thought never to exist. I was done allowing him to control me like I was his puppet and he held the strings. As I stood there watching him with his head in his hands, kneeling on the floor, I almost felt my body convulse with a jolt as the shock of my revelation set in... I was, just, done.

"My love, what are you saying? Alice, what does this mean. Someone, tell me what's going on!" Still stuck on stupid, he got back to his feet and tried to pull me into his arms but I backed away. "Darling, you're angry. Let's not make any rash decisions. Esme will make you some tea, you'll calm down, and we'll discuss what just happened rationally." The look of desperation in his eyes that I recognized from when he was gone and I myself carried that same look, almost cracked me, but I knew I was no longer the weak person I'd let him turn me into over these past weeks. Hearing him call me 'love' and listening to him talk down to me like that just made me want to crawl out of my skin. I stood strong and looked into his eyes and said the words I never thought would pass my lips.

"Edward, I'm saying this is over. I'm saying that I choose to live, really live." I heard Rosalie gasp, but the rest of the family was looking at me, their expressions something I never expected and looked out of place for the situation. As my eyes traveled over their faces, I saw many different things. I did see sadness and pain and shock, but I also still saw love, and, relief? And from the person I least expected it from, awe. For the first time, Rosalie was not looking at me with poorly hidden contempt. She looked at me with wonder, and envy.

"Love, you can't mean that. We were meant to be together, we're soulmates! I can't exist without you! Whatever this is we'll fix it, I'll fix it!" I held up my hand to stop him from speaking. He grabbed it and was stroking circles on my palm, trying to placate me, but I didn't need that. I needed to leave. I needed to get away from him. I found myself surprised that I couldn't stand the feel of his cold marble skin on mine. "Bella, love, please, what's changed? We can go back to the way it was. Just please don't give up on us, on our eternity!"

I looked at him, cringing at the fact that I found it so difficult to feel sympathy for the broken man in front of me. "Edward, I just can't do it anymore. I'm done. I don't know how to fix this and I swear to God, you don't either. But, deep down you know as well as I do that 'we' and 'I' don't need fixing." Edward dropped to his knees again, letting out a tearless sob. "You've changed and so have I. And I can't go back. I may be human but I've realized that I am not pathetic or weak. I don't need a keeper and that is exactly what you've made yourself. I can't live, nor can I 'exist' like that. I'm sorry to be the one causing pain like I went through when you left, but I can't bring myself to be sorry for the decision I've made. I won't ask any promises of you, but I do hope that you will eventually be able to move on. I can only hope that you do not tear yourself away from your family again. They love you and they will help you through this. Let them help you through this." I looked at the members of the family I thought at one time was going to be mine and saw that they would not abandon him, nor would they let him abandon himself. They had all seemed to steel themselves with an unwavering resolve. I looked down at my left hand and slowly removed Elizabeth Mason's ring. I crouched down to where he was kneeling and tried not to shudder as I took his cold hand, placed his mother's ring in his palm, and gently closed his fingers over it.

"Edward, someday you will find someone who will wear this ring with pride and be able to give themselves fully to you. But, I just can't be that person." I turned to face his family for what I realized could be the last time. "Please, take care of yourselves, and take care of Edward." With those final words, I walked out the door.

EPOV

I can't believe this. The love of my life, no, my existence just walked out the door. And I let her. My god, what have I done?

Esme came over to me and put her arms around me protectively as only a mother can do. I was shaking with sobs, cursing that no tears would fall, no release from this anguish would come. Esme rocked me soothingly, rubbing circles on my back. I didn't think I could take this pain again. My cursed existence had taken an impossible turn for the worse. I had not had the strength to pull myself out of my despair the last time we were apart, and I had no idea how I would do it now.

For all the curses of this so called life, I had one thing to be thankful for. My expansive vampire mind was processing the previous events at its own alarming rate. I thought back to every memory I had of Bella and I, every action, every decision I'd made. I was loathe to admit that she was absolutely right. I had been so selfish to try to contain her, to hide the capacity for love that she had away from the world. Her uniqueness is what attracted me to her in the first place, her selflessness is what kept me devoted to her. I knew in that moment that the world would be a better place with her still in it, still LIVING. I had to admit to myself that she had finally made the decision that I had worked so hard to get her to make. She was going to live. She was going to breathe. She was going to hopefully go off to college of her own free will, and succeed there due to her own hard work. She would eventually marry, have children and grandchildren, grow old, and yes, someday die. I had to admit that Bella Swan had finally taken the control she needed to continue her life as it should be. She had spoken briefly of hope. For all my admiration of her, I knew that I could not let her down. I knew that I had to try to fulfull whatever hopes she still had for me. For the humanity that she had blessed me with for the short time we were together, I knew I owed her that much.

I don't know how long I sat there. I only know that when I looked up, the sun was coming up. A new day was upon me, a new dawn was breaking.

A/N

Whew! Tell me what you think. I was getting all mad writing it, hope you guys felt that while you were reading it. There are a million ways I could go with this story, but I have a few ideas set in my head. I'm not really planning, just sitting down and writing. I love stories where Edward loses Bella and goes all crazy and sadistic, but I don't think I will go that way here. You will see more of Edward and the pack will be a HUGE part of this story.