Forever.
When a man is between any kind of demon, and the deep blue sea, the deep blue sea looks awfully inviting. Harry + angst = ? (slight implied slash)
Disclaimer: You think I actually own any of this?
(WARNING: Please be aware that this fanfic does deal with Self Injury, and may trigger. Please do not read if you are easily triggered.)
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Harry settled the invisibility cloak around his shoulders, holding it tight to his chest as though it were the security blanket he had never had. Padding silently through the dorm room, he opened the door a crack and slipped out into the hallway, closing the door quietly behind him.
The common room was empty but for two tiny first year girls, who had fallen asleep curled up in front of the fire. They were latched onto each other as though their lives depended on it, and as he walked by, Harry recognized them as being the Wilder twins. They had lost both their parents, and their older brother in the attack the night before. Knowing the pain that they were going through, Harry conjured a thick red blanket, and gently draped it over their sleeping bodies.
Standing over them for a moment, Harry wondered if any student would make it through these years unscathed. There seemed little hope left for the Light side, although Harry knew that Dumbledore hadn't yet shown his full power, or unleashed his complete army. He understood that Voldemort was beginning to win this war, but that, with hope, the tides would soon be turned.
Leaving the Wilder twins to sleep, Harry continued on his way, walking out of the Gryffindor common room. The Fat Lady called out after him, wanting to know how was there and why they had disturbed her sleep, but Harry did not turn around. Instead, he continued on his way, checking with the Marauders Map in his hand that there were no teachers about. Luckily for him, the only teacher still out on duty was McGonagall, but she was in the library with a Ravenclaw student, who had no doubt been caught out of bed and was this very moment being reprimanded.
Harry made his way through the castle until he reached the stairway that lead up to the Astronomy Tower. The door was locked, but Harry quickly had it unlocked. Stepping through the doorway, he was sure to silently close the door, and re-lock it behind him. It was better, after all, to be safe rather than sorry. Even if it did mean he was essentially trapped within the tower, he relinquished the thought that no teacher on duty would suspect anything, as long as he made no loud noises. But as he didn't plan on making any noise at all, it didn't matter to him.
Step by step, Harry climbed the full way up to the top of the Tower. It was a long way up, being one of the tallest towers in the Hogwarts Castle. At last though, Harry reached the top. The windows did not contain any glass at all, and that was why Harry had chosen this particular place. He wanted to see exactly what was out there, and not some image that was only being reflected off of the glass and then back into his eye. No, Harry needed to see the real world, for all that it was, and for all that it ever would be.
Harry chose the window that faced out over the forest, and sat down on the cold, hard stone windowsill. He was able to sit on the sill with his back against the frame of the window with ease; he hadn't eaten in god-knows how long, and since Quidditch had been cancelled, he no longer worked out, and so was no longer as muscular as he had once been. He had not turned flabby, not by any frame of mind, but he had become quite skinny.
"You're wasting away in front of our eyes, Harry," Hermione had said, not two days past. "One day we're going to look for you, and all we'll see is a stick. You need to eat more, a lot more."
"Hermione..." Harry whimpered, his mind falling into the memory of the attack the day before.
"Run Harry!" Ron yelled over his shoulder. "You have to get out of here. Me and Hermione will hold them back. Go!"
"I can't leave you," Harry screamed, "I'll fight with you. Between the three of us, we can all get through this."
"No, Harry! You have to go. If you don't survive, then none of us will. I will not take that risk." Hermione cried.
"I can't just leave you..."
"Yes, you can. Now get out of here, Harry. Quickly!"
Harry sent Hermione one last, desperate look, determined to stay with her and Ron and fight all of the werewolves that Voldemort had sent. But as he reached to pull out his wand, an arm wrapped around his waist, lifting him off the ground. He was placed on a broomstick, and turning, saw that the person who had lifted him was Remus Lupin.
"Remus! What are you..."
"Don't say a word Harry. I've got to get you to a safe place."
"But Hermione...Ron..."
"They can look after themselves. We need to make sure you are safe though. You have to survive this, understand me Harry? If we lose you, we'll lose everything."
"But..."
A loud noise below him ripped Harry from the past back into the present once more. Looking down, he could see a professor walking out of the Dark Forest, carrying what looked to be an injured unicorn. The unicorn was dying quickly, even Harry could see that, and would not last much longer, most likely it would die before the professor even reached the castle.
Harry watched as, just before they made it to the Entrance Doors, the unicorn gave one last cry, and fell limply in the professor's arms. Giving a great sob, the professor knelt down, and let the unicorn slide onto the ground before him. He gently gave the unicorns mane a pet, before breaking into great, heaving sobs. After a few minutes, in which no one from the castle heard what was going on, the professor picked the unicorn up once more, and carried it back to the forest, and lay it a patch of grass at the edge. There would be no time for a burial for the splendid creature, and so the professor merely covered it with dry leaves, dirt and grass. When the unicorns grave was finished, the professor wiped away the last of his tears, and made his way back to the castle.
For a few minutes it seemed as though the forest itself grieved for the beautiful creature that now lay dead on it's edge. There was no sound to be heard, and even the wind had died away. But the moment passed, and Harry could again hear the gentle sounds that the other creatures of the forest were making.
Turning his gaze from the forest to the stars above him, Harry began to wonder if that was where everyone ended up. Looking down from the sky above onto the faces of those they loved, that would be a most peaceful way to spend eternity. Feeling the tear begin to track down his face, Harry swiped at it, determined not to cry. Crying was for the weak, for those who could not control their emotions.
Remembering just why he had come here this night, Harry slipped the knife out of his pocket. It was silver, not the fancy gold cutlery that was used in the Great Hall. He could not remember exactly where he found the knife, but he knew that he wanted, no needed, it. He needed to use it. There was too much pain in this world, and now...now he had nothing to live for.
"This is for you Ginny, whose love I never returned. Now it is too late to even try."
"This is for Ron, and Hermione. Who would have lived happily ever after, if only they hadn't followed me on my foolish way."
"This is for you, mum and dad, who I never had the chance to meet."
"This is for Sirius. You were the only parent I knew, and I never got to tell you thank you."
"This is for Remus. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made you get involved in my problems."
"This is for everyone else that I have ever loved, or I have ever hurt. I'm so very sorry. I cannot do this any more. I don't care if you need me, I can't stand this any longer."
The words that Harry had spoken appeared on the parchment that he had placed before him, etched there in his blood. For each name, there was a cut along his wrist, and each cut was bleeding heavily. Reaching out his arm to the stars above him, Harry opened his mouth and screamed a silent scream. He could feel the tears rolling down his cheeks, but this time, made no attempt to wipe them away. As his arm began to lose its feeling, Harry slipped off the windowsill, landing on the floor of the tower. He leant his head against the wall, and wept.
Moments later, Harry reached to pick up the knife from where it had landed when he'd fallen, but another hand picked it up and held it away from him. Harry lifted his head, and looked into the pale eyes of Draco Malfoy.
"Harry..." Draco whispered. "You can't be doing this."
"Why not? I'm through, Draco. I have nothing to live for. There is no one left to keep me here."
"Would you live for me?"
"You, Draco?" Harry muttered, as he tried to stand up, but he didn't have the strength and so he slumped back against the wall. "I thought you hated me?"
"Never." Draco paused for a moment, before kneeling down in front of Harry, and gently wrapping a white hankie around Harry's arm. Only when all of the wounds were covered did he speak again. "Well, Harry, will you live for me?"
"Forever."
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THE END (as in, there will be no more)
Yes, I realise it is cruel to leave it at that. But I will leave it up to your imaginations what happens after this. As for me, I'm just content that I've finally written something again. And yes, I realise it is hopeless, but hey...you didn't have to read it.
Reviews would be appreciated, flames will keep me warm.