As I stand here, I take a glance at the woman I love, her fiery red hair standing out against her trademark blue scrubs. Her hair falls perfectly around here face making her already ghost like skin even paler. If a stranger looked now her appearance would deceive them even though she was in the smallest scrubs possible they still look as if they are two sizes too big making her look petite and weak. But in fact she is the strongest person I have ever met. She has this 'ice queen' façade that not many people see past, it's her way of life, hurt people before they hurt you and don't let anybody in. It's a way to survive.
But once you get past that icy uncaring persona you are more tuned in to everything about her, like the way her emerald eyes ask questions and keeps on asking them until they have all been answered. Or the way that she takes in every little detail of something so when she gets a moments peace she can analyse it. And if you just so happen to watch her when she is sitting alone, you would see the way her head tilts from one side to the other as if she is having a mental argument with herself that she will never win, jerking her head upwards she will snap out of her trance like state and pretend like nothing ever happened. I asked her once what she thought about when she was off in her own world like that and that was perhaps one of the worst mistakes of my life, suddenly all her defences went up all the defences that I had worked so hard to get through and some new ones as well. It is almost an impossible job to get through her defences because if you don't do it right for every defence you try to knock down ten more takes its place.
That's another thing about her that is frustrating the air around her is full of mystery, when it comes to her past she is annoyingly cagey and tells me that it doesn't matter, but it does, something terrible must of happened to her for her to act this way. What other reason is there for someone to act so uncaring and yet care so much.
Even though the way she treats her junior doctors leaves a lot to be desired, she pushes them to be the best they can be, making them repeat a procedure repeatedly until they can do it with their eyes closed. She makes them do seemingly pointless tasks like rolling a coin over their knuckles and won't take any slack she is 100% devoted to her job and expects them to be as well otherwise she won't tutor them. It drives them to become the best they can be and in most cases that means that they are the best F1's or F2's in the country but none of them seem to realise what she has done for them instead they all hate her.
She obviously cares, otherwise why did she become a doctor? It can't all have been amount the amount of money she earns because she hardly ever spends it on unnecessary items. It could be the attraction of power, there is nothing more powerful then holding somebody's life's in your hands. But even that is unlikely because she fights as hard as she possibly can to let her patient's live, to give them the best chances of survival not only that the best chance of a healthy and normal life, or the chance to say a proper goodbye, even if it puts her job on the line.
An old friend told me that he had asked her why she became a doctor, apparently, it is because 'other people are easier to fix' it's as if she has deemed herself broken beyond help. I can't help but wonder what made her so broken.
But that doesn't matter what matters now is that, it is my job to show her that that is not true it is my job to show her the wonderful, loving and caring person I see each time I look at her. It is my job to let her live again. I cannot help but promise myself to make her see what I see. The most beautiful woman in the world with perfect fiery hair and emerald eyes, a woman who cares about others more then she cares about herself.