"Please no, please. Please be alive." Natasha whispered to herself as she searched the remains of their house. The house she shared with Maria, the house they bought together after the wedding. The house with the backyard and a garden. A deck and a hot tub, just for them. The house they had fixed up together, made theirs. Their home for two years before some asshole trying to get revenge on Natasha had blown it to bits. Yeah, she was sad about the house. But the house was definitely not in the forefront of her mind, because Maria had been home. She knew Maria had been home, and she was absolutely terrified she would be finding a corpse. Even so, she had called Tony, called the team. They were on their way, but not soon enough. She'd called into 911, gave them a quick overview of what had happened. But she sure as hell wasn't going to wait. Her heart was in her throat as she picked her way over timber and plaster.
"Ria! Ria, answer me. Please." She called out, wincing as her voice cracked with emotion. This was not happening, it was a nightmare. "Ria!" She called again, then went silent; listening.
"Tasha …" Oh god, it was her. She was alive. In a mad scramble, she headed for the direction of Maria's voice.
Natasha found Maria half buried under what looked to be the remains of their first floor bathroom. She immediately appraised the situation and started removing rubble from atop and around her wife.
"S'ok. We're okay." She said, and repeated it over and over as she worked. When she was positive she couldn't remove any more without actually hurting Maria, she dropped to her knees at Maria's side. The entire time, half of Natasha's attention had been on her wife, and the same applied to Maria.
"We're gonna be okay, I called for help. They'll be here soon." Natasha said, reaching out to cup Maria's face in her hand. Just glancing over her wife she could tell it was bad, but she was forcing down her panic to stay calm for Maria's sake. Still, the litany of Not like this. Please, not like this paraded through the back of Tasha's mind. She couldn't get it to shut up long enough for her to gather any real thoughts.
"Asshole … blew up … our house." Maria said, frowning. Natasha flinched and reached up to smooth back her wife's hair.
"Shh, it's just a house. As long as we're okay. And we're going to be okay." Natasha said, she was so afraid to shift Maria, but the need to hold her wife was overpowering. She moved her hand away from Maria's face and scooped up her wife's hand and held it to her lips. "Just hang on, okay? Help's on its way." Natasha glanced at the rubble she hadn't dared move. It covered her legs and a good portion of her stomach. Natasha was afraid to shift anything and hurt Maria further. It was easy enough to tell the brunette was in pain.
"Rex okay?" Maria asked, spitting out blood. That made Natasha's gut clench, both because Maria was asking about their dog, and the blood that definitely meant internal injuries.
"Rex is fine, he was in the backyard, remember? He ran to the neighbor's, and they're holding him for us." That was how she had found out about the house, a call from their neighbor. Their cowardly Saint Bernard was huddled at Melissa's, according to the woman. That had been one less worry for Natasha. The redhead kissed Maria's knuckles. "Now stop talking, you're only making it worse."
The wait for help, any help, was agonizing. Natasha coerced Maria into staying awake, begged and pleaded and bargained for her wife to stay conscious. She promised everything and anything Maria asked for, including things she had outright refused in the past. Anything to keep Maria with her, keep her awake. Natasha was so frightened that if Maria passed out, she'd never wake again. It was a very real possibility. But finally, help arrived. In the form of an ambulance and fire truck. She stood and waved them down. And then backed away to let the people work. An EMT pulled her aside and asked questions, which she readily answered. And then Natasha bargained her way into the back of the ambulance with her wife. She watched as they loaded Maria up, her heart in her throat the entire time. It was harder to ignore Maria's injuries in the back of the ambulance, between the oxygen mask, IV and EKG. Natasha really couldn't delude herself, but she shoved herself into the corner on the ambulance, and stayed out of the way. She reached out and started carding her fingers through Maria's hair, which earned her a head tilt and a breathy hum. And then Maria started to nod off again and Natasha's gut clenched.
"Tony is going to flip shit that the house is demolished. He wired that security system himself." Natasha said, trying to start a conversation.
"You don't … think he'll be … more pissed … about the … entertainment system?" Maria whispered, and Natasha had to chuckle.
"What about the Aston Martin in the garage, that was his wedding gift to us. It's now buried under a destroyed garage." Natasha said, still chuckling. She moved her hand and stroked Maria's cheek.
"Clint's gonna … cry over … the floors." Her wife gasped out and Natasha chuckled again. Most of their floors were hardwood, installed by Clint and Steve.
"Clint's gonna take Rex, I texted him. Lucky and Rex get along great, and he'll keep an eye out for Liho and pick her up too." Natasha said softly. While neither of them wanted children, their pets were perfect substitutes.
"Good …" Maria hummed and Natasha nodded at her.
About halfway to the hospital, Maria really started fading. Natasha had to pull away completely to let the EMTs work, and her heart jumped back into her throat. Her wife's heart gave out right before they reached the hospital, and Natasha was left to watch the EMTs as they rushed Maria inside. She stood in the ambulance bay in a state of shock, her heart lodged in her throat and her gut twisted in knots.
"Tasha." She didn't acknowledge the first call of her name. "Tasha, look at me." She knew the voice, but she couldn't tear her eyes away from the door they had taken Maria through. Her heart hadn't been beating. That was the only thoughts that occupied Natasha's mind, as it really sunk in. "Natasha!" The voice was sharper, more insistent. She found her chin in a calloused hand and her gaze forcibly jerked upwards to meet Tony's eyes. Still, she stared past her friend, too absorbed in her own fear.
"She's in shock. Let's get her inside and take care of her." Tony said, and Natasha could only guess that it was true. Natasha's vision was tunneling and everything around her sounded dull and far away.
"I know that." Steve said sharply, and tried to steer her towards the doors. That was when her knees gave out and she sagged. "Woah, woah." Steve called, and Natasha found herself against his chest.
"Thor, go get juice or something. Steve, let's get her inside. They've set us up a private waiting room, we can get her sorted in there." Natasha suddenly found herself in Steve's arms. She wanted to protest at being carried, but she couldn't find her voice. Soon enough she was being sat in a hard chair and a cold cup being shoved in her hands.
"Drink." Tony ordered, and Natasha found herself complying. She found it went a long way to steadying herself, and she looked up at get a really good look at her team.
"Where's Bruce?" Her voice was rough and awful, but she had noticed the distinct lack of the scientist. She tried to shake her head to clear it, but it only made her dizzy. She swayed and Steve's hand caught her shoulder.
"He went in with Maria." Steve told her gently, propping her back up against the chair, glass of whatever still in her hand.
"Clint?" Her voice wouldn't lose that gravely tone, and she couldn't bring herself to care. She was too busy worrying over her wife.
"Getting Rex and Liho sorted, then he'll be here." Tony said, plopping down next to her. He placed a hand on her other shoulder and she just sagged.
"I can't lose her. Not her." She found herself saying, and then she finally broke and sagged completely against Tony. She thought she vaguely felt his or Steve's arms around her, but she was far too busy sobbing and begging anyone, anything that Maria would make it.
Finally Natasha calmed down, and even managed to nod off against whoever she was leaning against. She really didn't have a good sense of time with everything, so when she was nudged awake, she bolted upright and looked around. Her head almost slammed against Bruce's face when she jerked upright, but he caught her and steadied her.
"Hey, easy." Bruce told her as she stared up at him, blinking slowly. It was taking longer than usual to get herself to full awareness, and she finally settled for shaking her head roughly to force herself into working condition. When she looked up again, Bruce was kneeling in front of her.
"I want to get you checked out, Tasha." He told her and she shook her head. She didn't need to be checked out.
"I'm fine, I wasn't near the house when it … when …" She couldn't even form the goddamn words and she hung her head in shame. She was never this broken apart, never this shattered. But, then again, nothing of this magnitude had ever happened. Yeah, there had been injuries and wounds, but nothing like this had happened to Maria. To herself, yeah. It was at least a yearly occurrence to end up with mortal wounds for Natasha, but never Maria. Maria had the cushy job compared to Natasha, and Maria had protection that Natasha refused to have in the field. And the cushy job extended to Maria's current position within Stark Industries, and Natasha's field job continued into the Avengers. So something like this was unprecedented, and Natasha understood that. But she was still ashamed at herself for falling apart.
"Easy, Tasha. Look at me." Bruce told her and she refused, pulling away from his grip and casting a glance towards the floor. She hated that she was still vaguely in public and couldn't force herself back together.
"Can I see her? I want to see her. Is she okay? How … how bad is it?" Her voice cracked several times throughout that statement and wanted to hide away in shame. She needed something to put her back together. Well, she knew what she needed, but she wasn't going to get it. She needed Maria, more than she had ever needed anything in her life. But she supposed she could go home and drown herself in vodka if it came to that. Well, not home. There wasn't a home to go back to. She choked back a sudden sob at the loss of everything, everything her and Maria had put together. Their life, it was gone. Blown to pieces, in a smoldering crater. When she dared look up, the rest of the team was looking at her worriedly.
"Bruce already explained, didn't you hear it?" Clint said, squatting down next to Bruce and in front of her. Natasha blinked at the both of them and looked away, she hadn't heard a word out of Bruce until he had steadied her. She slowly shook her head.
"Fuck, Tasha." Clint breathed, shaking his head and standing, motioning for Steve to follow him. Natasha wondered where he was going, what he was going to do, she didn't like the look on his face.
"She's going to be alright, Natasha. There's no permanent damage. She came in with extremely heavy internal bleeding, but once that was taken care of, she held on." Bruce caught her chin as he spoke and forced her to look at him. "Tash, I really want to get you checked out." His voice held a worried tone and she just shook her head.
"I'm fine." She repeated, trying to look like she meant it. She was far from fine, she knew that, but she needed to see Maria. "Please, Bruce. I need to see her. Then I'll do whatever you want." She pleaded with him.
"Fine." Bruce said, then he turned behind him and called for Steve.
For the second time in recent memory she found herself in Steve's arms. Which was ridiculous, because she could walk. Probably. She huffed in defiance when he had scooped her up, but she really didn't have it in her to fight him. Natasha could barely pay attention to where they were headed in the hospital, her mind just wouldn't focus. She supposed the earlier comment about shock had been more than apt. Still, everything that had been out of focus suddenly snapped back when she got a look at her wife. She pushed against Steve for him to put her down, but he held her long enough to seat her in the chair. She flashed him a scowl before returning her attention to Maria.
"Ria …" Natasha breathed, pulling her wife's hand into her own and bringing it to her lips so she could kiss the brunette's knuckles. There were still tubes and wires everywhere but Bruce's reassurances went a long way towards putting her back together. And then Bruce was back in her line of vision.
"I want someone to check you out Tasha." He told her again and she briefly glanced at him. The look she gave him spoke volumes, he wasn't getting her out of that room unless he drugged her, and she really hoped he wouldn't go that far. Her nerves were fried enough without having to worry about drugs coursing through her system and dulling her already minuscule senses at that moment. "Fine, but I'm bringing someone in. You're getting checked out." She shrugged at him, her focus was already back on Maria. Natasha pulled a hand away and reached up to push Maria's hair out of her face. The shallow rise and fall of her wife's chest went a long way towards settling Natasha down, even as the redhead sighed through her nose. She'd personally take care of whoever did this, she'd make them pay. She barely noticed Bruce slip out of the room, and only really noticed him when he got back into her line of vision with some stranger in a white coat. She frowned at Bruce, but acquiesced to getting checked out.
She settled for being poked and prodded at, and Bruce forced a pill on her. She finally gave in to him and took it, and the offered bottle of water, and then flashed him a quick scowl. And then her attention completely focused on Maria, as the rest of her team drifted in and out of the room. She dozed off in the chair, realizing belatedly that whatever Bruce had given her was going to force her to sleep. She'd get him back later, probably freeze every last piece of underwear he owned.
Natasha awoke very slowly, and it took a minute for her to realize what exactly had woken her. She shifted and glanced up to find Maria slowly running her hands through Natasha's hair. Instantly she sat up and leaned forward to check over her wife.
"You are never allowed to do that to me again, I cannot handle that. You're the one with the safe job, this isn't supposed to happen." She babbled at her wife.
"Now you know how I feel when it's you. Especially those times when they tell me you won't make it." Maria's voice was rough, but it was the most soothing sound in the world to Natasha. Still, the redhead frowned. She guessed Maria was right, and Natasha was used to close calls. Maybe she needed to get less used to them.
"I'm sorry, I …" Natasha paused and trailed off, unable to look Maria in the face any longer. She knew that the house being blown up was somehow related to her and her work. Or her past. And Maria had gotten involved, gotten hurt.
"Stop. This wasn't your fault. You didn't decide to bomb our house, so this is not your fault." Natasha watched Maria shift uncomfortably on the bed and the redhead shook her head. Until she noticed what Maria was doing, scooting to the side. They didn't even need to verbally express what needed to follow, Natasha was already wedging her small form onto the bed and wrapping herself around Maria's warm form. "It's going to be okay, Natasha." Maria said soothingly and returned to running her fingers through Natasha's hair. The redhead just hummed and wrapped herself tighter around Maria.