The moment he says it, he knows she'll never understand.
He looks at her for the first time after he's said it, and he's not surprised to find her scrunching eyebrows, dilated pupils and mouth hanging open.
"I…I-I don't understand."
Bingo.
His breath gets caught in his throat and his heart suddenly stops, but it's not enough to describe the gnawing feeling trying to wash over him.
He shouldn't have believe that she'll come to accept these signals. Heck, he's hang on to every single part of her to make her see that he's not just her best friend she's grown accustomed to.
He's Percy and he's much more than a best friend.
The moment he thinks of it, he knows she'll never believe.
There hasn't even a moment she ever did.
"Hi."
Her head snaps up and she looks at him through her lashes. She casts a wary glance around her and Percy notices she's never talked to anyone in the class. He doesn't know what made him do it, but his feet drag him up her table to say hi.
She doesn't answer but looks at him skeptically, her grey eyes roaming over him until she stops in his eyes, and they go through it like a staring contest.
"I think your eyes look cool," Percy blurts out suddenly and he glances at her to find her eyes glued to the ground.
"You're really flirty for someone who is seven years old," she says, her voice sounding like the breeze on spring time.
Percy's eyebrows scrunches up. "What's flirty? I haven't heard that word."
"Then, maybe your dictionary lacks words."
He laughs, and she gazes at him, quizzically.
"That was nice. I'm Percy by the way."
He offers his hand and she hesitantly takes it.
"Annabeth."
He breaks the cookie in half.
And he nearly cries out because Percy's never shared cookie with anyone, not even with his favorite plushie his mom gave him when he was three. But, Annabeth is always an exception to every rule he's made up. And he rarely makes an exception.
So, he really doesn't mind that he got to eat a half of his cookie because when Percy sees Annabeth's smile grow wider he knows the sacrifice is worth it.
For Annabeth's sake, everything is worth it.
Percy lays on his back and looks up at Annabeth, who holds his favorite plushie close to her body while munching on the shared good.
He nearly smiles in adoration.
"Annabeth?"
"Hmm?"
"You know that I never share my cookies, right? And I never let anyone borrow plushie," he says while looking at her expectantly.
Annabeth continues to watch the TV as she reaches for another cookie, breaks it in two and gives the other half to Percy.
"I know," she says and she looks at him through the corner of her eyes but there's a knowing glint that seem to shine inside. And Percy knows he loves the color grey as much as he favors blue.
"But I am always the exception." She smiles at him, its brightness never seems to fade and he gets shone down too.
"Yes, you are."
The rays of the sun shine brightly behind her, casting an eerie glow of halo around her. Her golden locks never looked so wonderful right now, even though he appreciates every single curl he so artfully wraps around his index finger. Percy knows that Annabeth has always been beautiful, but there's no other words suited to describe her at the moment. So, he just stares at her and smiles dumbly because there's no other way he'll be able to preserve the moment he's in to.
"Percy? Percy?" Annabeth waves her hand in front of his face, hoping to catch his attention but to no avail.
And when he finally listens to her, she's laughing so hard that her cheeks flush and Percy knows not for too long he'll zone out into Annabeth's world again.
Because he really doesn't mind that he keeps getting off-track towards Annabeth again and again.
"So…" Percy begins but the rest of the words are caught in his throat. He wipes his sweaty hands on his jeans for the nth time around as he throws a furtive glance to Annabeth, who's looking at him intently.
"So?" Her calm voice just made the tension worse, and Percy thinks that the silence between them will break soon.
"Uh…"
"Percy?"
"Yeah…wait." He runs a hand through his hair and he sees Annabeth grin. The gesture eases his nervousness a bit and the fact that she smiled at him made it look easier. But, after that, his heart starts thumping again thrice the beat.
"Annabeth," he says, much clearer now.
"Yes?"
"Annabeth, I…I think…" Percy struggles, but when Annabeth squeezes his hands, he knows he's in for good.
He gazes at her and he's momentarily lost in her eyes, like he's caught inside the eye of a storm, relaxing and peaceful.
"Annabeth, I like you," he finishes and he's quite surprised he didn't falter nor got tongue tied. Every single sweat he'd used was all for good.
"That's awesome! You did a great dare Percy!"
"I never expected Perce to actually do the dare."
"That was so cute."
Everyone is either clapping him on the back or whistling cheerfully. Nobody seems to care that his heart can't stop thumping and every single butterfly flutters wildly in his stomach.
And when she finally looks at him and smiles, her eyes crinkle a little at the edges and she looks like a goddess under the moonlight.
Just then, Percy know everything he's said was more than true, since that was he felt all along.
Percy watches is horror as he takes in the scene in front of him.
He looks at anywhere, somewhere just to divert the searing burn he feel when their eyes met, because Annabeth has never smiled like this to him as she did now.
She's wrapped around some guy's arm, whom he heard was Luke. Percy so badly wants to punch the guy in the face, because it's him who's supposed to be there. Percy's supposed to be around Annabeth. But he can't. Especially when she's so happy and beaming like that.
He should be pleased for her he thinks. That's what bestfriends are supposed to feel. But something dies a little inside him everytime he tries to smile back, because he knows he's not the reason why she's smiling like that.
He wants to bury his face in his hands just to erase the moment from his memory. But, in the end, he never get to it.
It's not like he has the will to turn back from her after all.
Annabeth and Luke go on for days, for weeks, for months.
Percy dies every day, every hour, every second, every time.
"Hey, Percy?" Annabeth asks, her voice slightly muffled by the pillow she was holding. They're in Percy's room, going over the tutorial Annabeth had promised. She reads a book while lying on her stomach. Percy's eyes peer at her, holding his Math book between his hands.
"Hmm?" he mumbles, just to point out that he's listening.
"Are you free this Saturday?"
He considers this for a moment before answering. And it's been far too long since they had talks that aren't about school, tutorials or anything. This is the first close to normal bestfriend conversation he had with Annabeth, ever since he found out about her and Luke. They've never been the same after that.
Percy wouldn't deny that he's beyond hurt. It's the first time he'd been burned by something that hurts inside to outside. And it takes more than his willpower not to turn everything they shared to ashes.
"Uh. Why?"
Annabeth closes her book and gives Percy her full attention, and he nearly winces knowing that this is the first time she actually allows herself to be with him, physically, mentally and emotionally.
"I actually got these two tickets from a raffle draw. They're a free pass on the newest park on the downtown. Luke said he couldn't come since he still got some errands to do. And well, I don't want to waste these tickets so…" Annabeth's looking at him cautiously, with a hopeful glint in her eyes.
"I have a scheduled check-up for that day."
"Oh." She instantly flattened out, like all the energy she had mustered had been drained. "I see."
The complete silence envelops them for so long that Percy couldn't tell. And the air, despite being air-conditioned, is too heavy for them to breathe that he wonders who'll end up first suffocating.
"What time is that? Your tickets I mean," he says and he nearly congratulates himself for starting a conversation.
"Uh…It opens by 4PM, but I planned to go there by 6," she whispers.
"My check-up is due on morning and I guess I have nothing to do afterwards."
"And…?"
"Do you still want me to accompany you?" he says but Percy thinks that question goes beyond that. Like an unasked question but demanding for an answer.
Percy didn't expect her to answer. But, he didn't really expect her to smile at him, so true and innocent, like she's so grateful for him being there.
And it's almost, almost enough to make him think they are back.
And Annabeth is back in his arms.
Her body rocks of soft sobs and she clutches his shirt tightly, like she's hoping to keep it. Percy just keeps her close because that's what he can only do. He doesn't let her stray too far to reach out to her.
"I…I don't know what's the problem," she whispers, her voice shakes so violently that Percy couldn't keep but hold her tighter.
"Hush, Annabeth, shh…" he says, only to calm her down, to soothe the growing ache in her heart. He holds he curls for reassurance and Percy misses the feel of Annabeth in his arms. They've been apart for so long that everything he'd known about her starts surfacing after being buried. He wishes how every single stuff they shared was just so easy to get back and every little moment they had was so easy to reminisce. Apparently, they were not.
"Am I not enough? Does he think I'm ugly?" she says another long cuss of words that made her feel so small, so insecure, so fragile. And all through that, Percy whispers encouragements, showering her with every compliment he could think of. He's quite proud of his vocabulary and if in another situation, Annabeth would praise him about it.
But it's her who needed praise right now.
"I know everything's not okay, but I'm here Annabeth. I'm always here." He squeezes her hands to make a point, to make her feel that he's always there. Percy's always been there.
"All I need is a person to tell me I'm not okay, that I'm not okay. Because truth is, I'm not," she mumbles. And when she pulls back to gaze at him, even in her puffy nose, red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks, Percy's never seen her look so beautiful.
Everything about her is always wonderful.
"Thanks for being that person, Percy," she says.
"Yeah. Remember that I'll just be right behind you." He places a chaste kiss on her forehead, lasting there for a moment, before he concludes that the tingling feeling on his lips wouldn't stop, and then the whole thing looks like promise.
After so many months, they find each other back, holds both close and never lets go.
It took days to get back on their routine. At times, when she nearly loses track, he goes over and keeps her in place. She does the same.
Not more than a week, the Percy and Annabeth track is repaired and they run through it together like bestfriends would.
"Annabeth, I…I have something to tell you."
"They're standing on Percy's balcony, under the glistening moon, but Percy feels like he's standing on the edge of a cliff, waiting for his fall.
The ironic thing is, he had fallen on a cliff before, on what Percy thinks is the Annabeth cliff.
He holds her hand while keeping his head down, so he could muster up some courage to tell what he's supposed to. But, the other reason is that he's afraid of her reaction, much more that silence that'll come once he says it. Percy thinks he couldn't handle it all, so he looks down.
Annabeth seems to be staring off to space, her eyes twinkling with something Percy couldn't comprehend. They've reached this far now, and he couldn't bear to think that once he utters those words, they'll fall back to square one, that he has to rebuild all those things they've shared.
When she finally looks at him, waiting for Percy to continue, he has this sudden urge to turn back and forget he's about to say something. But, no. Even though he fears to lose everything, this is the moment he got, and wouldn't risk this because he chickens out or anything.
"Yes, Perce?"
So, he continues, even though less confident.
"Annabeth, I… I love you."
The moment he says it, he knows she'll never understand.
He looks at her for the first time after he's said it, and he's not surprised to find her scrunching eyebrows, dilated pupils and mouth hanging open.
"I…I-I don't understand."
Bingo.
His breath gets caught in his throat and his heart suddenly stops, but it's not enough to describe the gnawing feeling trying to wash over him.
He shouldn't have believe that she'll come to accept these signals. Heck, he's hang on to every single part of her to make her see that he's not just her best friend she's grown accustomed to.
He's Percy and he's much more than a best friend.
The moment he thinks of it, he knows she'll never believe.
There hasn't even a moment she ever did.
"Percy? Wh-what do you mean?"
He pulls away from her a little, probably to ease the burning he felt the moment Annabeth uttered those words. He breathes in before he steadies his trembling voice.
"I-I love you. Not as a friend. But as a guy falling for a girl."
"Percy—"
"Annabeth, listen to me please, just this time. Hear me out." He stares at her eyes, that ever changing shades of grey he fell in love, hoping to show her the message he wants to convey.
"We've—we've known each other since we're seven. I've seen you grow up from that cute little shy kid you were back then. I've been with you even until you are this tall, confident woman right now. And I know, I've proven it enough to myself that I like you, love you even."
"You know everything doesn't always work that way."
"So…you don't?"
"No, no, no. It's not that." She takes a deep breath. "I know you're important to me Percy. You're a big part of me and everything I am right now. We've been bestfriends for who knows how long but I know I couldn't lose you. I couldn't."
"Then, why wouldn't you?"
"Because I'm freaking afraid Percy! Somewhere along these feelings of love and friendship, the line that separates them blurs until I couldn't distinguish them anymore. I don't know whether this thing that's going on between us is just mere friendship or something more. I'm afraid that if we take this further and everything doesn't work out the way we want it, we'd find ourselves wishing we should've stayed where we were. I couldn't risk avoiding you just because of some petty past relationship. I don't want to lose you, Percy."
Tears are threatening to fall from her eyes but he kisses those away, then they begin to shed like waterfalls. Percy keeps Annabeth close to his body, feeling the heat that emanates from her while she grips his shirt. He wipes the tears off her face with his hands and lets his lips linger for so long on her forehead. She doesn't seem to mind though, and Percy thinks it's fine.
He pulls back close enough for their noses to touch and Percy continues to looks at her. He notices the small freckles sprawled on her nose and the lines that form creases on her forehead. When his eyes finally meet hers, Percy knows that what he risked was worth it. Annabeth then closes her eyes and he finds himself panicking.
What am I supposed to do?
After a moment her eyes open and she's staring at him with one quirked eyebrow. "Aren't you going to try?"
Percy smiles to himself and Annabeth beams at him too. Then, every single thing seems so bright his eyes hurt, so he closes the distance before he goes blind completely.
When they pull apart, he stares as a wide grin broke from her face.
"You're blinding me," he says, a little breathless.
"I know," she replies between huffs.
"And you smell like lemon."
"I know."
"You taste like peppermint."
"You reek of saltiness, idiot."
"I am not."
"Yes, you are."
"Prove it."
And Percy definitely lies when he says he misses the way Annabeth would talk for hours just to prove him wrong, because he really doesn't mind to meet her lips after every heated discussion. Whatever definition he finds fitting for that discussion.
Well, that's it. It's been far too long since I've last updated I think. I'm just seriously in a need to write a one-shot since I am most likely inspired. And that's all folks. Please review. Love lots!