Title: Tell My Secrets
Author: AriellaGiselle
Rating: PG-13
Distribution: My site, IMFanfic; anyone else who wants it, just ask.
Spoilers: Any of the IMan episodes are fair game.
Author's notes: Song fic based on "Dear Diary" by P!nk. Also answers a
question from "Of Demons and Souls," but you don't need to read that to
understand this. Claire's POV. -- -- = song lyrics
Summary: Claire reflects while writing in her diary.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, except the idea, my theory on Claire's
last name, and Claire's great-grandmum, Jackie.
***********
--Dear, dear diary
I want to tell my secrets
You're the only one
That I know who'll keep them--
*****
11/23/2001
Today was horrid. Darien and Bobby's "hot tip" was a ruthless trap, and
they barely got out. Darien looked so upset when I patched him up. I
wanted to tell him everything would be all right, but I knew it would be a
lie. Just like so much of my Keeper facade.
So many secrets are keeping me from enjoying my life. My closest friends
can't even know my real name. They don't know the real me; they only know
the Doctor Claire. I feel like such a fraud sometimes. I can't even keep
the promises I've made to the people I love.
*****
--I've been down every road
You could go
I've made some bad choices
As you know.
Seems like I got this whole world
Cradled in my hand
It's just like me not to understand--
*****
11/24/2001
So many broken promises. To Kevin, to Darien, to my mother and father. I
swore them all something I couldn't produce.
I can't take care of Kevin's "baby" or his brother, not by myself.
Remembering the night I made that promise brings tears to my eyes. It was
the last night we spent together. He knew he was going away for a long
time, and I was truly desperate to hold onto what small part of him I could
grasp. We talked about family, duty, and love. He told me about Darien's
illegal activities, about his anxiety for his work, about his sadness at
leaving me behind.
I don't know how to take the gland out of poor Darien's head, not without a
modicum of assistance. Every time he comes in for his shot and sits in that
chair, the look on his face breaks my heart. That sad, wilting, reluctant
face. I told him I could do it, and I probably could if I had the rest of
my life to work on it.
I told my parents I'd make them proud; I told them I'd find a life worthy of
the Peyton name. Ever since I was small, I remember the stories. All of
them starred my great-grandmum, Jackie. I was told that she was the
greatest woman that ever lived, and every Peyton woman since then has fought
to live up to that reputation. Hearing those things as a little girl had me
totally in awe of such an amazing woman. She did things that no other woman
in her time had done, and none have done as well since.
Overwhelming hardly covers the regret I have. I wish I could go back and
not make those damned promises. Why did I give them all such a false hope?
*****
--I learned my lessons young and
I turned myself around
I got a guardian angel
Tattooed on my shoulder
She's been watching over me--
*****
11/26/2001
Sometimes the temptation to return to my family home is so strong. It's
almost unbearable at times. The stench of failure would hang heavily on me,
but they would accept me, because they know who I am, who I was meant to be.
A Peyton; strong, proud, regal, and loyal to a fault.
I've been mulling over the questions hanging around my neck for far too
long. Maybe I should just give up and go home. At least there, I'm with
family.
*****
--Dear, dear diary
I wanna tell my secrets
I know you'll keep them
So this is what I've done--
*****
11/28/2001
What am I talking about? Going home! I'd never be happy there. I should
be happier here! My friends, my work is here.
Kevin, I still love you, and I miss you. I will try harder to take care of
Darien and the gland; that's not a promise, but an idea. You always told me
that ideas were better than false promises.
Darien, I can get that gland out of you. It might take longer than we'd
hoped. I know what my problem was. I was looking for the quick fix. I
need to concentrate on the long haul. We can do this together.
Mum, Da, I *am* a Peyton! Strong, proud, regal, and loyal, everything you
ever taught me to be! I'm sorry for all the grief I caused you as a young
girl. I know that you are proud of me, and that you love me. I know that
Grandmum Jackie would be proud, too.
Epiphanies are really funny things...
*****
--Dear, dear diary
I want to tell my secrets
Cause you're the only one
That I know who'll keep them--
*****
FIN~
Author: AriellaGiselle
Rating: PG-13
Distribution: My site, IMFanfic; anyone else who wants it, just ask.
Spoilers: Any of the IMan episodes are fair game.
Author's notes: Song fic based on "Dear Diary" by P!nk. Also answers a
question from "Of Demons and Souls," but you don't need to read that to
understand this. Claire's POV. -- -- = song lyrics
Summary: Claire reflects while writing in her diary.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, except the idea, my theory on Claire's
last name, and Claire's great-grandmum, Jackie.
***********
--Dear, dear diary
I want to tell my secrets
You're the only one
That I know who'll keep them--
*****
11/23/2001
Today was horrid. Darien and Bobby's "hot tip" was a ruthless trap, and
they barely got out. Darien looked so upset when I patched him up. I
wanted to tell him everything would be all right, but I knew it would be a
lie. Just like so much of my Keeper facade.
So many secrets are keeping me from enjoying my life. My closest friends
can't even know my real name. They don't know the real me; they only know
the Doctor Claire. I feel like such a fraud sometimes. I can't even keep
the promises I've made to the people I love.
*****
--I've been down every road
You could go
I've made some bad choices
As you know.
Seems like I got this whole world
Cradled in my hand
It's just like me not to understand--
*****
11/24/2001
So many broken promises. To Kevin, to Darien, to my mother and father. I
swore them all something I couldn't produce.
I can't take care of Kevin's "baby" or his brother, not by myself.
Remembering the night I made that promise brings tears to my eyes. It was
the last night we spent together. He knew he was going away for a long
time, and I was truly desperate to hold onto what small part of him I could
grasp. We talked about family, duty, and love. He told me about Darien's
illegal activities, about his anxiety for his work, about his sadness at
leaving me behind.
I don't know how to take the gland out of poor Darien's head, not without a
modicum of assistance. Every time he comes in for his shot and sits in that
chair, the look on his face breaks my heart. That sad, wilting, reluctant
face. I told him I could do it, and I probably could if I had the rest of
my life to work on it.
I told my parents I'd make them proud; I told them I'd find a life worthy of
the Peyton name. Ever since I was small, I remember the stories. All of
them starred my great-grandmum, Jackie. I was told that she was the
greatest woman that ever lived, and every Peyton woman since then has fought
to live up to that reputation. Hearing those things as a little girl had me
totally in awe of such an amazing woman. She did things that no other woman
in her time had done, and none have done as well since.
Overwhelming hardly covers the regret I have. I wish I could go back and
not make those damned promises. Why did I give them all such a false hope?
*****
--I learned my lessons young and
I turned myself around
I got a guardian angel
Tattooed on my shoulder
She's been watching over me--
*****
11/26/2001
Sometimes the temptation to return to my family home is so strong. It's
almost unbearable at times. The stench of failure would hang heavily on me,
but they would accept me, because they know who I am, who I was meant to be.
A Peyton; strong, proud, regal, and loyal to a fault.
I've been mulling over the questions hanging around my neck for far too
long. Maybe I should just give up and go home. At least there, I'm with
family.
*****
--Dear, dear diary
I wanna tell my secrets
I know you'll keep them
So this is what I've done--
*****
11/28/2001
What am I talking about? Going home! I'd never be happy there. I should
be happier here! My friends, my work is here.
Kevin, I still love you, and I miss you. I will try harder to take care of
Darien and the gland; that's not a promise, but an idea. You always told me
that ideas were better than false promises.
Darien, I can get that gland out of you. It might take longer than we'd
hoped. I know what my problem was. I was looking for the quick fix. I
need to concentrate on the long haul. We can do this together.
Mum, Da, I *am* a Peyton! Strong, proud, regal, and loyal, everything you
ever taught me to be! I'm sorry for all the grief I caused you as a young
girl. I know that you are proud of me, and that you love me. I know that
Grandmum Jackie would be proud, too.
Epiphanies are really funny things...
*****
--Dear, dear diary
I want to tell my secrets
Cause you're the only one
That I know who'll keep them--
*****
FIN~