Disclaimer thingy: no own, no money, no sue


This is my first attempt to write something in english not dealing with the job market in Britain of the 1970s (Hint to my old school: buy some new books...) or the electoral system of the US. I hope you don't think it sucks. Please don't flame me for grammar, I just noticed my last english lesson was five years ago already, I'm doing best I can. In case you don't know what to do with your time - I'm really looking for someone to beta-read my stuff and check for errors regarding my use of the english language... In case you enjoyed reading what I have written, make me happy, leave me a note.




Coming Home


Taken the long way, dark realms I went through

I arrived

My vision's so clear, in anger and pain

I left deep wounds behind

But I arrived

(Blind Guardian - The Curse of Feanor)


It was a day seeming perfectly adequate for his reasons. The sun had already hours ago lost its battle against the accumulating clouds, without a doubt heralds of an enormous storm approaching. He had been watching it all the time, sitting on the ground, his back against a tree, twirling his wand between his fingers. He was determined to wait until night before leaving the Forbidden Forest. Maybe by then he would have gathered what was left of his dignity.

He barely noticed when the rain set in. The forest was dark, the pale moonlight swallowed by the giant trees. A flash of lightning illuminated the scenery only for a brief moment and he jumped up, put his wand into his cloak and started to walk. He was walking fast, although his steps seemed to grow heavier the closer he got to his destination. He didn't allow himself to slow down, didn't even allow himself to think because he feared every thought that would come to his mind might break his will and make him turn around. He had been staring at his feet all the time, not even watching his way and thus was surprised to suddenly find himself standing on the dark meadow, the castle looming on the hill in front of him. Hogwarts now didn't seem to hold any of the warmth and safety he remembered from his early years at school. He felt doubts building up deep inside and quickly continued on his way.

The large wooden doors willingly made way for him at a simple Alohomora. The dark halls and corridors were lit by the warm glow of some torches and the castle was completely silent, having sunken into a deep and peaceful sleep. He quickly ascended the stairs and walked along the corridors that led to the headmaster's office. An oppressing feeling of guilt crept up inside of him as he roamed these ancient rooms he still remembered from his childhood. Soon he had reached the statue guarding the entrance to Dumbledore's office.

Lemon drop. Jelly worm. Licorice beetle. Peppermint Fudge. He muttered under his breath. The stone gargoyle stared at him out of blank eyes while he tried to recall the names of some other sweets. Fudge mice. Peach bubbles. Just get out of the way now you bloody piece of stone! The gargoyle didn't seem impressed. He anxiously looked around himself and started to shift his weight from one foot to another. He could still just turn and run, it wasn't too late yet. Jelly bean, strawberry spider, chocolate frog, come on now!

With a low crunching sound the big statue began to slide over to the left and opened the entrance to the stairs leading up to the office. The wizard arched an eyebrow. Don't tell me it was 'chocolate frog'. He hissed and shot the gargoyle an angry glare before starting to climb the stairs. He couldn't remember ever before having walked up a staircase so slowly. It seemed an eternity before he finally reached the door, raised his hand and then noticed he didn't have the courage to knock. This was so ridiculous. It had been hard enough for him to make this decision and now he was standing here, hesitating before taking the last step. He took a deep breath, raised his hand again and knocked on the wooden door which in response to this slowly opened in front of him.

Seeing the headmaster's office now brought up even more memories, making him feel his guilt stronger than ever before. It looked still the same, just like he remembered it. The old wizard was sitting at his desk, his friendly blue eyes looking up at him.

He greeted him with a warm smile. I already began to think you would stand on that spot in front of my door forever.

He had been convinced it would not be possible for him to feel any worse but the expression on the old wizard's face caused just that. He deserved everything but a hearty welcome. There he was, he who had tortured and killed, he who had betrayed everyone who had ever trusted him. Now he came crawling back to his old headmaster, weak, helpless and desperate, standing in front of him with his clothes soaking wet, battered and torn. He reached beneath his cloak and pulled out his wand. Surprisingly the headmaster didn't even flinch. He was a Death Eater after all, and Dumbledore knew that. But still he sat there, perfectly calm, knowing he could kill him with only a wave of this wand. He put the wand down on the desk in front of the old wizard, stepped back and crossed his arms.

Would you like some tea? Dumbledore asked and two cups appeared on the table.

Snape knew he had to have understood what he wanted him to do, all he was aiming at was forcing him to actually say it. Break it. He said in a low voice.

Dumbledore looked up at him, an eyebrow raised in surprise. No tea then?

Professor, please. Break it. Snape repeated.

Why should I want to do such a thing? The headmaster asked. It's quite a nice wand. He said after examining the elegant black and silver wand.

I'm a Death Eater. With that wand I killed and I tortured in ways more terrible than you could ever imagine.

I know, Severus, I know. The old wizard answered and gave him another warm but somehow sad smile. But you didn't come to me to ask me to break your wand.

Yes, I did. The young wizard protested.

No, you didn't. You don't need an old wizard with a long white beard to do that. Just take it and snap it in two. Now tell me, why did you come here?

He hesitated and thought about that question. The headmaster still had the ability to ask him a question to which the answer seemed to be absolutely clear on first thought, but which would require a lot of contemplation on second thought.

I... I don't know. He finally admitted.

This answer didn't seem to satisfy Dumbledore for he still looked at him expectantly, taking another sip from his teacup.

I think I came here to confess. Snape said and the old man nodded at this. Do with me what you want, report me to the Ministry, take me to Azkaban yourself or just kill me right here and now. Just put an end to this. Please. He hated himself for letting his desperation show so clearly, but actually it didn't really matter anymore now, did it?

The expression on Dumbledore's face had become very serious by now.

Severus, please do me a favour and sit down in one of those chairs now, that's what they were made for. He said and this time the younger wizard did as he was told. Dumbledore leaned forward and tried to catch a look into his former students eyes. Please, look at me. He finally said.

Snape forced himself to look up instead of evading his gaze. In his black eyes the headmaster saw a flood of emotions, guilt, fear, anger, despair, but at the same time they seemed appallingly empty and lifeless.

I don't want to see you dead, my boy. Dumbledore whispered.

It's what I deserve, Professor. Snape answered, turning his face away from him again. I'm a Death Eater, there's no other way out of this for me.

No true Death Eater would walk into my office, place his wand on my table and ask me to break it. The headmaster replied.

There's a first time for everything. The young wizard muttered.

We all make mistakes, some of them bigger, some of them smaller, but it should never be too late to do the right thing.

What I did cannot be undone. Snape said, his voice starting to tremble. I didn't kill those people by mistake, I didn't torture by mistake. I did it because I enjoyed it.

They sat in silence for a few minutes. He seemed to have finally managed to shock Albus Dumbledore.

You were always one of those I was worried about. The headmaster finally broke the silence. Even when you were a child I knew you were walking on a very fine line, but still I could do nothing but watch fall.

Don't do that. Snape said in a harsh voice. Don't try to take guilt from me by blaming yourself. It was my decision, my life, my responsibility.

Is this why you came to me? Dumbeldore asked. Do you expect me to judge you, to punish you?

Snape answered.

Why me? Why not walk straight to the Ministry of Magic?

The young wizard sighed. I wanted to apologize. I betrayed you, everyone here who ever trusted in me. I know there is no way... I can't make anything undone now, I just wanted you to know.

Dumbledore nodded. Take back your wand.

I'm sorry?

Take it back. You may not be able to undo your past but you just made the first step to change your future.

Headmaster, I'm a dead man, there is no future for me. Snape replied in a cold voice.

You're not quite right about that. And call me Albus, you're not one of my students anymore.

Are you telling me you will just let me go?

Dumbledore smiled. No. I would never send one of my former students out into this storm without anywhere to go. I will give you time to make up your mind about your situation and if you come to the conclusion that you are willing to work with me and fight with me, you will always be welcome in this castle.

Snape was surprised. This was something he would definitely not have expected.

I can't believe you're still willing to trust me. He whispered.

I know you too well not to trust you now. The headmaster replied. Although the Ministry of Magic will not rely on my judgement there. If you choose to change sides you will have to face a trial.

I am aware of that. Snape said.

Be assured that I will do everything within my possibilities to support you. Dumbledore said.

The young wizard stared onto the table before slowly reaching out for his wand, carefully taking it with two fingers and putting it back into his robes.

You should really get some rest now. I will show you to one of the guest rooms. Let me know about your decision by tomorrow.

They walked along the corridors in silence and although Snape still knew he didn't deserve it he noticed that he could now again feel the security Hogwarts offered to everyone who was allowed within its walls.

Thank you. He whispered before the headmaster left him standing at the door that lead to his room.


~ End ~