Hi everyone! I don't own Deadpool, or anything Marvel. Enjoy.

"Nothing could make this day any better," I acclaimed, as I reclined in my living room couch, "No work, binge watching my favorite TV show, and to top it off the best thing I could ever ask for as my breakfast." I picked up my deep fried burrito that was on my lap and kissed it, "I'm going to treat you so good.."

You're pathetic.

"Shut up. My love for food, Mexican in particular, is stronger than you'll ever understand." I stuffed my burrito in my mouth.

It's not breakfast if it's 3:30 in the afternoon.

"Actually. It is if it's the first thing you eat as soon as you wake up," I said with my mouth full, "Besides," I swallowed, "What makes you think your opinion matters to me anyway?"

I was just indulging in my third burrito when my phone starting ringing in my pocket, "Heylooo?"

"Hi Wade, it's Peter"

"Ya I know," I said with my mouthful (it's OK that I talk with my mouthful to him because Peter is one of the only ones who doesn't scold me on the regular), "I have your ringtone set to 'Spiderwebs' by No Doubt. Such a good song, and so relevant!"

"Of course you do." Peter said back, sounding less than amused, "Let me guess, you're sitting on your couch playing video games while you eat."

He's basically got you figured out.

"No he doesn't" I said to the voice in my head (that's also OK, too, because Peter is fine with me talking to myself apparently) "I'm not playing video games, thank you very much."

"Don't act like you're offended" Parker chuckled, "I'm sure my guess wasn't that far off."

Why don't you just admit that he's right? I mean come o-

"Did you call me for a reason?" I shot back before the voice in my head continued, "Are your spidey senses tingling or did you just want to hear my voice?"

"Um neither, I was asked to go look into something tonight and wouldn't mind some company."

I know where this is going. Let me guess, you're going to pass so you can go order take out Mexican food instead and just rot on the couch?

"Shut up."

"What?" Peter asked.

"Not you."

"Oh, ok.." Peter continued, "Anyway, Fury asked me to go to the East side of the city where they've had a larger amount of reported activity from this specific guy."

I groaned, "This is going to be a boring stake out where we don't get any action?"

Peter sighed.

He knows better than to argue with you.

"Ya, cause I always win." I said to myself, as I raised my chin proudly.

Peter ignored my self-conversation, "No, this has been an on-going investigation for a while that needs to have action… made," Peter explained, "That's why I was asked to go check it out, you know, in case the person of interest shows up in the general area of frequent activity."

"Hmm," I said, with my hand to my chin, "You know what, I'll help you out Peter ol buddy ol pal, but listen, I need to make a few calls and reschedule some things."

Ha! Good one.

I refrained from responding to the voice as Peter sighed, "Wade, you know that I can see right through you." He chuckled, "Meet me down on 152nd and Livington Street."

As I hung up my phone I took my last bite of my last precious burrito.

"This is stupid," I stated.

Peter looked at me, "You know what? You've said that at least 20 times now."

I rolled my eyes, and head so he could tell I was unimpressed, "Well, if you would've told me to begin with that this guy's name was Radiationtrolic, I could've told you how truly stupid this was going to be – and is."

Sounds like some sort of weird music genre that the kids listen to.

"I was thinking more like a bad DJ name."

Ya, actually you're right. More like a bad DJ name.

"Wade, listen" Peter was on the edge of the tall building we were staking out at, "I didn't force you to come here, it was just a suggestion to get you out of your place since I haven't seen you in a while."

I scoffed, "Ya, the last time I did SHIELD a favor, I did not get the recognition I deserved."

"That's because you left the person of interest decapitated in front of the secretary's desk" Peter said in a flat tone, not letting his eyes leave the area below us.

I threw my hands up, "Peter, beggars can't be choosers. I was asked to complete a job and I did it. Wasn't my fault they wouldn't let me past the front doors with a corpse so I had to leave it there."

Peter shook his head, "It's not that they don't appreciate your work you do, it's the way you go about it, man." He walked over to the other side of the roof and talked to me as he walked, "Besides, the guys name is Ratronic.."

Just as bad.

"I agree," I nodded, "Just as bad."

A couple hours and a couple different perspectives from different roofs later, we finally had something happen. "Down there!" Peter said. I jumped to my feet.

It's about time. Even I was bored.

"Couldn't agree more," I said, "Let's go!"

"Not-" Parker said as I leaped over the ledge. "….yet." I heard faintly. "C'mon spidey!" I yelled behind me.

We followed the targeted person into a building, and continued to stalk them.

My favorite part – the chase! Wait no, my favorite part is slicing the bad guy's extremities off. "Woah, extremities now that's a fancy word. Makes me sound all smart and geeky. Extremities." Been hanging around Parker too much. "Ha," We slunk our way into the building behind the shadowed man. You haven't killed in a while, this is exciting!"Yes it is," I whispered as I slunk in the shadows and kept an eye on Peter behind me.

Even if it was just one measly guy, a kill is a kill and I need my fill.Hey! That's catchy, you should patent that. "Remind me later." Why do I always have the best ideas at the worst times?

Peter grabbed my shoulder and pointed to the other side of the room that we had followed the man into. I trusted him since he most likely had his spidey senses telling him what to do. Pretty sure that's not how they work.Whatever, I didn't really care. I didn't let my eyes leave my prey before we turned around a corner to watch him press on a button beside a door. The door slid open and there was another man inside, they nodded at each other and the man who was in before took out a card and swiped it inside, as the doors closed.

"An elevator." Peter whispered, we headed for the door and at the last few steps I sprinted and pressed the call button, "HA!" I said, "Beat you to it."

Peter just shook his head. "Please refrain from decapitating anyone who doesn't need to be decapitated." He said quietly.

We waited a couple minutes until the doors slid open I reached to my knife at my waist and without unlocking eyes with Peter walked into the elevator. But before I could jab my blade into the man's jugular, Parker had already webbed him to the back wall. Ok, that time, it was for sure his spidey sense being put to use there.

He webbed my hand that had the blade in it and pushed me to the side, "Knock it off!" I began to cut away the web with my other blade and free hand, "How do you even know he's not a regular Samaritan?" Peter asked. "I thought you were the smart one," I said, "The other guy who met our suspect in here seemed normal, too, but it's a big charade!"

"How can you be so -" Peter began, but before he could finish I already reached in and out of the guys pockets and showed Parker the card and the pager I retrieved, "See," I held the card out, "to swipe," then the pager, "to warn."

Peter looked at the elevator buttons which ranged from floors 1 to 24. Number one was already lit up, before he could ask questions, I swiped the card and none of the buttons lit up, but instead we went downwards. I pressed the button on the pager and it began to beep. Peter nearly jumped out of his suit, "What the hell, Wade!"

"What?" I asked, crushing the pager beneath me.

"Is there a reason you ruined our element surprise?" Peter began, "We could've just marched in here in that case!"

"Meh," I shrugged my shoulders, "C'mon, Pete, this is nothing serious, we had this before we started, the least we deserve is a bit of a fight!"

Peter hit his head against the wall, "Nothing is ever simple with you."

No, cause that would be boring, and no one cares about boring things.

"Exactly!"

The elevator stopped as we hit the bottom, and the doors opened. I already had my dual guns out, but there were only half a dozen men, so I switched to my blades. Between the strings of Parker's web and my blades, these guys didn't stand a chance.

How therapeutic, almost forgot what it felt like to slice.Peter and I took a brief look around the dark, damp room we were in, couldn't find anything and moved into the next one. Just as we entered the next room, we heard a noise in another further down. This one was much larger. I held my katanas out and ran towards the light gleaming from the far side of the room.

I recognized the man we followed into the building, "Stop there!" I heard Peter say. Can't tell if he's talking to, us or the guy. "Never stopped me anyway," I said, lunging towards him. I slipped my katanas away and practiced my upper cut on him instead.

He fell to the ground, just in time for Peter to step in and take him away from me.

Damn, I was just starting to have fun.

"Left him alive for you. Happy?"

"Thanks." Peter said, webbing the unconscious man to a nearby beam. "There's no one else in here?"

"Guess not," I glanced over to the wall with a bunch of tech-y, computer-y shit and didn't stop my glance. Boring."Parker, there's a bunch of stuff over there you should check out," then, I noticed a door on the back wall, with some light coming out around its boarder. Oooh maybe more people to kill! "Or a burrito stall!" Probably not."Awww." I pouted.

"Is food all you think about?" Peter said, walking towards the tech set up.

"No, I think about other stuff too," I said walking towards the door, "Like when the last time I sharpened my blades was, and when the last time I decapitated someone was, and!.." I threw my hands in the air and looked above, shouting in a tragic tone, "Where are all of the sour patch parents?!" I relaxed my shoulders again and lowered my tone, "Or when the last time I ate a chimi-oh wait not tha-" at that moment I had opened the door and froze. No one was in there, but there was a foul stench that was overwhelming.

"Peter," I said, "Don't come over here." He's got a really weak stomach and even this was raunchy to me. Which means Peter would definitely puke."Ha!" I chuckled, "Maybe on second thought I could use a laugh."

I couldn't hear whether or not Peter said anything back, since my eye was caught by something terrifying. It looked like a nightmare laundry shoot in the wall. It was a big metal shoot that was covered in blood and was radiating with heat. "Gnarly."If something grosses you out, it's gotta be bad. "Ya, I think we got it." Once I tore my stare from the sight of the bloody disposal shoot, I looked at a table in the middle of the room and saw a body with a buncha different chords sticking out of it.

Is this some kind of - "Please don't say it." I begged the voice in my head. Experiment? "God fucking damn it of course it is," I called for Peter "I found someone in here but I can't make out if they're OK." My head was spinning a bit.

He came up behind me and coughed. "Don't look to your right" I warned, as he immediately looked to his right. "Oh, shit." He said trying to hide a gag, but I saw him.

You warned him.

"I know I did. I warned you." I said, leaning on the nearby wall.

Peter ran up to the table and said aloud to me, "Alive, but the pulse is weak." He threw a nearby piece of fabric over the body picked it up, then we walked out of the room. "We have to drop her at the hospital."

I looked at the lifeless body in his arms and noticed it was a girl, which was hard to tell since she was bald and lifeless. Her eyes were basically black and entirely sunken into her skull, and I finally looked to Peter, "A hospital? It's a lost cause Peter." I shook my head.

"She has a pulse, that's good enough for me," Peter picked up his speed, "It just gives me a peace of mind rather than just turning around and walking away, OK?" I didn't argue, Peter was always going out of the way for people anyways regardless of what I argued. We were on our way to the hospital when all of a sudden I noticed that Peter landed on a nearby rooftop, and I made my way to him. I looked down at the body he had put down, "What?" I asked.

"She gasped, when we were moving, she gasped for air." Peter didn't look away from her, I looked at the filthy fabric covering her body, "Let's go man, we can-"

Woah what is THAT?

"What's what?" Then, I noticed her hands glowing, Peter grabbed them and faced them upwards towards us. There was a perfect, glowing circle in each palm. Peter hardly looked at me before leaping up, her body in his arms and headed the opposite direction.

"Woah, Parker, where are you going? The hospital's that way." I stuck out a thumb over my shoulder in the direction.

"She doesn't need a hospital" Peter said to me, "She needs SHIELD."

I'm a new comic and an even newer Deadpool fan, just learning lots of new things. So, thanks for reading and when you give a review please tell me a favorite fact or just a general fact about Deadpool, SHIELD, or whatever you fancy. Cheers!