A short what-if story where Anna summons Kiran with Breidablik only to realize that Kiran's still a baby in diapers.
"Oh my god, I just summoned a baby."
There it was.
Right at her feet.
A baby, barely a foot tall, clad in a thick white blanket and diapers. It cooed at her and drooled.
She just brought a baby into a war between empires.
"You're just an asshole," the Emblian Axe Fighter had said, equally as dumbfounded at seeing the girl shoot a baby into reality. She turned the baby so it would face away from them and then decapitated the man who dared swear before the child.
She made sure to cover the man's headless body with his cape and turned back to the infant, which was reaching its small hands out of the blanket and at the sky.
"I just Summoned a baby…" she repeated. She picked the bundle up and quickly realized that the baby's bright eyes were locked onto the corpse.
"He's sleeping."
The baby blinked in response.
"What's your name little guy?"
The baby didn't answer. It just blew a raspberry at her.
Anna sighed and held the infant close to her, marching away from the place she'd brought the kid to Askr from.
Apparently, the baby was better than she had ever imagined.
"It's gnawing on my ankles! Oh dear god, it's gnawing on my ankles!"
Anna whipped about to see the Archer angrily kicking at the laughing baby, notching an arrow in his bow as she did. Something akin to motherly rage filled the girl's mind at the sight of her child being assaulted so evilly.
Naturally enough, she bisected him at the torso and picked up the innocent child, who was drenched in the man's blood and babbling happily. He reached happily for her face, smearing blood on her cheek with his itty-bitty hands.
He blew a raspberry at her. She blew one back.
She also seemed to forget that she'd just brutally murdered two men in front of a baby.
When Anna brought the baby back to Askr's castle, she ran into Sharena and Alfonse, who were both excited to meet the Summoner.
She didn't have a choice. She held up the baby to them and worriedly smiled.
Sharena took the baby, squealed happily, and danced about with the child in her arms, laughing as much as the child did. She skipped right past the atrium, whooping with glee.
Alfonse just looked at Anna, confusion and terror in his eyes.
"Was that…?"
"Yep."
"Did Sharena…?"
"Uh-huh."
"Am I going to have to…?"
Anna placed a hand on the Askrian prince's shoulder and gave him a pitiful smile.
"Have fun, Uncle Alphy."
The blue haired prince only blinked in response.
"What…?"
Alfonse was required to hold the baby.
Alfonse did not know why this was his mission currently. He just knew that Sharena would kill him if he let anything happen to the baby, so he in turn held the baby.
The baby was also trying to chew on Folkvángr, and the less said about that confrontation, the better.
"Why are you a baby?" He questioned the infant in his hands. It only looked back at him, squirming in his grasp. It kept trying to get out, to take to the floor in what may as well been assisted suicide had the prince let him fall.
The child whimpered. Alfonse sighed.
"I feel like that too, friend."
"Sharena, would you put that BRAT DOWN FOR TWO SECONDS?!"
The princess' smile vanished, and her never ending prance faltered. Alfonse was justifiably tired watching her ruin the planning table by letting the baby play on it.
"Give me the kid."
"Wha-?!"
Alfonse seized his chance and scooped the infant from his sister's hands. The child squealed with glee, but Sharena looked ready to kill. Despite the bloodlust in his sister's eyes, he held the child close and decided to return his attention to Anna.
The redhead was bringing a hammer to his piggy-bank and shoveling money into her pockets. Even when Alfonse cleared his throat, she didn't stop. Sharena wouldn't stop complaining, Anna was stealing his damned allowance, and the baby in his arms was whimpering.
"WOULD YOU TWO PAY ATTENTION AND HELP ME KEEP OUR KINGDOM ALIVE?!"
It was like the dust settling after a battle. The only sound that anyone could hear was whimpering.
No.
God no.
Please.
The baby's crying sent Sharena after him like a wolf after a limping sheep. Alfonse ran like the wind, wanting to throw the baby as a distraction, but then his sister would kill him even more and it would be known to all that the prince of Askr threw babies at people.
The damn baby laughed as Sharena pounced and nailed him to the ground. Alfonse's obscenities poured from his mouth like a river.
"Fuck!"
Both siblings turned to see the child - which Sharena had set aside so she could safely maul her brother - repeat a swear that came from Alfonse's mouth.
Alfonse's limp body crashed through seven walls that day.
The baby had a gun.
The baby had just fired a gun and Summoned a hero from it. Eliwood was very surprised to see a baby babbling at him, but he was nothing compared to the look on Sharena's face.
The princess of Askr picked up the child and explained to the Lord of Blazing what was happening. He instantly joined their cause and left to go find a room to claim, leaving the blonde to look to the child nuzzling into her tunic with a bright smile on its face.
They could weaponize the baby.
Holy shit they hadn't named the baby.
"We need to name The Baby."
That was the declaration that came to the steadily growing Order of Heroes one day, when Chrom had been asked what the baby's name was and was promptly beaned upside the head by a livid Maribelle when she got the answer "The Baby."
Some results… not really that helpful.
"Odin wanted to name him Orion of The Darkness and Equality and was stabbed by like, everyone."
Alfonse choked into his tea when he heard Sharena state that. He was the one to stumble upon the absolutely mangled man, and it seemed like no one had wanted to say what had happened.
"We should make a poll."
"That'll make chaos."
"I know."
"We doing it?"
"Yeah."
Veronica sighed when she saw it.
The Askr siblings of royalty had stood side by side with their Commander when she asked to meet the Summoner. The redhead walked up with something bundled in her arms and held the object out to her.
It was a baby.
"You mean to say that this child is the Summoner of Askr?"
The Askrians nodded. Veronica looked back down and gently pulled the baby into her hands, looking him up and down, drinking in the sight of his chubby cheeks and greenish-bluish-brownish eyes. She smiled when he blew a raspberry at her.
"What might his name be?"
"Uh… he… doesn't have one."
Veronica looked up. They looked guilty.
Welp. Looks like she had to be the responsible one.
"I'm taking this."
With those words, she secured the baby beneath her armpit and sprinted like a madman.