The stage was dark and blank. There was a scuffling of feet and a harsh murmur and the sound of scraping feet. Suddenly a spotlight hit the stage illuminating Clu-Muse, clad in a very attractive fig leaf. He smiled nervously and took a gulp of air.
"Hi," he began, "Um, I'm Clu. Well, actually I'm Clu-Muse, and while my likeness belongs to Disney, I belong to Claire, the author."
A spotlight flashes on Claire who is attempting to vogue, ignoring the fact that she has no rhythm.
"Psst, Claire!!!!" hissed Clu-Muse, "You're on!!"
"No, you goof," she replied, "You're on; I'm just making a cameo!!!"
"Well, could you at least stop vogueing?"
"Of course not!!! Now get on with it!!!"
Clu-Muse smiled, "Uh, well, let's get this started. Welcome all of you to Reviews Are Your Friend!!!! Starring me, Clu-Muse and my So Weird pals."
The stage was suddenly illuminated by a bright light, showing the rest of the clan in various attractive poses.
"Hey, why am I the only one in a fig leaf?"
"Cause you look so good in it," stated Jack.
"Hey!!!!!" came a voice.
Clu-Muse turned, "What!!??"
Christine stepped out, "What about us? We were promised a cameo, too!!!"
Clu-Muse sighed, "Fine. And Christine, aka JackPhillipsGirl, Roger, aka Three of Eight, and Tabitha, aka Tablynvan, are also in this."
"DANGIT!!!! It's TABETHA!!!! Not Tabitha!!!!! Get it right!!!!"
"Dude," said Clu-Muse, "I said that. How'd you know how it was spelled?"
"I'm psychic," she muttered.
"Ahem, let's get on with this!!" cried Claire.
"Thank you," said Clu-Muse, adjusting his fig leaf.
He walked over to a chalkboard that Annie was standing, posing like a Price is Right model.
"Now, first we have to know where to review. Annie?"
She started to draw on the chalkboard, "Okay, so I'm reading a story and I want to tell the reader how much I loved it. What do I do? I go to this pretty little blue box on the bottom and write a comment…"
She turned to look at Clu-Muse, "Have you been working out?"
"No!!!!!!!!!!!" cried Claire, diving at Clu-Muse, grabbing his waist, "Bad Annie!!!! No hitting on Clu-Muse!!!! You're too young for him!!!! And too stupid!!!!!! And too…Whatever!!!!!!!"
"Here!!!" cried Tabetha, tossing Claire a whiffle ball bat.
"Thanks," said Claire, proceeding to whack Annie with the bat.
"Try singing your fluffy pop-crap now, Miss Thang!!!!!!" she seethed.
"Claire, Claire," said Clu-Muse, "Can't the beating wait?"
Claire sighed, "I suppose. You may continue."
Clu-Muse nodded and walked over to where Jack was standing.
"Hey, dude," he said, patting Jack on the shoulder.
Jack stared at him.
"Kiss him!!!!!!" cried Roger.
Everyone turned to stare at him, "What!!!?"
Roger blushed, "Nothing."
Clu-Muse, looking rather flustered, continued.
"So, Jack, explain to us how we review a fic once we've read it," he said.
Jack turned on the overhead projector that magically had appeared next to him.
"Now, we first must decide…"
"KISS HIM!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Roger.
Jack turned, "What!!?"
"Nothing," said Roger, examining his shoelaces.
Jack sighed, "Okay, so we want to review. We want to make it obvious that we liked the story and that we want to express our feelings for it."
"God, you're not planning on marrying it, are you?" asked Christine, coming up behind Jack.
"Huh?" he asked.
"KISS HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" hollered Roger, going blue in the face.
"Dammit Roger, he can't marry me if he's making out with Clu!!!" cried Christine.
"And it's not Clu!!!!" cried Claire, "It's Clu-Muse and he's MINE!!!!!"
The three of them began to scuffle.
Tabetha sighed loudly, "Okay, they're being stupid. Clu-Muse, you and Jack may continue."
Jack, looking flustered continued, "Um, well, first we want to say we liked it. This is best done by saying 'hey, great story' or something like that. Then we want to explain why. Something like 'I love how you paired blank and blank together' or something."
A strangled cry of "Kiss him!!!" could be heard from the scuffle on the floor.
Jack shrugged, "Whatever. Then you click the review button, and VOILA!!! You have reviewed the fic!!"
Clu-Muse nodded, "Great work, dude."
Jack looked at Clu, "You think so?"
"Awww, absolutely dude, you rocked."
"Really?"
"Would I lie to you?"
"Jack, I..."
"I know…"
They threw their arms around each other and pressed their lips together, soft moans escaping their parted orifices.
"Orifices?" said Claire, "Dude, I'd never write that, that sucks."
"Weren't we just fighting about something?" asked Christine.
"THEY"RE KISSING!!!!!!!!!!!" cried Roger.
"What!!!!!!????" cried Christine, "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
She ran over and grabbed Jack, hauling him over her shoulder with incredible strength, "Come on, you poor misguided boy…"
"Um…well…" said Clu-Muse, "since Jack is, uh, indisposed, let's move on."
"Hi," he began, "Um, I'm Clu. Well, actually I'm Clu-Muse, and while my likeness belongs to Disney, I belong to Claire, the author."
A spotlight flashes on Claire who is attempting to vogue, ignoring the fact that she has no rhythm.
"Psst, Claire!!!!" hissed Clu-Muse, "You're on!!"
"No, you goof," she replied, "You're on; I'm just making a cameo!!!"
"Well, could you at least stop vogueing?"
"Of course not!!! Now get on with it!!!"
Clu-Muse smiled, "Uh, well, let's get this started. Welcome all of you to Reviews Are Your Friend!!!! Starring me, Clu-Muse and my So Weird pals."
The stage was suddenly illuminated by a bright light, showing the rest of the clan in various attractive poses.
"Hey, why am I the only one in a fig leaf?"
"Cause you look so good in it," stated Jack.
"Hey!!!!!" came a voice.
Clu-Muse turned, "What!!??"
Christine stepped out, "What about us? We were promised a cameo, too!!!"
Clu-Muse sighed, "Fine. And Christine, aka JackPhillipsGirl, Roger, aka Three of Eight, and Tabitha, aka Tablynvan, are also in this."
"DANGIT!!!! It's TABETHA!!!! Not Tabitha!!!!! Get it right!!!!"
"Dude," said Clu-Muse, "I said that. How'd you know how it was spelled?"
"I'm psychic," she muttered.
"Ahem, let's get on with this!!" cried Claire.
"Thank you," said Clu-Muse, adjusting his fig leaf.
He walked over to a chalkboard that Annie was standing, posing like a Price is Right model.
"Now, first we have to know where to review. Annie?"
She started to draw on the chalkboard, "Okay, so I'm reading a story and I want to tell the reader how much I loved it. What do I do? I go to this pretty little blue box on the bottom and write a comment…"
She turned to look at Clu-Muse, "Have you been working out?"
"No!!!!!!!!!!!" cried Claire, diving at Clu-Muse, grabbing his waist, "Bad Annie!!!! No hitting on Clu-Muse!!!! You're too young for him!!!! And too stupid!!!!!! And too…Whatever!!!!!!!"
"Here!!!" cried Tabetha, tossing Claire a whiffle ball bat.
"Thanks," said Claire, proceeding to whack Annie with the bat.
"Try singing your fluffy pop-crap now, Miss Thang!!!!!!" she seethed.
"Claire, Claire," said Clu-Muse, "Can't the beating wait?"
Claire sighed, "I suppose. You may continue."
Clu-Muse nodded and walked over to where Jack was standing.
"Hey, dude," he said, patting Jack on the shoulder.
Jack stared at him.
"Kiss him!!!!!!" cried Roger.
Everyone turned to stare at him, "What!!!?"
Roger blushed, "Nothing."
Clu-Muse, looking rather flustered, continued.
"So, Jack, explain to us how we review a fic once we've read it," he said.
Jack turned on the overhead projector that magically had appeared next to him.
"Now, we first must decide…"
"KISS HIM!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Roger.
Jack turned, "What!!?"
"Nothing," said Roger, examining his shoelaces.
Jack sighed, "Okay, so we want to review. We want to make it obvious that we liked the story and that we want to express our feelings for it."
"God, you're not planning on marrying it, are you?" asked Christine, coming up behind Jack.
"Huh?" he asked.
"KISS HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" hollered Roger, going blue in the face.
"Dammit Roger, he can't marry me if he's making out with Clu!!!" cried Christine.
"And it's not Clu!!!!" cried Claire, "It's Clu-Muse and he's MINE!!!!!"
The three of them began to scuffle.
Tabetha sighed loudly, "Okay, they're being stupid. Clu-Muse, you and Jack may continue."
Jack, looking flustered continued, "Um, well, first we want to say we liked it. This is best done by saying 'hey, great story' or something like that. Then we want to explain why. Something like 'I love how you paired blank and blank together' or something."
A strangled cry of "Kiss him!!!" could be heard from the scuffle on the floor.
Jack shrugged, "Whatever. Then you click the review button, and VOILA!!! You have reviewed the fic!!"
Clu-Muse nodded, "Great work, dude."
Jack looked at Clu, "You think so?"
"Awww, absolutely dude, you rocked."
"Really?"
"Would I lie to you?"
"Jack, I..."
"I know…"
They threw their arms around each other and pressed their lips together, soft moans escaping their parted orifices.
"Orifices?" said Claire, "Dude, I'd never write that, that sucks."
"Weren't we just fighting about something?" asked Christine.
"THEY"RE KISSING!!!!!!!!!!!" cried Roger.
"What!!!!!!????" cried Christine, "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
She ran over and grabbed Jack, hauling him over her shoulder with incredible strength, "Come on, you poor misguided boy…"
"Um…well…" said Clu-Muse, "since Jack is, uh, indisposed, let's move on."