TITLE: Festive Turbo-lift
AUTHOR/S: Michael
PAIRING: B'Elanna & Seven of Nine
RATING: PG13
DISCLAIMER: Star Trek and all the main characters are owned by Paramount Pictures/CBS Network Television, A Viacom/CBS Corporation. Star Trek: Voyager. Created by, Rick Berman, Michael Piller & Jeri Taylor, and is based on Star Trek created by Gene Roddenberry
SUMMERY: Festive Turbo-lift fic.
Talking about X-mas. Pen a festive fic, oh best beloveds, in which our lovely ladies, (that's B'Elanna & Seven if you haven't realised!) are on board the notorious turbo-lift beta/Ralst, on the way or returning from a Christmas Party at Fairhaven.
The rest is up to you!
Michael
"Doctor, Doctor!" Janeway shouted as she hobbled up the corridor.
The EMH sighed. For a brief instant; he contemplated starting an epidemic of The Vidiian Flu, if The Captain's shouts turned out to be yet another 'Doctor Doctor' joke. However this though lasted only a brief nano second, as he realised that it would be him that would have to stick the limbs back on.
The Doctor turned around and smirked as he saw Ole Janners hobbling up the corridor, with her uniform pants, around her ankles, and a sprig of mistletoe, attached to where 'No man's Gone Before,' well at least since being stuck in the Delta Quadrant, and not if you are a hologram, with a faux Irish accent, named Michael Sullivan.
"Doctor have you seen Seven of Nine?"
"She just boarded the Turbo-lift... Captain why in Zimmerman's; name have you got a sprig of Viscum Album hanging above your Vagina?"
Janeway pouted and stomped her foot in a childlike fashion. "Seven's never around when you want to help her to discover her humanity." The Doctor gave Janeway a quizzical look, and decided that the Captain was finally nuttier than a three year old Christmas fruit cake. "I wanted her to kiss me under the mistletoe, and play 'photocopy ourgenitalia,' with Sullivan and myself. The Doctor gave Janeway another look, which she rightly interpreted as, 'and how is this going to help in Seven of Nine's understanding of humanity?' "I was going to introduce her to the 'Office Party!'" Janeway replied lamely. "Hang on she boarded the turbo-lift?" "Yes Captain." "Not turbo-lift beta/Ralst?" "Yes Captain she turbo-lift beta/Ralst, with B'Elanna Torres..."
Authors Note: turbo-lift beta/Ralst, was designed by Rachel & CO – (Motto being: 'We make all our turbo – lifts efficiently pleasurable as possible.'), to continually break down, even having its own maintenance bay, so that it's occupants could use it to placate their carnal needs, in as many ways as possible, (you got a free holo-copy of 'Caligula,' with every lift). This was due to its founder, President and CEO's former obsession with the genre! Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on your personal perspective; a few sessions with Zaphod Beeblebrox's brain care specialist, Gag Halfrunt cured Rachel of this obsession, but got her addicted to Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters.
Most of the lifts were destroyed by the great Brannon Braga purges of 2375. The few remaining beta/Ralst turbo-lifts are lovingly restored to their former glory, by authors such as myself.
Meanwhile onboard turbo-lift beta/Ralst... B'Elanna wearily leant against the wall of the Turbo-lift. A rather good party at Fair Heaven had been ruined by her ex husband yet again trying to win her back, so much so, that she had not seen her wife for much of the evening. The door hissed open, to find Seven of Nine in a rather revealing female Santa suit. "Coming my way?" The former drone smirked. "Thought you would never ask." B'Elanna replied and pressed a key on the door control. The lift immediately stopped, reversed course, and settled in the maintenance parking bay, informing the maintenance computer that this lift should not be moved for a minimum period of thirty minutes. Inside the lift; a hatch swung open, to show a double water bed. It was dressed in classy green and red Egyptian cotton linen, embroidered with simple Christmas designs, such as Christmas trees, snowmen, presents, and other tacky designs, which companies adorn their stuff at Christmas, knowing that us addictive consumers would buy it each year in December.
A whine of a transporter could be heard, and a bucket of ice appeared, with a bottle of chilling Chateau Picard inside. Seven seductively crawled up the waterbed, her long shapely legs, made the more appealing by her stockings and suspenders. "I believe you owe me a Christmas stuffing!" She exclaimed, as she slithered onto the petite Klingon. "Only if you pull my Christmas cracker." B'Elanna whispered in reply, and brought the former drone down for a searing kiss...
Meanwhile, back outside one of the portals, to turbo-shaft beta/Ralst
"... So you are telling me that Seven of Nine is in turbo-lift beta/Ralst, with my Chief Engineer Lt B'Elanna Torres?"
"Yes Captain."
"Seven of Nine is in turbo-lift beta/Ralst, with my Chief Engineer; Lt B'Elanna Torres, wearing a skimpy female Santa's costume?"
"Correct Captain. Seven of Nine is in turbo-lift beta/Ralst, with your Chief Engineer; Lt B'Elanna Torres, wearing a skimpy female Santa's costume."
"Turbo-lift beta/Ralst, the loving restored 'Sex Shack,' which survived the great Brannon Braga purges of 2375?"
"Yes Captain Turbo-lift beta/Ralst, the lovingly restored 'Sex Shack,' which survived the great Brannon Braga purges of 2375?"
"Seven of Nine is in turbo-lift beta/Ralst the lovingly restored 'Sex Shack,' which survived the great Brannon Braga purges of 2375, with Lt B'Elanna Torres, wearing only a skimpy female Santa's costume?"
"Yes Captain."
"Why?"
The Doctor was more than worried now about his Captain. The stress of the job had finally caused to her to go wob; wob! So much so, that she seemed to now have the intelligence of a Warthog, comparable to that of Chuckles the Commander.
"Katy dear," he started. "You are defiantly one Sixpence short of a Christmas pudding. B'Elanna and Seven took the oath ten months ago..."
"La La La La!" Janeway sung to herself, whilst putting her hands over her ears.
The EMH heaved another sigh and tapped his Comm. Badge. He'll get Paris and security to deal with this, he had other more important things to do, namely seeing if Sullivan was still there, as he wanted to see who had the biggest 'Photonic Cannon,' and wondering if he had time to return the Christmas Gifts he had bought of the former sane captain, and exchange them, for a double lobotomy, a straight Jacket and some rubber wall paper.
As he sauntered up the corridor, he could faintly here B'Elanna's voice, saying. "Soch; that is a funny way to pull my cracker!"
The End