And Then Stuff Happened
Elly was feeling emo. Very, very emo.Very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very emo. Times a hundred percent. Andrew had just dumped her in favor of June. Elly had no reason why. After all, she was the one who half the horny teenage male Bonus Stage fans lusted after! She had even begun to wonder if June was actually a hermaphrodite. In any case, Elly was extremely emo and sad and other adjectives to describe depression.
She decided that she couldn't take it anymore. So Elly walked over to a conveniently located cliff and stood at the edge, wondering whether she should jump. There was a river below it, with tons of extremely pointy rocks. The fall looked pretty damn long. Like, really fucking long. But she just stood there, because otherwise this fanfic would not be angsty enough, now would it? I DIDN'T THINK SO!
Phil happened to walk by at a ridiculously convenient time. He ran up to Elly and asked, "What are you doing here?"
"Oh," she replied, "I'm just contemplating suicide."
"NO YOU AREN'T!"
"YES I AM!"
"WELL...YOU SHOULDN'T!"
"But I'm being EMO!"
Then Joel walked by, having overheard everything somehow. "EMOS SUCK!" he shouted.
"JOEL, GET OVER HERE!" screamed Phil.
Joel replied, "I don't really feel like it."
"But...Elly's seriously considering jumping off that cliff!"
"And...I'd care about this why?"
"BECAUSE IT'S BAD!"
"Aww," Elly whimpered, "but I wanna die!"
"JOEL!" Phil shouted, "YOU COULD CONVINCE HER NOT TO! I CAN'T!"
"But I don't actually care!"
Elly grew increasingly emo and began crying and slitting her wrists and wearing all black and writing bad poetry. And everyone was all, "WTF."
And then Elly spontaneously combusted and died. The end.