BOB'S BURGERS
SAY A NICKLE
WRITTEN BY ZARIUS
Bob had decided that for Christmas this year he would try to put together something seminal...a dollar burger feast for both Christmas and Boxing Day.
"I'd make more if it were for a dime, they're lucky" remarked Linda as she put the plates out on a large table set up specifically for the feast.
"A note over a nickel Linda, that's how we roll" said Bob, laughing a little more loudly as if to command attention to the pun he had just made.
It wasn't phasing Linda one bit.
"Roll...dollar notes make up a roll...get it?" he said.
"I don't wanna get it, I want a nickel" said Linda.
The kids suddenly burst into the restaurant with surging enthusiasm, the Belcher's youngest daughter Louise holding mistletoe in her hand.
"Louise, I told you not to take that off the front door, it's to make sure all the couples coming in get a chance to smooch before they kick off their festive spats" instructed Linda.
"Exactly, I hold a soft stick in my cold hard hands, the power of Christmas Cupid, and I'm gonna have some fun with it"
"What do you mean?" asked Linda.
"Andy and Ollie are coming over; they're joined so much at the hip I figure they can join their lips together if this thing's hovering over them"
This grossed Louise's older sister Tina out significantly.
"Louise, that's encouraging unnecessary incest"
"Unnecessary? Tina, if this place was running specials for commitment ceremonies, these two would be charged top dollar"
"Or top nickel" interrupted Linda.
Before the two sisters could kick off on a morality debate, the door opened and in sprang Andy, Ollie, and Rudy.
"We're here, where's the beer?" Rudy replied in his usually laid back self-deprecating manner.
"We got Xmas money, we shall spend it wisely" said Andy, flashing a few dozen notes high in the air, transfixing Louise's hungry gaze.
"Or unwisely if the Queen commands" Ollie said
"Oh you three wise-asses, you know your majesty all too well" Louise said, holding up the mistletoe.
"Oh, is that the lush green snowflake you told us about?" said Ollie.
"Yep, it can grant you eternal happiness, so long as you kiss under it"
"She wants to smother us with kisses" remarked an alarmed Andy.
"She is like the rest of them after all, hold me" said Ollie, the two embracing and squeezing one another hard.
"No, definitely not me, I'd lose my mind before that ever happened. No, you're going to kiss each other, I'm going to sit back and enjoy it"
"Does a kiss qualify as a sign of brotherly affection?" asked Andy.
"Totally" said Louise.
"Can we confer?" Ollie asked.
"What's to confer? This is holiday tradition, once it hovers above, you gotta put on the love" continued Louise.
As the two brothers nervously contemplated Louise's offer, Rudy approached her, a parcel in hand.
"How's your day gone cupcake?" Louise asked her best friend.
"Oh I was just getting back from gift probing, turns out my Dad bought me the very family film I was going to get him" Rudy revealed.
"You have your dad's taste in movies?" asked Louise.
"Well we can ill afford the basic channels to watch anything I can call my own, so we share, I get to grow up a bit quicker because of that"
"Hey, never be in a rush to grow up, sit back and relax watching others squirm in the midst of their own coming of age instead" she said, steadily approaching the frightened Andy and Ollie.
"Well, I didn't know what else to get him, so I thought of others instead, this is for you" said Rudy, handing Louise the parcel.
A touching sensation coursed through Louise's soul.
"You got me this? Really?" she said.
"It's not much, but I think it definitely is your kind of scene" Rudy replied.
Louise opened the parcel; her eyes lit up and twitched significantly.
It was a copy of the new album from Boo Boo, Louise's slap happy crush.
"How much did this cost you?" asked Louise.
"Say a Nickel" Linda whispered.
Andy and Ollie waited patiently for Louise to give her instruction. It was fated never to happen.
"Andy, Ollie, its ok, you guys can take off" she said.
"What about the price we must pay?" Andy asked.
"Spend it on something wise, like I'm about to" she said, dangling the mistletoe over herself and Rudy. She leaned in to press her lips against his, when the restaurant was suddenly floored by a flock of hungry customers coming in, keenly interested in Bob's latest offers.
"I see you're getting swamped, I better head out" he said, "Merry Christmas Louise"
As he left, Linda put a reassuring hand on her daughter's shoulder.
"A penny for your thoughts sweetheart?" she asked.
"Thoughts are made for minds Mom, I've just about lost mine" Louise replied