The Doctor did not love Clara Oswald. Absolutely not. Never. Love wasn't a thing that was supposed to happen, it always ended badly. He sighed loudly, and told himself again, I do not love Clara Oswald. Absolutely not. Never.
His thoughts were interrupted as he heard the shuffling of feet behind him, and he turned around in his seat at the table to see Clara. She was making herself a cup of coffee now, and he guessed that she'd probably just woken up, judging by her creased pyjamas. Wait. His pyjamas.
Clara turned around to bring her cup to the table, and the Doctor gazed at her in all her cuteness; sleepy face, tiny feet in fluffy slippers, his far too big pyjamas hanging loosely off her, and realisation dawned. He was in love with Clara Oswald. Oh no. Oh no. Surely not. He couldn't be. But another glance at her confirmed it.
How dare she be so adorable, making him fall in love? This was unfair, especially since she hadn't given any sign that she felt the same way. At least, he didn't think she had.
Once again, Clara interrupted his thoughts. "So what are we doing today, Doctor? Where are we going?"
Regathering his thoughts and forcing himself to look at her, the Doctor smiled. "Well…you know how I set fire to the Christmas tree so we need a new one for this year?"
Clara blinked. "No Doctor, I didn't know that actually. When exactly did this happen?"
"Oh, uh…" he was sure he'd told her, but clearly he hadn't. "It doesn't matter. What does matter is that we're going to pick out a new one together. So we don't end up with one that one of us will constantly be pointing out faults in. We can agree on one."
His suggestion was rewarded with a smile; a beautiful, warm Clara smile. Oh how he loved it when she smiled. He'd do anything if it meant she would smile like that forever.
"I'd like that." Clara said softly, before getting up from the table. The Doctor caught sight of his pyjamas on her again.
"Oh, and why are you wearing my pyjamas, Clara?" The Doctor raised one eyebrow at her. A light pink blush appeared on Clara's cheeks, and she shrugged.
"Mine are in the wash, and your room was pretty close, so I decided I'd just steal yours for the night. You don't mind, do you?" It wasn't really a question, he realised, when Clara promptly skipped out of the room without waiting for an answer. He shook his head in defeat. You're lucky I love you, Clara, he thought to himself.
The Doctor brought Clara to a huge store which sold Christmas trees, real and fake, as well as all the decorations you could ever need. Lights twinkled from every direction, and tinsel lined every door frame, every window. Everything about the store screamed 'Christmas'. Although of course the Doctor did love to see all the lights and the joyful atmosphere, he was far more interested in his small human companion, and the way her beautiful brown eyes shone with the reflected lights.
Clara stared in awe at her surroundings, taking it all in. She loved Christmas, especially now that she usually spent it with the Doctor rather than having to put up with her stepmother at a family gathering. She didn't notice how the Doctor gazed at her like she was the most beautiful thing in the room, or how he glanced down at her hand with longing to hold it in his own.
It was a while before either of them said anything, but finally their silence was broken by the Doctor.
"So…are you done staring, can we look around for a Christmas tree now?" He asked, trying to distract himself from just watching her.
Clara blinked, then nodded. "Yeah, sure. Which way first, Doctor Christmas?" She giggled.
"Don't call me that." He said, pointing straight ahead of them.
"Whatever you say…Doctor Christmas." Apparently calling him this amused Clara greatly, which was usually a good thing, but not when she was laughing at him. That wasn't good, it wasn't fair.
Sighing exaggeratedly, the Doctor started to lead Clara in the direction of the Christmas tree section. Within a minute, he'd glanced back to find that he'd lost sight of her, meaning that she'd wandered off. Great. He was shopping for Christmas trees and his human had abandoned him.
"Clara?" He called, slowing to a halt by a suspicious looking plastic snowman. It was nearly as tall as him, presumably some kind of outdoor decoration, but the Doctor didn't trust it. He glared at it. "Where's Clara?" He hissed quietly, hoping nobody would hear him if this did turn out to just be a plastic snowman figure. "Where is she?"
After a few minutes of failed interrogation, the Doctor gave up. He cleared his throat, glancing both ways to make sure nobody had been watching.
"Clara? Where are you? Clara!" He huffed when Clara did not appear. So much for shopping together, he thought.
Now alone and feeling slightly intimidated by all the people bustling around him, the Doctor slipped away and decided to go and look for a Christmas tree on his own. If Clara wanted to find him, she'd know where to look. He hoped so, anyway. Surely she'd work it out.
He stepped into the Christmas tree populated area, and found himself surrounded by trees of all kind - real and fake, green and not green, decorated and undecorated. The Doctor gradually made his way through, trying to decide on a favourite. Of course, he couldn't decide; he liked many of them, and as far as he was concerned, any of them that looked good would be fine with him. This is why he required his Clara.
Wait. Not his Clara. Just Clara. She wasn't his. But oh, how he wished she was, though he had taken so long to admit it to himself. All that jealousy, seeing that PE teacher touch her and hold her hand and flirt with her…he didn't like it. It wasn't right. He should be the one doing that.
Of course, Danny had treated Clara well, he could have given her a wonderful human family life on Earth. Clara probably would have loved that. Here was where the Doctor's dreams were crushed: he would never be able to give Clara that kind of life. He would love her through her whole life, he would never abandon her or hurt her in any way (not on purpose, anyway. His unintentional lack of good communications skills, however, may upset her from time to time). The Doctor loved Clara. But he couldn't give her the life he believed she wanted. And that broke his hearts.
He realised he'd been staring into space as he'd been thinking all of this, and blinked a few times when a hand was waved in front of his face.
"...helloooo? Doctoooor?" Clara was stood in front of him, trying to snap him out of his trance-like state.
"Hm? Yes?" The Doctor shook his head, bringing himself back to reality. "Where did you wander of to? I turned around and you were gone, I thought you were following me."
"I saw something I liked. But I'm here now. Have you found a tree you like yet?"
"Yes, many that would be perfectly fine in my eyes." He pointed at a few of them.
Clara grabbed his hand and held it instead. "Don't point, take me over to each one and tell me why you like them." She told him gently, as though speaking to guide a small child who wasn't sure what to do.
The Doctor swallowed, trying to ignore the racing in his hearts and the funny squirmy feeling Clara holding his hand gave him. Instead of arguing and telling her he didn't want to bother, he nodded, and brought her over to the nearest tree that he liked. It was a fake one, with the ends of the branches glowing different colours.
"I like it because…it has the glow-y parts." He reached out to touch the lit up branches with his free hand, unable to help himself.
Clara smiled, watching him. She'd noticed that was a thing he did sometimes. He would see something that lit up different colours, and would either stare at it for a while, just watching in fascination, or he'd reach out to touch it. He didn't seem to realise he was doing it sometimes. Clara thought it was a little strange, but she'd seen a few of the kids she taught do similar things sometimes. His face while he did it made it endearing and quite sweet in her opinion. He had a little smile on his face, like he'd just satisfied an urge he had, and could now relax.
"You like ones that light up then, yeah?" Clara asked him softly.
The Doctor took his hand back from the branches, and nodded. "Yeah. I think it looks nice."
"Alright, show me the next one you like." She followed him over to another tree, this one real. He didn't touch this one, but he did breathe deeply once they were stood by it.
"I like how the real ones smell." He told her, looking down at her. "But not the way all the little pine needles fall off when you touch, and how they all end up on the floor under it. That's annoying."
"Alright, so ideally you want one that lights up, smells like a real one, but all the needles don't fall off." Clara nodded.
The Time Lord continued to show Clara the other trees that he liked, and she listened to what he said, but she also watched him.
Clara loved so many little things about him. The way his hands had a mind of their own when he was talking, with their wild gestures. The way he smiled when he didn't think she was looking - she knew he was enjoying this really, although she did worry that he might feel a bit overloaded with so much going on around him. He seemed a little skittish when there were large groups of people near him, and jumped or flinched sometimes when they brushed past him.
She noticed him looking to her for reassurance sometimes, which warmed her heart. He was so cold and abrasive sometimes, as well as downright rude to people he didn't like. But with her, he was so different. She was his reassurance, and his comfort, without either of them saying a word about it. They didn't need to. They both knew it anyway.
The final Christmas tree the Doctor showed her was the one. It had everything he'd said he liked - it lit up, had the scent of a real tree but wasn't, and was the perfect colour. It also wasn't too big for them to carry back to the TARDIS, but it was big enough.
As soon as he pointed to it, Clara nodded. The Doctor's eyes sought out hers to know if there was true approval in there, or if she was just agreeing because she was fed up. When he saw that she liked this one as much as he did, he smiled, and pulled her over to it. "This one, then."
"Yes. Now…can you carry it? Or can we carry it?" Clara was well aware that her height may play to their disadvantage when there were large items which required two people to carry them. She grinned at the Doctor, and he returned it.
"We can certainly try. We need to get it to the checkout first, then to the TARDIS." The Doctor thought for a moment about the most logical way to do this. "You stand over there, I'm going to push it over, and you're going to catch the end of it. That way I'm carrying this end, the base, because it's heavier, and you're carrying the lighter end, and you can lead us because you're better at that."
Their plan sort of worked. They managed to push the tree over and lift it, but getting it through the store without knocking anyone or anything over was another problem. It took them a total of fifteen minutes to get the tree to the checkout, only to find out that they could've just asked one of the staff for help. The Doctor muttered something about being independent and not needing help, but Clara stood on his foot. That, he knew, was a sign to shut up, so he shut up.
It seemed like hours before they finally got the tree into the TARDIS, and by that point, Clara decided they needed a break.
"Come on Doctor, let's go somewhere fun! Somewhere Christmassy! Somewhere with snow!" Her eyes shone with excitement, and she had that look that he found really difficult to say no to.
"Well…" the Doctor took one look at those eyes, that pleading expression on her face, and couldn't find it in him to refuse. "Fine, fine, we'll go."
Damn it, he thought. I'm in love with Clara Oswald.
"Thank you!" Clara giggled, watching him set the coordinates and land the TARDIS. "Now come on, we need to go put boots and big coats and hats on and all that stuff."
"Clara I don't-" but she already had hold of his hand, and was dragging him along enthusiastically, and once again, he gave in and allowed her to lead him.
Fifteen minutes passed, and finally they were ready. Clara Oswald standard ready.
The Doctor looked displeased at his outfit. She'd made him put three extra pairs of socks on before putting boots on, and waterproof trousers over his normal ones. Then she'd bundled him up in a couple of extra thermal layers and a thick coat, as well as a hat and gloves. She was dressed similarly, but in his opinion she looked adorable while he looked ridiculous.
"Was all of this strictly necessary?" He complained.
"Absolutely." Clara nodded seriously, taking his gloved hand in her own again to pull him along.
The Doctor felt that weird squirmy feeling in his stomach return, and his cheeks flushed slightly. He hoped Clara wouldn't notice.
Clara opened the TARDIS doors, tugging him out into a wide field covered with snow, untouched by anyone until now. Feeling the cold, sharp wind hit his face, the Doctor secretly felt grateful for all the layers of clothing he had been made to put on.
His tiny human companion let go of his hand to run ahead a little as he shut the TARDIS doors. She bent down to scoop up some snow, forming a ball in her hands. The Doctor turned from the ship to face her, and felt the snowball collide with his chest.
"Hey! You just initiated a fight you're going to regret starting, Clara Oswald!" He began to form his own snowballs, quickly throwing one at Clara.
Clara giggled, running away from him, but only a short distance. She pushed some snow to form a small wall, to hide her snowballs behind, and the Doctor copied her, trying to make his higher than hers.
She noticed, and responded by simply adding more snow to her wall, making it a few inches taller than his.
It was petty, but hilarious. They went on like this for a while, both trying to make their wall the highest. This fight was only halted when Clara threw another snowball, and it hit the Doctor in the chest again.
Their snowball fight commenced. Both human and Time Lord were determined to win, but the cold and the effort of moving around in their thick layers of clothing meant that they tired easily.
When Clara decided she'd had enough of bending down to make snowballs, she ran towards the Doctor, and launched herself at him, knocking him right over into the snow. He made an amusing, high pitched noise as he fell, and then an indignant one. He rolled them over, pressing Clara down into the snow, and in return she tried to wrestle with him.
There weren't really any established rules to this new fight, and it didn't seem to have an aim either. They kept shoving snow in each other's faces, rolling over and wrestling, and Clara kept trying to tickle the Doctor, which didn't always work because she had to get her hands under his coat to do that, and he would shove snow in her face whenever he felt her trying to do it.
They seemed to finally reach a silent agreement that they were both exhausted, cold and ready to go back inside now, achieved by just a look exchanged between them.
The Doctor stood up first, brushing the snow off of himself, and held out his hand to help Clara up.
He gazed down at her for a moment, her cheeks flushed with cold, snow in her hair, and she looked so beautiful right then that it took a lot of willpower not to lean down and kiss her.
She stood up and leaned against him, giggling. Her arm slid through his, and he smiled. It felt right.
They returned to the TARDIS, shivering with cold, but both happy in each others company.
"Thank you, Doctor." Clara said after a moment once they were inside, turning to face him.
"What for?" He blinked, looking down at her.
"Everything." Her arms slid around his waist, and he found himself being held tightly in her embrace, her head close to his neck, and to his surprise, found himself hugging back.
"You're welcome," he whispered, resting his chin on her head. "Any time, Clara Oswald. Any time."