Author's Note: I think I am semi obsessed with one shots lately. Mostly because I am putting off writing the end of I Just Can't Live A Lie. Yes, you read that correctly. The end is drawing near for that tale. However, you guys know me! I already have another one in the works. Enough about that. Back to my one shot obsession. This one starts out angry, bitter and a bit vulgar. There is profanity and sex. If you are under the age of 18 you are reading at your own risk and I assume no responsibility for what you might come in contact with while reading this story.

Gone Forever

Women were good for two things: fucking and confusion. The first time Alex Karev's father told him that he'd been five years old and he'd walked in on some seventeen year old girl giving his dad head. He'd made the mistake of asking his father what was going on and that was when Michael Karev hit him with women were only good for two things. Fucking and confusion. Better to leave the second one alone and focus on the first because fucking was a man's right. It was what they were made to do, just like women were made to be fucked. That was something a man should never forget. If he did forget, if he did let a woman think she was more than some bed buddy, that was when the confusion set in. They warped a man's mind so badly that the next thing he knew he was saddled with three brats, a bitchy wife, and bills. If that ever happened the best thing to do was either hit the bitch or get while the getting was good. It was a logic Alex never understood. Until now.

He sat at the end of the bar, nursing a tumbler full of whiskey, trying to forget about the cozy little life Izzie had made him build in his head. They hadn't had the kids yet, but he'd wanted them. Two to be exact. A little Izzie and a little Alex. When she'd survived cancer he had been positive that it was only a matter of time before they found their own place and talked about starting a family. While he had been dreaming about babies and houses she had been trying to find a reason to leave. One misunderstanding and she had darted for the hills. Or her mother's trailer. He still wasn't convinced that Robbie hadn't known where her daughter was. Not that mattered any more. It was all in the past. His days of letting Izzie confuse him were gone. Better to just fuck 'em and leave 'em. If it left him feeling a little hollow inside, if it made him miss her a little more, that was just more confusion. The feelings were not real. He was not some pathetic loser who missed an ex-wife that left him for not damn reason. That was not him!

Except, he thought with a mournful sigh, that was exactly what sort of man he was. The women, they were just momentary reprieves from the ache in his heart. A way of coping with the pain. An ego booster because, damn it, he needed to feel like he was wanted, even if it was just by some drunken slut at a bar. It was only a temporary boost though. And it never really eased the pain. His heart still yearned for Izzie. His body still remembered what it was like to make love instead of fuck. Damn it! Damn her! Life was great before Izzie came a long and ruined it. With her light up the room smiles that were just for him. With the tiny sounds she made that told him he was hitting the right spot and making her body hum. With the soft whisper of her breath against his ear as she told him she loved him.

Smacking the palm of his fist against the bar, he silently chanted what his father had told him. Women were only good for two things: fucking and confusion. Better to just leave the second one alone and focus on the first. He stood up, his hazel eyes scanning the bar for the perfect distraction. He found her near the jukebox. She was…perfect. From the backside she almost looked the woman he was going to pretend she was. Shoulder length blonde hair arranged in a mess of curls. Long lithe body encased in dark washed jeans and a bright red slinky top. His steps faltered as she turned to talk to the dark haired woman next to her. If he approached her there would be no pretending. His perfect distraction was the woman who had befuddled his mind to the point where he couldn't think straight most of the time. Damn it. Since when did Izzie frequent singles bars? And since when did he give a shit? She could fuck half of Seattle and he would…beat the living hell out of any man who touched her!

"Turn around," he ordered, not caring if the gruffly spoken words earned him a few odd looks. Screw them. Screw his determination to hate her and to stay away. His steps were tentative, almost embarrassingly so, as he continued his way toward her. He kept waiting for her to turn her smile on some man or for her to join one of the leering jackasses on the dance floor. She didn't do anything but stand near a jukebox that was for looks only talking to a dark haired woman in a fuck me blue dress that barely covered her ass. The closer he drew, the more familiar the other woman became. A lingerie model Izzie had been photographed with during her Bethany Whispers days. On another night, without his ex-wife around, he might have gone for her. His eyes and heart were trained on the confusing woman next to her though. If all he walked away with was an answer to why she left he would be okay with that. It would give him something to move on with.

"Iz," he murmured, hoping his voice was too low for her to hear. As though she could sense his presence she turned. At first surprise tightened her face and was then replaced with leeriness. The friend gave him a look over and whispered something to Izzie. The laugh that tinkled out of his ex-wife's mouth made him uneasy. It also pissed him off. He wasn't going to stand there and be laughed at.

"You're insane Samantha!" Her blonde curls bounced on her bare, tanned shoulders. "He might go for it but there is no way in hell I would!" The slow wink the dark haired Samantha sent him, along with the smack she gave Izzie on the ass gave Alex a pretty good idea what her friend had whispered in her ear. He wanted to correct her, to tell her there was no way in hell he would either. Maybe once upon a time…maybe last month with Lucy and some medical student he couldn't recall the name of. Hell, if Izzie were to shoot him down, to tell him to go to hell, he might seek out the alluring Samantha and entice her into finding them a third playmate for the night.

"What do you want Alex?"

The cautious question posed by his ex-wife brought his thoughts of threesomes with lingerie models to a skidding halt. Her question made him think. What did he want? Did he want to demand answers? To have break up sex? What the hell had prompted him to seek her out? Why hadn't he walked away when he seen who she was? The answer was simple: his father had been wrong. Women weren't meant for fucking, they meant for love and whether he liked it or not he loved Izzie. He loved her so much it hurt to be near her and not touch her. He loved her enough that he was going to grovel, when really it was her turn to do the groveling. "You," he choked out. "I want you."

"Alex…" Izzie started. He shook his head, hoping she took the hint that he needed to say what he needed to say before she broke his heart…again.

"I want you Iz. I know I said to leave. Hell, I thought I wanted you to. But the thing is…I can't love anyone else. It's like my heart isn't capable you know? Like its had the best and why settle for something less? You're the best. For me. And while I know I might not be the best for you, I am hoping you're willing to settle. For me. Because I love you and the idea of you being gone forever scares the hell out of me. I don't want to end up like my dad. Thinking women are only good for fucking or for confusing the hell out of a man. And when I'm not with you that's how I feel. That's how I think. So…you're it for me. Without you I'm just…I'm Evil Spawn okay? I sleep with women I don't give a shit about. I talk coworkers into threesomes with med students because I think its funny. I…I hate being that guy Iz and without you…that's who I am." He paused to catch his breath and to study her face.

"That's not you," she said slowly. "That's the man you let yourself be. Alex, you can't rely on me to make you a better person. You are more than capable. You just…you have to want to change."

"I know that! The thing is, without you I don't want to." Risking a tongue lashing or a slap, he reached out and laid the palm of his hand against her cheek. "You are it for me." Yeah, he sounded like some lame ass romantic card. Who gave a fuck? Not him. He was beyond letting pride stand in his way. He had done that before. He had let his pride tell Izzie that he deserved better and that he wanted her gone forever. Oh what a liar he had been. Pride was a horrible master.

"How do we know we won't hurt each other again?" The vulnerability in her voice caught him off guard. It was more than he had expected. It was enough for him to allow himself to hope.

"We don't," he answered honestly. "We just have to…try. Yeah. That's it. We have to try. We owe it to ourselves to try. We deserve that. We deserve a shot at a relationship that isn't rushed along because of some fucking disease."

She seemed to stand there, absorbing what he had said. It was sinking in, whirling round and round in her pretty little head. Her throat worked up and down as her tongue darted out to lick her lips. A slow smile stretched across those same lips as she leaned toward him, her perfume waiving around him, caressing his senses. "How about we start with a drink?"

A drink. He could do that. One drink led to two. Two led to three. Three to four. And so on. By martini number five the offer of a drink became the offer of a one night stand. A quick fuck on the kitchen counter of her tiny apartment. Fifteen minutes of heaven between her thighs. It should have been a goodbye. Break up sex. Settling the score. Winding up loose ends. Instead all it did was leave him wanting more. It seemed to leave her wanting more too. He spent night after night in her bed, between her thighs, living for the soft moans that came from deep within her chest. Slowly the nights grew into something more. There was a dresser for him, along with half the closet. Her apartment key found its way on to his key ring. And when her lease came up due his name was added. It was then he knew. She hadn't been offering a drink…she had been offering this…a chance at forever.