Chapter 26: The Y-Front Horcrux
Searching for horcruxes was long, exhausting, boring work. It involved many long periods of waiting followed by a brief period of rushing around like a chicken with its head about to be cut off. Boredom set in very quickly. With nothing to do in Hermione's old bedroom he read her rather varied collection of books. Apparently, at some point in her life Hermione aspired to become a psychologist. Therefore she had amassed a rather interesting collection of books on the subject. Regrettably Harry was still only a teenage boy, so the first books he latched on to had the word sex emblazoned in huge bold red print on the back of the book. The books were by Sigmund Freud.
According to Sigmund Freud, a person goes through five stages in life; the oral stage, anal stage, phallic stage, latency stage, and the genital stage. If a child has difficulties going through a stage, then certain behaviors will be the result later in life.
Harry snorted in laughter. According to Freud, Tom Riddle had difficulties when he was potty training, resulting in an anal personality. Another snort. Freud had obviously met other members of the Gaunt family.
Harry laughed as he dodged the rather cliché darts shooting out of the rather cliché ancient temple walls as he thought about a mini Voldie in a diaper refusing to use the potty. Freud also suggested that those who were traumatized could develop an anal fixation.
The sudden bout of laughter that made him fall to the ground was the only thing that saved him from the swinging logs crashing into each other where his head had just been. The entirety of Slytherin house constantly referred to him as Potty. The image of a baby Riddle was joined by the entirety of his Death Eater groupies dressed in diapers and complaining about evil potties that always ruined their fun became forever imbedded in his head
He rolled to the side just in time to avoid the stone column that fell from the ceiling. The anal fixation thing would also explain the weird carvings on the temple walls. Apparently the temple was supposed to belong to a God that accepted a virgin male every year to join his rather large harem. The activities of that harem were depicted in large vivid detail on the walls.
The pull of the horcrux was growing stronger, so he knew that he was getting close. After ducking through a somewhat slimy fall of questionable origin, he gazed upon what was obviously a vast treasure chamber. Wandering around the towering piles of gold he noticed something glowing in the corner of the hall. Walking closer he noticed that there was an alter set upon a raised dais. The tingling in his scar proved that there was a horcrux at the top. Climbing the steps with a growing wariness he cautiously peeked over the top of the altar to see what lay on top. It was, it was…
Harry rubbed his eyes, blinked, breathed into his hand and sniffed to check for alcohol, and cast a rather hard spell that would check for any hallucinatory substances in his blood system, but the image remained the same. The very proof that confirmed without a doubt in Harry's mind that Freud's book was written for one Tommy Riddle. A pair of stained, gray, y- fronts.
Well, at least that answered the question of boxers or briefs.