The warm air of the hotel was a drastic change from the cool air outside as Haru returned to the hotel they were staying at. He went inside and headed back to the room he was in with Makoto, entering the room as quietly as possible in an attempt not to wake his friend however, when he walking into the room, his friend was no where to be seen.
"Makoto...?" Confused, Haru called out his friends name to the empty room before hearing loud coughing coming from the bathroom. He headed towards the door which was partially closed but not locked, pushing the door open, he called out his friends name once more.
"Makoto? Is that you? Are you okay?"
"H...aru..?" Makoto was cut off by another string of coughs as he threw up once more. Haru headed over to his friend, kneeling down next to his friends hunched over form, placing his hand on his shoulder.
"Makoto...Are you okay? What`s wrong?" Haru asked, concern filling his voice and eyes
"Y...yeah...I`m fine..." Makoto chocked out, in between coughs
"What happened?" Haru questioned, confused at the fact that Makoto had seemed perfectly fine when he had left and now here he was throwing up everything he`d eaten in the past day or two. Makoto looked away at the question before replying saying he wasn`t sure what had happened and that he must of eaten something funny.
"Can you stand up?" Haru asked as Makoto nodded, pushing himself up off the floor, standing up despite his vision swimming.
"...Makoto..?" Haru murmured as the taller of the two fell against the wall.
"Come on, you need to lie down." Haru said, placing Makoto`s arm over his shoulders as he supported him with his arms.
They entered the main hotel room and Haru led the brunette towards his bed, getting him to sit down before gently pusshing him back down.
"Haru-chan, I`m okay. I just need to sleep a bit then I`ll be fine." Makoto managed a weak smile which earned a suspicious look from Haru.
"Okay but if anything happens, wake me up. I`ll go and find some pain killers, take some before you go to sleep." Haru stated, standing up and heading into the bathroom, rummaging around in the cupboard for some sort of pain killers. Not finding anything, he decided to go and ask Nagisa or Rei if they had any and so, he left the room, telling Makoto where he was going before heading down the hallway to Nagisa and Rei`s hotel room.
Knocking on the door, Haru waited before it was answered by Nagisa who looked both surprsed and confused as to why he was there in the middle of the night.
"Haru? What`s up?" Nagisa questioned curiously before a yawn slipped past his lips.
"Does either of you have any pain killers?" Haru asked as Nagisa let him in.
"There might be some somewhere, why do you ask?" Nagisa yawned, rummaging around in the cupboard for a while before returning to Haru with some paracetamol tablets in hand.
"Makoto`s not feeling too well." Haru answered Nagisa`s question.
"Oh...Tell him that me and Rei-chan hope he`s better tommorrow." Nagisa said as Haru left, once again heading down the hall to his and Makoto`s room.
Entering the room again, Haru saw Makoto wrapped in in his duvet with his eyes closed, his breathing slightly uneven. He opened his eyes as the door opened, tensing up before relaxing again when he saw that it was Haru that came in. Makoto gave a small smile to Haru which was replied to by a confused look from Haru.
"I don`t get how you can smile right now. Seriously you looked like hell before, no offence but seriously, you couldn`t even stand up." Haru said, heading over to Makoto with the paracetamol and a glass of water that he had grabbed. Makoto sat up as Haru handed him the glass and two of the tablets.
"Thank you." Makoto smiled weakly
"It`s nothing. Now get some sleep." Haru commanded as Makoto led back down and he headed back to his own bed. Haru led down too but he didn`t fall asleep, instead, he simply stared at Makoto`s sleeping form, wondering what on earth was wrong with him.
The sun seeped through a small gap in the curtains, creating a small strip of light that shone onto Haru`s face as he woke up. He looked over to where Makoto was and saw that his bed was empty. The faint sound of running water filled his ears as he realised that Makoto was probably in the bathroom. Thinking back once more to the previous night, he wondered once more what had been wrong with Makoto, he had seemed perfectly fine all day which just made Haru wonder even more.
He wouldn`t make himself be sick would he? Haru thought to himself before he ruled out that idea all together. He wouldn`t do that, Makoto wouldn`t even think of doing that, right?
His mind was so distracted by these thoughts that he didn`t notice Makoto entering the room once more however he was pulled back to reality when Makoto waved a hand in front of his face in an attempt to get his attention.
"Haru..? Are you in there Haru?" Makoto asked as Haru looked up at him, staring as if he wasn`t even there.
"You need to get ready, we`re meeting Nagisa and Rei in half an hour." Makoto said as Haru gave him a sceptical look before saying
"What happened last night?" Haru questioned seriously.
"Haru it was nothing, Probably just nerves." Makoto gave him a smile, hoping he would drop the subject.
"Hmm." Haru nodded, still not fully convinced by Makoto`s explanation but, he decided to not push it any further seeing as Makoto didn`t seem to want to talk about it.
"Haru-chan, Mako-chan!" Nagisa waved as the two made their way into the reception of the hotel. They walked over to Nagisa and Rei and then the four of them set off out the hotel to go and meet Gou and have breakfast.
They reached the restaurant and sat down before a waiter came over to hand them the menu`s. After ordering their food, they waited and talked and Haru noticed that for once, Makoto was almost silent. He would answer when someone asked him a question however other than that he hardly spoke a word.
What if my thought before was right and Makoto did make himself throw up? What should I do? I`m bad with things like this...I should probably ask Nagisa and Rei if they know what I could do but what if I`m wrong and I`m just being stupid, I mean Makoto seems so happy usually...Surely he couldn`t...
"...Haru-chan? Haru?" Nagisa was talking to him
"Hm?" Haru replied before realising that Makoto was gone
"Is something wrong with Mako-chan?" Nagisa asked
"I`m not sure. He seems different..." Haru answered, deciding that he`d ask about his suspicions now.
"He`s hardly spoken at all, is he feeling better?" Rei asked
"I honestly don`t know but last night was...odd. He seemed fine all day and he was okay when I went out for a bit but then I came back and he was throwing up...You don`t think he made his self sick do you...?" Haru questioned, his voice lowering to a whisper when he asked the last part
"He wouldn`t...would he?" Nagisa whispered before they heard footsteps approaching the table as Makoto returned. Nagisa sent a look to Haru and Rei saying that they had to ask about it and so as Makoto sat down, Nagisa began asking
"So Mako-chan, what happened last night?"
"Hm? What do you mean?" Makoto seemed confued
"What was wrong? Haru-chan came and asked us if we had any painkillers so I was just wondering." Nagisa smiled
"It was nothing, don`t worry about it. I just felt a bit sick. That`s all. It was probably nerves. Anyway aren`t we best setting off?" Makoto stumbled over his words trying to find a suitable answer as all three of his friends gave him doubtful glances.
I should of known they would ask, Makoto thought angrily to himself, They`re not stupid, they`re going to figure it out and then they`ll hate you for being pathetic.
Clenching his fists by his sides as they walked, Makoto attempted to block out the thoughts however, after a while he gave up and let the thoughts fill his brain.
You`re pathetic,
Your friends will hate you even more if they find out,
Why don`t you die,
A deep sigh escaped his lips which only managed to make his friends worry more. Makoto always at least pretended to be interested in what people say and he never really got frustrated so seeing the brunette sigh for no particular reason was kind of worrying.
"Makoto are you sure you`re okay?" Haru asked to which Makoto gave another of his smiles, replying with
"Yes I`m fine."
The events that day seemed like they lasted an eternity to Makoto and by the end of the day, he was beyond exhausted of keeping up his happy act when inside he was tearing himself apart. He wanted nothing more than to go home and relax only, he couldn`t relax, not unless he did that...
He`d sworn to himself last time he did this that he would try to stop cutting however, as he sat on the bathroom floor with the blade from a broken pencil sharpener, he forgot about everything, bringing the blade down to the skin on his thighs. The feeling of blood trickling out of the cut was relaxing to him as he slowly sunk down, feeling better than he had in days. He continued, creating more and more lines of red until he could count over fifteen on each leg.
This is gonna sting like hell in the pool, Makto thought and for some reason that brough a small sense of acomplishment.
"Makoto?" A voice asked outside the door causing the brunette to panic. He quickly wiped the blood off his leg and got dressed before opening the door, revealing Haru stood there
"Haru? What are you doing here?" Makoto asked, hoping his nervousness wouldn`t be obvious in his voice.
"Your mum let me in, she said you`d been in here over an hour. We need to talk." Haru stated as Makoto led Haru down the hall to his room where they both sat down, silence settling between the two before Makoto broke it by asking
"So what did you want to talk about?"
"You. You`ve been really distant these past few weeks so I just wanted to ask if you`re alright." Haru replied
"i`m fine, Haru-chan. I`m just tired I guess." Makoto replied before a confused look crossed Haru`s face.
"What happened to your leg?" Haru asked, noticing the spots of blood appearing on Makoto`s clothing.
"It`s nothing, I just knocked it of the table before." Makoto lied, hoping Haru would leave it at that
"So you somehow knocked both legs on one table and now it`s bleeding all up your leg. Makoto, I`m not stupid, I want to help." Haru stated, gesturing towards Makoto`s other leg which had also began bleeding again
"Haru...Please just leave it. It`s nothing." Makoto was becoming slightly desperate now. It had been hard enough keeping it from Haru this long and he didn`t exactly want him to find out now.
"Why are you so bothered about it. If it`s nothing then you should be able to show me right?" Haru already knew what was going on and he was determined to find out why.
"Haru...Please just leave it. Please..." Makoto had begun to panic now as he tried to think of more excuses, his brain reminded him of why he did this in the first place and suddenly all the horrible thoughts of what his friends would do if they found out rushed into his mind. He could feel it. The panic creeping up on him. He felt like he couldn`t breathe as he began backing up away from Haru. His vision seemed to be getting blurry as he almost tripped over the corner of his bed however, Haru was there.
"...Hey, Makoto. Calm down. It`s just me...You need to calm down. Makoto, at least sit down." Haru said, trying to lead the brunette towards his bed to get him to sit down before he passed out. After getting Makoto to sit down, Haru tried once more to get him to calm down.
"Makoto, breathe. You need to calm down, it`s alright. Just breathe." Haru noticed Makoto was starting to calm down
"It`s okay, just calm down, breathe." Har said before placing his hands on the brunettes shoulders, holding him still.
"Makoto, I need to see your cuts okay. You must of cut fairly deep for them to still be bleeding." Haru said and still slightly panicked, Makoto nodded.
Looking at the cuts on Makoto`s skin, Haru immediately wanted to ask why however, with blood still pouring out of the cuts, he knew he had to sort them out before asking anything. Standing up again, Haru told Makoto to wait there before he went to go and find some bandages and some antiseptic spray before returing to Makoto who had fully calmed down and was now staring blankly at the wall opposite him.
"Makoto? What`s up?" Haru asked as he knelt down in front of his friend.
"You don`t have to do this..." Makoto mumbled
"Yes I do. If I don`t you could get an infection or something." Haru replied stubbornly
"No, you don`t have to help me. It`s just a waste of your time." Makoto looked down, refusing to meet Haru`s eyes
"Makoto, look at me." Haru stated. The brunette looked up slightly, letting Haru see his usually bright green eyes which were now red and clouded over with self loathing.
"You are not a waste of my time. And even if you were, I wouldn`t mind wasting my time with you. If it weren`t for you, I would of given up long ago, when my parents left. You were the only one to stick by me and help me out. You`re my best friend, if you weren`t here I probably would of given up going to school, seeing you is what keeps me going to school. And I know that you probably think I`m just saying this to make you feel better but it`s the truth. You probably think this is all stupid right now and that I hate you but that`s not it. I figured out a while ago what you were doing and Nagisa and Rei are worried too. Even Rin was worried. So you`re not allowed to go yet, please just let me try to help you. Please." Haru finished, letting his head drop to look at the floor.
"Haru...I.." Makoto begn before he was cut off by Haru
"Don`t you dare say anything about you `not being worth my time` or `not worth the effort` because you are."
At this, Makoto fell silent, thinking about what Haru had just told him as Haru set to work cleaning out the cuts on Makoto`s skin. He sprayed antiseptic onto the blood stained skin and gently wiped it off, apologising when he heard a hiss coming from Makoto.
After he had finished cleaning out the cuts and bandaging them, he stood up and, acting on impulse, he pulled Makoto into a hug, asking
"The other night, when you were sick, did you...you know, make yourself sick...?" Haru asked, needing to know the answer. Makoto nodde slightly and Haru looked down again.
"Makoto, pack your stuff, I`m going to ask your mum if you can stay at mine for a while. I don`t like not being able to keep an eye on you." Haru stated, releasing Makoto from the hug as he went to go and find Makoto`s parents.
Within a few minutes, Haru had returned, saying that his parents had agreed before he helped Makoto to pack his stuff. Once they were done, the two of them left the house and headed towards Haru`s house, Haru carrying Makoto`s stuff saying that he `shouldn`t be carrying too much stuff in case his cuts opened up.
They reached the front door and entered after Haru unlocked the door. The headed straight up to Haru`s bedroom where Haru put Makoto`s stuff on the bed before Haru pulled Makoto into another hug.
"I can`t lose you. You`re the only person I`m close to and I don`t know what I`d do if you left..." Haru stated as Makoto tentatively placed his arms around him.
"I`m not going anywhere yet..." Makoto smiled. This time it wasn`t a fake smile...