Pink Petals, Painted Red

Chapter 1

They say it is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.

The first time Olivia Benson had heard that phrase, she was twelve. It was Valentine's Day, and Olivia was in the seventh grade. There was this one boy, Adrien Delgato, and Olivia was smitten. She had spent most of her school days admiring from afar, but on February 13th, Olivia decided to take a chance. She would proceed to spend all night, desperately making the boy the best Valentine's Day Card ever.

The next day, oh so quietly, she slipped it into his locker. She quickly ran away, before anyone could place her there...but not too far away. Far enough away where she could see his reaction. She proceeded wait around the corner, for Adrien to get out of class. Sure enough, the boy came. He opened the locker, his card fell out, he picked it up…

...And he laughed at it. He showed it too his friends, who also laughed. She had poured her heart into that card, and they thought it was a joke. Olivia spent the next period crying in the girls bathroom. It was not a great day.

When Olivia got home, her mother was a drunk as always. Of course, nothing different there. But even in her mother's inebriated state, she could sense that something was wrong with her daughter.

"What's wrong, honey?" Serena Benson slurred. Now, at this point in her life, Olivia knew her mother was unreliable. She was as emotionally supportive as a dying cat. However, today was different. Her heart hurt. Her eyes stung. She just needed to let it out.

And so she did. She told her mother about the card, the boy, the laughing. And to her surprise, her mother listened. Her mother, for once in her life, offered her a shoulder to cry on.

And that's when Serena Benson said it.

"It's better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all."

That's so wise, Olivia thought. She had never heard a phrase so sagely in it's form. She would later learn that her mother did not coin the phrase, and that it was one of the standard things to say to people facing heartbreak. But at the time, it the phrase seemed magical.

As the years went by, Olivia would continue to hear that sentence in various situations. And as those years went by, the magic of the phrase wore off.

It's better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all - she could hardly stand that phrase now.

Especially in cases like this.

Olivia sat in the courtroom, anxiously awaiting a verdict. She couldn't help but glare daggers at the defendant.

The defendant: Alan Todd, a twenty-nine year old painter. And while his works of art were breathtaking, the man behind the beauty was a monster. He was on trial for the brutal rape of Mia Curry, and beating the girl within an inch of her life.

Mia Curry would be lucky if she ever walks again, and Olivia was determined to see that she gets her justice.

The thing that made her the most sick about this case? Alan Todd's reasoning for why he did what he did? He was that in love with the victim. That's right, he was so desperately in love with Mia Curry, that it hurt. He needed to be with Mia. He was obsessed.

So now Olivia waited. She prayed the jury would be smart enough to not give into his "love made me do it" excuse. She hoped they had the humanity to see through that lie.

As they waited, Alan Todd coughed into his hand. His lawyer looked over at him, checking to see if he was alright. He shrugged. He was fine.

The jury finally came back. Olivia clenched her fists. What was it gonna be?

"On the charge of Sexual Assault in the First Degree, how does the jury find the defendant?"

Olivia always felt her heart drop at this part. She could hear her heartbeat in her ears. In her head, she chanted, "Find him guilty. Find him guilty. Find him…"

"Guilty."

Olivia sighed in relief. She stood up, and walked out of the courtroom.

It was after cases like these, where Olivia needed sometime to unwind, just by herself. When she lived alone, she would go straight home to her apartment. She'd put on a movie, pour herself a drink, and lounge on the couch until she drifted off to sleep.

However, she was a mother now, so that wasn't an option anymore. Not that she didn't love every second she spent with her son - they made her happier than she had ever known. But she had learned long ago that, if she didn't time by herself, she couldn't be as good of a mother to Noah.

She had found a good solution, though. A twenty-four hour cafe had just opened up a block away from her apartment. The Roseleaf Cafe, and it was wonderful.

Olivia had become somewhat of a regular. She would come in after her shift, where she would be greeted by the usual barista - Hana. Hana was a sweet, young woman. By day, she studied neuroscience at Hudson University. By night, she was here.

"Olivia!" she would greet, "How was your day?"

"It was fine," Olivia would respond. She never told Hana the specifics of what she did. All Hana knew was that she was a police officer. She didn't need to know the rest.

"I'll take it you'll have The Usual?" Hana asked. Olivia nodded, and smiled.

"You know it."

Hana laughed, "Pretty soon, we're gonna have to start calling it the Olivia."

Olivia laughed, "I wouldn't complain."

Olivia went to her regular seat at the cafe, a little chair tucked in the corner, right by a window. She took her seat, and observed the cafe around her. Not many people were in tonight. There was a college student working on a paper, an employee cleaning the windows, and two men having a conversation. She could overhear some of it.

"It's a shame about Maureen."

"I know. Of all the things to die of."

"You know, when I first heard about the disease, I didn't believe it. Sounds like something out of a fantasy novel."

"The world's a mysterious place."

Olivia pulled a book a headphones out of her bag. Music and reading - an instant recipe for tuning out the world. She began to flip through the pages of her book, as she placed a single headphone in her ear. She couldn't be totally tuned out, not just yet. Hana would call out her name as her drink was ready.

The door to the building rang. Someone else had walked in. Olivia didn't look up, too interested in her page.

Another minute, another page flip. Olivia noted that it was taking a bit longer for her drink to be made. Probably because that other person was ordering a drink - besides, it looked like Hana was working by herself tonight.

"Olivia!" Olivia perked up. There it was. She got up, and went to drink. As she walked, she observed the person that came in. A tall woman, with blond hair tied up in a bun. Funny, Olivia noted, the woman's hair was as blond as Alex's used to be. Actually, she was about as tall as Alex was as well.

Wait, was that Alex?

Olivia arrived at the counter, picked up her drink. She looked to her side, to get a better look at the woman…

And sure enough, there was Alex Cabot, in the flesh. She didn't look as formal as she usually did - she simply wore a sweater and jeans.

It'd been years since she'd seen the lawyer. Alex looked over, and stared at Olivia. Her blue eyes brightened as she realized who she was standing next to.

"Olivia!" She exclaimed. Olivia laughed.

"Hey, Alex."

"I didn't expect to see you here," Alex said, "It's been a while."

Even though Olivia intended to spend the next hour alone, she found herself asking…

"Do you wanna sit with me?" she grabbed her drink, "I mean, if you have time. I'd love to catch up."

A small smile crossed Alex's face, as she spoke…

"I'd love that."

There has been a serious lack of Cabenson lately, so I'm here to save the day. I'm going to try and update this story every Sunday. Are you a Cabenson fan? Let me know. There's not enough of us, lately. We need to stick together.

Until next time!