Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games nor do I own Alexander Ludwig (sadly enough) or Isabelle Furman.
Sanity
Or
Emotion
People in the outlying Districts, like 10, 11 and 12 had always assumed that people District 2 thought that becoming a tribute was one of the greatest honors. (And perhaps some people in the District did) but do you really think that they didn't close their eyes when the witnessed their first death when they were only small children? Some of the most brutal, ruthless killers District 2 had produced were only like that because they didn't know what else to be. For not everyone can be so heartless, can they?
Do not worry; we are not trying to justify anything. We just want you to wonder.
Confidence is good, over confidence is bad, and he was overly confident that he would win. Everyone knew that this year, the year he turned 18, was his year. Everyone knew if they volunteered before him he would slaughter them. For, everyone was intimated by him.
Everyone that is, except her.
He often wondered if he was afraid of anything. (And she was but you'll find that out later.) He would sometimes play back the day he met her, this one of those times.
The training center in District 2 was very similar to the one in the Capitol; the one in the capitol may have been slightly grander but that really was the only difference. Less grand or not this was still the place they met. He had been walking over to the display of swords when quite suddenly one of her perfectly polished, abnormally sharp knives came flying past his left ear, just barely missing him.
Everyone knew she wasn't entirely sane, but then again neither was he. But she definitely had nerve; you had to give her that.
Now if there was one emotion he knew at all it was fury. Fury was what he felt as he turned around to see who had enough nerve to throw a knife at him. Fury was what he felt when he saw her smirking at him. Fury is what he felt when he pinned her to the wall. The same wall, he noted that her knife was currently imbedded in.
"Why are you trying to kill me?" He demanded.
"If I were trying to kill you you'd be dead." She said.
Her eyes did not convey any fear which confused him immensely because everyone was afraid of him. He had seen her around before, but he had ignored her because of her size. Someone as small as she was couldn't have been that much of a threat he had reason. Obviously, he had been very wrong.
He wasn't sure what he felt when he let her go; he wasn't sure because the only emotion he had ever really felt was fury. He watched has she pulled the knife out of the wall and walked out of the training room without a further glance at him.
(From this we hope you realize that she was braver than most people give her credit for, insane as she may or may not have been she was still brave)
Ever since the knife incident he found himself watching her train. He was especially intrigued whenever she threw knives. It like watching art, he decided one day. The way she aimed, the way they would always hit her target with such precision it was actually scary. It was more than just a skill to her, it was more like and obsession. (Not that he was any better with his swords mind you.)
Ever since then they had come to a truce, a friendship if you must. They did more training together, she taught him how to throw knives and he taught her hand to hand combat. He didn't have any other friends other than her really, and she didn't have any other friends other than him. Sure there were other people they did things with but they didn't consider them 'friends'. Hell, they barley considered each other friends.
She was- possibly even more- determined as him to win this thing. She didn't want the glory, she didn't want the riches. She just wanted the satisfaction of knowing that she could prove all those people that had underestimated her. This is why when her name was pulled from the jar she was giddy with excitement.
When she got up to the platform she gave everyone a murderous look that clearly said no one takes this away from me. And no one did.
She watched as the boy's name was called and he volunteered. She wasn't surprised, no one was. Everyone knew this was his year to volunteer, and 'no one was going to get in the way of his victory' he had told her many times.
'No one was going to get in the way of his victory.' No one, that is except her.
The Capitol was a beautiful place you had to admit. She absolutely hated it; then again she hated most beautiful things he thought. He had always thought she was beautiful, not that he would ever tell her that, but she looked exceptionally stunning the night of the tribute parade. Her hair was done in an elegant manner that he would never have seen at home. He vaguely wondered how much her stylist had to fight with her to get her to dress like that.
She hears the crowd cheering and for a moment she thinks it's for them but then she looks up at the screens and see not herself up there but the District 12 tributes. She furious, he can tell without even looking at her. He can tell that she is outraged. And so his he, but he can hide it better. For now.
When the tribute parade is finally over and the two of them are back on their floor the both of them start ranting about the rats from District 12. Their mentors aren't entirely sure what they are saying half the time but occasionally they catch phrases like "We kill them first." Or, "Why did they get the best stylist?" Or, "I call the girl"
Finally they lose patients with them and leave the room.
He isn't sure how it happened, and neither is she, It would seem that he had her pinned up against the wall, very much like the day he met her. She can feel is warm breath on her face, neither of them moved they just stare at each other. He doesn't know why he did it; he is wanted to do it for a while now though. She doesn't know why she lets him, she's also wanted do it for a while now.
But either way he leans down and kisses her it isn't gentle at all because neither of them are really capable of gentle. its a clash of teeth and tongue. He violently picks her up and carries her off to his room.
(From this we hope you realize that even the most ruthless of killers feel emotion too, even if they are emotions like anger and fury. Even emotions like that is what makes us all human in the end.)
It was more of a fight for dominance, control and superiority over the other than anything else, (But wasn't anything the two of them did like that?) and perhaps he liked it more than he should of.
That next morning Brutus makes it clear the Capitol cannot find out about what happened that night.
"Why not?" he asks, always having to question anything Brutus says.
"If they do they will try to turn it into so sissy love story, is that what you want?" His mentor explains.
He understands, and neither of them mentions the events from that night. Nor did they ever do it again. Love is a dangerous thing, a thing he didn't truly believe in to be honest, and he refused to let it make him weak. Not many people thought he was capable of any emotion other than Fury but now he realized he knew the emotion worry. Not fear he was too proud to admit fear, no not fear, never fear but worry.
And as the days past and the games drew closer he worried and he never really knew why we worried so much or what he was worrying about.
Children are taught to fear monsters, even in District 2 they would tell their children they live under their bed or the beasts that would appear at night when all rest of the world is asleep. They are taught to be afraid of them. Silly myths, silly things to tell you when your fathers knew exactly what the real monsters were. For, some of them were monsters themselves. They told their children these stories out of same or in hopes that their children wouldn't end up like them but really they were only sealing their fate.
Because the only real monsters they knew then were the ones they saw in the mirror.
This is why she would break any mirror she would come in contact with. For, she knew what she was and she didn't like it but she didn't know how to be anything else.
(We hope you realize that she we less sane than he was, which is quite a feat if you think about it)
People didn't understand the joy she felt when she had knife in her hand. In her opinion it was the greatest thing anyone could experience. She felt this joy when she found a large stash of knives in the Cornucopia. Blood was spilt and she was one of the main reasons this was so. Blood was spilt, yes but the bloodbath did not quite live up to her expectations. This was probably because firegirl had gotten away. She had been so close to killing her, but in the end she had gotten away with one of her precious knives. It was then she started being more careful with them, even though she had plenty more but she knew she could not afford to lose any more of them.
(We hope you understand that she was very possessive and if you took what was hers she would hunt you down.)
She hated the girl from District 1, he knew this in fact he too detested her. He kept her around because there is strength in numbers, he flirted with her go give the capitol a good show (because that is all they really wanted right?) and he found it entertaining to watch his district partner come up with a hundred ways to tell her. Those were his reasons; it was merely a bonus that she was handy with a sword, even if she was incompetent with that bow she insisted on carrying around.
In return for his flirting with Glimmer she began flirting with Marvel. This angered him, a lot. Later one night when she was gathering wood he pinned against a tree and demanded she stop. He moved his mouth next to her ear and growled the words, "You belong to me." before he stormed back to their camp.
(We hope you realize that he was extremely selfish and that he only ever thought of himself and what would benefit him at that time)
When the Tracker Jacker nest was dropped and they were fleeing back to the lake he hurriedly grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the swarm of insects. Maybe he cared about her, or maybe he just wasn't ready to lose his district partner like Marvel was about to.
She was glad to find out that the Tracker Jacker had indeed killed Glimmer. She was not glad however that she hadn't been the cause of her death. It had to be that stupid rat from 12 the girl who out shone her (quite literally) in the tribute parade, the girl who outscored her in private training, the girl who stole one of her precious knives.
"I get to kill her." She told him one day when they were back down by the lake
He looked away from the District 3 boy, whom they had enlisted to set up booby trap around their large tower of supplies, "Do you now?" he asked.
"Yes I do." She said.
He only nods and goes back to watching District 3.
Later that day the final tribute from 1 is killed. Not by his hands, not even by hers, but that imbecile from District 12. He now understands why his District partner wants to kill her so badly.
"I get District 12." He growls to her while they scavenge for what food they can find in the blown up supplies. (Which, had been blown up by none other than the girl on fire.)
"No you don't." She says remembering their agreement from earlier.
The glares at her and then answers, "Yes I do."
"I bet I can give them a better show." She challenged him.
"I bet you can't." He countered.
And that is when they came up with their unspoken agreement that whoever could give the capitol the best show could kill her and without further talk on the subject of firegirl they go back to going throw their demolished supplies.
"What about lover boy?" she asks him quite suddenly.
"What about him?" he said.
"Shouldn't he be dead by now?" She asks.
"I know where I cut him; he is on his way out." He assures her, except she wasn't at all assured by that statement.
That night they see three faces in the sky, the boy from 1, the boy from 3 and the girl from 11.
(We tell you this so you don't forget those that died.)
When the announcement is made that both tributes from the same District can live neither of them believe it. They assume that the rule change is for the lovebirds of District 12. She does make a point to tell him that if it is real then she still wants to win by herself. He tells her the feeling is mutual.
(We hope you can read between their lies and see that if they both could go home than they would. But they were taught not be believe anything the Capitol tells and so they don't.)
If there is one emotion she didn't feel (for, she felt many even if he didn't) it was fear. She didn't feel fear during the blood bath, she didn't feel fear when the tracker jackers were dropped on her, she didn't feel fear when he snapped the boy from 3's neck and she most certainly did not feel fear when the feast was announced. (The feast the ended with her demise.)
The announcement for said feast came a few days after Claudius Templesmith's first announcement. They grinned at each other, a chance to kill off more tributes and get closer to winning, and began to prepare.
(Even though they were blind to it now, and she would never realize this but he would just before his gory end, they were doing exactly what the Capitol wanted them to and they really were just pieces in their games. We hope you realize that they, and many past tributes, never wanted to be part of this story but fate works in a funny way sometimes.)
It is and interesting thing that the tributes from the coal mining District ended up giving the nation the spark that started the flame of the rebellion. It is interesting because coal is what fire comes from. It makes you wonder if their stylist knew beforehand that they would produce a spark.
(We tell you this you can see how symbolic the whole thing was.)
And so came the feast. And some came her death and now you can know that the one thing she truly feared was dying. Some make think that it's odd that she should be afraid when of dying when she had been the cause of so many of the other tributes deaths. But death and dying are two different things and she certainly wasn't afraid of death. And then you have him begging her to stay with him and as much has he begged she didn't stay with him, for she could not be saved. And when she died so did his last piece of sanity. So, maybe he did care for her and maybe he did feel other emotions other than fear. Or maybe he just wasn't ready to lose his District partner like so many others.
(We tell you this so you understand that the girl whom he had always thought had no fear actually did fear and that she had emotions because emotion is what makes us all human in the end.)
You all know that her death led to Thresh from District 11's death, which would later lead to his death, which would later lead to many other deaths because of the rebellion that star-crossed people (not lovers for he didn't believe in love.) caused. Now hopefully you see that the string of death never ends.
(We tell you this so you don't forget those that died.)
Katniss Everdeen shot her last arrow it was out of pity and nothing else. The last emotion he ever he felt was gratitude. Now gratitude was an interesting feeling. Something he had never felt before so he didn't know how to describe. He did though know that he also felt peace. He felt in killing Thresh to avenge her he had somehow finally made peace. Peace with himself and Pease with her memory. It was also now what he realized he had never had a change of winning that they had both been destined to die from the beginning.
But do you not think that if they had been raised differently that would not have been ruthless, brutal monsters? We do not know the 'What if's' though we only know the facts. And maybe either way they would have been monsters. For, everyone knew she had wasn't entirely sane, but then again neither was he, but could they have been sane if they knew what to be other than ruthless?
Don't worry; we're not trying to justify anything. We just want you do wonder.
A/N: So I ship Cato x Clove really hard and because of that this on-shot was born. I hope that it's not too terrible. It probably would have been up yesterday but I went and saw hunger games again (three times now baby) Ok so now I'm just rambling and I'll stop now. Reviews are nice! (Also if anyone wants so add me on Tumblr PM and I'll give you my URL) Ok really stopping now.