Side note: I don't know Spanish, so just pretend whatever Lopez is saying is in Spanish.
It was another glorious day at....oh who the f*** am I kidding? Any day in Blood Gulch sucks. As we join our gang, they're fighting an ongoing battle that has reached millennia, or in normal cases, it would only last a few seconds.
"Where are the key's to the god damn tank?!" Church yelled, as every blue except Cabose was waiting outside.
"Don't you remember dude? You set them down on the counter this morning." Tucker replied, annoyed with Church's yelling.
"You jackass, I gave them to you!" Church replied.
"What the f***? You never gave me the keys."
"Yeah I did, I told you I put them on the counter after breakfast."
"No you didn't! The only thing I saw you do was put them...Oh f*** incoming!" Tucker yelled, as Tex, Tucker, and Doc ran out of the way of the oncoming tank that ran over Church.
"Hey guys, look what the tooth fairy left on my bed!" Cabose yelled, as he got out of the tank. Tucker and the others just looked at the person Cabose ran into.
"Uh...Cabose? Why do you think a tooth fairy would give you the keys to a..." Doc started, before Church's ghost appeared.
"God damn it Cabose! How are we suppose to agree to the piece treaty we're signing with the reds today if you can't go ten seconds without killing someone?!"
"Maybe you should wear a helmet." Cabose suggested.
"Look, Cabose, normally I'd just ignore anything you do...but...today I got a very important job for you." Church said, causing the others to look at each other in confusion. Cabose gasped as his "best friend" said this.
"Reporting for duty Captain Church sir!" Cabose said, saluting in attention.
"Good, I need you to guard the flag today, I heard the real commander is coming back."
"Uh...how will I..." Cabose started before Church interrupted.
"We've been over this, he doesn't look like any of us."
"Ok, don't worry Church. I will not mess anything up!" Cabose yelled, as he ran into the base. No one know's what exactly, but they heard an explosion a few seconds later.
"Tucker broke the microwave." Cabose yelled from the inside. Church just sighed as he finally got rid of Cabose.
"Will you two idiots just c'mon already?" Tex yelled, as her and Doc started walking to the center of the canyon.
"Do you really think Cabose will be able to stand there the entire time?" Tucker asked.
"Hell I know, as long as we get this done I wont care and I'll finally be away from you losers." Church said as he got back into his body. "Oh, Sheila, you stay here. Should worse come to worse, I want you protecting the base from the reds, AND caboose."
"What the hell? What about me dick heads?" Andy said, who was next to Sheila.
"No Andy, we don't need you for a bombing squad." Church said, glaring at him.
"Oh c'mon. I make one joke about blowing everyone up there, and you don't let me come?!" Andy shouted.
"That, and the fact the reds will have a higher chance of attacking if they see us bring a bomb." Church said, walking away.
"Stupid Shizno!" Andy yelled. "Ah, what the F*** do I care. I hope you get killed anyway!" He shouted. Sheila looked down on him for a few seconds before saying something.
"If you want, you can blow up away from the base." Sheila suggested.
"Ah, screw it. It's not worth it if someone doesn't get hurt in the process." Andy replied, a bit sadly.
Meanwhile, the reds were contemplating their own plans.
"Ok maggots, listen up." Sarge said, looking at the four soldiers; Simmons, Grif, Donut, and Lopez. "Today, command called as said we were going to sign a peace treaty with the blues."
"Oh finally, I've been waiting for this war to be over with like forever." Grif said, sighing deeply.
"To hell with that dirtbag, I smell a trap." Sarge replied, angrily.
"But if command's the one who gave us the order, don't you think it's best to do what they say?" Donut asked.
"You don't get it Donut, command hasn't been on our side lately. For all we know, they could really be with the blues, right Sarge?" Simmon's replied.
"Excellent deduction Simmon's. We're going to be using the single file lined operation we would've used at O'mally's lair, except Grif, you're in front." Grif just sighed.
"Why am I not surprised."
"Go desla ori cho." Lopez answered. T(translation): How do you know it's not a trick from someone else?"
"You're right Lopez, we shouldn't have the line at all. We should just send Grif just in case they bring the tank with them. But, it's the cowards way to let a turd go first." Sarge replied.
"Soin konotelay." T:Dumb ass****. Lopez replied.
"Ok bellywags, lets go." Sarge said, as the gang started leaving. Sarge stopped at the doorway to their base. "Sorry Lopez, but they won't understand your language, so you'll have to sit this one out." Sarge said as the others left.
"Ko tenaro. El es tu, no hemway." T: No S***. Since when do you know? Lopez replied, as Sarge left.
A few minutes later, the blues and the reds were finally in the middle of the box canyon. Sarge and Church stepped out from both sides towards the center.
"Ok, so we ready for the treaty?" Church asked.
"Of course the treaty. Note to Simmon's: He's getting ready for the plan, get ready to attack." Sarge said, turning on the radio.
"You know I just heard every word you just said." Church said, unsurprised.
"Also note, the blue's have super hearing!"
"Look, are we going to get this damn thing over with or what?"
"Yes, according to you, you agreed to surrender if we let you kill Grif." Sarge said, causing Church to look at him surprised...wait, how could you tell if he's surprised if he's wearing a helmet? Oh forget it.
"Wait what? Command said you'd surrender if we admit one of our members are retarded." As the others gathered around, they heard terrifying shouting, or at least rather raspy annoying shouting from someone they all knew.
"Muahaha you idiots! You've fallen right into my plan!" O'mally yelled from the rock.
"Damn it, Doc, can you please tell me O'mally killed you first before doing this." Church replied.
"Sorry guys, but this is the only way he won't destroy the hello kitty poster!" Doc shouted.
"God, idiot." Church said to himself.
"Give it up O'mally, you have yourself surrounded!" Tex yelled, pointing her gun at him. Suddenly, they heard a weird clicking noise, and before they knew it, the 6 of them dropped down into a giant trapped door.
"Muahaha! Now no one can stop me!" O'mally cackled to himself.
Meanwhile, Cabose kept woke up as he heard a weird yelling from outside. He slowly made his way to the doorway, still sleepy.
"Quit yelling! I can't hear myself sleep if you keep yelling!" Cabose replied...