Chapter one: The beginninning
Once upon a time there was a lonely child. This child was 34 years old and had 437 pounds of beauty. You are this child. Everyday is extremely lonely because the only thing equally ugly as you was the mirror. That's why you have been on multiple dates with yourself.
Everybody you have met is okay, but there is only one person who makes your heart feel like shia labeouf. You have a flashback of when you were 7 and sitting in class. CNN student news comes on and the great Azuz's face pops up on the screen. You smile at the fond memory because it makes you feel loved. Azuz is love, Azuz is life.
You snap out of your glorious daydream only to be met with the cold reality that you and your daddy Azuz will never meet. It just wasn't fair! You've tried to summon him by memorizing every single one of his puns and repeating them to yourself in the shower every night! Maybe it would work if you turned the water on, but even if it did would he want to see you?
You let out a mighty ree and flop down into your pull out couch. Tears stream down your face snot drizzles into your mouth. You are thankful, though, because that was the only meal you've had in two days. You've been living on your own for a week now and it's been super duper tough without mommy and chaddy daddy's guidance but you are a trooper.
You remember that you have a date with yourself and you feel a little less sad. You plaster on the ugliest freaking smile anybody has ever seen and roll off the couch like a seal. Diaper changed and 138 pounds of butt crack spilling out you begin your journey to the supermarket. You were poor af so you were going to steal a steak for the big date. Was this the night you would propose?