Jeff Collier had prepared himself for this. When his wife was angry, he was the first to know about it and tonight was no exception.
He sat at the kitchen table, mug of tea in front of him and digestive biscuit in hand. He had taken advantage of her angered state and had chosen not to use a coaster or plate. When she was like this, he could get away with pretty much anything.
She was pacing the floor in some attempt to walk off her anger.
"Do I look pregnant to you?"
He sighed to himself. Louise had really gotten to her.
"Don't be daft."
"What a flaming cheek, here I am on a diet and there she is mouthing off about my weight."
He stuffed the rest of the biscuit into his mouth and nodded to signal agreement.
"Oh God, how could she?"
She turned to face him, her nostrils flaring in anger.
"And you can pack it in as well."
He brought his hand up to wipe away the stray crumbs from around his mouth before leaning forwards in his chair.
"You wanna know what I think Dix?"
"Not really, but go on."
"I reckon there is only one place this situation is going to end up."
She curled her hands up and made the punching gesture in the air.
"Yeah. My fist in her gob."
"No. Not even close."
"Well where then?"
He threw his hands up in the air to signal he was about to state the obvious. In the past he was pretty sure she knew her own mind, however in this case it was clear she couldn't even see it herself.
"In the bedroom, of course!"
Her eyes widened in surprise.
"You what?"
"Well it's bleeding obvious aint it? You and Louise have the hots for one another."
"I hardly think so."
"Can't you see it? All these catty remarks you two keep throwing at each other is actually foreplay."
Dixie rolled her eyes and shook her head.
"In case you haven't noticed Jeffrey, we can't stand each other."
"C'mon Dix, it is classic playground attraction. The more horrible they are, the more they like you."
"She's vile cow and I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than go within a mile of her."
"Oh my, you have got it bad. You fancy her like crazy."
"I don't. I wouldn't touch her with a barge pole."
"Whoa let's not get to ahead of ourselves here. It's not that I've got anything against the treat 'em mean keep 'em keen thing but there is such a thing as taking it too far."
With that she shot him a venomous look and flounced out the room, slamming the door as she did so.
He laughed to himself. It looked as if he was going to have to play match maker here.
"Now how did that old playground chant go? Dixie and Louise sitting in the tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G."