Memories
Sometimes when Ryan walks down the streets of St. Louis he almost thinks he sees him. Almost sees Seth, alive and bursting with nervous energy right in front of him. But when he reaches for him, the dream shatters like broken glass.
So much hope in this small delusion, and so many shattered dreams. That's why he left Newport. Too many memories haunt him in that place of childish cliques and plastic surgery run amok. Someone once said, "The past is a ghost that haunts you from the moment it exists until the moment you don't." and the word could not be truer.
Ryan sees the smiling depths of his eyes in the sea green tempest and the bittersweetness of their last kiss in the reflection of expensive glass windows in even more expensive houses. That's why he left, couldn't stand the guilt of not being able to save Seth from that drunken lunatic. Left and set up shop in St. Louis of all places.
He should leave, his shrink is actually right for once. The dreary weather and perpetual rain only add to his constant depression.
Making preparations is the easy part, Ryan thinks as he prepares, finally having gone over the edge, to the dark abyss below. He draws up a will, buys the nearest ticket to France, and leaves quietly for parts unknown.
He'd become a Zen Buddhist, never really knowing why. Maybe because it was so different from anything he'd ever known, though it had helped little.
Finally there, he does little, only biding his time as a taxi takes him to the Cathedral of Notre Dame. Ryan climbs the steps and looks gently into the night from the roof of the impressive monster, wind bathing his face with its chill.
He didn't know what the past was going to bring, but it certainly didn't seem able to get worse. He stretches out on the spiny roof, the pain bringing a certain reality to his waking nightmare life. Wearily closing his eyes, he wonders what the future will bring, only remembering these great words, "Time is one shackle you cannot break.
Disclaimer: I don't oen the O.C. or any of its characters.
Author's Note- This is my first foray into the world of the O.C. Umm, I'm interested in getting some feedback, because I'd hate to put these great characters to waste *wink*.