"Souji…" Yukiko said while closing the distance between her and her gray-haired companion. She wrapped her arms around his neck, giving him a comforting hug. She felt his arms wrap around her waist. She leaned her head against his and whispered into his ear. "Are you okay? I know all of this must be hard for you…"
The two were standing outside the entrance to the Yasoinaba Hospital. The Investigation Team had just finished visiting Dojima. Afterwards, most of them decided to head home, since it was late and they had a very important mission the next day. Chie had offered to walk Yukiko home, but Yukiko politely declined. While Souji tried to hid it from everyone, she knew he wasn't in a good way. She had opted to stay behind with him and make sure he was okay.
Souji released a heavy sigh and leaned his own head against hers. Yukiko was right, he was struggling to cope with the night's frantic and troubling events. His Uncle was in the hospital with worrisome injuries and his cherished "Lil Sis" was inside a foggy, shadow-ridden hell. Her kidnapper was nowhere to be seen, and he could only assume he was in the TV with Nanako. Her life was in danger, no doubt. His heart and soul ached, as he felt that the things he held dear were being taken from him. He briefly considered pouring his heart out to Yukiko in hopes of some emotional release by just vocalizing his feelings, but he restrained. While Yukiko was his beloved, he was also her leader. He was the person the members of the Investigation Team sought guidance and strength from, as he the most calm and levelheaded of the group. It's why he was the leader, wasn't it? He had to maintain that image, even in front of Yukiko. Even if it meant he had to suffer through this misery by himself. He didn't like it, but it was how things were.
"Thanks… but hey," Souji said. He pulled away from Yukiko's embrace to look her in the eye. "I'm doing fine. No need to worry about me." Souji put on a fake smile for Yukiko's sake. He didn't like lying to her about his well being, but he didn't want to worry her. While having her support would've been nice, he was sure he could handle things himself. Yukiko frowned, not convinced by his plastered smile and hollow response. It was easy for her to see through his tough facade. She knew he was suffering, and it hurt that Souji wouldn't open up to her.
"Souji…" Yukiko said softly, "You know I'll always be there for you, right? You don't have to lie… is there anything I can do to help you?"
"I'm not lying," Souji forced a light chuckle, "sure, everything's been crazy, but I'll manage. Come on, let's get going." He took Yukiko by the hand and they began their walk home. The two walked in silence, both lost in their own thoughts.
Souji desperately tried his mind off of Nanako's kidnapping, as the more he thought about it, the closer it brought him to insanity. He mentally reviewed math problems as a way to study for the upcoming exams. He pondered over how he was going to catch a "cute fish" to make advancements on the ema for Fox. He wondered what he was going to do for Yukiko's birthday, which was in about a month. He wanted to do something special, something more than the usual… he shook his head, frustrated. No matter what he thought about, his mind eventually wandered back to the fact that he would be spending the night alone, in a barren home. No quiz shows with Nanako. No late night talks with Dojima. Only him, by his lonesome, doing what he can to stay afloat while swimming through a sea of self-loathing misery.
Why did he open that letter in front of Dojima? Why didn't he go to his room first, and then read it? Then Dojima wouldn't have taken him to the police station, and he would have been home to protect Nanako from the serial killer. Hell, he was convinced he could have taken down and caught the killer. He would have already seen the midnight channel that night and known that Nanako would be targeted next. He would have been ready to protect Nanako with his life.
If he hadn't been such an idiot, the case could've already been over. He wouldn't have had to put everyone, including himself, on an emotional roller coaster that left everyone in distress. He wouldn't have to lie about how he was doing so Yukiko wouldn't worry about him. He wouldn't feel like he was on the verge of losing it. Souji felt a lump develop in his throat and his eyes began to water very slightly. Souji released a deep sigh and shook his head, trying to somehow shake it off. He couldn't afford to breakdown and finally lose it when so many people were counting on him. Nanako's life was at stake, he had to suck it up like he usually did with all of his other problems in life.
"Souji, what's wrong?" Yukiko asked, hearing his deep sigh and reading his negative body language. Souji met her worried eyes.
"Hmm? Oh nothing, my sweetie dear." Souji replied, tacking on a flirtatious flourish to the end of his sentence. He hoped it would lighten up the mood and reassure her that he was okay, since it seemed like he was returning to his old jokey, flirty ways. Yukiko shook her head in annoyance. She broke eye contact, and it was her turn to sigh.
She knew Souji well enough to know there was more to him than his calm, levelheaded exterior. She knew there were times when the stress of the murder cases would get to him. Yet, whenever she would vocalize her concerns about his well being, he would always deflect them and say he was fine when he clearly wasn't. It frustrated her to know that, no matter how hard she tried, he wouldn't open up to her. She didn't want her love to be suffering alone, which explained her frustration, but she couldn't help but feel worried and hurt as well. Why wouldn't he confide in her? Did he not trust her or care for her enough to let her in on his griefs and dilemmas? Maybe he thought she didn't care? Or maybe he didn't feel connected to her on an emotional level?
Yukiko knew these accusations were ridiculous and weren't true, but his emotional isolation tapped into many of her insecurities. She loved Souji, and she couldn't even imagine her life without him. He changed her life and helped her get through the hardest of times. She wanted to be by his side and support him like he did with her, not only because she cared for him, but she also wanted him to feel the same emotional attachment to her as she did for him. She longed to be wanted by him. She wanted Souji to love her as much as she loved him. She wanted to think he relied on her as much as she relies on him, but…
Maybe she doesn't mean as much to him as she thought she did. The thought brought some tears to her eyes.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Souji asked, stopping Yukiko. She couldn't help by glare at him.
"You expect me to tell you?" Yukiko snapped. "When you don't tell me anything?" Souji's expression darkened. He knew she was right, but… she didn't understand.
"Don't be like that…" Souji said, dejected.
"Be like what!?" Yukiko wasn't sure why she was getting angry. She wanted to support him, not yell at him, but she couldn't stop the string of words that left her mouth. "It's selfish for you to think I'd tell you anything when you won't tell me what's wrong!"
"Nothing is wrong." Souji flatly said.
"You're impossible!" Yukiko shouted, her frustration and anger becoming much more apparent. "I know something is wrong! You don't have to lie to me! Just let me help you!" Souji staggered back in bewilderment, shaken up by her outburst. She didn't understand why Souji had to be so stubborn and keep pushing her away, but she wasn't going to stand for it. The night's events had left her in an emotionally unstable state as well, which would explain her shorter than usual fuse.
The same could be said about Souji. His startled look turned to a more annoyed one. He already had enough things to deal with. He knew Yukiko was only trying to help, but he wasn't going to stand for her oppressive attitude. "Yeah, because yelling at me sure is going to get me to open up to you," he said coarsely. "Why do you care so much? It's obvious I don't want to talk about it!" The two were locked in an intense stare.
"How am I supposed to know you don't want to talk about it!?" Yukiko shouted back. "You just lie to me and tell me everything's okay when it obviously isn't! What am I supposed to do, just let you suffer all by yourself? You didn't do that with me! You were always by my side, no matter what! And I'm going to do the same with you, because I feel like I should! Souji, I-"
"Wait," Souji yelled, "because you feel like you should!? Do you feel like you owe me or something? Is that the only reason you want to help me? What bullcrap!" He knew that was a ridiculous claim, but he wanted to believe it was true. It would give a valid reason to get angry and lose it. All he needed was a reason to let go and let everything loose. He wanted to be pushed over the edge, so he had a place to put all this pent up emotion.
"What!? No! You know I didn't mean it like that! I can't believe you!" Yukiko had to look away from Souji's intense stare to wipe some more tears from her eyes. His harsh words struck and stung her. This was their first major fight and it was already proving to be too much for her. Why were they fighting? She knew it was only making things worse for the both of them. He was right, a shouting match wasn't going to help.
"Let's calm down…" Yukiko suggested, no longer shouting.
"How am I suppose to calm down when you're giving me this BS!? Okay, fine, maybe I wasn't feel too great before, but you're crap sure hasn't helped!" Souji was hysterical at this point. He was finally losing it, and felt a sense of release after every sentenced he screamed. It felt good to really feel something. No more trying to hold everything together. No more trying to surprises his emotions. No more feigning emotional stability.
He wasn't sure if the ends would justify the means, but he knew he'd come out of this feeling better.
"Okay… I'm sorry." Yukiko softly said. She didn't know how, but she knew she needed to diffuse the situation. "Look, Souji, I-… I love you. You know that. I know you're not okay, and you can't blame me for being worried about you. I want to help you more than anything. Just… please let me. Let your feelings out."
"Fine! You want me to let my fucking feelings out!?" Souji yelled, "I feel like abject shit! My 'Lil Sis' is going through hell right now in that disgusting television world! My uncle almost died trying to catch a killer that I could have handled myself if I wasn't such an idiot! And guess what?! Who has two thumbs and is to blame for all of this? THIS GUY!" Souji was yelling at the top of his lungs. He didn't care if he was waking up all the nearby residents. He didn't care about this "leader" or "I can handle this myself" nonsense anymore.
Yukiko staggered back, disturbed and frightened. Souji's face was red with anger. She'd never seen him like this before, nor would she had every imagined something like this lived inside Souji. But she was getting what she wanted, wasn't she? She wanted Souji to let his feelings out, and now that he was, she had no idea what to do.
"Oh!? You're getting scared and freaked out, aern't ya!?" Souji taunted. "Never expected me to freakin' lose it!? Well, I'm sick and tired of maintaining this stupid 'calm, cool, and collected' image!" He was going to let it all out. He's needed this for so long. It was just a shame that Yukiko's good intended persistence was the thing that pushed him over the edge.
Souji bite his lip and stopped for a moment. He knew he was, in fact, freaking Yukiko out and scaring her. She was going to see the absolute worst of him, and he wondered what his chances were of her still being in love with him after this. He didn't want her to see this side of him. He knew he said some hurtful things he didn't mean. He remembered why he kept things like this to himself: he didn't want to expose himself to everyone that he was a crazy, emotionally unstable lunatic.
But he knew it was too late to turn back now.
Souji's sudden silence gave Yukiko an opportune time to say something that would hopefully calm him down. She was scared to open her mouth, knowing if she said the wrong thing, he would be set ablaze once again. She tried to choose her next set of words carefully.
"It's not your fault. You couldn't have kno-"
"It's not my fault?" Souji felt his anger reignite. "Don't try to sugarcoat things for me! If my stupid ass didn't get taken to the police station, none of this would have happened! Nanako would be fine! I'd probably be up watching dumb quiz shows with her this very moment! My uncle wouldn't be in the damn hospital! You wouldn't have gotten mad at me and I wouldn't be freakin' losing it like I am now!"
"Souji, I never was mad at you. I care about you more than anything. Just, please calm down…"
"I'm just letting my feelings out, like you wanted! What were you freakin' expecting? For me to start crying so you could swoop right in, wipe my tears away, and magically make it all better!? I'm sorry, but it doesn't work like that!"
"I wasn't expecting that. It's just… I just want to help…"
"Well, you are doing a great job, aern't you? Pissing me off sure fucking helps! Don't you get it? I don't need your help!"
"Okay… I'm sorry, it's just-… Souji… I can't…" A relentless stream of tears poured out of Yukiko's eyes. Souji's cutting words pierced her. She only wanted to help him. When she would become undone, he always seemed to know what to do and what to say to comfort her and make her feel better. But now that it was Souji who was breaking down and in a time of need, she didn't know what to do or what to say. Her pathetic attempts at "comforting" him had only seemed to make him angrier. Hell, she felt like everything she's done tonight has only made things worse for him. Why did she keep badgering him about this? Maybe he's right. Maybe he didn't need her help… maybe he didn't need her. She fell to her knees and cried.
"What are you doing? Crying!? I thought you were helping me! I have so many more things to say! So many more… feelings to let out…" Hearing Yukiko's loud sobs compelled him to stop yelling. He bit his lip and looked down at her. Even if he was going through a terrible nervous breakdown, he still couldn't stand the sight of Yukiko crying. It made him feel worse that he was the reason she was losing it. Why was he yelling at her? All she tried to do was help him. And while her methods bothered him a bit, it didn't warrant something like this. But he didn't regret losing it for a little while there. He enjoyed the feeling of emotional release. He just felt horrible for having Yukiko be a casualty of it all. He was going to lose it sooner or later, and Yukiko just happened to be the one around him when he did.
Souji sighed and forced himself to calm down. After taking a moment to gather himself, he walked over and squatted next to Yukiko. He rested a comforting arm around her shoulders.
"Yukiko… please stop crying. I'm so sorry. You know I didn't mean the things I said…" Souji was met with more crying. He did what he could to remedy her, but like how Souji was earlier, Yukiko's nervous collapse seemed like it would go unabated. All Souji could do was stay by her side and hold her. He mentally kicked himself. He felt like a monster for doing saying what he said. He was finding it harder and harder to live with himself as the night continued on.
Yukiko seemed to cry on his shoulder for tens of minutes. Her sobs soon died down to fits and starts of tears and sniffles. Even if Souji had some hurtful things to her, she still found herself seeking his warmth for comfort. The two held each other for a little while. After some unexpected comfort cuddling, Souji figured he needed to redeem himself and apologize.
"Yukiko, I'm so sorry… please forgive me." Yukiko lifted her head from Souji's now damp and snot covered shoulder. She wiped away any remaining tears before meeting Souji's eyes.
"It's okay… " Yukiko's voice was barely above a whisper. It was apparent to Souji that she was exhausted and emotionally drained. Souji was too caught up in his own issues that he just now realized that tonight has been hard on her, too, especially because she had to deal with his bullcrap.
"No, it's not okay. You didn't deserve that. I've been so stressed out lately, and I just needed to let go and lose it for a bit. That's a horrible excuse, and I'm sorry, but you know I didn't mean anything I said…"
"Yes, I know, but… I'm the one who should be sorry. I shouldn't have badgered you about this. I only made everything worse, didn't I? I'm so sorry. If you don't want to talk about it…" Yukiko felt tears leave her eyes once again, and Souji quickly whipped them away.
"None of this was your fault, I was just, well… come on, we'll talk as we walk to my place. That okay?" Yukiko nodded. Souji helped her up and they resumed their walk back home. Souji sighed and took a moment to figure out what exactly he was going to tell her. He didn't see the point of lying to her and holding anything back at this point, but there was just some things he didn't want to talk about.
"I'm sorry I was so stubborn about not telling you anything. I just… I didn't feel comfortable telling you anything." Yukiko felt a knot in her stomach grow tight. Why doesn't he feel comfortable talking to her about things? Her insecurities came back to haunt her once again. But if he didn't want want to talk to her about things, there was nothing she could do about it, even if it hurt her.
"It's alright. I understand if you don't want want to talk about it…"
"I do want to talk about it, I think. I just…" Souji restrained from continuing. He still wasn't sure if he wanted to reveal this about himself. He hoped it would help explain his reluctance to tell her things, but it really wasn't something he wanted to get into. Yukiko noticed his restraint and looked up at him. Souji felt her eyes were practically pleading for the truth, and he finally decided that she deserved to hear it.
"I've never told anyone this, but… I've always felt like I never needed anyone else. I've always been self-reliant. I've learned how to suck it up when the going get's rough and to deal with troubles with by myself. That wasn't by choice, I guess. I've always felt kind of… alone. Back in the city, I didn't have friends like you guys. Yeah, I had more than enough 'friends,' but I didn't get the feeling any of them genuinely gave a damn about me. I'm an only child, so I had no siblings to confide in. Both of my parents were never home, as they always had business matters to attend to. I never had someone to turn to when I felt depressed. I had to keep my emotions to myself, because there was no one willing to listen."
Souji released a heavy sigh as he felt old wounds begin to reopen, but he felt good. It was nice to finally tell this story to someone, even if he spent so much of his time in Inaba trying to forget it ever happened. Yukiko leaned her head against his shoulder, trying to provide support as she knew this was difficult for him. She closed her eyes, letting his words soak in. It sounded like he was letting out some inner demons as he spoke, which was good. She took solace in the fact that she could help him by just being an ear to listen. But hearing his tales of loneliness and isolation made her heart ache for him.
"About four years ago, I fell into this horrible depression. The lonliness had finally gotten to me, I guess. The lack of support from anyone snowballed, and before I knew it, I felt like I wanted to die. I spent most of my time in bed, where I went through stages of self-loathing and wanting to die. The worst part? No one seemed to notice. Not my friends. Not my parents. No one cared."
Souji had to stop momentarily, as felt himself get chocked up. Yukiko wrapped one set of fingers around a set of his and gave him a consoling squeeze. There was so much she wanted to say to him, but she decided to wait. She wanted to let him get it all out.
"I hated what I had become. My grades fell, my willingness to do anything fell, I just felt like a waste of space. I started to wonder: why was I letting myself fall apart? Just because I felt like I was alone? What a stupid reason, well, that's what I thought, at least. I couldn't believe how far down I'd fallen, and I forced myself to get back up. Instead of wishing I had someone, anyone who would stand by my side and be with me, I began to rely more on myself. I didn't need anyone else, and it was ridiculous of me to think I did. It was me against the world, essentially, and I vowed I'd never lose it like that again. I don't need any one else."
"I forced myself to get over things. I never let my emotions get to me, because if I did, I knew I'd lose it. It worked for awhile, but I started to feel… numb. Since I was doing so well at pushing away emotions, I began to stop having them. I became detached and indifferent to everything. Nothing fazed me. And while it makes me a great leader, because my decisions would always be rational and not emotional, I hated it. I felt even more lifeless then I was before. I'm like zero. Empty."
"Souji…" Yukiko was speechless. She never would have imagined Souji felt this way.
"And then I came here, and everything changed. I'm surrounded by people who genuinely care about me, people I deeply, truly care about, people like you… I didn't know how to handle it at first. For the first time in years, I felt something when I was around you guys. I felt happy. It was amazing, but when you started to support me and show that you were there for me, the feeling of companionship was so foreign to me. I tried to push you away and stick to what I knew, which was handling everything myself, but now I realize I don't need to it do that anymore. It works, yeah, but… it's slowly been killing me. I want to change. I need to. I'll start opening up to you Yukiko, I promise."
Souji stopped walking as he realized the two had reached his house. He took this time to collect himself and wipe away any tears that had been released. Yukiko transitioned from her shoulder lean to a full on hug, and Souji gladly returned the favor. She couldn't help but shed tears of her own.
"Thank you for telling me that story, even though I know it was hard for you. I never knew, and I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Never forget that I'll always care for you and love you, okay? Please?"
"I will."
"Promise?"
"Yes, I promise," Souji sighed in content, but something still irked him. He was feeling so much better, but the shame of his actions earlier still haunted him. Even if she said otherwise, he was still worried that his outburst had negatively impacted their relationship. "Just one question: are we okay? I mean…"
"Of course we're okay," Yukiko said while giving him a confused look. "Why wouldn't we be?" Souji felt some tension release. He was glad he didn't mess everything up with his outburst. He wouldn't have blamed her if he walked out on him right then and there, but she didn't. She stayed with him and still did what she could to make him feel better. While this feeling of companionship was still strange to him, he was beginning to open up to it.
"I was just worried that, I don't know… my outburst there didn't put you off. I wouldn't blame you if it did…"
"Everyone has their dark side," Yukiko said, reassuring him. "Don't worry, I know you're still the loving, caring Souji I fell in love with." For the first time tonight, the two managed to share a smile. The two embraced once again. They were more than happy to put this behind them and move forward. Yukiko was glad she helped Souji get a couple of things of his chest, but she knew there were more layers to peel. "You said earlier you'd start opening up to me and asking for help. Mind if we start right now? Is there anything I can do?"
"Well… I know it's late, and I bet your parents are worried about you since it's so late, but could you come inside and stay with me for a little while? I'm not sure I can handle being all alone right now." Souji knew he was at his most vulnerable, and he was sure bad things would happen if he had too much time by himself. Time he would inevitably use to think, and the self-loathing process would begin anew.
Yukiko gave an understanding nod. "Of course I will."
"You sure it's okay?" Souji checked the time on his phone. As suspected, it was considerably late. "It's nearly 1 o'clock. Sure you won't get in trouble?" Yukiko walked to the entrance to the Dojima Resident and stood beside the door, patiently waiting for her gray-haired beloved.
"I believe I will get in trouble," Yukiko said. "But that's a price I'm willing to pay." She smiled at Souji. It wasn't like this was the first time she would get in trouble for spending too much time out with him. She certainly wasn't the rebellious type, but she couldn't help it if the two just happened to lose track of the time.
Souji dug his pair of keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door. "If you say so," he said while flashing her a small smile. Inside, everything looked normal. Only when he entered the living room is when he noticed something was wrong.
"Welcome home, Big Bro." Souji muttered. His breakdown and conversation with Yukiko had caused him to forget about the matters at hand. Not having Nanako welcome him home brought him back to reality in a harsh way. He felt the small smile he had developed quickly fade away. His heart strings begin to tug, and the sense of guilt and grief began to overwhelm him once again. Yukiko noticed this sudden change in Souji, and made sure to stick by his side, just to let him know that she was there for him.
"Are you okay?" Yukiko asked.
"Not really." Souji said. He walked to the couch and sat down, letting himself slouch in the seat. Yukiko followed suit. She took one of his arms and placed it around her shoulders. She rested her head on his shoulder like she normally did.
"What's wrong?" Yukiko asked.
"Well, just about everything's went to hell. Nanako's in danger, my uncle's has some serious injuries, and the killer is nowhere to be found as is still on the loose. Some 'leader' and 'big bro' I am, eh?"
"Souji, it's not your fault."
"Isn't it, though? I'm the leader. It's all up to me, in a way. It's… so much pressure," Souji said. "I have to take responsibility for all this, since I am in control of just about everything. If something goes wrong, it's my fault. Like, if one of you get's hurt in battle. It's my fault, since I'm the one giving direct orders to everyone. Imagine if one of us got seriously hurt? God damn, I fear that every time we enter the TV."
Souji despised his role at the leader, but he knew he had to do it. Because if he didn't, who would? Everyone in the investigation team trusted him and depended on him. They were so confident in his ability to lead and make the right decisions, they willingly offered themselves as pawns in battle, letting their leader make all the decisions. When to attack, when to guard, when to go for a dangerous and potentially devastating attack, it was all under his control. He couldn't believe the power he had, and he sure as hell didn't want it.
"You want to know why you're not in battle all the time? Even if you're by far our best magic user and healer?" Souji continued. "I can't handle the pressure. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you, or anyone else, get badly hurt. I wish I could go in and fight by myself. I don't have much of a problem with me getting hurt, because that'd be me deciding to do something stupid. If one of you were to get seriously hurt, it'd be because of some stupid, reckless command I made."
Yukiko was once again left speechless. It shocked her how much being in control during battles affected him, even though it maybe shouldn't have. He was right, everyone put their lives in his hands. And because of his selfless and caring nature, it shouldn't surprise her that this power stressed him out.
Yukiko wished she was better at handling situations like this. She wanted to say something to support him, but nothing came to mind. It baffled her that Souji always knew the perfect thing to say, while she struggled to think of any string of words that would in any way help. She tried to give him some physical support instead. She reached for his hand and gave it a little squeeze. He gave a squeeze back.
"Remember when we almost didn't save Rise because I kept poor track of the weather? All that stuff is on me, too. I want to go in the TV often and rescue the person as quickly as possible, but I know I can't push you guys too hard. But if I'm too lenient, we'll run out of time. I always struggle with the balance. If I can't save Nanako, or someone gets hurt in the TV world… it'll be my fault. It's all too much!" Souji felt his voice rise in disdain. "How am I suppose to do this!? I have to be the logical, reasonable leader that everyone trusts with their life while everything around me is falling apart!"
Souji stopped and took a moment to calm down. He felt Yukiko's grip on him grow tighter.
"I-… don't think I can handle it. I don't trust myself to make the right decisions anymore." Souji let out a grieving sigh. Yukiko sat up and met him at the eye level. She gave him an affectionate and comforting nuzzle before giving him her much contemplated answer.
"Souji, everyone is by your side and willing to support you. You don't have to do everything yourself, and no one expects you to. Yes, we all look up to you, but if we were to fail, which I know won't happen, you shouldn't feel like you have to take all the blame. We're a team, right? We're 'all in this together', aern't we?" Yukiko giggled when she saw Souji roll his eyes and smile at her not so subtle reference. She smiled back, glad she could brighten up his mood in some way. She made a mental note that humor and cuddling seemed to do him some good.
"You know, that movie came out six years ago. You're a little late on you're references." The two shared a laugh. "And… yeah, we're a team, but… a team needs a leader."
"Yes, a team does need a leader. A team doesn't need a boss who thinks he has to make all the decisions and feels like everything rides on him." Yukiko tried her best to give it to him straight up, and she hoped it didn't provoke him in some way. Thankfully, it didn't. Souji replied with an absent-minded nod, and the two spent the next couple of moments in contemplative silence. Yukiko was glad and proud of herself that something she said seemed to have reached him.
"I think you're still in this 'it's me against the world' mentality you've lived with so long," Yukiko continued. "You said it yourself: you wished you could go into the television world and fight all by yourself. We both know that's crazy, and please, never do that. I know it'll be hard, but you have to let go off that mindset. We're here for you, Souji. We're going to help you."
Souji gave another absent-minded nod and let Yukiko's words soak in. Had he been stuck in his old ways? He had somehow perceived this murder case as his own fight he had to win himself, not a team endeavor. He felt he had to carry the team on his back, since handling everything on his own was always how he dealt with things. But now, many people where there to help take some weight off of him and help.
"Huh…" Souji said. "Why geez Yukiko, you sure put me in my place, didn't you? I had uh… quite the epiphany."
"I'm glad you did. Are you feeling any better?"
"Yeah, I am, actually, " The two shared another smile. "Thanks."
"Anything for you." Yukiko gave Souji a small kiss on the lips. "Anything else you want to talk about?"
"You think we'll save her?" Souji knew the answer he was going to get, but he wanted the reassurance.
"We haven't failed yet, have we? Of course we will. I promise you."
"And there's nothing we can do right now, right? May as well try to relax." And while Souji yearned for some relaxation to relieve his stress, he couldn't but still feel troubled. While his talk with Yukiko helped take the pressure off of him, Nanako was still in danger. It was something that was going to be hard to forget about, even just for the night.
"Yes, going into tomorrow's important mission stressed out wouldn't be good." Yukiko knew it was going to be hard for Souji to keep his mind off things, so she was going to do her damnedest to make him happy.
Instead of thinking about Nanako, Souji instead tried to focus his attention on an aching pain he felt in his stomach. He never did get a chance to eat dinner. He got up from the couch and walked over to kitchen. He opened the fridge and examined it's contents.
"I'm starving. You want anything?" Souji asked Yukiko.
Yukiko got up from the coach and made her way to the kitchen. She tightly and passionately wrapped her arms around Souji's waist, embracing him for a hug. "For you to be happy my love!" Yukiko cried. She couldn't help but develop a tiny smirk. While she was trying to be overdramatic and humorous, it was true. She thought that was fairly smooth remark, even if it was a bit cheesy. But what mattered was that she was trying to keep things light-hearted, and she knew Souji loved it when she made things a bit silly.
Souji looked down at her in surprise and smiled. He visibly rolled his eyes, causing Yukiko to chuckle.
"Geez Yukiko, that was a good one. I didn't know you were such a smooth operator." The two laughed, as the sarcasm in his voice couldn't be more apparent.
"I don't see you coming up with anything!" Yukiko said.
"I don't need to make flagrant, flailing attempts at flirting with you anymore," Souji said. "You're already with me, aern't you? I don't need to flirt with you anymore."
"But that doesn't mean a girl doesn't like to be complimented every once and while…" Yukiko joked while putting on a mock pout. She loved being able to let loose and have some fun when she was around Souji. Souji couldn't help but chuckle at the cute face she was making. It warmed his heart to see her making such an effort to make him feel better.
"Oh, fine. You're perfect. There. Now, would you like anything to eat?" Even though she was practically asking for it, Yukiko couldn't help but blush. She took her own peak inside the fridge to hopefully hide it.
"What do you have? I'll make something."
"Yeah, right!" Souji laughed. He couldn't help but make a joke about Yukiko's cooking, even if it had gotten better over the past couple of months.
"What? You know I've gotten better! Just sit down, I can handle this." Yukiko said while taking out some ingredients for making… something. She didn't actually know what she was going to make, but she was convinced she'd think of something.
"You sure? It's getting really late…" Souji said. "Maybe you should be heading back." He wasn't able to hide the reluctance and disappointment in his voice. He didn't want her to leave, but he knew keeping her here while her parents were probably worried sick about her.
"I know my cooking may be bad, but kicking me out to avoid it is harsh," Yukiko chuckled. "I… could spend the night if you want. I could say I spent the night at Chie's, like last time…" Yukiko blushed, hiding her face in the fridge once again. She had no intention to reenact the events that happened last time, because she was sure Souji wasn't in the mood for that. She knew he would've liked the company though, which was more than enough reason to stay with him for the night. And in all honesty, she wasn't sure if she could handle being by herself either. Her working so adamantly on keeping him happy proved to be a nice distraction from everything else.
Souji was glad she suggested it, because he wasn't sure he'd be able to ask it himself. "If you'd like to."
"And I would," Yukiko said. She gave him her best sly smile while putting on her ridiculous seductive and flirty voice. "How could a girl pass up spending the night with a hot stud like you?" She quickly looked away. She begin her search for the Dojima's cookbook, trying to hide her face from embarrassment. She couldn't believe she said that.
Souji burst out laughing, which only reddened Yukiko's cheeks even more.
The things she did for him…
"Well, I guess you have a point there," Souji said after recovering from his laughing out burst. He closed the distance between him and Yukiko and embraced her in a hug from behind. She instantly tensed up, not expecting him, but soon relaxed and leaned back into him. He rested his shin on top of his shoulder so he could whisper in her ear. "I know you're trying to make me feel better. Thanks, it's undoubtably working. You're amazing."
Yukiko giggled. "I thought I was perfect."
"Well, you're that too."
"Alright. Just don't burn the house down, okay?" Yukiko rolled her eyes and playfully pushed Souji out of the kitchen area. He returned to the coach to relax. He once again let his mind wonder. His wonderful girlfriend was doing what she could to keep him in good spirits. The two were playing around and having fun. He was trying to relax, when in reality he was dreading whatever monstrosity Yukiko could create using only a stove, some pots and pans, and some ingredients. Everything just felt… right, even though in reality everything was all but. He closed his eyes and let himself revel in the moment. She was right, they were going to save Nanako. It felt good to say "they were going to save Nanako" and not "he was going to save Nanako." He knew the next couple of weeks would be a struggle, and he let himself have some fun while he still could.