I still can't believe I am here. In Forks. With my father, that I had not seen since I was seven. My mom when she married Phil decided that Charlie was not good enough to be my dad anymore; Phil would hate it when I called him dad. I quickly learned it was easier to not even talk about him at all. I asked every summer no begged to visit him to stay there. Hell to leave her and Phil and permenatley was my Christmas, new years, and birthday wish. Everything has changed now Mom and Phil are both dead.
I have lived with my dad now for a month. School sucks people always stare at me and keep asking why I decided to move to forks. My dad and I decided that the reason should stay between us to keep the rumors at bay. The only friends I have are the Cullen's I mainly am friends with Alice who is in my Art class and Edward who is in my music class we both play piano and we bonded. But Jasper I knew before he was a Cullen he was adopted when he was twelve he lived in Phoenix before and he knew that Phil beat me and my mom but I made him promise not to do anything. I made him believe before he left that it had stopped and he left happy knowing that I was going to be okay. He has yet to figure out that it never did stop. I know all of them even their parents but never told them the truth.
Edward and Alice asked why I left Phoenix but I just told them a half-truth and said that my mom and step dad die. Jasper stepped in when they asked how they died he said that if I did not want them to know they would never figure it out because I am one of the most stubborn people on the planet. I smiled softly and agreed with him. They never asked again, I don't hang out with them outside of school I just don't feel up to it. I told jasper that my mom and Phil died in a car accident on the way home so he would stop bothering me.
But today I decided to go do an open mic night in Port Angeles. I was finally ready to showcase my own composition about the real reason why I came to forks. I never expected to see the Cullen's here or Jessica, and Lauren my tormenters at school or the puppy mike that follows me around. But they are here and I am about to sing the most emotional song in my life in front of them. Wish me luck.
"And now we have a new performer here at the smash club a high school student at Forks High School. She is here to sing and play her own composition 'Because of You'. Give it up for Isabella Swan." says the announcer. I can tell that the people at my school are shocked they never knew that I could sing or right music. Jasper never believed I would sing in front of an audience. I was always too afraid to just sing in front of him.
I walk out onto the stage with confidence that I am baffled at. I take a seat at the piano; take a deep breath getting ready for this song.
I
will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let
myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way
you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never
let it get that far
Mom
never stood up for me or for herself when Phil started to beat us.
She just took it. I never went to the cops because she would beg me
not to. She said she loved Phil and that he would stop eventually I
waited ten years for it to stop. It never did. Because
of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I
learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because
of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around
me
Because of you
I am afraid
The first tear falls but I never waver in my singing. The Cullen's are staring at me trying to figure me out. Jessica, Mike and Lauren are just shocked I can sing. I can't help but remember how I never have been in a relationship because I am too scared to put myself out there and possibly get hurt like my mom and I did.
I
lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I
cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm
forced to fake
A smile, a laugh every day of my life
My heart
can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
During the day I act like nothing has happened and I am just like any other teenager. I never cried in front of her because It disappointed her. I hated it. I can't help it now I have tears cascading down my face. But my singing still does not waver.
I
look into the crowd again and see Alice, Esme, and Edward looks as if
they wanted to come up here right now and hold me. Jasper looks like
he wants to do the same. Rosalie for once is actually looking kind
towards me she has sympathy in her eyes. I hate sympathy. Emmet looks
as if he could never make a joke again. Carlisle is still trying to
figure out what happened to me in phoenix he has had the same worry
and questioning look on his face when he sees me since he first met
me. He looks more worried now though.
Jessica and Lauren have the evil smirks on their faces I know the school will be overrun with rumors on Monday.
I watched you die
Because
of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I
learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of
you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around
me
Because of you
I am afraid
I
heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You
should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of
anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle
of the night
For the same damn thing
I
was always your support. I helped you bandage up and held you when
you cried I never let you cry alone I would always go in there and
help you Phil always past out. You never let me cry on you you never
bandaged me up. I was the grown up in the relationship never you.
Because
of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I
learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of
you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I
don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed
of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
I just don't know what to do anymore I am so scared it's all her fault for keeping me in that house for so long. That horrible hell hole.
Because
of you
Because of you
I finish softly and those that don't know me erupt in applause as I wipe my face before I stand up, and bow. I walk off the stage and past the Cullen's and out of the club. As I go I hear the announcer introducing another act. I hear the Cullen's yell for me to stop but I keep walking.
I keep walking to my truck and I am about to get in till someone grabs my arm forcing me into a hug and I just crack and start to sob into the strong chest. Not the silent tears like when I was singing but he full out loud sobbing. I sob so hard it forces me and the person hugging me down to the concrete. I can hear them whispering soothing words in my ear and rocking me back and forth.
After a couple of minutes I calm down and look up to see the person had hugged it was jasper the only single Cullen. I look around him and see all the Cullen's behind us staring at me in concern. I stand up and ask "is it okay If I explain at your house and not here Please" they agree but when I go for the driver's door of my truck Jasper takes the keys out of my hand and says "I'll drive" I agree and the whole way to the Cullen's house we drive in silence me cuddled up next to him with his arm around me and the occasional glances to make sure I am okay still.
We pull up to the house and I see that the other cars are already there. They are all probably sitting in the living room in silence waiting for me. I just sit in the car for a second with Jasper holding me on his lap. He looks at me and says "It never stopped did it" I shake my head no. He asks "Did Renee and Phil really die in a car accident" I shake my head again.
He pulls me off his lap and looks me in the eye and asks "Why did you lie to me and tell me he stopped. I could have helped you before I left. I thought you were going to be fine. Why did you lie to me Bella?" He looks at me and I can tell he is about to break down.
"I wanted you to be able to leave happily. You lived in an orphanage and you hated it there. You hated my house more because I was treated worse than you and did not have a way out. But I knew that with the Cullen's you had a chance to have a better life what you had always wanted. I couldn't let you give that up for me. When I met Carlisle and Esme before you left for what I thought was forever I saw they already loved you as if you were their own and I knew you would be taken care of. If I would I have told you you would have asked them not to adopt you and I could not let you refuse that love. I am so so sorry Japer" I look at him begging him to forgive me.
"You should not have lied to me I could have… have..." he trails off not knowing.
"Exactly you could not have done anything I wanted you to be happy to have a chance at the life you have always wanted. I love you Jasper and I wanted you to be happy. Please forgive me." I plead to him never breaking from the stare into his eyes.
"I forgive you. And I love you too. I always have Bella" then he kisses me a soft and gentle yet mind blowing first kiss that shows to me all the love he has for me.
It ended way to quickly and we just sit there in silence for a little longer until Jasper sighs and looks at me and says "You ready to go in and explain." I not and ask him if he will stay with me.
"I won't leave your side until you ask me too." I nod my head and he grabs my hand and leads me inside.