Alex looked out into the crowded court room scanning over the faces waiting to see that one face that see was desperate to see. The one face that would give her the strength she so desperately needed. The one face that she had been forced to be without. The one face that she had dreamed was stroking her hair or touching her softly whispering the name her name to her. The one face that had made her feel like she had just won a case, scratch that, made her feel like she had won a thousand of the most difficult cases known to man. The one face that was sculpted by the hand of a patient and dedicated artist. The one face that allowed her to feel like she could do anything. The one face that no matter how much she wanted them to come with her, to be with her throughout her exile could not know the true extent of how much both her body and her heart yearned for them.

Alex's eyes kept scanning the spectators. They were spectators. Being in court was like watching a game. Baseball. Basketball. Football. Hockey. One team won and another lost. Her eyes frantically swiped from aisle to aisle to see that one face. All she need was to see that one face and she knew she would be fine. That she could do this. She didn't need to be scared she knew that, but she was. That one face was all the reassurance she needed.

Finally her eyes landed on that one face. Their eyes held hers. The light in those eyes was dimmer. She'd seen those eyes just a few hours before in the hotel room. Had she not paid enough attention? Was she too consumed in her own happiness that she was finally near them not to recognise how much pain had accumulated in her love's eyes? What had happened when she'd been away to make that happen? The eyes no longer held the same joy. The same passion. Bare she say it the same love. She knew they loved her. The utterances throughout the night. The gentle caresses. The mumblings of sweet nothings. She knew they loved her. Why did she have to go against the advice everyone gave her? Why did she have to be so pig headed? She could still be here if she hadn't gone against their advice. She could still be here with her friends, her family, in her own home, with her own name, with the person she loved.

The eyes seemed to brighten when I went into proper "Alex Cabot" mode. When I became the person I was forced to leave behind. When I become myself. I couldn't hold back that bastard made me leave my family I was not going to let him walk. I was going to give him every piece of ammo I had, and I did. The jury decided on the guilty verdict, yet I was still not free. I was still going to be forced back into exile.

After court had be adjourned I walked sombrely to the bathroom. I knew that my exile was to ensure that I stayed alive, but the fact that my life and my heart had been ripped apart was unbearable.

"Alex" they spoke following me into the ladies.

No words were going to be good enough for how much I was breaking. How much I knew they were breaking. My heart was being ripped apart all over again.

"I love you" I whispered kissing them on the lips before taking off the necklace I held so dear as they bought me it, and placing it into their shaking hands.

"I love you so much." I whispered again as tears streamed down my face.

"No more waiting. No more holding out." I said shakily.

They were still yet to speak the shaking had moved to their entire body holding in the sobs I knew were being stored.

I turned out of the court bathroom, and towards my awaiting entourage.

My heart was left in that bathroom with the love of my life.

My shining star.

My beautiful, stubborn, courageous cop.

My Olivia.