Sirius reflection/vignette on leaving his family and friends behind to Linkin Park's Numb.
Can't you see that you're smothering me, holding too closely afraid to lose control Because everything you would be has fallen apart right in front of you
Every step that I take is another mistake
Sorted into Gryffindor. My mother's screams echoing in the great hall. Shame. Fear. Discomformity. My cousin Bella's sneers. Narcissa with barely concealed fury and Dromeda's sympathy. And my brother…but now is not the time to think that.
Time passes slowly; as if I have a camera that can slowly capture these moments of my life. Becoming friends with James, as the wedge slowly becomes a gulf between me and my family. Between me and Regulus.
And I found myself slowly waking from this dream.
Flashes occur. Regulus and my childhood. What would they do to Regulus? Poison his mind, their second born, less a disappointment then their first. I was always their favourite, but now I'm not so.
They want me to be a deatheater. A murderer, upholding the loyal, noble and most ancient house of black principles and morality! Noble! Principles! I break down hysterically in laughter at that. I'm breaking, falling and no one is there to catch me when I fall. Not little Reggie, anymore. I'm screaming at my mother at Grimmauld Place; laughing hysterically, madly with an insane glint in my eyes. I'm leaving! I scream slamming the door in her face
More flashes…
My brother begging me to return. Telling me of how Voldemort is now recruited the eldest of the Blacks – and how he is the eldest now and how he has to take my place in the deatheater ranks.
In a world where family is everything, I have no family.
I have no friends now.
Felling so faithless
Lost under the surface…
I'm drowning. Five hundred years of tradition, broken, and everything swirling and changing. I'm friends with the mudbloods, blood traitors and I don't care anymore.
I'm becoming numb like you
All I want to be is be more like me and less like you.
I'm tired of being what you want me to be.
So, I left. I am a black no longer- though I should have guessed it would not last.
I have no friends now. They're all gone –no family either. But as I sit in my lonely cell in Azkaban, all alone apart from the demented Remus Lupin, and across from my deatheater brother. Ironic, that isn't it?
After everything, I'm always a Black. Always a murderer.
I feel so numb I can't feel you there, I'm tired of being what you want me to be.
But I was in the end.
I'm so sorry….It looks like I, the one Black who was in Gryffindor, wasn't really a Gryffindor after all. I was a Black, and everything's always been my fault. It always has. I'm insane and I laugh hysterically from my cell in Azkaban, innocent no more- for once guilty of the crimes they said I committed. Severus was dead and it was all my fault really, who told him that Remus was a werewolf and the Shrieking Shack Passage? I did and now I pay the price.
Tags: fanfiction sirius