iLOL

Part One

The phone rings downstairs while Carly, Sam, and Freddie are doing their webcast. Spencer is staring at his latest sculpture, contemplating additional finishing touches, but pauses to answer the call.

"Hello?"

"Hi son, it's been a while."

"Dad?"

"That's right. I thought it was about time I check on you myself rather than send granddad up from Yakima this time."

"Yeah, that last visit from him didn't go so well."

"So I heard, but I am glad it was worked out. I would have never left Carly with you if I doubted your ability to take care of her."

"I know, and that means a lot. I enjoy having my little sister around."

"Just wait 'til you find a girl that's a keeper. You might wish differently then, consider it a burden."

"I doubt I'm going to get married in the next two years. Carly gets more dates than I do. The joys of being sixteen."

Mr. Shay pauses and his tone turns serious.

"How long has Carly been dating?"

"Oh, I dunno. I'd guess the last two years or so."

"Do the relationships last long?"

"Relationships," Spencer chuckles, "I would hardly call them that. I think the longest she's spent going out with the same guy has been two weeks. Just exploring the pool, not a whole lot of diving going on."

"Spencer, I think it's time for 'the talk'…"

Spencer drops the phone, but catches it mid-fall.

"I hope you mean the one where I tell her not to run while carrying scissors."

"Son, you're the only authority figure Carly has at home right now, so unless you want me to send my father down there to talk with her I'm gonna need you to step up and do it."

"But she's a woman. A baby can grown inside of her and then pop on out. I think that's something to be realized without explanation."

"I'm not talking about the 'where babies come from speech' that toddlers get told. I'm talking about an honest, teenage sex talk."

"Didn't you wait until I was 17 for that one?"

"You didn't have a date until you were 18. Why rush what can be stalled?"

Spencer groans.

"You gave me condoms after that talk…"

"Of course, and the same should be done with your sister."

"Are you sure? The school system has changed since I was there. I hear they are way more informative in health class, and that they offer them protection for free through the nurse or something. Heck, she probably knows more than I do by now. Maybe we don't have to talk after all."

"I'm just concerned. You never know what kinds of things get censored at school. At least find out if she has any questions. I'm worried about her meeting the wrong 16-year-old boy and making uneducated decisions."

Spencer sighs, giving in.

"I really think Carly can handle herself, but if it will put you at ease, we'll talk about it."

"Thanks Spencer, I'm sorry our conversation was wasted focusing on Carly. I promise to call back again soon and talk more about what's going on in your life."

"Alright. Good night, sir."

"Bye."

Spencer hangs up just as Carly, Freddie, and Sam are coming down the stairs. Freddie tells the girls he has to leave for something with his mom, leaving just Carly and Sam leaning against the counter, wondering what's for dinner.

"Hey Spencer, how come you haven't cooked anything?"

"Oh, sorry. I meant to, I just got distracted with my sculpture, and then dad called."

"Dad called?"

"Yeah, we actually just got off the phone about ten seconds ago."

"Everything's alright with him?"

"Thankfully, it seems so. Sam might need to go home after dinner though. He asked me to have a conversation with you, alone."

"What? Sam always stays the night after iCarly. Why can't we talk with her here? Not like it's about sex or anything…"

Spencer begins to fidget in the kitchen, avoiding eye contact with Carly as he picks up a pan from the cupboard. Sam and Carly both notice his strange behavior.

"Wait…it's really about sex?"

Spencer just nods his head, moving for the fridge briskly. Sam laughs, taking her attention off the e-mail she had been checking.

"I haven't kissed a boy in two months. Unless STDs became LTDs I think I'm covered."

"I promised dad we would talk about it. I suppose Sam can stay if she wants."

Sam rolls her eyes.

"Don't mind me; I'll just be making magic in the kitchen while you two have your heart-to heart. The disappearing ham trick is my favorite, after all."

Sam jumps down from the stool she was sitting on and heads for the fridge, Carly and Spencer move to the couch.

"Well…on with it," Carly pressures.

"Oh yeah, so…do you have any questions?"

"Nope, guess you're gonna have to go with your gut on this one."

"Fantastic…"